Book Review: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao by Wayne Dyer

For over two decades, I’ve followed the work of Dr. Wayne Dyer, author and speaker. His work focuses on self-improvement, specifically on how to shift your perspective and thoughts to feel more centered, balanced, and happy. For sure, his work has helped shape not only who I am personally but my calling to do this same type of work with clients.

In his book, Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, Dyer explores the ancient teachings of Lao-tzu, who dictated 81 verses of text that provide guidance on living a balanced and moral life. Dr. Dyer spent a year living with each of the 81 verses, exploring them in his own life and writing about them.

The book holds 81 chapters, each devoted to one of the teachings.  Dyer provides an interpretation or Lao-tzu’s teachings as well as practical advice on how to practice each of the teachings. He encourages readers to sit with no more than one chapter a day to fully take in the words and suggestions for putting that lesson into practice.

Each chapter touts a wonderful life lesson, a nugget of wisdom passed down through the ages. Examples of the lessons in this book include living:

• Creatively
• With Inner Conviction
• With Constancy
• Without Attachment
• From Greatness
• Calmly
• In Obscurity
• Beyond Appearances
• Beyond Judgment
• By Letting Go
• By Being Here Now
• By Bending
• Without Resentments

The advice Dyer provides includes tips like:

• Being silent and listening to your thoughts
• Trusting yourself
• Being aware of what is going on around you
• Practicing forgiveness
• Learning from the wisdom of children

If ever there was a “how-to” manual for how to live, this is it.  I highly recommend this book as part of any good self-help collection.

Tips on Changing Your Thoughts and Your Life

I’ve been following Dr. Wayne Dyer since the early 1990’s. He has a way of getting to the heart and truth of things and helping me shift my perspective as I navigate this journey called life. Here’s a video of one of the most powerful talks I’ve heard him give, talking about not only his book Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, but in what he did as he was writing this book. He leads by example, which I find admirable. Enjoy!

Isn’t Life Delicious?

Juicy. Poignant. Bitter. Sweet. What other words can you think of to describe this journey called life we’re all on?

I love words, phrases, mantras, affirmations, anything that touches on one or more of the senses and draws me in. For some reason the term “isn’t life delicious” popped into my head recently. Have you ever heard that before? This was a slogan on a TV commercial for Lifesavers candy back in the 1980’s/1990’s (watch the video below). And a catch phrase that resurfaces for me from time to time, especially during profound change. So it wasn’t surprising when it came back to me recently as I am definitely dealing with some profound personal changes right now.

One of the things I love about that phrase is the images and metaphors it evokes. Life as something to be devoured, savored, and enjoyed. How many times do we look at life or our circumstances (family, jobs, responsibilities) as anything less than delicious? Possibly foul tasting and repulsive, putrid, or any other negative description you can think of? I think many of us have a tendency to focus on what tastes bad and discount the simple delicacies of life.

Each time I say this phrase, either out loud or silently to myself, I can’t help but smile. It’s a reminder to shift my perspective and not take things too seriously (which is something I often need to be reminded of).

So, how delicious is your life right now? Here’s some ideas to help you taste the yumminess, rather than the ickiness:

1. Write a list of all the good things that happened to you today. They don’t have to be big things or necessarily important things. Make a goal of writing at least 5 things, then 10, then 15, and so on. It may be challenging at first, but it will get easier the more often you do it. Once you complete your list for the day, say all the good things aloud, then say thank you.
2. When someone around you is complaining for the sake of complaining, look them in the eye, smile, and say “isn’t life delicious?” They may just smile with you.
3. Create some yumminess for yourself by engaging in something you truly enjoy, something that you generally find delicious. One of the things I do on a regular basis is get a massage. It helps me slow down, relax, and be in the present moment, all required for tasting the deliciousness.
4. Spread the deliciousness around. Do something to add flavor to someone else’s life. It could be a family member, friend, colleague, or stranger. It could be something big or small. Get creative with it.

I’d love to hear how you created a more delicious life. Leave a comment below.

Watch Your Language: How Words Shape Your Reality

When I work with clients, I often talk about how important our language is. The words we use give a glimpse into how we think. After listening to just a few sentences, I can tell you how you typically think about yourself and the world in general.

You may notice, as I do, that the words you use shift when you are feeling more stressed or overwhelmed. I know I can catch myself using “bad” words such as “can’t,” “should,” and “shouldn’t.” When I hear those words coming out of my mouth, I know I’m feeling anxious and my thoughts have shifted from positive to negative. How do I know? Because I have learned over the years to gauge not only the words I use, but other things as well that are all connected – like my thoughts, my body senstions, how I’m feeling, and the actions I take (and don’t take).

If I notice a bad word coming out of my mouth, I can follow it to my thoughts, (which might be focused on how unfair something is), which is connected to a physical sensation (such as a tightening in my stomach or lump in my throat), which is connected to how I’m feeling (perhaps frustrated), which is all tied into my actions (such as throwing my hands in the air or confronting someone head on). Awareness of how one small thing affects the bigger things is key to unlocking your own ability to change, make things (make life) better.

Here’s your challenge:

1. Write down your “bad” words. These are words that keep you stuck in stress, overwhelm, fear, worry, and all the stuff you don’t want to feel. You may notice a reaction when someone else says these words.
2. Ask someone you trust to keep track of how many times you say these words during a normal conversation. The idea here is for them to just keep track, not to tell you. You want to find out how much you really are using the words. You probably don’t realize how much you use “bad” words.
3. Then ask that same someone you trust to give you some sort of visual signal (such as a thumbs up or down) each time they hear you use the word. This gets you aware of when you are using “bad” words, so you can start to take notice of the circumstances, and also how you feel as you say these words, what you are doing, etc. The idea here is to start to form a connection between what you say, how  you feel, and what you do.
4. Next, as your trustworthy person continues to signal you, it’s time to make a different choice. Instead of saying “I can’t get my work done” change it to “I choose not to get my work done” or “I won’t get my work done until I (insert positive coping skill here).” That sure puts a different spin on things, doesn’t it?

You will notice quickly how just shifting the words you allow to come out of your mouth will start to affect other things – like your thoughts, body sensations, feelings, and actions.

For more tips on how to make small changes that make a big POSITIVE difference, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Suffering is Optional: Your Mindset Creates Your Reality.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/suffering-is-optional, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Photo: Speak NO Evil © by Esparta

Life Interrupted: What To Do When Things Don’t Go As Planned

If you want to make God laugh, make plans. I don’t know when I first heard that or who said it, but I sure do agree with it these days. It’s hard to remember the last time I had a day go even close to what I had planned. And believe me, I am a planner.

From to-do lists, to calendars, action plans, marketing plans, business plans, project plans…I love my lists. Give me a goal, and I can break it down for you step by step with tasks and deadlines. In fact, I can remember doing that in high school, scheduling my life in 15 minute increments in my day planner. I remember my sophomore English teacher being quite impressed by it. And it was fairly easy to manage when all I had on my plate was high school, a part-time retail job, and my family.

But somewhere along the way, life got a bit more complicated. Enter college, a full-time job, and part-time jobs on top of it, boyfriends, graduation, more jobs, a marriage, a baby, a divorce, graduate school, re-careering, etc. The lists got longer and the days got shorter.

What I’ve learned is that while planning may be an important (and helpful) part of life, there must also be space for other things that come up. Because there’s no way to plan for everything, every situation, every scenario. Once I started to adopt this new way of thinking, I realized it wasn’t the planning that had helped me all along as much as it was the feeling of being in control and prepared.

How to be in Control…First I must say that control is an illusion. We want control when we think we don’t have it. And the thought of being out of control can drive otherwise rational, sane people over the edge. Control is really about having our expectations met. It’s a nice thing, but not always going to happen. The only thing we really have control over is ourselves – our thoughts and behaviors. Most of the time, it seems to me that people who talk about control are upset because people around them aren’t meeting their expectations. That’s not a fun situation, but it happens…all the time. The more we can realize and accept that we cannot control others (whether our kids, spouses, partners, friends, bosses, etc.), and that we can only control ourselves, the easier things seem to get.

How to be Prepared…Being prepared is an entirely different animal. It is possible to be prepared for any situation that comes your way. How, you ask? By trusting yourself. Trust that you can handle whatever life throws at you. Trust that you will make the best decision you can with what resources you have at your disposal. Trust that you (or someone you know) can help you find answers and solutions. And trust that everything will be okay, regardless of how it turns out.

I planned to get some work done yesterday, but instead was faced with an intense family situation that stirred up a lot of emotions. I rearranged my planned schedule. I trusted myself to know what was best for me. I allowed myself space and time to feel, vent, breathe, and then get a bare minimum of work done.

Remember life happens in spite of your plans. How will you handle the next interruption?

Photo: Stop Hammertime © by Rich Anderson

Are You Ready to Let Go of Suffering and Start Enjoying Life Again?

Do you know anyone who is “doom and gloom” most of the time? Always finding the worst in every situation, or playing the martyr or victim? Pointing out what could go wrong and continuously talking about how miserable they are? And no matter what evidence they’re confronted with to the contrary, they find a way to turn it back to what’s wrong, rather than what is (or could be) right? Is that someone you know who is like this you?

Despite popular belief, suffering is optional. We can choose to find the worst in every situation or we can choose to find the best. Those who opt for door #1 (the negative) will see the world, other people, and themselves with this filter of negativity. Those who opt for door #2 (the positive) will see the world, other people, and themselves with that filter of positivity. What will you choose?

If you’re ready to shift your mindset and let go of suffering, please join me for July’s FREE Teleseminar… “Suffering is Optional: Your Mindset Creates Your Reality.”

In this teleseminar, I’ll cover:

• The Connection Between What You Think, What You Do, and How You Feel
• Why Language is So Important in Shifting Your Perspective
• 3 Steps to Creating a Winning Mindset

Don’t delay. Sign up today. The live call is coming soon. But don’t worry, if you can’t attend live, you can still sign up and get access to the recording. Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up.