Keep Your Goals to Yourself

The time for setting goals is upon us! Derek Sivers, an innovator in the music industry (and someone I do business with), talks about not talking about your goals. Hmmm…contradictory to what we’ve been taught or proven psychological phenomenon. Watch and decide for yourself.

Top 12 Ways to Keep Stress at Bay This Holiday Season

We are smack dab in the middle of the holidays. For some, it’s a time of joy, sharing, giving, and connection. For others, it’s a difficult time with painful or sad memories. No matter what your experience, there’s bound to be something that gets under your skin. ‘Tis the season for stress to surface, tempers to flare, feelings to get hurt, and overwhelm to abound.

To help you ease any unwanted tension associated with this time of year, I’ve compiled a list of 10 of my favorite ways you can take good care of yourself during the holiday season (and beyond). Enjoy!

1. Be Consistent: During this time many of us have time off from work and the regular routines we practice most days of the year. While getting a break from the mundane day-to-day of our lives can be a blessing, it can also upset some sort of balance we’ve already put in place. By all means, enjoy some less structured time, but be mindful of how straying too far from things like regular sleep times, meal times, and household routines can affect getting back to those routines when the time comes. Be as consistent as possible while also giving yourself a well-deserved break.
2. Think Before You Speak: When others say and do things that “push your buttons” you may find yourself going on auto-pilot and just blurting out what you really think. But when emotions are running high, what comes out of our mouths is rarely what we really mean to say. Do yourself a favor and take some time to think before you speak. If needed, leave the situation, go into another room, hang up the phone, or summon every bit of self control you have to keep yourself from saying something you may regret later.
3. Ask for Help: There’s no shame in asking for help when you really need it. Since there always seems to be more to do than time to do it in at this time of year, you’ll probably have ample opportunity to ask for some help in getting things done. Plus, most people like to help and feel needed, but aren’t sure what to do unless you ask them.
4. Learn to Say No: Saying “no” is an art form. We are so programmed to not hurt others’ feelings that we sometimes end up hurting ourselves the most in the end. By saying yes to everything and everyone else during this busy time, you could be setting yourself up for feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Instead of looking at it as saying “no” to others, think of it as saying “yes” to yourself. Yes to taking care of yourself. Yes to only doing things you really want to do. Yes to a holiday season that is more manageable. What’s not to like about yes?
5. Rest and Be Merry: What good are you going to be to anyone (including yourself) if you run yourself ragged? One thing we sometimes do when there is more to do is forego sleep to get it all done. But when you sacrifice rest, it can have some significant and undesirable consequences. You can become irritable, lose your focus easily, have difficulty completing tasks, be more vulnerable to illness, and the list goes on. Do yourself a favor and make it a point of getting your optimal amount of sleep each night (from 7 to 9 hours). If something has to go because you just have too much on your to-do list, find something else to sacrifice.
6. Unplug the Technology: Despite popular belief, the world will NOT end if you turn off your phone(s), computer, television, and other electronic devices to enjoy some real human interaction. Even if all you do is spend some quiet, uninterrupted time with yourself and your thoughts, it will be well worth it.
7. Work It Out: Many studies have proven that exercise makes a person feel better through the release of endorphins, and it works out the stressful tension in the muscles and recharges your energy levels. To combat the effects of stress this holiday season, try relaxing exercises such as stretching, yoga, or tai chi. Just a few extra minutes of exercise a day can benefit your overall health.
8. Take Stock in Your “Stuff”: Now is the perfect time of year to stop, take a moment, and take stock of all that you have. Sure, some of that might be material possessions (like a house, car, and other “stuff”), but also think of the non-tangible “stuff” you have, like relationships, your health, your attitude, your sense of humor, etc. It’s easy to focus on the negative or what we don’t have. But it’s so much more productive (and stress relieving) to think of all that we have to be grateful for. Make a list of your gratitudes…often. And review it whenever you start to feel overwhelmed by the stresses of the season.
9. Just Breathe: Did you know that when we get stressed, we tend to hold our breath? Have you ever noticed that? Make a point to tune into your breath regularly during this time of year…when you’re waiting in lines buying those holiday gifts, when you’re searching for parking spots at the mall, or when you’re stuck in traffic.
10. Tickle Your Funny Bone: One of the best kept secrets in stress relief is the power of laughter. Laughter helps us by providing a physical release of tension, distracting us from the seriousness we can get focused on when we’re feeling stressed, and connecting us with others. Have you ever felt relieved, lighter, less stressed after a good laugh? That’s because your body automatically tenses and releases several muscles, from your abdominals, shoulders, etc. This tension and release allows our bodies to let go of physical tension, which can lead to a release of emotional tension as well. Laughter can be contagious and create an instant bond between strangers, acquaintances, or friends. Studies show that the more connected we feel with others, the better able we are at dealing with stressful situations.
11. Pencil in Some “Me” Time: Give yourself some evenings off to relax, enjoy some down time, and take in the blessings of the season. It’s okay to take a break. And it might just be the best “present” you could receive this holiday season.
12. Practice Forgiveness: Some people believe that forgiveness is about what someone else did, but really, it’s about us. When we hang on to the wrongs of others, it affects us far greater than the other person. We can harbor painful feelings, negative thoughts, and spend a lot of energy thinking about something that’s in the past. The holidays are prime time to practice forgiveness, as we are often reminded of our past and the ways we think things should have been. As the ultimate gift to yourself, find something or someone you can forgive and then let it go.

Do you have any other favorite holiday stress busters? Feel free to leave a comment below.

Photo: Lonesome Hartwood Acres Holiday Tree © by iriskh

The Benefits of CircleSongs

In August 2011, about 150 people from around the world came together in New York, amidst the immediate aftermath of Hurricane Irene. Some of us traveled for days to get there. Some were delayed by the weather. Some of us had waited for years to have the opportunity to experience what we were about the experience. All of us left that experience changed by the magic we encountered.

What brought us to the quiet, rural town of Rhinebeck was none-other than Grammy Award-Winning artist Bobby McFerrin. He, along with five of his hand-picked faculty from around the United States, were there to teach us about CircleSongs, a process he developed of improvisational community singing.

McFerrin was one of the people late in getting there due to the weather, which delayed the start of our full experience by nearly a day. But someone from his PR firm was on hand to get things started with a mass CircleSong. It was clear from the beginning that we were about to experience something magical. One person at a time, all strangers to me, got into the middle of the circle and led the group in an improvised song, inviting those of us forming the circle to participate. We were nervous and excited, watching and listening to each other closely. And when the first round was over, there wasn’t a smile-less face in the room. We knew we were there for a profound reason.

From that point on, we came together in community, whether walking around the beautiful campus, eating at the cafeteria-style dining hall, or forming our own little song circles at the little café or atop the highest point of the campus in the meditation hall. The experience of singing together led to so much more than we could have imagined.

Once I returned home, my soul was on fire as I continued to listen to recordings of what we created together and we shared videos, pictures, and stories from our experiences on our Facebook group. It took me a couple months to be able to articulate what I experienced in New York and what benefits I had gained that I wished to pass along to others who would participate in my CircleSong group in my local community.

CircleSongs provide rich opportunities to:

1. Express yourself creatively. If ever there was an opportunity to be creative, CircleSongs provides it. Everything created in a CircleSong is in-the-moment, improvised, and spontaneous. You are only limited by your imagination.
2. Break down social barriers (language, culture, etc.) . Out of 150 people who attended the New York training with me, most were from the United States. But we also had people from France, Belgium, Canada, Brazil, Germany, India, Denmark, Norway, etc. And one of our teachers was even born and raised in Lebanon. There’s something about music that cuts through barriers. In CircleSongs, we sing musical phrases without words. We sing sounds. Some are universal sounds. Some are more related to culture. But there is room for any and every sound. And the sounds someone from a different place and culture makes affects other sounds. It is a true blend of human experience.
3. Strengthen connection to yourself. Even though you sing with others in community during CircleSongs, you are still on your own. Left there to listen to others and the conductor in the middle of the circle, feel the music, and deal with any inner voice that begins talking to you during the process.
4. Foster cooperation, teamwork, and community. It is difficult to create a cohesive improvised song without working together. There’s a phenomenon that happens in the circle, which most musicians call “the pocket” or “the groove,” when everyone is in synch. You can feel that moment happen. Everyone is singing together, listening to each other, working toward the same thing….true creative expression. When you’re in the pocket, you know that everyone there serves a unique purpose. Everyone is needed. Everyone is contributing to the beautiful song that is being created.
5. Support yourself and others in creative, uninhibited expression. Support is a cornerstone of the CircleSong process. We must listen to each other. The conductor in the middle of the circle creates one musical phrase after another and assigns it to different parts of the circle. He/she creates one phrase and passes it along, then must listen to what comes up next in the improvised songwriting. As a conductor of these circles, I can tell you that everyone in that room contributes to what music comes out of my mouth. The music is inspired by everyone there – their energy, their musicality, their very being.
6. Promote self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment. Even people who profess they are not singers or are not creative leave a CircleSong experience with a different perspective. Where they claimed they could not sing, they have now sung. Where they claimed they were not creative, they helped to create something. When we accomplish something we are hesitant to even try, it inevitably raises our confidence. Even those of us who identify ourselves as singers and as creative leave a CircleSong boosted. CircleSongs are about creating. And in that process there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. At the end, we typically smile. Some laugh. Some clap. There has been something profound that has been accomplished. And everyone feels it.

The best way to get a sense of all the benefits from CircleSongs is to experience it for yourself. I invite you to join me for CircleSongs Phoenix, which I will be leading beginning January 9, 2013, in the Phoenix, AZ metro area. For further information about CircleSongs and to listen to samples of CircleSongs I led while studying in New York, please visit http://www.krylyn.com/circlesongs. To register for an upcoming CircleSong Phoenix group go to http://circlesongs.eventbrite.com.

Happy Holidays…Flash Mob Style

Looking for some unique holiday celebrations? Look no further than a bunch of people randomly bursting into song and dance in public. The best part is watching the bystander reactions of surprise turn into joy. Happy Holidays! Enjoy these holiday flash mob videos!

1. ‪Carlson School of Management Flash Mob, Deck the Halls‬

2. FlashMob Lisbon Airport for Christmas

3. Christmas Food Court Flash Mob, Hallelujah Chorus – Must See!

4. Singing Flash Mob – All I Want For Christmas

5. Holiday Christmas Music Flash Mob of the American Festival Chorus at Cache Valley Mall

6. Darth Vader conducts Christmas Choir Flash Mob – Carol of the Bells

7. Simpson College Hallelujah Chorus Flash Mob

8. [OFFICIAL] Frisco Square “Christmas in the Square” Flash Mob – Frisco, TX

9. YVR Christmas Flash Mob

Lessons from Connecticut’s Recent Tragedy

In light of recent events, I wanted to take a moment to say how deeply saddened I am by all the loss, tragedy, and fear kicked up in Connecticut this past Friday, 12/14/12. While the press seems always focused on “why,” I’d like to just point out there is never a good reason. No good reason to drive a young man to think that killing others and himself is the way. No good reason why innocent lives are lost and others are forever changed by traumatic experience.

The debates have started about gun control and mental health services yet again…an all too frequent discussion in the aftermath of so many of these types of events in recent history. It is easy to get swept up in fear and in judgment.

But the real challenge is continuing on, learning from what happened, and supporting those affected by it, including ourselves. Instead of focusing on why, we must focus on what. What have you learned from this as far as how you want to be treated and how you want others to be treated? What can you do to take good care of yourself and others right now?

In the darkest of experiences, I believe there is always a lesson to learn. What will that lesson be for you? Feel free to leave a comment below.

Photo: rainbow © by paparutzi

What is a CircleSong

Imagine a room full of people with the same intention…to come together, express themselves creatively, work together in community, and have fun. This is what it is like during the process of Circle Singing.

The term CircleSong was coined by the innovative, improvisational Grammy Award-Winning singer Bobby McFerrin as a way to explain his process of community singing, a tradition of several indigenous cultures around the world. Singers stand in a circle with one person (aka the “conductor” and “composer”) in the middle who leads the singers in a song, introducing different motifs or musical phrases to each singing section.

The effect is a layering of sound, as I like to call it. Think of a finished piece of music and all the parts to it, including the rhythm, bass, chords, melody, harmony, etc. In CircleSongs, all these parts are accomplished with the voice, no instruments. And introduced one at a time. The composer lets the creativity flow, thinking of new musical parts to add as inspiration strikes. It is not planned. It is all spontaneous and improvised, sparked by the energy in the room.

There is something special that happens when you get people singing and making music together. Musicians call it the “groove” or the “pocket,” when that moment happens when everything seems to synch up and just be an effortless expression. Everyone is on the same page, so to speak, and feeling the music in the same rhythm.

Once this synching happens, when everyone is singing one of the musical phrases, the composer then sings a solo in the middle of the circle and/or invites others into the circle to sing solos. Think of the solo as the melody to the song, with all the other voices are singing the underlying arrangement of the song. The composer is supported by the arrangement and the other singers in this safe space, the middle of the circle, and once again draws on unplanned, spontaneous, improvisation as the inspiration.

I have been leading CircleSongs since days after I returned from New York and my training with CircleSong creator, Bobby McFerrin. I have seen the power of this process change people’s attitudes about themselves and about singing in general. I’ve gotten people from claiming they can’t sing to stepping in the middle of a circle of strangers and singing a solo. I’ve felt the energy shift from anxiety and nervousness to calm and energized. I’ve seen looks of terror on faces turn to smiles.

To say that the CircleSong process is inspiring is an understatement. It is a calling, a part of my soul, and an absolutely necessary part of my creative expression. Which is why I’m so excited to be bringing CircleSongs to my local community on a regular, monthly basis, starting January 9, 2013. I invite you to give CircleSongs a try.

For further information about CircleSongs and to listen to samples of CircleSongs I led while studying in New York, please visit http://www.krylyn.com/circlesongs. To register for an upcoming CircleSong group go to http://circlesongs.eventbrite.com.