Self Care Tips for the Grief-Stricken

It’s been just over two weeks since my mom passed away. I’ve been inundated with emails and phone calls from friends, family, colleagues, and other people in my “tribe.” They’ve sent a lot of well-wishes, prayers, good thoughts, and tons of questions and suggestions, such as “how can I help” and “call me if you need anything.”

As someone who has an easy time reaching out to others in need but difficulty reaching out when I’m in need, I find it challenging to identify anything anyone could possibly do for me right now. “How can I help” is such a vague, esoteric question, one I just don’t know how to answer, or answer with anything anyone could feasibly do…such as take away these intense, mixed emotions I’m having.

People mean well but they just don’t know what to say. Because there really is nothing to say, other than I’m sorry this happened. Besides, what I’m finding out is that my loss reminds people of their losses and of what they have to lose. We don’t like to be reminded of such things, because it brings up those intense, mixed emotions. I’ve listened to more people talk about their own grief in the last couple weeks than I have in quite a while. Normally, I don’t mind, but it’s really hard to be a shoulder to cry on when mine is already weakened and wet with my own tears.

But I have found some things that have really helped me so far in these early stages of my grieving process. And I’d like to share them in hopes they might help someone else through their grief:

• Feel your feelings. Let me be clear…grief sucks. Every possible emotion a human could have comes during grief…often at the same time. It’s sometimes been difficult to identify what I’m feeling because it changes so quickly. Fear, sadness, relief, anger, resentment, shock, apathy, anxiety, etc. I’ve been referring to my emotions as waves, because they creep up on me, intensify, then subside. It reminds me of a wave…you can see it coming, then you’re in it, then it goes away. It’s so important to let this process happen naturally. Don’t fight it. Don’t ignore it. Just be with it.
• Nourish your body. It’s easy to be so preoccupied with your grief that you forget to eat or drink. But your body needs nourishment, and even moreso as you grieve. I’m not going to rant about healthy eating, because I certainly took some time off to indulge in some comfort foods. But I am going to emphasize the importance of keeping yourself fed and full of liquids.
• Get outside. It’s easy to hibernate when you don’t feel good. You don’t want to deal with the outside world – with people. And that’s okay. But do get some fresh air. Being outside in nature is a great way to connect with other living things, and connecting with other living things is very important as you grieve the loss of a loved one.

Here’s some other quick tips on how to manage your grief:

• Sleep when you’re tired
• Eat when you’re hungry
• Talk when you want to
• Cry when you need to
• Slowly get back to your own routines
• Take more frequent breaks throughout the day
• Forgive yourself for dirty dishes, dirty clothes, and a messy desk
• Love yourself
• Use natural remedies, such as Bach’s Star of Bethlehem
• Take walks alone or with friends or family
• Give yourself permission to take breaks from your grief

Got any other suggestions on how to manage grief? I’d love to hear them. Please leave a comment below.

Photo: Grief Weeping with History (Washington, DC) © by takomabibelot