The Top 3 Ways Fear Is Destroying You

I think fear can be quite a manipulator, twisting things around for us. And who wants to admit they are afraid when it doesn’t feel like a major issue? Just like with everything, it’s a matter of degree and intensity. Some fears are small and don’t feel very urgent or painful. Others are huge and seem insurmountable. But no matter what fear looks like, it can still eat away at our confidence, security, and peace of mind, as well as undermine all our best efforts to make lasting, positive changes in our lives.

One of the ways fear can really destroy us is when we don’t recognize it as fear. Back to my friend, who wasn’t able to identify any fears…as soon as I switched the word fear to stuckness, it changed our whole conversation. She was able to see some of what she is experiencing as a fear with lower intensity. Sometimes it’s just in how we identify it and talk about it. Maybe you call fear something else: sadness, a funk, being unlucky, etc. When we don’t recognize fear for what it is, we might miss the opportunity to course correct, to make changes that would benefit us and move us out of pain or frustration to power and happiness.

Another way fear can destroy us is when we don’t acknowledge it. Just because we don’t admit something doesn’t mean it’s not true. Ever heard of denial? Yeah…it’s out there. And my guess is you’ve used that old trick at least once in your life (just like everyone else). When we deny the truth, it doesn’t make it any less true. In fact, it typically has the opposite effect. The truth gets bigger, bolder, more daring, and more in-your-face. Ever notice that?

A third way fear can destroy us is when we stay stuck in it. Again, we’ve all been there – allowed fear to keep us from moving forward. Sometimes, stuckness is a blessing, giving us time to think and form a plan of action. But other times, it becomes an excuse and leads to a snowball effect of inaction, negative thinking, and unhappiness. Moving through fear requires action. Not necessarily a big action, but action. One small action can start the momentum you need for other actions, and a snowball effect in a better direction toward positive thinking, excitement, and achievement.

So knowing that fear destroys us when we don’t recognize it as fear, don’t acknowledge it, and stay stuck in it, now what? Here’s some tips on how to counteract the destructive effects of fear:

1. Look at any area of your life where you feel “stuck.” Examine it a bit closer to see if there’s really some fear keeping you from making a decision, even if it’s a low intensity type of fear.
2. Call fear out! Acknowledge that what you are feeling is fear. Once it’s named, it has less power over you.
3. Once you name and acknowledge your fear, it’s time to take one action to move through it. This doesn’t have to be a huge step, but like I said, moving through fear requires action. Identify one thing you can do, and then do it.
4. Find some support. It takes commitment and continued practice to move through fear. And sometimes even a “cheerleader,” someone to hold your hand in support, keep you on track, and help guide you through the process. Identify someone you trust to help you. This could be a friend, family member, or even a professional (therapist, coach, etc.).

Whatever you’re afraid of, please know you’re not alone. We’re all afraid of something. And we all fall into the traps of fear’s grip. The issue isn’t about never being afraid, it’s about how we handle it when we are. So go out there, own your fear, and get fear-less!

If you’re looking for more practical, tried, and proven techniques for overcoming fear, as well as a “cheerleader” to help you, please consider joining me for a full-day workshop I’ll be hosting next month “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway”®. Click here for more information.