Join me as I tell MY VERY OWN story on Thursday, June 4, as part of the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Jam Sessions. Powerful people sharing powerful stories of how they tamed their fears, embraced their greatness, and got out of their own damn way. Sign up to listen in for free by entering your name and email below.
Krylyn Peters, “The Fear Whisperer,” is an author, speaker, coach, and singer/songwriter. Drawing on her experience as a licensed psychotherapist and her ability to easily connect with others, Krylyn creates immediate feelings of trust and integrity. Gifted with humor, saying what needs to be said, and a knack for thinking on her feet, Krylyn’s style is inviting, authentic, and fun. She motivates, inspires, and entertains – leaving people empowered with practical and proven tools to help them tame their fears and get out of their own damn way so they can step into their greatness.[/color-box]
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What are you afraid of? Most people are afraid of some similar things, such as:
Others have more specific fears, such as:
Regardless of what fears you have, know this…
Fear is a base emotion that ALL humans have.
Fear is genetically hard-wired in us as a way to protect us from harm and keep us alive. It is an early warning system.
Over time and evolution, we are still hard-wired to feel fear of anything that threatens our safety. However, we no longer have the same threats to our physical safety on a regular basis (i.e. being eaten by predators). We do, however, still perceive threats…to our EMOTIONAL safety. But our bodies cannot tell the difference between a physical threat and an emotional threat. Our bodies react to protect us against any threat.
We fear being judged, criticized, rejected, abandoned, ostracized, labeled, etc. If someone looks at us a certain way, we might FEEL a certain way, which may be a threat to us feeling safe, loved, cared for, and ok. If we FEEL threatened, our THOUGHTS kick in to let us know we’re not safe, we must leave or attack or otherwise protect ourselves. Then we behave accordingly. It’s a complex system where our emotions, thoughts, and actions are all inter-connected.
It’s not a matter of getting RID of fear, it’s a matter of processing it and reacting to it differently. When someone says they want to get rid of fear, all I hear is another ploy to deny our emotions. Folks, we are all experts (in one way or another) in denying our emotions. We’ve learned to cover them up, sweep them under the rug, avoid them, medicate them, distract ourselves from them. There are industries built on how NOT to deal with emotions. The ABSOLUTE LAST THING WE NEED is another person or industry telling us to NOT FEEL WHAT WE FEEL.
What we need is help figuring out how to change our relationship with our emotions. They are NOT good or bad. They are just there to give us information. Fear is there to protect us. It serves a purpose.
So when I hear people talking about getting rid of fear or that fear is a choice, I cringe, take a deep breath, and seek to educate.
As “The Fear Whisperer,” my expertise is helping people change their relationship with fear. Fear has a lot to teach us if we will only listen. It can be a catalyst or a crutch.
So is fear a choice? NO. But how you THINK about it and how you REACT to it are.
Are you interested in changing your relationship with fear? I invite you to join me for the 30 Day Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Challenge. You’ll get 30 days of kick-butt support toward taming your fear. Seats are limited. Grabs your today at http://www.krylyn.com/30-day-challenge.
Photo by: Kevin B 3
On the heels of the recent Bruce Jenner interview on 20/20, I feel compelled to speak out about a topic I’m truly passionate about…
Being who you are!
Bruce referenced this phrase multiple times in his interview with Diane Sawyer. He said he is only becoming who he has already been. WOW. If that statement doesn’t make you stop and take pause, I don’t know what will.
Regardless of what you believe about gender identity, I think you can appreciate the gravity of that statement.
Transgender. It’s a topic that has touched my life, both personally and professionally. A good friend of mine transitioned several years ago, becoming the woman she always knew she was. I got to see her journey, from telling the ones she loved most, breaking up with her fiancée at the time, dealing with company policies at her Fortune 500 employer on which bathroom she was allowed to use, surgeries, hormone treatment, therapy, and finding new love.
Having seen my friend’s journey up close and personal, I have MAD RESPECT for anyone going through it. Based on everything they must endure, I’m going to say that people who transition from one gender to another are wicked strong and brave.
Let me say it another way…being who you are is the strongest and bravest thing ANYONE can do. But most of us don’t wear it on the outside for everyone to see like in the transgendered community.
As someone who has worked with clients of different races, religions, sexual orientations and identities over the years, I can tell you that being who you are is a struggle we all share. It just looks different for each of us based on our own stuff.
For some, it’s about gender. For others it’s about abuse, or trauma, or discrimination, or poverty, or religion, etc. The struggle isn’t about the THING we struggle with as much as the process of the struggle, how we are affected by it, and how we overcome it.
But there are so many things that get in the way of us being who we are, aren’t there? Things like:
These are experiences we ALL have that get in the way, regardless of our gender identity.
As Bruce mentioned in the interview, MOST people do not wake up with a daily struggle with their identity as male or female. But most people DO wake up with struggle, with something they don’t like, with something they are hiding from, running away from, or avoiding. Most people are afraid to be who they really are.
Anyone who is brave enough to stand up and stand out in order to be themselves is amazing in my book. The world needs more people willing to be who they truly are.
So my questions for you are:
Leave your comments below. I’d love to hear them.
It’s a dirty little secret among healing experts. Some embrace it. Some shy away from it. And some downright avoid talking about it.
The truth is (gulp)…We are human too.
I know this isn’t a shocker. But there are people out there who pretend like they got it all together all of the time when we all know that is a big fat LIE.
You either know someone or are someone who pretends life is a bowl of cherries and that you are above it all (at least part of the time).
The truth is most experts have SUFFERED. We’ve been to hell and back…a few times. And while we’ve come out stronger and wiser, we STILL have stuff to deal with just like everyone else.
Aside from the education and training we get, our best teachers are our mistakes, our failures, and all the CRAP we’ve had to overcome. We are experts because we know (inside and out) where our clients have been. Of course we all have different circumstances and different stories, but the way out is similar. We know the way out, even if we get stuck sometimes
There’s a phenomenon among experts too that many people don’t realize. Because we have compassion and empathy for others, we have a strong sense of integrity. That means we sometimes feel like frauds when we don’t have our stuff together…24/7. How can we help someone get out of their way when a part of our life is falling apart? It seems strange and out of sync.
But who has their life completely together in every area all of the time? Even doctors get ill, athletes gain weight, financial gurus file bankruptcy, and marriage therapists get divorced. So why would healing professionals be expected to be perfect all the time?
As someone who has been a healer for a long time, I must admit I still get blind-sided by the realization that life won’t be (nor should it be) perfect all the time. Stuff happens. And the best I can do, just like everyone else, is deal with it.
What helps me most during times when I am hard on myself for not having it all together?
One thing is for sure – I’ve been an expert in getting in my own damn way. And I’m sure I’ll continue to do that from time to time. It’s part of the journey. I’m grateful for all the lessons along the way that continue to remind me that it matters less that I get stuck and more that I get unstuck. I’m fortunate to have learned and practiced some of the best tools for getting unstuck and I love helping others along their journey as well. We’re all human, and we’re all in this together!
Looking for more inspiration about getting out of your own damn way? Join me for the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Jam Sessions, where I highlight people who have been there, done that, gotten out of their own damn way, and boldly embraced their dream and greatness. Get prepared to be inspired. Join us at www.krylyn.com/GetOutOfYourWayInterviews.
Photo by: Sarah
What did you dream of when you were a child? I dreamt of being an astronaut, a veterinarian, and a superstar. Then I got some life experience under my belt and realized floating in space might make me nauseous, I’m squeamish about the insides of all living creatures, and the lack of privacy involved with being the next Madonna was a bit much for this introvert to handle (although that dream still lingers a little).
As I got older, my dreams changed based on what I was good at and what I felt really called to do. In my early 20’s, I remember chatting with a girlfriend and told her I wanted to combine all my passions into my work. At that time, my passions were helping people, graphic design, and songwriting. Guess what? Those are still my passions today and I’ve combined all of them into my business.
The road hasn’t always been easy though. Along my travels I’ve met a lot of people who get in their own way. I recognize them because I see myself in them. I’ve been there. And I’ve also been here, on the other side, continuously creating a life and business that I love. Do I still get in my own way…um, hells yeah! But I’ve learned to recognize it faster and get the heck outta there.
So what is YOUR dream? And why would you NOT want to pursue it? Here are some possible reasons:
1. Getting what you want is scary.
Ever heard the saying “be careful what you wish for?” Sure people love to talk about all the wonderful things that happened once they reached a goal or dream. But they rarely mention all the crap that accompanies it. When going after something you want, fear is inevitable. It’s one of those dirty little secrets we don’t like to talk about. But we must. Because it’s true. We all experience it. And when you come face to face with your fear, it’s good to know that it’s normal.
2. There’s effort involved.
If going after what we want were easy, we’d all be doing it, right? The universe will test your resolve. And typically, the dreams we are called to do…the ones deep in our hearts and souls…are not on the easy path. They require hard work and dedication. So if you’re not ready to roll your sleeves up and get your hands dirty, best stay right where you are and keep dreamin’.
3. It takes time.
There’s a lovely phrase I must remind myself: “it takes 10 years to become an overnight success.” Our society has conditioned us (or tried to anyway) for instant gratification. If we can’t get it now, we don’t want it. But there’s something to be said for the satisfaction of waiting. The anticipation. The knowing you earned it. We appreciate things we have to work for and that aren’t instantly handed to us. Plus, we may think we’re ready for the big dream RIGHT NOW, but we might not be. Everything comes when the timing is right. Patience, my lil’ dreamer…patience.
4. Your success may ruffle other people’s feathers.
We are often so consumed with our own fear about changing that we forget our changes can have a ripple effect in people around us. If you go after your dreams, it can be a painful reminder to those around you that they haven’t lived out theirs. And that pain can turn against you, literally, in the form of jealously, sabotage, or just plain hatin’. We intuitively know this because we’ve seen evidence of it at one time or another. And if your fear of rocking someone else’s boat is bigger than your fear of staying where you are, guess what?
5. You might outshine someone you really respect and admire.
Everyone’s got a dream. But not everyone gets to live theirs out. Some people sacrifice so that others can live their dreams. And some of those people may be people you really care about, like your parents. Parents are hard-wired to want better for their children than they had. But some parents have difficulty hiding all their regrets as you rise up. It may be difficult to accept that someone else gave up their dreams so you could live yours, but remember we all have choices. By living your dreams, you just may inspire someone else to live theirs.
6. It’s lonely at the top.
As you move toward what you really want, you’ll find less and less people on that path. You may at some point look around to find yourself spending less and less time with people you were very close to. But guess what? Keep looking, cause you’ll also find people, like you, who are taking the road less traveled. These are your kindred spirits…the ones who understand what it takes to live out their dreams. You may not have as many close connections but the ones you do have will be with people who get it.
7. You might be happy.
This one may sound a little strange, but hear me out. If 99 things go right in your day, and only 1 thing goes wrong, which one will you focus on? That ONE thing, right? We are so used to focusing on the negative of how we feel and what’s going on, that feelings of true happiness can be uncomfortable. We seem to be more comfortable with criticism and negativity. What’s wrong with THAT picture?
8. Life will be boring.
This is a paradoxical notion…that once you reach your dream you’ll not have anything else to do in your life and life will be boring. Hmmm…let’s examine that one. When have you ever taken steps to reach a goal and had things NOT change up along the way? While you live out your dreams, you better believe that you will change and grow during that process, and that means your dreams will change and grow too. You might have different ideas of how to fulfill your dreams or new dreams might pop up along the way. Life isn’t boring when you are doing what you love.
If you’re still struggling with the idea of following your dreams, I invite you to listen in on the Get Our of Your Own Damn Way Interview series where I highlight people who have been there, done that, gotten out of their own damn way, and boldly embraced their dream and greatness. It might just give you the inspiration you need to go for it. Join us at www.krylyn.com/GetOutOfYourWayInterviews.
One step forward, two steps back. The journey of life can sometimes feel like an intricate dance. Make a little progress, then things seem to slide back to where they were – to that uncomfortable place. While most people see any backward movement as a failure or at least something not good, let me just say that it’s totally normal.
Healing is a journey, not a destination. If we lived a life without having contact with others, hold up in our homes without any responsibilities to family, employers, and friends, then maybe we wouldn’t have to contend with as much juggling and backwards movement. But probably not. Typically what is responsible for backward movment has less to do with others and more to do with us – our thoughts and our habits.
When we first start making changes – any change – we might start strong, trying new things. But it takes a lot of consistency and repetition to create a new habit. We still are dealing with old ways of thinking and behaving that support our old habits. So we must be on the watch for the old stuff to creep in, catch it, then continue with our new ways of thinking and behaving to counteract it.
The first time we feel ourselves slipping back to old habits is generally where people stop trying, seeing it as proof that the new way won’t work. But this is precisely when we need to continue on with the new stuff, remembering that it is a journey, and that consistent effort is the key to long-lasting success.
So how can you continue stepping forward even slightly after a backslide? Using the dance analogy, I’d say that you just step forward again. If you watch people dance (literally), you’ll likely see that they move forward, backwards, and sideways. If they aren’t moving forward now, they likely will be in just a few beats. And if they move backward, they don’t stop dancing, declaring defeat. Backward movement is part of the dance. Just as it is in life.
Moving backward provides an opportunity to see things from a different perspective. You might find that something (a thought, belief, or action) didn’t work as you expected, so now you know to tweak it a little and see if that changes the direction of your movement.
Here’s some other suggestions on how to navigate the dance of life:
Looking for more inspiration about navigating the dance of life? Join me for the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Jam Sessions, where I interview powerful people who have been there, done that, gotten out of their own damn way, and boldly embraced their dream and greatness. Get prepared to be inspired. Join us for FREE at www.krylyn.com/GetOutOfYourWayInterviews.
Photo: IMG_3850 © by Huron Tours & Travel