A Word About Life’s Challenges: The Onion Always Has More Layers

“Whatever you have forgotten, you can remember. Whatever you have buried you can unearth. If you are willing to look deep into your own nature, if you are willing to peel away the layers of not-self you have adopted in making your way through the tribulations of life, you will find that your true self is not as far removed as you think.” -Meredith Jordan

Just when I think I’ve transcended a challenge, another one pops up that is similar or somehow related to the initial challenge. Does this ever happen to you?

There’s an analogy you may be familiar with about peeling back the layers of an onion. Basically, it means that a challenge or problem we’re faced with has many facets and the deeper we go to deal with it, the more we find out…about the challenge, other people involved in it, and ultimately ourselves.

Even when we think the challenge is over, it may come back again days, weeks, or years later disguised as something new, but really, it relates to something old. This happens to me and I’m getting better at recognizing how new challenges are just old ones in disguise.

I believe there’s always more layers. More to learn, more to experience, more to transcend. While it may be easy to get frustrated by this, think about it this way…what would life be like if there weren’t anything more to learn? Once you bask in the simplicity of living such a life, really think about it.

It really boils down to willingness…to be open to the lessons and to be gentle with ourselves in the process. I do believe we learn the most about ourselves during times of challenge. So, go find a challenge today, embrace it, and try these tips:

1. Identify one challenge. Does it involve a relationship, your job, finances, health, etc.? What feelings do you have about your challenge? What thoughts? Where do you feel it in your body? Have you experienced these same feelings, thoughts, or physical issues with other challenges? How were those challenges similar to the one you are currently facing? Journal your answers and see what comes up.
2. Embrace the emotion. While you may feel pain, fear, discomfort, or a slew of other feelings as you go through a challenge, know that that is normal. When we make an effort to avoid our feelings (with distractions such as work, TV, food, etc.) we are really doing a disservice to ourselves. It is important to allow the feelings to come up, experience them, and then let them subside on their own. This helps us move through them and get to the other side.
3. Find the lessons. Can you find gratitude in your challenge? What are you learning about yourself, others, life? Take some time to write down the lessons you are learning and the value of the lessons. It might be painful or uncomfortable now, but the more

And as I always say, be gentle with yourself as you go through these tips. You don’t need to add the challenge of being hard on yourself on top of everything else.

I’d love to hear about how you are moving through a challenge in  your life. Please leave a comment below.

Photo: Onion Macro © by Dottie Mae

Want to Love the Reflection in the Mirror?

February is the month of LOVE. While most of us automatically think “Valentine’s Day,” flowers, chocolates, and cuddling with that special someone, I’d like to propose a different kind of love for us to celebrate. It’s the kind of love that most of us don’t talk about, or maybe even think about, yet it’s one of the most important kind of loves we will ever have.

Self love.  (I know…I used TWO four letter words in a row).

If you’re ready to take a bold and daring look at what there is to LOVE ABOUT YOU, please join me for February’s FREE Teleseminar… Loving the Reflection in the Mirror: The Secret Power of Self Love and Positive Self Talk..In this teleseminar, I’ll cover:

• The Connection Between What You Say to Yourself (either out loud or silently) and the Success (or Failure) in Every Area of Your Life
• How to Treat Yourself the Way You Deserve to be Treated
• 3 Steps You Can Take to Love the Reflection in the Mirror

Don’t delay. Sign up today. The live call is coming soon. But don’t worry, if you can’t attend live, you can still sign up and get access to the recording. Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up.

Treat Yourself Well

If you are one of the many people who is celebrating Valentine’s Day sans partner this year, don’t fret. Let me clue you in on a secret…

Being loved doesn’t require anyone else besides you.

Sound corny? Well just think about people you know who have partners and aren’t happy. And people in relationships “for the sake of…(the kids, finances, etc.).” Some may have you believing love is conditional, and that the only way to have love is to be loved by another. But if you don’t love yourself, how in the world can you expect someone else to love you?

Think about what love means to you. What things do people say and do when they love someone else? Are they critical or gentle with their comments? Do they find the best in others and situations or do they constantly berate those around them? What little things do they do to show love? Think about love in terms of your five senses: sight, touch, sound, taste, and smell. Whatever love means to you, make a point to figure it out. It’s so important to know how YOU experience love. Because once you have an idea, then you can make it happen for yourself, whether or not you are in a relationship.

This February 14^th (and beyond), treat yourself well by:

• Making a list of all the things that make you feel loved. Remember to think in terms of your five senses. For example, a particular word or phrase (such as “I love you”) might conjure up feelings of love (sound); or your favorite decadent dessert (chocolate) might stir up something (smell, taste).
• Picking one thing on your list each day and make it happen. If it’s a word or phrase, then say that to yourself.
• At the end of each day, finishing this sentence (either out loud or in a journal), “one thing I love about me is _____.”

For even more ideas on how to love yourself, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Loving the Reflection in the Mirror: The Secret Power of Self Love and Positive Self Talk.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Photo: Smarties: Heart Mapping © by gadl

Be Your Own Best Friend

Regardless of what we’ve been “programmed” to believe about ourselves (by others or the world), we all deserve to be:

• Happy
• Loved
• Accepted for who we are

PERIOD.

But somewhere along the way, we’re told (or shown) something different. Through our experiences, the words and actions of others, and messages in the media, we might learn to believe we don’t matter and we’re not worthy, which can lead to thinking and feeling bad about ourselves, which then leads to treating ourselves poorly. We often treat ourselves how we THINK we are, rather than how we TRULY are. And the vicious cycle begins – think bad about self leads to feel bad about self leads to treat self badly…and because we treat ourselves badly, it makes us think and feel worse about ourselves.

It’s time to stop this madness. And time to re-program yourself back to the truth…that you are worthy and lovable.

One trap many of us fall into is looking for others to make us happy, love us, and accept us, especially when we ourselves aren’t able to do this for ourselves. But when you expect others to do for you that which you cannot do for yourself, it can be a dangerous trap. Looking outside yourself for validation sends a message that your opinion, your beliefs, and your feelings don’t count. When in reality, they are the only ones that do.

So how do you get to the point of being happy, loved, and accepted? Start by taking a good, long (gentle) look in the mirror. One way to get back to loving yourself is to do the BEST FRIEND test. How would your best friend describe you? Would they have the same harsh things to say that run through your mind? Or would their words be peppered with compliments, strengths, and glowing qualities? Write down a paragraph (or two or three) describing yourself through the eyes of your best friend.

Once you write out your “best friend” description of yourself, read it. Then read it again. Then post it where you can see it. And every time you see it, read it. And take time to really FEEL it and let it in. Let a smile creep in, starting at your toes and working its way up to your face.

You really are your own best friend. Would you allow someone to talk bad about your best friend? If not, then why would you allow anyone (including yourself) to talk bad about you? Seems simple, but many of us don’t stop to think about the effects our own negative, self-deprecating thoughts and words have upon us. Wouldn’t it only make sense that saying more positive (and true) things about ourselves would have equally powerful effects on us?

To learn more about gentle and powerful ways to get back to loving yourself, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Loving the Reflection in the Mirror: The Secret Power of Self Love and Positive Self Talk.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Photo: Bff © by Texasbubba

Self Love: Believe it and You Will See it

Welcome to February, the month of LOVE. While most of us might think about love at this time of year as “Valentine’s Day,” flowers, chocolates, and cuddling with that special someone, there’s a different kind of love we can choose celebrate. It’s the kind of love that most of us don’t talk about, or maybe even think about, yet it’s one of the most important kind of loves we will ever have. Self love.

Before you roll your eyes and stop reading, consider this…How you do (or don’t) love and care for yourself is connected to everything in your life. Every success. Every failure. Every thought, feeling, and action.

When you approach life not liking what and who you see in the mirror every morning, you better believe it affects what you do, what you say, what you think, and ultimately who you are. Conversely, when you approach life liking (even loving) what and who you see in the mirror every morning, that also affects you. So which will you choose?

Unfortunately, it seems easier to focus on what we DON’T like about ourselves, whether physical attributes or character traits. And our society that values “perfection” (whatever THAT is) and holds to strict standards of physical beauty doesn’t help matters. You only have to look at TV commercials, magazine ads, and pretty much any kind of advertising to realize what you don’t have and what advertisers would have you believing that you need in order to be better, more worthy.

But the truth is that you are already the best you that you can be. Right now, in this moment. Imagine what life would be like if you believed:

• You are the perfect version of you.
• You have everything you need to be happy and fulfilled.
• You are beautiful just the way you are.

How do you think believing these statements would affect how you FEEL about yourself, what ACTIONS you take, and HOW you treat yourself? If you dare to imagine that these statements are true, what are you waiting for? Live your life as if they are true. Because the truth is that they already are!

To learn more about the art of loving yourself, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Loving the Reflection in the Mirror: The Secret Power of Self Love and Positive Self Talk”. Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Photo: Hearts (Explored!) © by qthomasbower

What’s Wrong RIGHT With You?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.”

~Marianne Williamson

It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong – with the world, with other people, and especially with ourselves. We are constantly bombarded with messages of not being “good enough” when told that in order to be happier, more fulfilled, a better parent, better lover, better person we need X, Y, or Z.  We can easily fall into the trap of thinking that the latest product or service can “fix” us or change us into the person we long to be. But when we look outside ourselves to feel better inside, it generally leads to more wanting of stuff and less actually feeling better about anything.

What if we spent the same amount of time and energy focusing on what’s RIGHT? Right with ourselves, right with others, and right with the world. Because as simple as it sounds, what we focus on and think about expands and gets drawn to us, whether it’s positive or negative. What would YOU like to attract?

Imagine just for a moment how life would be different if instead of giving in to the pressure of finding fault with yourself and those around you, you focused on:

• The positive qualities and strengths of yourself and others
• How you can brighten someone else’s day or ease their burden
• What you can do to show love to yourself consistently
• The amazing things being done to help people in your community and around the world
• Embracing and accepting yourself as you are

Can you see how focusing on those things would change the way you think…about yourself, others, and the world around you? Would it change your attitude or your actions?

If you’re so inclined to dare to be positive and focus on what is going well, here’s your challenge for the next week:

1. Pick one of the things on the list above to focus on for the next week. Write it down and keep it with you at all times, preferably where you can see it multiple times a day.
2. Say what you are focusing on aloud 10 times each day. For example, if you chose “what I can do to show myself love consistently” say something like “I consistently show myself love today” or “I choose to love myself today.”
3. Journal about your experience daily (or at the very least at the end of the week). Write what you notice about your mood, your attitude, your thoughts, and how you feel. Read what you wrote and notice if it is different from how you were doing before the challenge.

While it may be “easier” to focus on what’s wrong because that’s what so many people around us are doing, it is more productive and healthier to focus on what’s right. What do you really have to lose other than a poor attitude and a negative outlook?

I’d love to hear your comments and how your challenge goes. Please comment below.