In 2014, I pulled out my bicycle and started riding for the first time in 20 years. Why? My husband was an avid cyclist and we decided to book two bike trips on our upcoming trip to Prague, Vienna and Budapest. This would be a challenge for me.

The first few weeks out were really tough. I couldn’t go very far and my backside didn’t take kindly to sitting on that torturous seat. Day by day, it slowly improved until I was riding a full 20K each time out. The summer was beautiful this year and over the next four months of preparation I began to truly enjoy the feeling of flying down the road.

There were also unexpected benefits.  I was writing my first book at the time – struggling with debilitating self-doubt.  I learned at those tough moments to jump up, grab my bike and head off for an hour.  By the time I was back at the computer, not only had the stress been washed out of my system, but the words I was seeking seemed to sort themselves out while I was riding. All I had to do was sit down and capture them on the computer.

There was a life lesson to be had as well, but it took a little longer to realize.

One struggle I had when riding was when I had to go between posts. The closer I came, the more I slowed. Panic would set in. Every time I would swerve crazily and almost hit them. When I mentioned it to my husband he offered the perfect advice.  “Don’t focus on the posts. Focus on something ahead.”  It sounded way too simple, but I was in for a surprise.

I still remember the next time I was riding and thought perhaps I would give it a try. There was a tree a few hundred feet past the posts, so I just looked at it intently. I sailed right between the those scary barriers at full speed without a care in the world. MIRACULOUS! It was only later I came to realize it also applied to life.

We often get so distracted by what we perceive as barriers to our goals that we spend all our energy embracing why we can’t possibly succeed. If this is where are you, just for one day give yourself permission to let go of the doubts and negativity around you.  Look ahead without distraction at the wide open door of possibility just waiting for you to walk through.

I do my best to live one day at a time, step at a time, one moment at a time – being fully present and focused. But when it comes to my dreams and goals, I take the long view and don’t worry about what comes between this moment and reaching them. I ride towards them full speed without a care, my blood pumping and the wind in my face.

ABOUT THIS GUEST:  Marilyn R. Wilson began her career as a writer in an unusual way, by answering a Craigslist Ad. It was while conducting her first interview the world shifted – she had found her passion. Since 2006, she has interviewed over 150 people from as far away as South Africa, worked as an editor, co-owned a magazine and published her first book. Over time, the wisdom shared in these interviews have had a profound effect. The biggest surprise? We are all exactly who we are meant to be. Those quirks everyone tries to get us to change are actually our unique talents! www.marilynrwilson.com

Listen to Marilyn’s Get Out of Your Own Damn Way podcast interview HERE.

My life unraveled when I was 58. I was at my own financial cliff; I was getting divorced, moving out of our too expensive beach house in LA, my favorite dog was dying, and I needed gum surgery.

The intersection of denial and reality forced me to make a choice. I chose to save my own life, and the journey that ensued gave me insights that have now changed not only my life, but many others. I feel now that I am finally living my life and have financial stability. The following is in part what I have learned.

Some people at times feel as though they are living someone else’s life — what they say, how they feel, and what they do never seem to match in a way that makes them feel whole. I have had many clients lament that they feel like they’re in a dense fog and can’t even see where they are standing, much less the road ahead.

In a way, they are right. They are not really living their lives. The road ahead is unclear because they are not fully present in the moment.

When we are born, we are 100 percent present, and contact with our mothers continues the journey that started in the womb. Feeling connected will lead to a bond that becomes the foundation of trust, but if the mother is not emotionally present, the relationship can lead to mistrust.

As we mature, the emotional world is opened wide. Messages from family members and others influence how we think we should behave in order to get our needs met, so that we can survive. These messages get stored in two places: our bodies and our subconscious.

A five-year-old child is totally dependent on someone else to give her food, clothing, and shelter. If a child experiences rejection of her needs because they might not be convenient at the time, or constantly hears others telling her what she should want, dismissing her when she expresses what she truly wants, she starts to internalize the message that she must do as others tell her … or else.

When the girl begins to repress her real feelings and express the thoughts she thinks others want to hear, she closets her true identity from the outside world and eventually, from herself. I call this split the “adaptation track” versus the “authenticity track.” As we grow older, we may stop paying as much attention to our authentic needs and allow a false self to take over just to survive, but frequently that creates a breeding ground for depression, isolation, and a profound sense of emptiness.

As our lives move down this set of tracks, we find ourselves making decisions that later leave us baffled. We marry the wrong guy. We stay in toxic friendships. We take jobs that don’t really suit us, because it’s a living. Maybe we earn less than we deserve, but we’re afraid to demand more or work for bosses we don’t respect and know we can eclipse.

Then we hit 35 or 40, and the reality gong goes off in our heads. The questions we’ve been avoiding begin to stream into our thoughts: What am I doing? Why am I broke? What do I really want? The authentic track is starting to communicate louder and louder.

It reminds me of a scene in the film Network where Peter Finch, a TV newscaster, encourages listeners to lean out of their New York City apartment building windows to yell, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!” The authentic self is crying out in pain to be finally noticed, to finally have peace and be reconciled.

So how does all this fit into one’s financial world?

Everyone picks a different theater in which to express their angst with the adaptation version of themselves. Some pick weight, some alcohol, some have difficulty bonding with their children or establishing open communication with their spouse. All of these negative relationships with people or vices affect how we relate to money. If you could interview your money, what would it say to you? How do you think your five-year-old self would respond to your money?

This is how and where the journey of healing starts — by examining your early childhood. That is where you find the footing to build self-awareness and the climb begins.

As you gain insights into your past, and connect it to the present, you will see how what you do with your money, the men in your life, your coworkers, your siblings, and your body all connect to the same source of pain. By healing that source, everything slowly responds to the effects of the recovery. You will find by not buying that latte, by turning down a glass of wine for a club soda instead, bringing lunch instead of buying lunch, you will feel more in control and have respect for yourself.

Your daily goal is to feel good; feel in control, do things that gain self-respect, not lose it.

These little steps create your journey of reclaiming your hijacked childhood and regaining control of your finances and your life.

ABOUT THIS GUEST:  Pegi Burdick, The Financial Whisperer™ helps women untangle their emotions from their money. In 2006, Pegi experienced her own personal financial crisis that led her down a dark path of exploring how a person’s mindset about money can unknowingly be the catalyst for failure, and also be the catalyst for success. Out of her journey, The Financial Whisperer® Coaching Series was born. To work with Pegi is to take a deep dive into one’s complicated backstory. Her mission is to help women understand their emotional pain around money and guide them to new levels of confidence in their financial affairs. www.thefinancialwhisperer.com

Listen to Pegi’s Get Out of Your Own Damn Way podcast interview HERE.