Crisis can bring people together into a sole purpose. It can blur the lines of unforgiveness and shift your perspective so dramatically that your “never” turns into “maybe” and your “always” becomes “not anymore.” It can be gut-wrenching, surreal, and unfair as hell. And it can be a wake-up call or a thing to endure and leave behind. At the least, it can challenge you in ways you never imagined.

I tend to get emotional with personal crisis, taking time out to feel my feelings, no matter how painful they may be. However, I have learned over the years (and yes, it does take practice) to bounce quickly and often from a position of pity and “poor me” to one of action and “where do I go from here?” Each moment offers this opportunity, even if we don’t recognize it.

While you may not be going through a personal crisis, you may find yourself at a crossroads, a choice point, a place of needing to decide between two paths. I suggest you first get quiet and sit with yourself, not in that “should I do this or that” place, but in a place of loving what is, which may be confusion, pain, or indecision. Not knowing is at least knowing that you don’t know, which is an important first step in many journeys.

Here’s some other ideas you might try:

1. When you feel a strong emotion (sadness or fear, for example), surrender to the emotion by breathing it completely in. Feel your body’s reaction to the emotion. Allow it to come. And know that it will pass.
2. When you start to feel fear creeping in, stop and say to yourself, “I love the part of me that is afraid to…(I doubt you will have difficulty filling in the blanks)” It’s easy to feel fear but accepting it can be another story. Try it and see what happens.
3. Look for the lesson (or lessons) you can learn from your situation. While whatever has happened may not seem fair or bearable, look at it from different angle to see what good can come of it.

We all go through times of tragedy in our lives. The more we can learn to accept that it will come, the more we will be able to move through it when it does.

Photo: Yin Yang – Symbol © by DonkeyHotey

I love quotes. Especially quotes from strong women. Enjoy this little movie sprinkled with inspirational quotes from inspirational women.

April showers may bring May flowers, but sometimes there’s a bit more to it than that. If you’ve ever had a struggle and overcome it, you know that growth doesn’t just happen without some growing pains. We might be able to practice some great self care rituals, get some good routines going, but then get side-tracked because of how our journey is affecting others. In other words, when you start to make some positive changes, people around you may not be as excited as you and start to do things that pull you back into old patterns and habits. Sound familiar?

If women are “programmed” to do anything, it’s to please others – don’t rock the boat, don’t make waves, and be a “good girl.” But what happens then is that you can get railroaded, treated like a door mat, and find yourself right back where you started, confused and even more frustrated than you were before you started making positive changes.

If you’re ready to start saying YES to yourself and move past always being the “good girl” (rather than the happy girl), please join me for May’s FREE Teleseminar…“Getting Over the Good Girl Syndrome: Learning to Say No”

In this teleseminar, I’ll cover:

• The Price You Pay for Being a “Good Girl” and Why “Good” Isn’t Always a Good Thing
• What Support Really Looks Like (and How to Tell if You Have it or Don’t)
• 3 Steps You Can Take to Say YES to Yourself and NO to that which Doesn’t Serve You

Don’t delay. Sign up today. The live call is coming soon. But don’t worry, if you can’t attend live, you can still sign up and get access to the recording. Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up.

As I was writing a recent article, “How to Celebrate Mother’s Day When You Don’t Have a Mother,” I felt compelled to also address Mother’s Day for those who aren’t mothers but want to be. I have several friends who have had (or attempted to have) children through alternative methods: surrogacy, IVF, adoption. And I have a friend who is currently in the midst of deciding if she will do whatever it takes to be a mother or give up her dream to become a mother.

Watching the struggles these friends have endured has been difficult. These are strong, confident, inspirational women. Many have suffered through the pain of miscarriage and felt utterly alone in their grief. As one pointed out to me several years ago, Hallmark doesn’t make cards for those grieving the loss of an unborn child.

What these women have had in common is the drive to become a mother. They just knew that was their ultimate calling. And it gets me thinking about what it means to be a mother, especially a mother without a child.

• Mothers are nurturing. They care for people around them, tend to their needs, provide compassion, empathy, kisses on boo-boos (real or imagined), words of encouragement.
• Mothers are teachers. They guide others to think for themselves, learn the tough lessons, and navigate unchartered territories. They can find lessons in every situation and realize that what they do is often much more important than what they say. They are role models.
• Mothers are supportive. They are the cheerleaders for those around them. They provide gentle nudges when needed but allow you to make your own mistakes and learn from them.

To all those mothers out there who don’t have children, I encourage you to see that you have all the qualities of a great mother and that everyone around you benefits. We see how you nurture us, teach us, and support us, and we are grateful. Thank you for being a light in our lives.

Slide © by kimubert

Here is an inspirational video about what it is to be a mother. For all you mothers out there…ENJOY!

Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate and honor mothers. Thank them for what they have done – the support they have given and the unconditional love they have offered. But what do you do if you don’t have a mother?

We all have different circumstances. Some of us don’t identify as having a mother for any number of reasons:

• We were adopted or raised by someone other than our biological mother.
• Our mother is mentally ill, addicted to alcohol or drugs, or cognitively impaired in some way.
• Our mother is deceased.
• Our mother was less the idealized version of the mother portrayed in advertisements designed to commercialize the holiday and sell stuff and more like someone you must keep at arm’s length to have any sense of sanity and inner peace.

Whatever the reason, if you don’t identify as having a mother figure in your life, Mother’s Day can be a challenge. It can bring up the pain of not having the mother you wanted and deserved, or bring up memories of a mother who is no longer here.

Just like with any holiday, you have a choice of how you will celebrate. While popular culture would have you believing Mother’s Day is about buying flowers and other gifts for someone you should be indebted to, the real idea behind the holiday is about appreciation for someone who has provided unconditional love and/or support. Despite popular belief, mothers don’t have a monopoly on that job.

Think about the people in your life (past or present) who have:

• Provided words of wisdom and encouragement
• Lended an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on
• Accepted you for who you are without judgment
• Been your biggest fan and cheerleader
• Held you up when you were too weak to stand on your own

This Mother’s Day, think of the people who have really been there for you. That list may or may not include your actual mother. Whether it does or not, take the time to thank and honor these people in your own special way. You don’t have to have a mother to be grateful for unconditional love and support.

Photo: Bouquet Bokeh © by John-Morgan

“Avoid him who talks sweetly before you but tries to ruin you behind your back, for he is like a pitcher of poison with milk on top.” ~ Chanakya

If you’ve ever had a struggle and overcome it, you know that growth doesn’t just happen without some growing pains. We might be able to practice some great self care rituals, get some good routines going, but then get side-tracked because of how our journey is affecting others.

In other words, when you start to make some positive changes, people around you may not be as excited as you and start to do things that pull you back into old patterns and habits. Sound familiar? When making any kind of change in your life, it’s helpful to have support from those around you. But when what you get is sabotage and not support, it can really do a number on your progress, not to mention your self esteem.

But how can you tell the difference between someone who is truly supportive and someone who claims to be supportive but is really doing everything they can to keep you right where you’re at? Here’s some clues:

It may be a difficult pill to swallow to realize the people you’ve counted on in your life aren’t truly supportive of your growth, but it’s important to identify and either eliminate or reduce your contact with saboteurs if you are serious about moving forward and making positive changes.

For more ideas on how to get the support you need and deserve, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Getting Over the Good Girl Syndrome: Learning to Say No.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at http://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/getting-over-the-good-girl-syndrome, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Photo: Promise? © by discoodoni

“Why does the thrill of soaring have to begin with the fear of falling?” A beautiful story about encouragement and support. And a very important lesson to remind us all of the importance of facing our fears head on. Enjoy!

When we turn painful situations into artistic expressions, we stop being victims of those situations.
~ Shawna Carol

I’ll be leading another songwriting therapy workshop on 5/7/12 in Phoenix, AZ. Won’t you join me?

“Songwriting Therapy: Using Music, Sound, and Songwriting Techniques for Healing”

This interactive workshop will get your creative juices flowing and is based on Krylyn’s experiences using music, sound, and songwriting combined with powerful counseling techniques to help people feel better about themselves, let go of negative thoughts and painful feelings, and find their voice again that has been silenced by overwhelm, obligation, and fear. You will have opportunities to work cooperatively, take risks, and make a little music of your own. You’ll leave with plenty of creative healing ideas to use on your own or with your clients if you are a mental health or other healing professional.

WHEN: Monday, May 7, 2011, 10:00AM – 12:00PM

WHERE: Magellan Learning Center, 4801 E. Washington St., Phoenix, AZ 85034

FREE and open to the public

Register online at https://magellan.learn.com/az OR by calling 602-572-8232

If women are “programmed” to do anything, it’s to please others and be a “good girl.” And by “good” it is assumed you will:

• Be compliant and not complain about what is expected of you, which is more than any one person could possibly do anyway.
• Do for others RATHER than do for yourself.
• Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.
• Forget about your hopes, dreams, passions, and goals.

And if you do any or all of those things listed above, it’s a recipe for disaster. Whenever you put yourself at the bottom of your priority list, it takes a toll on you – your physical, emotional, and mental health. It sends a message, not only to you, but to everyone around you that you’re not important, that you don’t matter.

Dr. Wayne Dyer has said “You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.” What are you teaching people? To treat you like a deserving, lovable, competent, intelligent, independent, worthy woman. OR, to treat you like someone who will always be there to do what other people can’t, won’t, or don’t want to do?

To find out if you tend to be a people pleaser, answer the following true or false questions:

1. I say yes to other people’s requests even when I really want to say no.
2. I get anxious at the thought of someone not liking me or something I’ve done (or not done).
3. I feel resentful when I do things for other people.
4. I feel resentful when other people don’t do things for me, especially when I do so much for them.
5. I want people to automatically know what I want or need without having to say it.

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you just might be a people pleaser. The good news is you can unlearn your people-pleasing ways and get back to putting yourself at the top of your priority list. In order to be treated the way you deserve to be treated, you must first start with yourself. People take clues on how to treat you by watching how you treat yourself. So treat yourself well. Here’s some tips on how:

• Define your priorities. Make a list of all your priorites in life, such as your family, friends, job, finances, health, etc. Then pick the top three you’d like to focus on in the next month or so. Write out your list and keep it where you can see it or refer to it. When asked to do something, check in with your priority list. If the request isn’t aligned with your priorities, it will be easier to turn it down.
• Schedule yourself on your calendar. We fill up our schedules with meetings, appointments, errands, etc. If it’s on your calendar, you know it needs to get done. So why not use that to your advantage and block out some time for yourself.
• Learn to say no. The word “no” is one that none of us like to hear. So it might be easier to think of saying no to others in terms of saying YES to yourself. If someone asks you to do something you really don’t want to do, keep your priority of saying yes to yourself in mind and politely decline the request. This is a skill that takes some practice. You might want to start by saying no to small things first and with people you know won’t be easily upset. Once you have small successes under your belt, it will be easier to say no to bigger things and with people who are more vested in getting their way than in you being happy.
  

For more ideas on how to ditch that annoying disease to please, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Getting Over the Good Girl Syndrome: Learning to Say No.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at http://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/getting-over-the-good-girl-syndrome, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.