Love is an Inside Job

As we approach February 14, I am compelled (yet again) to be the voice of the single woman who doesn’t need a relationship to define her, complete her, or make her feel loved. I get so passionate at this time of year when messages flood my TV, inbox, and newsfeed that spout lies (blatant and otherwise) like:

  • A diamond ring is supposed to solve everything
  • Being coupled off is the ONLY way to have a smile on my face
  • He doesn’t love me if he doesn’t buy me stuff
  • I must be unlovable if I’m not in a relationship

Good grief…get a grip!

If we believed everything we see and hear, we’d surely be hating ourselves, bathing in self-loathing so intense we would be cranky, tired, unproductive. We’d feel fearful, sad, and lonely. And we’d be ready to give up on life and ourselves.

Oh, wait…

A lot of us are already there (even people in relationships)! And it’s no wonder with messages like these.

I’m here to preach the TRUTH, though. The TRUTH is that:

  • We are ALL lovable, worthy, and deserving of LOVE
  • We are responsible for our own happiness

And the biggest TRUTH of all…

Love is an inside job

Too often, we look outside ourselves to people and things to “make us” happy, “make us” complete, “make us” feel loved. As a trained psychotherapist, I cringe every time I hear someone say “how does it MAKE YOU feel?” Let me set the record straight…

  • No one MAKES you feel anything
  • No circumstance MAKES you feel complete
  • Nothing can MAKE you feel or do or be anything

Now before you start running through all the scenarios of how someone could “make you” do something by force, let me say that most of us aren’t going through life with a gun pointed to our heads. If you are, you’ve got bigger problems that not getting a diamond ring for Valentines’ Day.

I’m talking to those of you who get caught up in the lies and are looking outside yourself for love and validation. You know who you are! And you have got to understand that this is the reason you aren’t satisfied or happy. Because only YOU have control over your own feelings.

How about instead of relying on someone or something to “make you” feel loved, you make a commitment to love yourself?

  • If no one is “in love” with you right now (or even if they are), BE IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF!
  • If you want flowers (or chocolates or jewelry), TREAT YOURSELF!
  • If you want to be showered with compliments and appreciation, SAY NICE THINGS TO YOURSELF!
  • If you feel like others don’t accept you, ACCEPT YOURSELF!

In short, LOVE YOURSELF. Sure others love you too. And there are different types of love. But LOVE YOURSELF because…

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”

– Buddha

If you’re looking for specific steps you can take to love yourself, I invite you to join me for my FREE 7 Day Love Yourself, Love Your Business Challenge. Find out more at

Photo by: Shimelle Laine

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