Step 2 of 4 to Get Out of Your Own Damn Way and Embrace Your Friggin’ Greatness Already

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On June 4, 2015, the first weekly episode of the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Podcast aired with me sharing a bit of my story and how I got in AND out of my own damn way. Since then, I’ve interviewed guests from 8 countries across 4 continents around the world to find out how they have learned to get out of their own damn way too.

For those of you who don’t know me yet, my name is Krylyn Peters. I’m known as “The Fear Whisperer,” and my mission is to help female entrepreneurs and want-repreneurs tame their fear, embrace their greatness, and get out of their own damn way so they can create their mission-filled, heart-centered, soul-inspired business.

This is the second episode of my one-year anniversary series, where I’m sharing what I’ve learned from my podcast guests this first year.

Today I’m going to share Step 2 of 4 to Get Out of Your Own Damn Way and Embrace Your Friggin’ Greatness Already.

If you missed me sharing about Step 1, head on over to krylyn.com/50.

You might want to download the special worksheet I created to go along with this episode, “Accept Yourself to Greatness.” You can use it to dive in a little deeper into Step 2.

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Step 2: Accept Yourself

Once we know who we are, we might expect it to all be rainbows and unicorns. But often, it’s not. The next step is just as necessary to getting out of our own damn way as knowing ourselves, and that’s to Accept Ourselves.

In Step 1 when we’re getting to know ourselves, we might be faced with some harsh truths about ourselves, how we’ve handled (or not handled) things, what we’ve said and done to contribute to our own unhappiness. And let me tell you, if you choose to stay stuck in regret, shame, guilt, unworthiness, or any other thought or emotion that doesn’t serve your growth, that is a CHOICE. Yep, I said it. It’s a choice.

What else might not accepting yourself look like:

• Sabotaging your efforts to start or grow your business
• Not owning your value and the expertise you bring to the table
• Feeling like a big fat fraud no matter how many certifications you have or initials there are after your name
• Making excuses for why you can’t do something

Luckily, berating yourself is only ONE option. Another option is to learn to accept yourself. So let’s go over some of the great ways you can do that.

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1.  Take responsibility without beating yourself up. 

I cannot stress enough the importance of taking responsibility. This means accepting all the GOOD things along with the not so good things. But I find fem-preneurs tend to up-play their flaws and down-play their awesome. STOP DOING THAT. Yes, taking responsibility involves “owning up to your mess” as guest Victoria Klein said, but it also involves owning up to your greatness. And that, my friends, seems to be the real issue here.

Having a big-ass mission is scary. And when things are scary we tend to back away and go from an overly competent, overachieving, multi-talented, butt-kicking mogul to a drooling puddle of goo on the floor. Again STOP DOING THAT.

I promise, once you start taking responsibility for the things you’re not proudest of, your confidence will skyrocket, your brilliance will sparkle, and you’ll be allowing space for all the greatness within you to pour out and do its magic.

But you need to put those big girl pants on, buck up, and do it.

Like my guests StevieAnne Petit, Donya Zimmerman, Anna Lundberg, Jacqueline Freeman, and Je Tuan Jones. 

And Nicole Marie who boldly declared “I have a choice to continue not to live this way.”

Once we take responsibility, I think it’s important to introduce a bit of gentleness to our practice of accepting ourselves. The theme of self love and acceptance was one of the biggest ones talked about by my guests. So let’s dive into another way you can accept yourself, which just happens to be something I say to my clients and students ALL THE TIME:

2.  Be kind and gentle with yourself.

I wish we were all on the same page with this one. That I could just say those words “Be kind and gentle with yourself” and you would know exactly what I mean, what to do, and go do it. But alas, it is a practice. One we need to engage in frequently and on an ongoing basis.

Loving ourselves touches on so much…from the food we eat, to the things we say to ourselves, to the standards we hold ourselves to, to the rituals we practice daily that either support or hinder our growth.

Several of my guests honed in on the importance of loving ourselves…Adele Brimâge, Barbara Iuliano, Heather Criswell, and Wendy Whitmore, to name a few. 

One of the most touching interviews I had was with Cathy Sikorski, a lawyer turned humorist who helps caregivers of terminally ill patients. She talked about the effect humor can have on lightening things up so we don’t lose our minds. And in our conversation I shared a very personal story about the final moments I spent with my mom before she passed.

THIS is what I mean by being gentle. We must stop DOING and start BEING. Give ourselves permission to forgive, surrender, allow, and be seemingly inappropriate from time to time.

Like guests Leah Cox, Mary Calesto, Dr. Mekel Harris, Monique Alamedine, Stacey Blanchet, and Stéphanie de Geus.

In the next installment in this special one-year anniversary series, I’ll be sharing Step 3 to Get Out of Your Own Damn Way and Embrace Your Friggin’ Greatness Already.

Step 1 of 4 to Get Out of Your Own Damn Way and Embrace Your Friggin’ Greatness Already

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS | More

On June 4, 2015, the first weekly episode of the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Podcast aired with me sharing a bit of my story and how I got in AND out of my own damn way. Since then, I’ve interviewed guests from 8 countries across 4 continents around the world to find out how they have learned to get out of their own damn way too.

For those of you who don’t know me yet, my name is Krylyn Peters. I’m known as “The Fear Whisperer,” and my mission is to help female entrepreneurs and want-repreneurs tame their fear, embrace their greatness, and get out of their own damn way so they can create their mission-filled, heart-centered, soul-inspired business.

Welcome to my one-year anniversary special podcast series, where I’m going to be sharing what I’ve learned from my podcast guests this first year. I spent countless hours pouring over 25+ hours of audio interviews and 100+ pages of notes to find the best nuggets of wisdom from these worldwide experts. I came up with a 4 step model for getting out of your own damn way based on these interviews and my work with clients and students over the years.

Tips, tools, and advice that has not only worked for them, but also the many lives they touch through their own work. You see, the experts I interviewed are just like you – they have big-ass missions themselves.

And when we have a big-ass mission, it’s not a matter of IF we’ll get in our own damn way, but WHEN.

As I’ve often said on my show, I believe we’re all on this journey…some ahead of us along the path who we extend a hand out to for support in leading us forward…some behind us along the path who we extend a hand out to help lead them forward.

If you are looking for the support and inspiration along your journey, this is it.

Curl up, buttercup, cause we’re about to uncover the Step 1 of 4 to Get Out of Your Own Damn Way and Embrace Your Friggin’ Greatness Already.

You might want to download the special worksheet I created to go along with this episode, “Know Yourself to Greatness.” You can use it to dive in a little deeper into Step 1.

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Before I dive into the Step 1, I want to just take a minute to talk about some other themes I noticed from my guests about what happened just before they got out of their own damn way. Now I’m going to go over what getting in your own damn way looks like with each of the steps, but there’s something really interesting about what I uncovered here.

I can safely say that each one of my guests fell into one of three scenarios just before their breakthrough to the other side. I guess you could call it the breakdown. As one of my guests called it, the Eat Pray Love moment she encountered – that scene where the main character in the movie is laying on the floor in complete surrender praying for guidance for the first time ever.

So here they are, the three categories my guests fell into just before their breakthrough:

• Trauma or Loss
• Illness
• Transition

Let me break each one of these down.

Those who fell into the Trauma or Loss scenario typically found themselves needing to get out of their own damn way after dealing with the effects of things such as a loved one’s death, divorce or the ending of a relationship, or the loss of a job, home, or money. Dealing with change is tough enough, but when you add a sudden or abrupt event on top of it, it can leave people devastated, stuck, and not knowing exactly what to do. Some amount of being in a holding pattern is expected, but when that turns into months or years of getting in your own damn way, it can be a problem.

Those who fell into the Illness scenario were thrust into some medical crisis that inevitably shifted their perspective. Some also suffered loss as a result, having to quit jobs or file bankruptcy due to the illness. But all of them had to come to terms with what was happening to them and how they could shift the things they could control in order to get out of their own damn way.

Then there are those going through Transition. Certainly the other two scenarios deal with transition, but what I mean here is a welcomed transition. Some people chose to quit jobs to pursue their dreams, or move across the world, or have children, or go back to school, etc. These we would typically see as positive changes, but even positive changes can leave us questioning, unsure, and seeking answers. Change is change. This scenario also addresses those who seemed to have wonderful lives but were still not satisfied, a new phenomenon I see cropping up all over the place with the people I serve.

Keep these three scenarios in mind as you think about any areas where you are getting in your own damn way now.

Now, let’s dive into the Step 1 of 4 to Get Out of Your Own Damn Way and Embrace Your Friggin’ Greatness Already.

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Step 1: Know Yourself

The first step is to Know Yourself. I know this sounds pretty DUH, but think about it for a minute.

How many of you out there are starting a heart-centered, soul-inspired business that is born out of your true calling and you’re still trying to figure out who you are?

I know that knowing who we are is a life-long process. But I also know that in order to do the work we are called to do, that is often born out of our own pain, trauma, or tragedy, we have GOT to be really in touch with who we are. At least who we are right now, up to this point in our lives.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen people trying to figure out what kind of business to start, or come up with marketing copy, branding, coaching programs, and so much more without truly knowing who they are. I’ve fallen into that trap too, and it’s not pretty. Let me give you an idea of what it’s looked like for me and some of my podcast guests and see if you can relate:

Not knowing yourself can look like:

• Lack of confidence – even in things you’re pretty damn good at
• Not really knowing what you’re good at, what you’re a true expert in
• Throwing some words together on your website that talk about everything you CAN do, but not really giving people an idea of what you LOVE to do or more importantly what you can do for them
• Taking clients out of desperation who are not really a good fit
• Not learning from things that didn’t work and looking at failures as a flaw in YOU rather than a flaw in your process or systems
• Looking outside yourself for the answers

So in order to get to know yourself better, you need to do some things. First, let me remind you what happens when you are trying to get to know someone else, such as a dating partner or a new colleague. You might ask questions, spend time together, share experiences or projects. You don’t just walk in already knowing who they are…even if you read a profile or did some google searches. Getting to know people takes time and effort. So why do we think that knowing ourselves is any different?

Sure we spend time with ourselves every minute of every day, but are we just going through the motions? Or are we really trying to figure out what makes us tick. If we would spend as much time trying to figure out what makes us tick rather than someone else who ticked us off, imagine where we would be.

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So here are a couple things for you to do to get to know yourself better:

Start to notice what’s going on inside you.

Yes, I know that may sound strange. We’re constantly in motion and life is happening at warp speed. But I suspect that most of the time we are just on auto-pilot, not really taking it all in, tasting that food, smelling those smells, feeling those feelings. And if we’re not taking it all in, we are missing out on a lot of information, not the least of which is who we are in relation to the world around us.

So notice how you FEEL when someone looks at you a certain way. Notice how your body RESPONDS when it is thirsty or hungry or tired or stressed to the max. Notice what you THINK when a project doesn’t turn out the way you expect or want it to.

Guests on my podcast time and time again talk about the importance of self awareness and tuning in.

Guests like Kathryn Eggins who talked about the body being a barometer to the soul.

And Morella Devost saying that our body is always talking to us.

And guests who talked about an inner knowing and following that knowing or intuition – like Kelly Galea, Ramona Remesat, Felicia Reed, Debbie Peterson, Therese Skelly, Lisa Wechtenhiser, and Ruschelle Khana.

I love how Sherry VanAntwerp put it. She said “the voice of our soul whispers to us.” We need to learn to listen. And that starts with noticing what is going on and bringing awareness to our body, our thoughts, and our feelings.

I think Karen Trepte summed it up brilliantly by saying “when I listen, things work out.”

Another really great tip I heard several of my guests talk about with relation to knowing yourself better is:

Look at where you’ve been.

We have all been through something or many somethings in our lifetime, and will likely go through many more somethings. But so many people seem to want to push aside the uncomfortableness of things not working out the way we expected, or the pain we experience with loss or tragedy, or a past filled with things we’d rather forget. I’m here to tell you that AVOIDING the truth is one of the best ways to get IN your own damn way and stay there. Theirs is no way to avoid, go around, or circumvent reality. There is only finding a way through it, so we can finally release its hold on us.

Guests on my podcast have shared how crucial it was for them to review where they were in order to move past it and get to the other side.

Guests like Haley Gray, Diane Young Sussman, Jarret Ransom, Mary Wolfburg-Hlavacek, Elyse Hughes, and Dr. Glenn Livingston.

And Carla Necole Williams who so eloquently said “healing your inner child is the key to your freedom.”

And Elizabeth Tobin who dissolved resentment and anger toward her husband by shifting old family patterns.

And Tracey Osborne who shamelessly admitted “I was my biggest obstacle.”

When we stop and reflect on where we’ve been and become more aware of what’s going on inside of us, we can learn to know ourselves so much more fully.

In the next episode of this special one-year anniversary series, I’ll be sharing Step 2 to Get Out of Your Own Damn Way and Embrace Your Friggin’ Greatness Already.

Philip Dhingra – Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Podcast

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Listen is as Philip Dhingra shares his journey of learning self help tools over 16 years, and ultimately what has really helped make all the difference in him getting out of his own damn way.

“Whenever I find myself having the JOMO (joy of missing out), that usually tells me I’m living my life correctly.” – Philip Dhingra

ABOUT THIS GUEST: Philip Dhingra is an app developer from Austin, Texas. He created The Creative Whack Pack for iOS, which he collaborated on with creativity legend Roger von Oech. He also writes books, and his latest one, Dear Hannah, is a cautionary tale about self-improvement. In it he recounts 70 self-help books and methods he used over 16 years to change who he is. The results may surprise you. dearhannahbook.com

 

 

 

Leah Cox – Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Podcast

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Listen in as Leah Cox talks about the importance of being who you truly are as a means to having the life and business of your dreams.

“I will never be able to be successful in a way that feels good if I keep following what everybody else says is the right way to do it.” – Leah Cox

ABOUT THIS GUEST: Leah is a Writer, Coach and Workshop Leader on a mission to help free-spirited, courageous entrepreneurs create the businesses and lives they really want by getting the hell out of their own way and screwing the rules. She passionately believes that the only way to create the income and impact you’re here to create is to forget the way everyone else is doing it and do life and business YOUR way. www.leahmarjoriecox.com

 

 

 

 

Stephanie Ghoston – Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Podcast

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Listen in as Stephanie Ghoston dishes on how to get over the “comparison-itis” that plagues many fem-preneurs and the importance of putting ourselves as a higher priority in our lives and businesses.

“When I stopped living my life according to my moods, things really changed for me.”   – Stephanie Ghoston

ABOUT THIS GUEST: Stephanie Ghoston is the founder and life coach of Cultivated Sense, a movement that promotes ordinary ways to live extraordinarily and encourages people to stop settling in life and love. She’s also a coach and matchmaker with the Paul C. Brunson Agency, an award-winning boutique matchmaking and lifestyle coaching firm. Stephanie has been featured on blogs such as the HuffPost. For Harriet, The Black Life Coaches Network, and The Art of Perspective. She’s also a Best-selling author featured in 20 Beautiful Women Volume 3. Stephanie is also the forthcoming author of I Am Beautiful and The 42%. www.cultivatedsense.com

 

 

 

 

Stacey Blanchet – Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Podcast

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Listen in as Stacey Blanchet shares the lessons she’s learned on her journey that have made the biggest impact in creating a life without regret.

“Sometimes the decisions you have to make in life are not the popular decisions but they’re the right decisions for you.” – Stacey Blanchet

ABOUT THIS GUEST: Stacey Blanchet is the Senior Editor of Trend Prive Magazine, Producer of two film documentaries, Author of one published book a former fashion designer and Business Owner in San Diego. She had to learn to let go of control and get out of the way for her life to open up. www.staceyblanchet.com