Watch Your Language: How Words Shape Your Reality

When I work with clients, I often talk about how important our language is. The words we use give a glimpse into how we think. After listening to just a few sentences, I can tell you how you typically think about yourself and the world in general.

You may notice, as I do, that the words you use shift when you are feeling more stressed or overwhelmed. I know I can catch myself using “bad” words such as “can’t,” “should,” and “shouldn’t.” When I hear those words coming out of my mouth, I know I’m feeling anxious and my thoughts have shifted from positive to negative. How do I know? Because I have learned over the years to gauge not only the words I use, but other things as well that are all connected – like my thoughts, my body senstions, how I’m feeling, and the actions I take (and don’t take).

If I notice a bad word coming out of my mouth, I can follow it to my thoughts, (which might be focused on how unfair something is), which is connected to a physical sensation (such as a tightening in my stomach or lump in my throat), which is connected to how I’m feeling (perhaps frustrated), which is all tied into my actions (such as throwing my hands in the air or confronting someone head on). Awareness of how one small thing affects the bigger things is key to unlocking your own ability to change, make things (make life) better.

Here’s your challenge:

  1. Write down your “bad” words. These are words that keep you stuck in stress, overwhelm, fear, worry, and all the stuff you don’t want to feel. You may notice a reaction when someone else says these words.
  2. Ask someone you trust to keep track of how many times you say these words during a normal conversation. The idea here is for them to just keep track, not to tell you. You want to find out how much you really are using the words. You probably don’t realize how much you use “bad” words.
  3. Then ask that same someone you trust to give you some sort of visual signal (such as a thumbs up or down) each time they hear you use the word. This gets you aware of when you are using “bad” words, so you can start to take notice of the circumstances, and also how you feel as you say these words, what you are doing, etc. The idea here is to start to form a connection between what you say, how  you feel, and what you do.
  4. Next, as your trustworthy person continues to signal you, it’s time to make a different choice. Instead of saying “I can’t get my work done” change it to “I choose not to get my work done” or “I won’t get my work done until I (insert positive coping skill here).” That sure puts a different spin on things, doesn’t it?

You will notice quickly how just shifting the words you allow to come out of your mouth will start to affect other things – like your thoughts, body sensations, feelings, and actions.

For more tips on how to make small changes that make a big POSITIVE difference, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, Suffering is Optional: Your Mindset Creates Your Reality.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Photo: Speak NO Evil © by Esparta

Leave a Comment: