What’s Wrong RIGHT With You?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.”

~Marianne Williamson

It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong – with the world, with other people, and especially with ourselves. We are constantly bombarded with messages of not being “good enough” when told that in order to be happier, more fulfilled, a better parent, better lover, better person we need X, Y, or Z.  We can easily fall into the trap of thinking that the latest product or service can “fix” us or change us into the person we long to be. But when we look outside ourselves to feel better inside, it generally leads to more wanting of stuff and less actually feeling better about anything.

What if we spent the same amount of time and energy focusing on what’s RIGHT? Right with ourselves, right with others, and right with the world. Because as simple as it sounds, what we focus on and think about expands and gets drawn to us, whether it’s positive or negative. What would YOU like to attract?

Imagine just for a moment how life would be different if instead of giving in to the pressure of finding fault with yourself and those around you, you focused on:

• The positive qualities and strengths of yourself and others
• How you can brighten someone else’s day or ease their burden
• What you can do to show love to yourself consistently
• The amazing things being done to help people in your community and around the world
• Embracing and accepting yourself as you are

Can you see how focusing on those things would change the way you think…about yourself, others, and the world around you? Would it change your attitude or your actions?

If you’re so inclined to dare to be positive and focus on what is going well, here’s your challenge for the next week:

1. Pick one of the things on the list above to focus on for the next week. Write it down and keep it with you at all times, preferably where you can see it multiple times a day.
2. Say what you are focusing on aloud 10 times each day. For example, if you chose “what I can do to show myself love consistently” say something like “I consistently show myself love today” or “I choose to love myself today.”
3. Journal about your experience daily (or at the very least at the end of the week). Write what you notice about your mood, your attitude, your thoughts, and how you feel. Read what you wrote and notice if it is different from how you were doing before the challenge.

While it may be “easier” to focus on what’s wrong because that’s what so many people around us are doing, it is more productive and healthier to focus on what’s right. What do you really have to lose other than a poor attitude and a negative outlook?

I’d love to hear your comments and how your challenge goes. Please comment below.

Letting Go and Moving Forward

Focusing on the positive while undergoing changes can be challenging. It takes practice. I don’t know about you, but I can get impatient. We live in a society of instant gratification, a “faster is better” philosophy, and I certainly do fall into that mentality, just like everyone else.

I’ve been catching myself more lately, and consciously slowing things down. I’ve been re-prioritizing, re-organizing, and re-inventing myself and my goals. I’ve gone from a multi-tasking approach to a mono-tasking approach. I’ve walked away from projects for days and re-discovered the joy of sleeping in, spending time with friends, and not planning every minute of my day. And you know what? Things are still getting done and the world hasn’t come to an end.

As I dive deeper into personal and professional change, I’m finding joy in the process. I’m able to side-step obstacles or just jump over them with minimal effort, which I must say is a refreshing departure from resistance and pain. Opportunities and people are presenting themselves at the right time. Do I still get caught up in complaining and impatience? You bet! But I don’t let it consume me and I don’t stay in it for long. For me, it’s a non-productive and potentially destructive place to be. It leaves me drained and unable to move forward as easily.

I think one of the biggest contributors to my new-found attitude is a shift I’ve made in letting things go. Things that don’t serve the higher good. Things that distract from progress. Things that get in the way of me doing what I’m meant to do and being who I’m meant to be. I realized I could grow and move toward my goals or I could wallow in self-doubt but I couldn’t do both at the same time. Think about it. When you have doubts about your abilities or worth, do you have the confidence and courage to take risks and try new things? I know I don’t. That’s not to say I don’t try, but when I move forward with joy and a positive attitude, I tend to get better results.

No matter what changes you are experiencing right now, ask yourself this: What do you have to let go of in order to move forward?

It might be physical stuff, a certain attitude, relationships, etc. Whatever IT is, make a commitment to let it go. If you don’t know how, or you are having difficulty, get some help. Here’s some tips for letting go of whatever it is getting in your way of moving forward:

• Decide you want to let go of whatever isn’t serving you. Making a decision is a powerful thing that we don’t always think too much about. We often live on the verge of a decision, afraid to commit. But once you actually decide you want to do something, you might be amazed at how things just fall into place.
• Pick ONE thing you want to let go of and work a little bit each day to let it go. If it’s physical stuff, take 15 minutes a day to just start clearing it out. If it’s your attitude, spend 5 minutes a day saying positive affirmations. If it’s a relationship, spend some time figuring out what you DO want out of the relationship, how you can get it, or whether it’s time to let it go.
• Give yourself a pat on the back or compliment as you let go of whatever it is. We forget to give ourselves credit for our accomplishments (yet we’re quick to berate ourselves when we don’t progress).

I’d love to hear how you’re letting go and moving forward. Leave a comment below.

Photo: Luggage © by robef

Songwriting Imitates Life: Process Vs. Outcome

With songwriting, there is often (but not always) an outcome or finished product called a song. But the joy of songwriting for me is in what happens during the writing process. I like to remember that the word songwriting (for me) is an action word, not an outcome word, otherwise it would be called “song-wrote.”

During my songwriting process, ideas come, seemingly from no source (or maybe THE source), and flow through me. I just let it happen. I get in touch with feelings and thoughts I didn’t know were there, or that were buried or hidden just out of my reach. It is the one area of my life I am routinely not a perfectionist. I don’t expect too much from myself. And I allow myself to go with the flow.

When inspiration strikes, I let it carry me where it wants to go. Someties it’s a long journey, sometimes short, and sometimes it turns and takes me in another direction. Often, I can sit down and write the lyrics and melody of a song within 30 minutes. Other times, I get a verse or a phrase written and the flow stops. Maybe the song isn’t ready to go further at all, it was just a quick expression and now it’s over. Sometimes, I’ll look at it a few days, weeks, months, or years later and the rest of the song flows and gets finished. The point is that I don’t force it. I let the process happen and know that whatever is meant to be will be.

But it took me a long time to figure out that the process was the key. I remember getting frustrated when inspiration didn’t come when, where, and how I wanted. I longed for the finished song and cursed any interruptions in getting me there. Interruptions like

• the obligation of going to a job
• needing to be somewhere at a certain time
• the phone ringing
• a knock at the door
• my stomach growling
• or any number of other things

I just wanted to get through the process to the outcome of a finished song, and I was content to pay little attention to what was going on around me.

Sound familiar?

So often, our society is bent on outcome – realized goals, acquired possessions, tangible evidence of success, doing whatever it takes to get the job done. But often, we go after the outcome at the expense of ourselves. We can lose sight of what’s important, lose sleep, skip meals, avoid friends and family, not take care of ourselves. In other words, compromise our physical and mental health…all for the sake of a goal.

Process is the journey. It’s about keeping our eyes on the goal but not allowing our focus to be so all-or-nothing, tunnel-vision, all-consuming, that we forget what’s going on around us. It’s about honoring ourselves and our vision for the future at the same time. And it can be a real challenge.

Are you outcome or process focused? If you have a to-do list a mile long, rarely take breaks, eat on the run, multi-task, don’t schedule time for yourself, and are challenged by the idea or practice of taking good care of yourself, chances are you are more focused on the outcomes, or goals, in your life. If you routinely schedule time for yourself, don’t get too bothered by detours and changes in plans, rest when you need to rest, and make self care a priority, then you are likely a person who is focused more on the process, or journey, of your life. So which one are you?

The good news is you don’t have to stay stuck on either side. Life often changes course and there’s always an opportunity to shift the way you live your life. Being aware is always the first step in any healing journey. The next step is doing something about it. Here’s some tips you might try to get less focused on your goal and more focused on your journey:

1. Let go of your perfection and remember…done is better than perfect.
2. If things aren’t working smoothly, or flowing easily, let them go and focus on something else.
3. Honor yourself by taking small breaks throughout the day. Stretch, change your scenery, or get outside for some fresh air.

Got any comments about process vs. outcome? Please share them below. And please feel free to share this article via your social networks.

“Blackbird” by Bobby McFerrin

In the 1980’s, I stumbled upon the most unique vocalist I’d ever heard – Bobby McFerrin – who used his voice (and body) as an instrument. His vocal ability left me in awe and inspired me to begin a journey of more creativity and improvisation in my own songwriting. Watch a video of one of the first songs I heard him perform…(and prepare to be amazed and entertained).

Are You Ready to Make Yourself a Priority in 2012?

As part of my own self care journey, I’m committed to helping you with yours. My gift to you for 2012 is a FREE Telseminar series on HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY IN 2012.

In the first telseminar, “Beyond Bubble Baths & Massages: Making Yourself a Priority in 2012,” I’ll cover:

• What Self Care REALLY Is and Why it’s So Important to Your Overall Mental, Emotional, and Physical Health
• What Gets in the Way of Good Self Care (besides kids, jobs, and significant others)
• 3 Steps You Can Take to Make Yourself a Priority (and reach some of those New Year’s Resolutions)

Don’t delay. Sign up today. The live call is coming soon. But don’t worry, if you can’t attend live, you can still sign up and get access to the recording. Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up.

Let Your History Guide You to Success

From juggling the demands of work and family to dealing with that rude driver who cut you off in traffic, there’s no shortage of reasons to seek stress relief. But when we rely solely on alleviating the effects of stress without attempting to prevent it or minimize its effects, then we can really be setting ourselves up for continuing the cycle of “get stressed, seek relief” whereby we accept that high levels of stress are inevitable, and thereby keep finding us, even though we say we don’t want it. Is that how you want to live your life? Expecting stress and then scrambling to find ways to deal with it?

Or, would you rather find ways to cope with stress BEFORE you’re at the top of (or over) your limit and find calm in the chaos?

It is possible to respond to stressful situations calmly, to not allow others’ demands or expectations to keep you down, and to allow yourself to enjoy your life. Strategies like bubble baths and massages might help you get there temporarily, but there’s other things you can do to maintain it.

The best place to learn what would be a great long-term strategy for maintaining good self care is to take a page out of history. Your history, that is. What has worked for you in the past is more likely to work for you again.

1. Take some time to write down ways you have successfully taken good care of your mind, body, and spirit. Keep in mind that successful means that you felt good about yourself and you were better able to deal with stress.
2. Once you have a list of successful self care strategies, take another look. Circle the ones that aren’t just intervention strategies (a simple “quick fix” to a stressful situation) but rather provide solutions for long-term success. These would include ways you can consistently care for yourself that are not in reaction to stress, but more for the prevention of the effects of stress.
3. Pick ONE of your success strategies and make a commitment to follow it every day for a week. Remember to pick something that you can do, that doesn’t require a lot of time. Set yourself up for success.
4. Get some support. When making changes, it can be helpful to enlist the support of others. This can aid in keeping us accountable and on track. Find one person who can be a good cheerleader as you implement your success strategy.

For additional support in your self care, please join me for the first of my monthly FREE Telseminar series, “Beyond Bubble Baths and Massages: Making Yourself a Priority in 2012.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up.