All posts by Krylyn
First Time in Phoenix: Workshop Helps Reduce Fears that Block Progress Toward Personal Goals
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Overcoming common fears that get in the way of greater success and happiness is the focus of the upcoming workshop, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®.” The one-day event Saturday, Feb. 15, is based on the best-selling book of the same title that focuses on helping people be more assertive, attain personal and professional goals and improve self-esteem.
The program is facilitated by Krylyn Peters, a licensed psychotherapist and certified life coach, who is also licensed by Susan Jeffers, LLC to teach “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®.” The workshop begins at 9 a.m. at New Visions Center for Spiritual Living, located at 18010 N. Tatum Blvd., Phoenix, AZ 85032. Pre-registration is required; cost is $149, with an early-bird discount of $99 before Jan. 31. To register, sign up at www.krylyn.com/feelthefear or contact Peters at 602-696-8699.
The workshop includes experiential activities to help participants move from fear and indecision to action. “Moving through fear requires action. I give people tools so they can overcome what is keeping them stuck. Most people have thoughts or worries that can block them from taking steps toward even the most desired goals,” explains Peters.
Participants have stated that the program is “life-changing if you use the tools” and that the event “helped me understand that I can change and that I should not fear it.”
“Many people have limiting beliefs such as ‘I’m not good enough to do this’ or ‘What if I fail?’ that hold them back,” says Peters. “The workshop helps them identify their specific fears and then build an action plan to move them forward.”
What’s So Scary About Fear: An Interview with Krylyn Peters on Moving through Fear
Ready to face the (not so scary) truth about fear? Listen in as I’m interviewed by Therese Skelly of happyinbusiness.com and talk about what fear really is, some myths and truths about fear, and some tips on how to move through whatever fear you may have.
[audio: https://krylyn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Interview-1-on-Fear-wtih-Therese.mp3|titles=Interview About Fear|artists=Krylyn Peters . www.krylyn.com]For even more great, proven tools on moving through fear, join me for a live one-day workshop in Phoenix, AZ on February 15, 2014. Visit http://www.krylyn.com/feelthefear for details.
My Song About Stepping Into Fear
As a singer/songwriter, I am constantly inspired. A few years ago, I wrote several songs which ended up on my CD, Into the Fire, The songs centered around my journey as a new psychotherapist and many themes emerged involving what my clients were facing. The songs included topics such as depression, suicide, borderline personality disorder, dealing with change, the therapeutic relationship, and, of course, fear.
The song I wrote about fear, Into the Fire, ended up being a bit autobiographical about my own musical journey, which has had many ups and downs. In my case, music represents passion (aka fire). I realized how intermingled both joy and fear can be in pursuing passion. It was such an inspirational song for me that I made it the title track to the CD. After listening to the song several times, I realized how much it hit home on a broader scale for dealing with the fear associated with moving forward, making changes, and pursuing passion.
In addition to the songs I wrote for my CD, I also created a Companion Booklet, which includes not only the lyrics, but also the inspiration behind each song, suggestions for using the songs for healing (for yourself or with clients if you are a mental health or healing professional), and questions to ask based on the theme of the song. I included a couple of the questions for you to ponder below as you listen to the song.
Please enjoy Into the Fire, and feel free to leave a comment below about the song or your answers to the questions.
Questions to think about as you listen to the song:
- What messages have others told you (either directly or subtly through their words or actions) about taking risks? Are these the same messages that help you or keep you from moving forward?
- How does fear of taking risks affect your life? Family? Relationships? Work? Finances? Health?
- What are you most afraid of with respect to making progress in your life?
Thanks for listening! Leave a comment below and let me know what you think.
The Top 3 Ways Fear Is Destroying You
I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. She said she doesn’t really have a lot of major fears in her life right now, but that she is avoiding making some decisions based on very real concerns (such as time and money). She had a difficult time relating to the word fear, but as soon as I phrased it another way, our conversation really took off. And it got me to thinking. If my friend, who is one of the most intelligent, creative, wonderful women I know, gets tripped up on fear, I wonder how many other people do too. Could you be mistaking your fear for something else? I know I have.
I think fear can be quite a manipulator, twisting things around for us. And who wants to admit they are afraid when it doesn’t feel like a major issue? Just like with everything, it’s a matter of degree and intensity. Some fears are small and don’t feel very urgent or painful. Others are huge and seem insurmountable. But no matter what fear looks like, it can still eat away at our confidence, security, and peace of mind, as well as undermine all our best efforts to make lasting, positive changes in our lives.
One of the ways fear can really destroy us is when we don’t recognize it as fear. Back to my friend, who wasn’t able to identify any fears…as soon as I switched the word fear to stuckness, it changed our whole conversation. She was able to see some of what she is experiencing as a fear with lower intensity. Sometimes it’s just in how we identify it and talk about it. Maybe you call fear something else: sadness, a funk, being unlucky, etc. When we don’t recognize fear for what it is, we might miss the opportunity to course correct, to make changes that would benefit us and move us out of pain or frustration to power and happiness.
Another way fear can destroy us is when we don’t acknowledge it. Just because we don’t admit something doesn’t mean it’s not true. Ever heard of denial? Yeah…it’s out there. And my guess is you’ve used that old trick at least once in your life (just like everyone else). When we deny the truth, it doesn’t make it any less true. In fact, it typically has the opposite effect. The truth gets bigger, bolder, more daring, and more in-your-face. Ever notice that?
A third way fear can destroy us is when we stay stuck in it. Again, we’ve all been there – allowed fear to keep us from moving forward. Sometimes, stuckness is a blessing, giving us time to think and form a plan of action. But other times, it becomes an excuse and leads to a snowball effect of inaction, negative thinking, and unhappiness. Moving through fear requires action. Not necessarily a big action, but action. One small action can start the momentum you need for other actions, and a snowball effect in a better direction toward positive thinking, excitement, and achievement.
So knowing that fear destroys us when we don’t recognize it as fear, don’t acknowledge it, and stay stuck in it, now what? Here’s some tips on how to counteract the destructive effects of fear:
- Look at any area of your life where you feel “stuck.” Examine it a bit closer to see if there’s really some fear keeping you from making a decision, even if it’s a low intensity type of fear.
- Call fear out! Acknowledge that what you are feeling is fear. Once it’s named, it has less power over you.
- Once you name and acknowledge your fear, it’s time to take one action to move through it. This doesn’t have to be a huge step, but like I said, moving through fear requires action. Identify one thing you can do, and then do it.
- Find some support. It takes commitment and continued practice to move through fear. And sometimes even a “cheerleader,” someone to hold your hand in support, keep you on track, and help guide you through the process. Identify someone you trust to help you. This could be a friend, family member, or even a professional (therapist, coach, etc.).
Whatever you’re afraid of, please know you’re not alone. We’re all afraid of something. And we all fall into the traps of fear’s grip. The issue isn’t about never being afraid, it’s about how we handle it when we are. So go out there, own your fear, and get fear-less!
If you’re looking for more practical, tried, and proven techniques for overcoming fear, as well as a “cheerleader” to help you, please consider joining me for a full-day workshop I’ll be hosting next month “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway”®. Click here for more information.
What Fear Is (And Is Not)
Fear is one of the strongest core emotions we have. We’re hard-wired for it as a means for survival. Big predator comes along, fear kicks in, and action follows – all in the name of self-preservation. As we’ve evolved, our instincts really haven’t. Survival. Plain and simple.
While our instincts haven’t really changed, our outer environment has significantly. No longer are big predators hunting us. Sure there are hazards, such as bad drivers on the road and economic downturns, but most of us in the western, developed world live free from major daily threats to our lives.
What has changed significantly is our inner environment. What do I mean by inner environment? It’s our thoughts and how we think about things. Our thoughts and the way we think drive how we feel and act. When we perceive a threat, our instincts kick in to protect us. It doesn’t matter if that threat is about a giant mammal chasing us or a loved one saying something to us in anger that hurts. The result is our core human instincts doing what they can to save us from the real (or imagined) threat to our lives.
Let’s say you lose your job. While this can certainly be a threat to your long-term survival, chances are it’s the way you think about it that spirals you into fear and keeps you there. We might say to ourselves that we’re nothing without the job, our identity is wrapped up in what we do and how we earn money. We may wonder how we’re going to pay our bills and keep the lifestyle we’ve grown accustomed to. But our immediate survival is intact. Losing our job didn’t strike us down dead. Did it change things? Sure. But it didn’t end our life. It’s about perspective. Our thoughts about losing our job are what perpetuate the fear, and kick in those instincts for survival.
In most cases, fear is just a signal that something is a bit off. It may be a sign that we need to change something, or that something doesn’t quite feel right. Our task, then, is to read the sign and act accordingly. Some of us choose to be fearful and move forward anyway. In the case of the lost job, fear is a normal reaction, and may help us think of ways to ensure our survival (network with colleagues about other possible jobs, consider getting additional training or education to become more marketable in the workplace, use savings to pay our expenses, etc.).
But for others, fear can keep us stuck. Losing that job means I’m worthless and no one wants me, which leads to lower motivation and energy about looking for solutions, which leads to inaction, more negative thoughts, and the cycle of continues. Sound familiar?
My guess is we’ve all been in both places. In some situations, we’re able to move past the fear. And in other situations, we get stuck. The trick is to find ways to get unstuck as soon as possible.
As you are faced with the ups and downs of life and fear inevitably creeps in, keep in mind what fear really is (and is not)…
Fear is:
- Unavoidable
- Natural and normal
- A basic, core emotion
- A signal that something is changing or needs to change
Fear is NOT:
- The end of the world
- A sign to give up entirely
- Evil
So as you move through life, remember the times you are able to move forward despite your fear. Take note of how you do that, and what thoughts and actions are most helpful, as well as which ones keep you stuck. The best way to get unstuck is to do things you know have helped you in the past.
Remember, fear is inevitable. You can either embrace it or resist it. Which will you choose?
To get more practical, tried and tested techniques that have helped over 12 million people worldwide face and move through their fears, consider joining me for my live one-day workshop “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway”® based on the best-selling book of the same title by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. For details, go to http://www.krylyn.com/feelthefear.
Photo: By: Lehigh Valley, PA
Riding the Storm: What Crisis Has to Teach Us About Accepting and Offering Help
What is going on around here? The last week has been wreaked with havoc – at least for people around me. I’m so grateful to be the calm in the storm for so many of my friends and family right now.
From wee hour phone calls from jail, to hours on the phone listening to heartache and sorrow, to the passing of parents, people’s worlds are being rocked and shifted. My time and attention has been scattered as I not only help others with their plights, but also process what it all means for me. I’ve gained some powerful insights through it all.
Surely there are times in our lives when we’re on both ends of this scenario. At times, we might be caught in the storm as life throws its curveballs and unforeseen circumstances. We get bad news, we get caught doing something we know we shouldn’t be doing, or the intensity of many layers of undealt-with issues bubble up to incapacitate us. Whatever it is that catches up to us serves to teach us, but often we are steeped in the intense emotions we are experiencing – such as fear, anger, and pain – and unable to see the lessons right away.
While emotions are there to give us information, they also tend to slow us down or stop us…give us pause. And that’s not a bad thing at all. In that stillness, we have an opportunity to experience and allow what is happening to happen. But intensity can be difficult to sit with. We get uncomfortable. We wonder if it will last forever. We hope there is a way out and that others (and ourselves) will be there for us through the process.
But one thing that happens, I’ve noticed, is that our tunnel vision kicks in. Our rational thoughts leave the building and our survival mode kicks in. We feel threatened, therefore we act accordingly. And that often looks a bit strange from the other side. As someone who feels threatened, we might act in a number of different ways: from reaching out to people feverishly in an attempt to save ourselves, to isolating ourselves in an attempt to protect ourselves, to forgetting who is really there to support us, to doing and saying things we don’t really mean because we’re just so mired in the intensity.
If you are in the position to help someone who is in the eye of the storm, remember:
- Listen. Just being a sounding board might be the best course of action. People who are going through crisis need to vent.
- Resist the urge to fix the problem right away. It is so tempting to want to offer solutions and fix what’s wrong because being on the calm side of the coin, we can clearly see what would be helpful. But the crisis isn’t about you. The crisis is about someone else and what may work for you may not work for them. When we offer advice, others may hear the message that they are broken, in need of fixing, and this can do more harm than good. Instead, listen, and ask questions to lead them to their own conclusion: What would be helpful for you right now? How can I support you? What do you need or want me to do?
- Offer suggestions only if the give you permission to do so. People in crisis sometimes come to you because you are good at coming up with solutions. So it can be appropriate to offer suggestions. Just be sure to ask them first if that’s what they want. Then, be prepared to listen. Often people in crisis, with their tunnel vision, will shoot down many ideas because they just don’t know how to implement them. They are frozen, stuck in intense feelings, and unable to think clearly or act in ways they normally would.
- Take action when appropriate and with permission. Sometimes there are things you can do to support someone else in crisis – things that, to you, seem small and easy, but to them may seem monumental and overwhelming. Again, always ask if this is the kind of support they need.
- Think of how you would want someone to treat you if you were in a similar situation. The Golden Rule always applies here. If the shoe were on the other foot and it was you going through the crisis, think of what you would want others to do for you and say to you. This can help you figure out what may or may not be appropriate.
- Trust your gut. In the end, it’s necessary to trust your instincts. Every crisis and every person in crisis is different. Take their cues, verbal and nonverbal, as well as what you already know about them, and make decisions on how to help based on that.
There is a delicate balance in this world. Sometimes we are in the storm and sometimes we’re outside of it. Each place provides opportunities to either offer or accept help. Which side of the storm are you on today? And what are you going to do about it?