How to Enjoy and Honor Your Resistance

Do you ever have one of those days where you just cannot keep your head on straight? Everything is distracting you from what you need to do? Negative thoughts cloud your judgment? Insecurity and fear creep in and set up an unwelcome stake on all your best intentions?

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes just try to push through these times…barreling through with my to-do list, checking things off. But the problem is I’m not really productive. Anything on my to-do list that requires thinking or problem-solving just doesn’t get done very effectively. I feel the heaviness of struggle nearly choking me and my ability to make an effective decision diminished greatly.

Life is a series of moments. Some moments are easy and fluid. Others are more challenging and laced with resistance. It’s easy to forget that timing is everything. And that both types of moments are equally beneficial and needed to sustain balance. When life is “easy,” we don’t pay much attention. We think that’s how things are always supposed to be. It’s generally when challenge surfaces that we take note.

What I do to honor my resistance:

• Step away. I naturally find myself taking more breaks when I’m resisting what I need to do. Distractions are harder to ignore. The beautiful breeze skates across my skin and I look up and gaze dreamily out the window. The music in the background beckons me to shake my booty and I get my boogie on for a few minutes. The lunch break where I vow to just read one chapter in a good book turns into a reading marathon and before I know it a couple hours have passed. When you find yourself pulled to do something, just do it. Allow the distraction to be your guide and teacher. Maybe it’s just the universe’s way of telling you that you need a break. That your spirit needs some attention because your mind has been getting it all lately.
• Write it out. Another thing I find myself doing when the voices in my mind quarrel over what needs to be done vs. what I want to do is to just write about it. Journaling is a great way to just let those voices be heard. I typically ask myself a question, such as “what’s going on for me right now,” which leads to a bunch of writing, which leads to another questions, which leads to more writing, and so on. I always find some good insights in doing this free-flow journaling. It’s my minds way of working something out without just sitting and trying to think it through on its own.
• Talk it out. Sometimes talking to a supportive friend or colleague can help put things in perspective. When we ruminate in our thoughts, its hard to get out of that by thinking more about it. Talking to someone else allows us to get our thoughts out in another form (words) and lets someone else to put their two cents in. typically others can see a different point of view and even the smallest observation or comment on their part can help shift us into knowing what to do next.
• Do something. When we are resistant, we’re focused on our thoughts. What should I do? What shouldn’t I do? This is too hard, or boring, or stupid, or…” You get the picture. What we tend to do when we are stuck in thoughts is forget that we have a body and it may need some attention. Get up and move around. Go outside. Clean the dishes. Do something physical. Allow your body to take over. Do a task that doesn’t require much thinking other than – DO THIS, then DO THIS NEXT.

The biggest thing to remember during times of resistance is that it is normal. When we try to fight our resistance, it rarely ends up the way we like. So, give yourself a break. Honor the resistance. And then see what happens…

From Someday to Now: Tips on Achieving Your Dreams

For years I’ve been to content dream, make plans, and live in the “someday” category. You know, that place of always putting off till tomorrow and then the next day and the next. I’ve found excuses to stay in my comfort zone. Lots of excuses. But in the last year, my excuses have been stripped away from me, quite painfully I might add. I guess if we don’t willingly let go of excuses that get in the way of our growth, then the universe finds a way to do it for us.

I am now living alone for the first time in my life. Seeing as I’m such an independent woman and have been self-sufficient since I was 17 years old, you would think it wouldn’t be a big deal. But I went from my family to college with roommates, to marriage, to single parenthood. There’s always been someone around. That is, until my son moved away to college. I am now an empty-nester, fixing meals for one, getting to watch the TV shows I want to watch, and not having anyone to be accountable to. I can come and go as I please without giving an itinerary to anyone. It’s very freeing, but also a bit strange.

The goals I put off until “after my son goes to college” are staring at me, pleading with me. And it’s suddenly clear that I’ve been hiding behind excuses. It’s easy to make plans for someday. But quite another to make them for a specific day.

Someday has allure. It tells the world you have aspirations. But it fails to put an actual expectation around them. Making plans is easy. Following through until you reach them…well, that’s where the real work lies.

It seems appropriate that I’m thinking about this as we are in full swing of the New Year, and more than a few people I know are caught in the resolution craze. Someday is now for many people. And it starts with a plan, followed by consistent action, and commitment even when things get rough.

My someday list includes:

• Moving to another state
• Creating more freedom in my schedule
• Adding new skills to my toolbox to help my clients
• Singing more often…personally and professionally
• Spending more time with good friends
• Finding romance

As I look through my someday list, I see that I really have been working toward all of these items for some time. But the loss of my excuses has helped propel me to the next level, and begun the process of manifesting what I want. Within the next couple months, I will have made significant progress toward and/or complete at least four of these items. And it all started with my intention to create it and my faith that it was possible.

What’s on your someday list? Does it involve relationships, career, finances, health, hobbies, a vacation, romance, business, etc.? Here’s some tips to help you go from someday to now.

• Make a list of your someday items. Brainstorm as many things as possible. You might find some of them to be small and seemingly easy and quick to achieve. Others may take a while or seem next to impossible. Just write it all down.
• After you make your list, put it away for a day or two. Let all your ideas percolate. Let the excitement grow about actually doing something to achieve one or more items on your list.
• Go back to your list. Read through it and make note of which items hold the most excitement (or fear). Those are the items you want to pay close attention to. Anything worthwhile is something you are going to have some strong emotion around.
• Pick one item that is emotionally-charged and flesh out the idea. Think and write about what achieving that goal would look like, feel like…how it would change your life. Have fun with it. Keep that emotion going.
• Now make a plan for how to achieve it. Don’t get too caught up in the mechanics of how to make it happen. Just start brainstorming the steps involved.
• Take action. The only way to get to your someday is through action. Action when you don’t feel like it. Action when things are tough. Just don’t stop taking action.

You’ll find that when you have emotion around something, set an intention, and begin to take steps toward it, things start to happen. Forward movement. Coincidences. Momentum. So go out there and get to your someday.

Courage Does Not Always Roar

“Courage doesn’t always roar.
Sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the
end of the day saying,
‘I will try again tomorrow.'”
-Mary Anne Radmacher

We all have challenges. Sometimes we have strength and conviction to work through them. Other times, we feel defeated. The trick is to keep moving forward, despite fear, pain, sadness, or any other thing getting in the way. Enjoy this short movie, full of words of encouragement to get you through the seemingly defeated times. Enjoy!

Life Lessons from My Cat

I am a cat person. I’ve enjoyed having feline companions most of my life. There’s something about the way they approach things that really resonates with me. They have a quiet confidence and know exactly what they want, and I admire that.

I’ve enjoyed the company of my black, domestic cats, Boomer and Hoover, for 10 years. That is until Hoover got very ill recently and I made the painful decision to help him transition and find peace. But his spirit is still with me and I find myself still appreciating him and what he, along with his brother, have had to teach me about life, love, and letting go.

• Rest matters. Like a little Buddha master, my cat is quick to remind me that sometimes the best answer is just to take a little time out for a nap. He can often be found chilling out on the couch or a chair nearby, languishing in a little reverie. Sometimes he curls up in a ball. Sometimes he’s on his back sprawled out with exposed belly.
• You gotta eat regularly. I could set a clock to the “feed me” meows that fill the air in my house. My cat is always there to remind me it’s time to eat. After all, eating helps fuel all the feline antics he enjoys.
• Water changes everything. When I accidentally let the water level in my cat’s dish get too low, all bets are off in my house. It’s the one thing that gets the strongest reaction from him. He follows me around, staring with those big, saucer eyes. If that doesn’t work, he meows repeatedly. He circles around near his water dish and then if all else fails, he corners me in the kitchen. It’s obvious his stress level is at an all time high. And as soon as he gets some water, he calms immediately.
• Cleanliness is a virtue. My cat spends more time preening and cleaning himself than any creature I’ve ever known. He rivals any teenage girl. He takes his hygiene very seriously, indulging after meals, after potty time, and before and after napping. He is all about being presentable and ready for anything.
• It’s okay to ask for what you want. Anyone who knows cats knows that they often don’t just ask for what they want, they demand it. But one thing is for sure…they are on a mission. When hungry, they let you know. When thirst, they let you know. When it’s time for a good ear scratching, they are right there brushing up against you letting you know they need something. If we all could be so bold in the asking, I think our stress levels would drop exponentially. But we get caught up thinking we’ll be a nuisance, or thinking our needs aren’t important (or as important as others’).
• You can’t stay mad forever. My cat is a master at letting go. Don’t get me wrong, if he gets upset, he lets it be known. A sideways glare, a batting of the paw, a hiss, or a lovely surprise on the bathroom rug, he’s never at a loss for letting his feelings be known. But he also gets over it quickly. He doesn’t hold onto anger for long. He just needs his space or some attention, and he’s back to his affectionate self.
• Love is in the details. While some people long for a passionate, all-consuming love, pet owners know that love is about companionship, trust, and loyalty. What we do on a consistent basis really matters. And the act of taking care of another living thing is tremendously rewarding.

While I’m sure there are more lessons to come, I sure have enjoyed what my cats have taught me so far about life. They are true masters at living in the moment.

Funny Pet Videos

Laughter can be such a great way to relieve stress and gain perspective. And pets can bring such joy, frustration, and laughter to our lives. Here’s some funny videos about our four-legged friends for you to enjoy! Go ahead, laugh and let go of some of that stress! Got any other hilarious videos about animals? Feel free to post a link and comment below.

‪‪Cat-Friend vs Dog-Friend‬

Cat Jump Fail with Music: Sail by AWOLNATION‬

‪Ultimate Dog Tease‬

‪Ultimate Cat Tease‬

Connecting to What Really Matters

What really matters? If you’re Billy Crystal in “City Slickers” it’s that ONE THING. Some say LOVE or FAMILY, others say PURPOSE. It seems what really matters is in many ways the same for most people, and in many ways different.

I believe WHAT matters is generally the same for most of us. It can be hard to articulate, but I think we all crave some sort of connection – with other people, with nature, with a higher power. Connection with someone or something outside ourselves lets us know we’re not alone. That we matter. That our life has meaning. In another movie, “Shall We Dance,“ Susan Sarandon talks about the importance of having a witness to our lives – someone who can testify that who we are has made some sort of impact in the world. And of course in the movie “Avatar “, the famous quote “I see you” speaks to our need for our souls, our essence, to be seen and our voices to be heard.

So if connection is what matters, then our task is to find HOW to focus on it and bring more of it into our lives. And that is where the differences come in. I think we get in trouble when our sense of connection is lost or threatened. We act in certain irrational ways, punishing ourselves and/or others. We fight for attention, clamoring against the thought of feeling invisible, like we don’t matter. We get competitive. We think small. We hold on tightly to expectations that are unrealistic. We cling to the past, longing for simpler, less confusing times. We live in the future, hoping for things to change. We are fearful. We forget what really matters. And we become disconnected, which might look like:

• Withdrawing from friends
• Escaping into mind-numbing activities (like TV, internet, texting, addictions)
• Distracting ourselves with too much work (or too much play)
• Avoiding making decisions
• Becoming overly controlling in a particular area of life (clutter/hoarding, eating, exercising, etc.)
• Not paying attention to our bodies signals (hunger, thirst, fatigue, pain, etc.)

Think about these questions for a moment:

• When do you feel connected?
• What are you doing?
• What are you thinking?
• What are you feeling?
• Who are you with when you feel connected?
• Where are you?
• What is your environment like (sights, sounds, smells)?

And try these tips on how to get more connected:

• After answering the above questions, make a list of what and who makes you feel connected. Remember to touch on the areas of people, places, and things.
• Think of ways to add connecting activities to your daily life. Make a list of these activities, everything from things you can do with little effort to things that might take some building up to. Brainstorm and get creative.
• Add one connecting activity to your day, every day. Mark it in your calendar if you need to. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time.

Lately, for me connection looks like:

• Spending time with friends – on the phone, online, and in person
• Traveling to new (and old) places
• Breathing in fresh air
• Petting my 10-year old cat for longer periods of time
• Getting out of my comfort zone and meeting new people
• Writing songs
• Talking to my son on the phone regularly now that he is away at college
• Asking people for help

I’d love to hear what helps you feel connected. Please leave a comment below.