The Adult Guide to Temper Tantrums

We’ve all seen the grumpy child in the store fall to the floor in despair, arms and legs flailing about, screaming and squawking. Some of us may look to the parent or caregiver who is with that child in judgment: “how could you let your child act this way in public?”

While it’s natural to look at a nearby parent when a child is seemingly out of control, the fact is parents have no real control over their children. And many times, if a child is having a temper tantrum it means they no longer have the capacity to deal with anything. Their resources are tapped. They are tired or hungry or over-stimulated or for whatever other reason just not capable of controlling themselves. It’s not really about mom saying “no” to the candy.

But I wonder how many of us look at that child and on some level think to ourselves…

Boy, kid, I really know how you feel.

Admit it. You sometimes downright ENVY that child. They get to really express how they’re feeling with their whole body. Who else but a child gets to outwardly show, with such enthusiasm and commitment, how frustrated they are?

Can you imagine sitting in a business meeting, frustrated with a co-worker or your boss or your client, and just shrieking NO at the top of your lungs, putting your hands over your ears and yelling “la la la” or sprawling out on the floor for a good old fashioned, “I don’t care who’s watching” tantrum?

As a child, temper tantrums are just part of the deal. Parents (and retailers everywhere) may not like it, but it comes with the territory. It’s expected. But act like that as an adult and you’ll likely get a psychiatric crisis team responding to a 911 call.

But what message does that send? Are we, as otherwise well-functioning, responsible, mature adults not allowed to get frustrated?

Hells to the NO.

Frustration is HEALTHY.

That’s why I teach my clients about the adult temper tantrum. After all, why should kids have all the fun?!?

Keep in mind, you may only want to do this in the privacy of your own home or office. But having some friends around to do this with can certainly be a load of fun too.

Ready to get your tantrum on?

1. Scrunch your face tightly like the badass rebel that you are.
2. Clench your fists.
3. Make growly or other throaty, gruff sounds.
4. Declare your frustration: “I’m not going to take it anymore” (or other choice words of your choosing).
5. Stomp your feet.
6. Scream, shout, yell.
7. Punch the air.
8. Tell your frustration (or who you’re frustrated with) where it/they can go.
9. More growly or throaty sounds.
10. Stand still. Be quiet. Take some deep breaths.
11. Notice how you feel after your tantrum – better, worse, more relaxed, more tense, silly, free, energized, depleted, self-conscious, etc.

Typically this exercise leads to laughter (which is a release all on its own). When frustrated, we tend to take ourselves way too seriously, so doing something like this give us permission to act child-like, which can be (dare I say) FUN.

Remember, frustration is normal. And while most of us aren’t ready to go full-on “kicking and screaming on the floor of the grocery store” tantruming, we can certainly enjoy this more grown-up version, which provides the opportunity to release your tension through your voice and your body.

So stop envying the child having a fit in public and go have your own damn temper tantrum already! I dare you!

Feeling brave? Share how your tantrum went below in the comments.