Is Fear Running Your Life?

None of us are immune to it. It can rise up in an instant, paralyze us, and otherwise render a competent, intelligent person incapable. If unchecked, it can wreak havoc in our lives, starting in one area then seeping into all others until we take a look around and wonder how in the world we ended up so far from where we started.

The culprit? FEAR.

I often talk about how fear in and of itself gets a bad wrap. Fear is just a signal telling us to adjust in some way. Where we get in trouble is how we interpret the fear and handle it.

The first thing to remember is that we all feel fear. Fear is a basic, core emotion that all living creatures share. It is hard-wired in us as a means for survival. Big scary dinosaur coming after us leads to fear leads to adjusting our actions in an effort to survive. But in modern times, we don’t have big scary dinosaurs as much as we have information overload, unrealistic expectations, and ineffective ways of managing our stress. Certainly there are things that can threaten our survival (accidents, illness, and tragic events), but most of us are marching through life interpreting smaller threats as big scary dinosaurs.

If we see someone taking our parking space as a threat against our survival, our brains and bodies will act accordingly, sending out various signals that get us ready to fight the big bad threat or run from it. How we handle the threat tells us a lot about how serious a threat it seems to us. Wonder how you handle your fear? Take a look at the list below and see if any of these sound familiar.

Someone says or does something that rubs you the wrong way, which leads you to:

• Call them a name
• Criticize them
• Humiliate them in front of others
• Yell at them
• Laugh it off and pretend it doesn’t bother you
• Walk away without saying or doing anything
• Think poorly about yourself
• Talk about what they said or did to everyone else but them
• Spread rumors about them

These are just a few of the faces of fear. When we don’t tend to our emotions, such as fear, we might do things we wouldn’t typically do, all in an effort to avoid feeling something we perceive as uncomfortable.

What’s the alternative? Here’s some tips to handle your fear in a more healthy way:

• When someone says or does something that rubs you the wrong way, take a time out before you respond. Often our first response is an automatic one that is a combination of what we learned to do as a young child coupled with genetic programming from our ancestors who really were fighting big scary dinosaurs. Taking a time-out can give you a moment to re-group and think before you respond.
• Remind yourself that what other people do and say is about THEM, not you. They are likely acting on their own fear in a less than ideal way. Their words and actions do not define you, nor do they have to dictate your response.
• Don’t deny fear. Remember that you will feel fear. Allow yourself the opportunity to acknowledge it and embrace it but at the same time not let it stop you from moving forward.

There’s a fine line between feeling fear and letting it run your life. If you find yourself stuck and unable to make decisions, it is likely that fear has taken over at least one area of your life. But remember that you have the power to unstuck yourself by using the suggestions I’ve outlined above which are just a few of the ones that can help. Have any other suggestions? Please feel free to leave a comment below.

Photo: Dinosaur Exhibition Beijing © by IvanWalsh.com