Focusing on What Works

Do you often struggle in one or more areas of your life? Finances, health, relationships, work, etc.? It seems like the areas in which we find challenges are ones we focus on, which only makes sense if you believe, like many of us seem to, that you must fix what is broken. Society bombards us with messages of improving those areas. We must listen, because the messages keep coming.

But how much time do we spend focusing on the areas that ARE working well? If you’re anything like me, I’m guessing you don’t focus much on those at all. Yet, if we’re breathing (and reading this), we must be doing something right.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

And to take it another step further, what if you could learn to love the part of you that isn’t “perfect” or the challenge you are facing. I’m not talking doe-eyed, weak-in-the-knees kind of love, but an acceptance of what is.

I began this practice after reading the book “Learning to Love Yourself: A Guide to Becoming Centered” by Gay Hendricks a few years ago. In it, he talks about consciously accepting the parts of yourself that you struggle with. Saying outloud the phrase “I love that part of me that…” is a cornerstone to this practice. For example, when I struggle with feeling overwhelmed about a deadline, I might say to myself “I love the part of me that has difficulty staying focused” or “I love the part of me that would rather be writing a song.” Inevitably, I end up with a smile on my face or a sense of relief, because just stopping and saying something that seems so contrary to what I’m thinking or experiencing gives me persmission to be more gentle with myself  and shifts my perspective. And, it’s all a matter of perspective.

So what are you doing that is working for you? Do you take time to recognize those things, or just gloss over them, sometimes unconsciously, on your way to thoughts of what isn’t working well? Take some time to focus on what is working and shift your perspective. Here’s some tips to try:

1. Write a list of things that are working well for you. Things that are working well are not areas that require a lot from you. They are things that happen on auto-pilot and can be as simple as taking five minutes in the morning to stretch, taking a walk around the block, or brushing your teeth before bed. Keep this list with you and add to it as you think of more. Look at it when you are having one of those “nothing is working well” moments.
2. Pick one thing from your “things that are working well” list and DO MORE OF IT.
3. Think of one area in your life that you would like to change. Be specific. For example, one of my areas to work on is doing one thing at a time (which I call “mono-tasking”). That’s pretty easy to measure. I’m either doing one thing at a time or I’m not. Then, say “I love the part of me that…” and fill in the rest with the area you are focusing on. For me, I might say “I love the part of me that has difficulty focusing on one thing at a time.” Say your phrase out loud five times. Notice how you feel after saying it.

Remember, it may seem easier to focus on the problems, but doing so just gives the problems more energy, which I’m guessing is NOT what you want to do. Switching your focus to what is working and accepting when you are challenged by it is a much gentler way of being, which I’m guessing is more of what you DO want.

I’d love to hear what results you get from shifting your focus. Leave a comment below.

Photo: Curious kid © by Mads Boedker