Unraveling the Good Girl Part 2: Five Tips to Escort Her Out of the Building

In Part 1, Unraveling the Good Girl Part 1: Four Things This Little Beeatch Has to Say, I dove into some of the things my inner good girl has taught me, despite my attempts to cut her off at the knees.

I find it a blessing (and sometimes a bit of a nightmare) that there’s a lesson in EVERYTHING. Sometimes I just want to pout and have my tantrum. But alas, my years and experience in getting out of my own damn way faster and more efficiently help me see the silver lining even in the most bleak of situations.

Okay, good girl, you’re forgiven.

Now that we’ve covered what she’s done for us, we can move on to bigger and better things – namely how to not let her run our lives anymore.

As I mentioned in Part 1, my coach gave me a kick in the pants when she saw my good girl popping up recently. Sometimes it takes someone on the outside to call us on it. But other times, we just need to heed the signs and press forward. Here come the tips:

1. Acknowledge the good girl. Remember, she’s just trying to protect you like she’s done before. She means no harm. But she also needs to be acknowledged. When you notice your good girl coming out to protect you, let her know you see her.
2. Thank the good girl. After acknowledgement comes gratitude. Yes, she can be a pain in the ass, but thank her anyway. Thank her for trying to protect her.
3. Forgive the good girl. After you thank her, let her know you forgive her for all the shenanigans, making you look like a fool, making you act like a doormat. Since she is a part of you, that means you must also forgive yourself.
4. Let the good girl know you got it from here. You’re a grown-ass woman now with grown-up responsibilities and the power to make things happen. It’s okay to dismiss the good girl and let her know she’s no longer needed.
5. Put on your big girl pants. It’s time to put on those big girl pants and take responsibility for yourself. That includes your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. No more blaming the good girl who doesn’t want to make waves. Make those waves, honey! Splash around and have fun with them while you’re at it.

The good girl may come back from time to time, but you have control over how long you let her hang around.

What are your thoughts on unraveling the good girl? Leave a comment below.

Listen to Donya Zimmerman’s “Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Story” on July 23, 2015

Join me as I interview Donya Zimmerman on Thursday, July 23, as part of the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Jam Sessions. Powerful people sharing powerful stories of how they tamed their fears, embraced their greatness, and got out of their own damn way. Sign up to listen in for free by entering your name and email below.

Donya Zimmerman

Donya Zimmerman is a business consultant, mediator, and legal professional with over ten years of experience. Donya is also a public speaker and aspiring author. She has a few books in the works that will be published and released in the latter part of 2015. The books will focus on entrepreneurship, small business, and daily devotionals. She is owner of Family & Community Mediation and Business Consulting (FACMBC) and Powerful Biz Woman (subsidiary of FACMBC). Both are based in Baltimore, Maryland and were established in 2013. Services provided by FACMBC: Mediation and Conflict Resolution Services; Business Registration Assistance (Limited Liability Company, Corporation, S-Corp, Limited Liability Partnership, etc.); Business Plan Drafting Assistance; Business Certification Assistance (MBE, WOSB, 8A, 501(c) (3), Hub Zone, etc.); and Business Organization Assistance. She is also a contributing writer with the Maryland Daily Examiner Newspaper and the Leadership Girl Newsletter. Donya Zimmerman has made article contributions to the Simply Inspirational Women in Business Journal for 2014 published by Dr. Cheryl Cottle.

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Unraveling the Good Girl Part 1: Four Things This Little Beeatch Has to Say (and Why You Need to Listen)

Were you conditioned to be “the good girl?” You know, the one who says yes to everyone else, puts others’ needs before her own, and apologizes for taking up space?

Yeah, me too.

And just when I think I unraveled that “good girl” conditioning and said goodbye to her forever, you guessed it, something else happens to bring her back. It’s not that I don’t like her or appreciate what she’s done for me. But frankly, she gets a bit annoying, especially when I’m over here trying to live my life and realize some pretty crazy big-ass dreams. I mean, I’ve got a passionate mission to fulfill.

Oh, good girl…BITE ME!

This latest rearing of the ugly good girl came during an up-leveling in my business where I’m (gulp) inviting people to work with me in a bigger way. No biggie, right? That’s what entrepreneurs do.

But apparently, Miss Thang decided she needed to apologize for asking. WTF? Thank goodness for my own kick-ass coach who nipped that shizz in the bud and got me back on track.

But it got me to thinking…

What is that inner good girl here to teach me, and why in the HELL does she always show up when I’m stepping more fully into my purpose?

When I got silent and let those questions sink in a bit, the answers flooded me like a ton of bricks.

1. If I’m not a “good girl,” does that mean I’m a “bad girl?” It’s not a trick question, but one posed by a certain way of thinking. When we shed labels or masks or beliefs, there’s a certain stripping away of the fabric of our identity. We know ourselves in a certain way. Others rely on us being a certain way. So when that is questioned, it’s only natural to question who we are. The answer undoubtedly lies somewhere between “good” and “bad.”
2. What will people think of me if I break the “rules?” There are soooo many friggin’ rules, many of which are unspoken, unwritten, and (frankly) stupid. There I said it. Some rules are really stupid! Like ones that have us “not rocking the boat” or “making waves.” If I dare ask for what I want or take a stand for what’s right, what will people think?
3. The “good girl” once saved me a lot of angst. Despite my sometimes irrational hatred of my inner good girl, I have to give her props. Growing up in the chaotic abusive and neglectful household that I did, the good girl allowed me to survive. She gave me guidelines of how to act in a family that had rules that changed on a daily basis. I had my role and I played it well.
4. Old patterns get triggered by stress. Duh! That’s like healing 101. And something I have taught my clients and reminded them of time and time again over the years. But experiencing it firsthand can lead to amnesia. When going through big changes (no matter how welcomed they are), we can experience stress and our brains can go on auto-pilot, pulling up those old patterns.

As with any part of ourselves, there area always lessons to be learned. I challenge you to get silent and find out what YOUR inner good girl is trying to tell you.

In Part 2, I’ll explore some ways to gently let the good girl go.

Got any insights? Leave a comment below.

Listen to Kelly Galea’s “Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Story” on July 16, 2015

Join me as I interview Kelly Galea on Thursday, July 16, as part of the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Jam Sessions. Powerful people sharing powerful stories of how they tamed their fears, embraced their greatness, and got out of their own damn way. Sign up to listen in for free by entering your name and email below.

Kelly Galea | The3FsOfLife.com

Kelly Galea (pronounced GAL-ee-uh) is a multi-passionate entrepreneur, business strategist, best-selling author and speaker who currently lives in Orlando, Florida with her husband Brendan, their boxer Sadi and two kitties, Jaela (pronounced JAY-la) and Jack  A crusader for creative expression, she hosts a weekly show helping professionals find more freedom, flexibility and fun in life and business. Visit The3FsOfLife.com for inspiring solutions, creative ideas and helpful tips to live life more freely!

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What it Looks Like to Be Free

Here in the USA we just finished celebrating Independence Day. Each year, it’s a reminder of what it means to be free and what sacrifices were made for our freedom.

Each year, I’m also reminded of what freedom means to me and how it looks on a more personal and individual basis.

To me, freedom is about living well and being my best self. It’s about creating (and maintaining) the type of lifestyle I want, which includes everything from relationships, to finances, to health, to play.

What does it really look like to be free? Here are some thoughts:

• Know what you want. If you don’t have a clear picture of what you want, how do you know when you have it…or worse, when you don’t? Freedom isn’t just about some vague notion of being able to have, be, or do anything you want. True freedom comes when your definition of being free is realized. For some people, freedom is about not working, but for others it’s about doing work they are passionate about.
• Entitlement has no place here. Some people confuse freedom with entitlement, or getting stuff you don’t work for. But freedom is about taking a stand for what you believe in and sometimes fighting the good fight to get it. Think about it, when you get handed something you haven’t worked for, does it really hold as much satisfaction as something you busted your ass for?
• Consistency is key. It’s near impossible to maintain anything, whether it’s sanity, weight, routines, relationships, etc. if we don’t keep doing things that work. Sure, we may know what DOESN’T work, but unless we make consistent effort to take the steps (large and small) that contribute to continued success, we’re sure to lose some sense of freedom.
• Sacrifices and compromises are part of the deal. Freedom isn’t something to be taken lightly. It sometimes requires us to make some tough decisions for the greater good. We sometimes must make sacrifices or compromises right now in order to have the future we long for.

Remember, freedom is something we are all striving for in one way or another.

What are your thoughts on what freedom looks like? Share a comment below.

Listen to Carla Necole Williams’ “Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Story” on July 9, 2015

Join me as I interview Carla Necole Williams on Thursday, July 9, as part of the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Jam Sessions. Powerful people sharing powerful stories of how they tamed their fears, embraced their greatness, and got out of their own damn way. Sign up to listen in for free by entering your name and email below.

Carla Necole Williams | carlanecolewilliams.com

Carla Necole Williams is an Inner Healing & Self-Empowerment Life Coach who teaches ambitious women how to love, appreciate and value themselves first! She’s also the Best-Selling Author of the book “The Power Within: How to Heal, Love and Design the Life You Want.” 

Through her spiritual-based signature coaching program, she shows you how to manifest the life you want by healing from past shackles and elevating your emotional intelligence.

She is adamant that you can have EVERYTHING you want without settling in any area of your life. She often says that “being realistic is often just settling for less.” She knows that possibility for you is limitless!

Carla believes that you are powerful and that you have what it takes to get what you want. She helps you become a Conscious Creator of your life and not just a victim of circumstance.

She challenges you to break the cycle of fear that’s held you hostage for far too long due to past scars and wounds.

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