Listen to Donya Zimmerman’s “Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Story” on July 23, 2015

Join me as I interview Donya Zimmerman on Thursday, July 23, as part of the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Jam Sessions. Powerful people sharing powerful stories of how they tamed their fears, embraced their greatness, and got out of their own damn way. Sign up to listen in for free by entering your name and email below.

Donya Zimmerman

Donya Zimmerman is a business consultant, mediator, and legal professional with over ten years of experience. Donya is also a public speaker and aspiring author. She has a few books in the works that will be published and released in the latter part of 2015. The books will focus on entrepreneurship, small business, and daily devotionals. She is owner of Family & Community Mediation and Business Consulting (FACMBC) and Powerful Biz Woman (subsidiary of FACMBC). Both are based in Baltimore, Maryland and were established in 2013. Services provided by FACMBC: Mediation and Conflict Resolution Services; Business Registration Assistance (Limited Liability Company, Corporation, S-Corp, Limited Liability Partnership, etc.); Business Plan Drafting Assistance; Business Certification Assistance (MBE, WOSB, 8A, 501(c) (3), Hub Zone, etc.); and Business Organization Assistance. She is also a contributing writer with the Maryland Daily Examiner Newspaper and the Leadership Girl Newsletter. Donya Zimmerman has made article contributions to the Simply Inspirational Women in Business Journal for 2014 published by Dr. Cheryl Cottle.

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Unraveling the Good Girl Part 1: Four Things This Little Beeatch Has to Say (and Why You Need to Listen)

Were you conditioned to be “the good girl?” You know, the one who says yes to everyone else, puts others’ needs before her own, and apologizes for taking up space?

Yeah, me too.

And just when I think I unraveled that “good girl” conditioning and said goodbye to her forever, you guessed it, something else happens to bring her back. It’s not that I don’t like her or appreciate what she’s done for me. But frankly, she gets a bit annoying, especially when I’m over here trying to live my life and realize some pretty crazy big-ass dreams. I mean, I’ve got a passionate mission to fulfill.

Oh, good girl…BITE ME!

This latest rearing of the ugly good girl came during an up-leveling in my business where I’m (gulp) inviting people to work with me in a bigger way. No biggie, right? That’s what entrepreneurs do.

But apparently, Miss Thang decided she needed to apologize for asking. WTF? Thank goodness for my own kick-ass coach who nipped that shizz in the bud and got me back on track.

But it got me to thinking…

What is that inner good girl here to teach me, and why in the HELL does she always show up when I’m stepping more fully into my purpose?

When I got silent and let those questions sink in a bit, the answers flooded me like a ton of bricks.

1. If I’m not a “good girl,” does that mean I’m a “bad girl?” It’s not a trick question, but one posed by a certain way of thinking. When we shed labels or masks or beliefs, there’s a certain stripping away of the fabric of our identity. We know ourselves in a certain way. Others rely on us being a certain way. So when that is questioned, it’s only natural to question who we are. The answer undoubtedly lies somewhere between “good” and “bad.”
2. What will people think of me if I break the “rules?” There are soooo many friggin’ rules, many of which are unspoken, unwritten, and (frankly) stupid. There I said it. Some rules are really stupid! Like ones that have us “not rocking the boat” or “making waves.” If I dare ask for what I want or take a stand for what’s right, what will people think?
3. The “good girl” once saved me a lot of angst. Despite my sometimes irrational hatred of my inner good girl, I have to give her props. Growing up in the chaotic abusive and neglectful household that I did, the good girl allowed me to survive. She gave me guidelines of how to act in a family that had rules that changed on a daily basis. I had my role and I played it well.
4. Old patterns get triggered by stress. Duh! That’s like healing 101. And something I have taught my clients and reminded them of time and time again over the years. But experiencing it firsthand can lead to amnesia. When going through big changes (no matter how welcomed they are), we can experience stress and our brains can go on auto-pilot, pulling up those old patterns.

As with any part of ourselves, there area always lessons to be learned. I challenge you to get silent and find out what YOUR inner good girl is trying to tell you.

In Part 2, I’ll explore some ways to gently let the good girl go.

Got any insights? Leave a comment below.

Listen to Kelly Galea’s “Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Story” on July 16, 2015

Join me as I interview Kelly Galea on Thursday, July 16, as part of the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Jam Sessions. Powerful people sharing powerful stories of how they tamed their fears, embraced their greatness, and got out of their own damn way. Sign up to listen in for free by entering your name and email below.

Kelly Galea | The3FsOfLife.com

Kelly Galea (pronounced GAL-ee-uh) is a multi-passionate entrepreneur, business strategist, best-selling author and speaker who currently lives in Orlando, Florida with her husband Brendan, their boxer Sadi and two kitties, Jaela (pronounced JAY-la) and Jack  A crusader for creative expression, she hosts a weekly show helping professionals find more freedom, flexibility and fun in life and business. Visit The3FsOfLife.com for inspiring solutions, creative ideas and helpful tips to live life more freely!

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What it Looks Like to Be Free

Here in the USA we just finished celebrating Independence Day. Each year, it’s a reminder of what it means to be free and what sacrifices were made for our freedom.

Each year, I’m also reminded of what freedom means to me and how it looks on a more personal and individual basis.

To me, freedom is about living well and being my best self. It’s about creating (and maintaining) the type of lifestyle I want, which includes everything from relationships, to finances, to health, to play.

What does it really look like to be free? Here are some thoughts:

• Know what you want. If you don’t have a clear picture of what you want, how do you know when you have it…or worse, when you don’t? Freedom isn’t just about some vague notion of being able to have, be, or do anything you want. True freedom comes when your definition of being free is realized. For some people, freedom is about not working, but for others it’s about doing work they are passionate about.
• Entitlement has no place here. Some people confuse freedom with entitlement, or getting stuff you don’t work for. But freedom is about taking a stand for what you believe in and sometimes fighting the good fight to get it. Think about it, when you get handed something you haven’t worked for, does it really hold as much satisfaction as something you busted your ass for?
• Consistency is key. It’s near impossible to maintain anything, whether it’s sanity, weight, routines, relationships, etc. if we don’t keep doing things that work. Sure, we may know what DOESN’T work, but unless we make consistent effort to take the steps (large and small) that contribute to continued success, we’re sure to lose some sense of freedom.
• Sacrifices and compromises are part of the deal. Freedom isn’t something to be taken lightly. It sometimes requires us to make some tough decisions for the greater good. We sometimes must make sacrifices or compromises right now in order to have the future we long for.

Remember, freedom is something we are all striving for in one way or another.

What are your thoughts on what freedom looks like? Share a comment below.

Listen to Carla Necole Williams’ “Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Story” on July 9, 2015

Join me as I interview Carla Necole Williams on Thursday, July 9, as part of the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Jam Sessions. Powerful people sharing powerful stories of how they tamed their fears, embraced their greatness, and got out of their own damn way. Sign up to listen in for free by entering your name and email below.

Carla Necole Williams | carlanecolewilliams.com

Carla Necole Williams is an Inner Healing & Self-Empowerment Life Coach who teaches ambitious women how to love, appreciate and value themselves first! She’s also the Best-Selling Author of the book “The Power Within: How to Heal, Love and Design the Life You Want.” 

Through her spiritual-based signature coaching program, she shows you how to manifest the life you want by healing from past shackles and elevating your emotional intelligence.

She is adamant that you can have EVERYTHING you want without settling in any area of your life. She often says that “being realistic is often just settling for less.” She knows that possibility for you is limitless!

Carla believes that you are powerful and that you have what it takes to get what you want. She helps you become a Conscious Creator of your life and not just a victim of circumstance.

She challenges you to break the cycle of fear that’s held you hostage for far too long due to past scars and wounds.

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What At-Risk Youth Have to Teach Us About Life

The most profound changes often come from the smallest of shifts in our perspective. This is a belief I find myself coming back to again and again, especially when evidence mounts to support it.

Recently, I spent two weeks volunteering with at-risk youth at Theater Camp through Free Arts of Arizona. The camp helps abused and neglected youth living in groups homes, shelters, and treatment facilities tell their stories through the creative arts (acting, spoken word poetry, dance/movement, visual arts, and music).

Having just gone through a major re-brand in my business, I was ready for a break. Things didn’t go as planned and instead of spending more time troubleshooting technical issues and living in the space of uncertainty, I was so grateful to get away. I knew the time focusing on other things would help shift my perspective, and I was right.

I also believe that there are lessons everywhere. Lessons to help us remember. Lessons to help us regain our perspective on what truly matters. Here are just some of the lessons I learned (and re-learned) by stepping away from my daily routine and being of service to some amazing young folks:

1. We all want to be seen for who we truly are. These kids had some poignant stories to share about what they’ve been through – sexual abuse, gang violence, parents dying naturally or being murdered, physical abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, etc. Even some of us who didn’t grow up in “the system” have similar stories to share. But we are NOT our stories. We are survivors. We all want to love and be loved. We all want to be accepted.

2. We all have a voice – and that voice matters. In a discussion early on in Theater Camp, the kids talked about wanting to have a voice in what happens to them. They are sometimes left out of important talks that affect where they live and with whom. While there are decisions to be made from a bigger picture perspective, no one’s voice should ever be excluded from the conversation. That goes in your life too. Just because your voice may not be the final say, it still deserves to be heard. Your voice matters, especially when it comes to your life. Speak up. Be heard.

3. We all want to be part of something. Many of these kids said they wanted to be part of a family. Some turned to gangs or drugs or self- harm behaviors (like cutting themselves) to escape the pain of NOT feeling like they belonged. There is a basic human need to feel like part of a bigger whole – a community or family. These kids found that type of support at Theater Camp and were able to thrive because of it. Sometimes the people you are born to are NOT the healthiest. But that doesn’t mean you cannot create your own community or family. We all need that kind of support to help us grow and thrive.

4. We all need encouragement and support. So many of these kids wanted to quit and give up. Some walked out of rehearsals or froze or said they weren’t going to get on stage. They were afraid. Can you relate to wanting to give up due to fear? I sure can. But what amazed me is that just a few words of encouragement, a chat about how fear is a GOOD THING because it tells you that what you are doing is really important, and some rallying made all the difference. These kids (who often have been disappointed numerous times by several adults in their lives) KNEW that me and the other adults there had their backs. We were there to support them through the fear and celebrate with them when they moved through it. I cannot stress this point enough – you can do great things with the right support behind you.

5. We must be vulnerable in order to grow. Vulnerability is scary. There’s no way around it. In order to get past hurt, pain, fear, anxiety, etc., we must feel it and move through it. And the only way to do that is to be vulnerable. Showing our vulnerability to others is healing not only for us, but for those witnessing it. This was Theater Camp. The kids who were brave and shared their stories inspired the kids who didn’t. The audiences who came to the final performances were invited to share how they were affected. Many stood up in tears, stating how they could personally relate to the kids on stage or how those stories touched them deeply. Some would tell you that vulnerability is weakness, but I challenge that. If you have ever witnessed anyone sharing their pain, you know how much courage it takes to do that. We open ourselves up in such a beautiful way by doing that. And it’s my honor to witness people doing that – not only these kids but also my clients.

I’m sure there are other lessons in the Theater Camp experience, and perhaps I’ll write more about them when they surface. For now, I’m honored to have been a witness to these young folks on their journey to healing. Their bravery has impacted me and everyone else who worked with them and who came to their performances. And they have helped remind us all some very important life lessons.

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