Embracing the Obstacles: Are You Passing the Test?

Have you ever noticed that the closer you get to something you want, the more obstacles start showing up? Obstacles that distract you, that bring up old ways of thinking or behaving, that leave you wondering if you’re on the right path?

We are all on a journey. We have different destinations and different detours, but we are all going somewhere. Some of us stop for a while and enjoy the scenery, either afraid to move forward, or maybe too tired to take anything else in. Some of us trudge ahead, excited by what’s next and ready to take on any challenges that come our way. But here we all are along for the ride.

There are as many ways of being on that journey as there are journeys.

But the one thing I know for sure is the importance of our WHY. Why are we on this journey? What are we hoping is at the end of it? And how will our lives be different as a result? Answer these questions and they will keep you going, despite the most challenging of obstacles.

When we don’t have a grasp of these vital pieces of information, it’s easy to get side-tracked on the journey. If we don’t know why we want what’s at the end, it’s easy to give up at the first sign of resistance. But if we are firm in our resolve, deeply knowing that what waits for us is truly aligned with who we are and what we stand for and will benefit not only us but others in our path, we can see the obstacles for what they truly are…tests!

We tell the universe what we want, setting our intention. Then the universe conspires to get us there. But there are also a lot of unconscious thoughts and old patterns lurking under the surface, designed to help you truly know who you are and what you want. They present themselves as obstacles, testing your resolve and continuing to challenge how important this journey really is for you.

“Do you REALLY want this” the universe asks. “Let’s see how badly you really want it.” Enter in the obstacles, the tests, the distractions, the “I can’t-s,” the melt downs, and breakdowns. How you deal with these are actually much more telling than any other part of the journey. They speak to your character, your intention, and your why.

Know that the obstacles are indicators that you are getting close. So if you give up now, you’ll miss the miracle. What journey are you struggling with right now? What obstacles are coming up for you and how are you handling them? Learn to embrace all parts of the journey and you’re going to get there!

Photo by William Warby

First Time in Phoenix: Workshop Helps Reduce Fears that Block Progress Toward Personal Goals

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Overcoming common fears that get in the way of greater success and happiness is the focus of the upcoming workshop, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®.” The one-day event Saturday, Feb. 15, is based on the best-selling book of the same title that focuses on helping people be more assertive, attain personal and professional goals and improve self-esteem.

The program is facilitated by Krylyn Peters, a licensed psychotherapist and certified life coach, who is also licensed by Susan Jeffers, LLC to teach “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®.” The workshop begins at 9 a.m. at New Visions Center for Spiritual Living, located at 18010 N. Tatum Blvd., Phoenix, AZ 85032. Pre-registration is required; cost is $149, with an early-bird discount of $99 before Jan. 31. To register, sign up at www.krylyn.com/feelthefear or contact Peters at 602-696-8699.

The workshop includes experiential activities to help participants move from fear and indecision to action. “Moving through fear requires action. I give people tools so they can overcome what is keeping them stuck. Most people have thoughts or worries that can block them from taking steps toward even the most desired goals,” explains Peters.

Participants have stated that the program is “life-changing if you use the tools” and that the event “helped me understand that I can change and that I should not fear it.”

“Many people have limiting beliefs such as ‘I’m not good enough to do this’ or ‘What if I fail?’ that hold them back,” says Peters. “The workshop helps them identify their specific fears and then build an action plan to move them forward.”

Listen in as Therese Skelly of happyinbusiness.com interviews Krylyn about her upcoming “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway”® workshop in Phoenix.

The Top 3 Ways Fear Is Destroying You

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. She said she doesn’t really have a lot of major fears in her life right now, but that she is avoiding making some decisions based on very real concerns (such as time and money). She had a difficult time relating to the word fear, but as soon as I phrased it another way, our conversation really took off. And it got me to thinking. If my friend, who is one of the most intelligent, creative, wonderful women I know, gets tripped up on fear, I wonder how many other people do too. Could you be mistaking your fear for something else? I know I have.

What Fear Is (And Is Not)

Fear is one of the strongest core emotions we have. We’re hard-wired for it as a means for survival. Big predator comes along, fear kicks in, and action follows – all in the name of self-preservation. As we’ve evolved, our instincts really haven’t. Survival. Plain and simple.

While our instincts haven’t really changed, our outer environment has significantly. No longer are big predators hunting us. Sure there are hazards, such as bad drivers on the road and economic downturns, but most of us in the western, developed world live free from major daily threats to our lives.

What has changed significantly is our inner environment. What do I mean by inner environment? It’s our thoughts and how we think about things. Our thoughts and the way we think drive how we feel and act. When we perceive a threat, our instincts kick in to protect us. It doesn’t matter if that threat is about a giant mammal chasing us or a loved one saying something to us in anger that hurts. The result is our core human instincts doing what they can to save us from the real (or imagined) threat to our lives.

Let’s say you lose your job. While this can certainly be a threat to your long-term survival, chances are it’s the way you think about it that spirals you into fear and keeps you there. We might say to ourselves that we’re nothing without the job, our identity is wrapped up in what we do and how we earn money. We may wonder how we’re going to pay our bills and keep the lifestyle we’ve grown accustomed to. But our immediate survival is intact. Losing our job didn’t strike us down dead. Did it change things? Sure. But it didn’t end our life. It’s about perspective. Our thoughts about losing our job are what perpetuate the fear, and kick in those instincts for survival.

In most cases, fear is just a signal that something is a bit off. It may be a sign that we need to change something, or that something doesn’t quite feel right. Our task, then, is to read the sign and act accordingly. Some of us choose to be fearful and move forward anyway. In the case of the lost job, fear is a normal reaction, and may help us think of ways to ensure our survival (network with colleagues about other possible jobs, consider getting additional training or education to become more marketable in the workplace, use savings to pay our expenses, etc.).

But for others, fear can keep us stuck. Losing that job means I’m worthless and no one wants me, which leads to lower motivation and energy about looking for solutions, which leads to inaction, more negative thoughts, and the cycle of continues. Sound familiar?

My guess is we’ve all been in both places. In some situations, we’re able to move past the fear. And in other situations, we get stuck. The trick is to find ways to get unstuck as soon as possible.

As you are faced with the ups and downs of life and fear inevitably creeps in, keep in mind what fear really is (and is not)…

Fear is:

• Unavoidable
• Natural and normal
• A basic, core emotion
• A signal that something is changing or needs to change

Fear is NOT:

• The end of the world
• A sign to give up entirely
• Evil

So as you move through life, remember the times you are able to move forward despite your fear. Take note of how you do that, and what thoughts and actions are most helpful, as well as which ones keep you stuck. The best way to get unstuck is to do things you know have helped you in the past.

Remember, fear is inevitable. You can either embrace it or resist it. Which will you choose?

To get more practical, tried and tested techniques that have helped over 12 million people worldwide face and move through their fears, consider joining me for my live one-day workshop “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway”® based on the best-selling book of the same title by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. For details, go to http://www.krylyn.com/feelthefear.

Photo: By: Lehigh Valley, PA

How to Enjoy and Honor Your Resistance

Do you ever have one of those days where you just cannot keep your head on straight? Everything is distracting you from what you need to do? Negative thoughts cloud your judgment? Insecurity and fear creep in and set up an unwelcome stake on all your best intentions?

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes just try to push through these times…barreling through with my to-do list, checking things off. But the problem is I’m not really productive. Anything on my to-do list that requires thinking or problem-solving just doesn’t get done very effectively. I feel the heaviness of struggle nearly choking me and my ability to make an effective decision diminished greatly.

Life is a series of moments. Some moments are easy and fluid. Others are more challenging and laced with resistance. It’s easy to forget that timing is everything. And that both types of moments are equally beneficial and needed to sustain balance. When life is “easy,” we don’t pay much attention. We think that’s how things are always supposed to be. It’s generally when challenge surfaces that we take note.

What I do to honor my resistance:

• Step away. I naturally find myself taking more breaks when I’m resisting what I need to do. Distractions are harder to ignore. The beautiful breeze skates across my skin and I look up and gaze dreamily out the window. The music in the background beckons me to shake my booty and I get my boogie on for a few minutes. The lunch break where I vow to just read one chapter in a good book turns into a reading marathon and before I know it a couple hours have passed. When you find yourself pulled to do something, just do it. Allow the distraction to be your guide and teacher. Maybe it’s just the universe’s way of telling you that you need a break. That your spirit needs some attention because your mind has been getting it all lately.
• Write it out. Another thing I find myself doing when the voices in my mind quarrel over what needs to be done vs. what I want to do is to just write about it. Journaling is a great way to just let those voices be heard. I typically ask myself a question, such as “what’s going on for me right now,” which leads to a bunch of writing, which leads to another questions, which leads to more writing, and so on. I always find some good insights in doing this free-flow journaling. It’s my minds way of working something out without just sitting and trying to think it through on its own.
• Talk it out. Sometimes talking to a supportive friend or colleague can help put things in perspective. When we ruminate in our thoughts, its hard to get out of that by thinking more about it. Talking to someone else allows us to get our thoughts out in another form (words) and lets someone else to put their two cents in. typically others can see a different point of view and even the smallest observation or comment on their part can help shift us into knowing what to do next.
• Do something. When we are resistant, we’re focused on our thoughts. What should I do? What shouldn’t I do? This is too hard, or boring, or stupid, or…” You get the picture. What we tend to do when we are stuck in thoughts is forget that we have a body and it may need some attention. Get up and move around. Go outside. Clean the dishes. Do something physical. Allow your body to take over. Do a task that doesn’t require much thinking other than – DO THIS, then DO THIS NEXT.

The biggest thing to remember during times of resistance is that it is normal. When we try to fight our resistance, it rarely ends up the way we like. So, give yourself a break. Honor the resistance. And then see what happens…

From Someday to Now: Tips on Achieving Your Dreams

For years I’ve been to content dream, make plans, and live in the “someday” category. You know, that place of always putting off till tomorrow and then the next day and the next. I’ve found excuses to stay in my comfort zone. Lots of excuses. But in the last year, my excuses have been stripped away from me, quite painfully I might add. I guess if we don’t willingly let go of excuses that get in the way of our growth, then the universe finds a way to do it for us.

I am now living alone for the first time in my life. Seeing as I’m such an independent woman and have been self-sufficient since I was 17 years old, you would think it wouldn’t be a big deal. But I went from my family to college with roommates, to marriage, to single parenthood. There’s always been someone around. That is, until my son moved away to college. I am now an empty-nester, fixing meals for one, getting to watch the TV shows I want to watch, and not having anyone to be accountable to. I can come and go as I please without giving an itinerary to anyone. It’s very freeing, but also a bit strange.

The goals I put off until “after my son goes to college” are staring at me, pleading with me. And it’s suddenly clear that I’ve been hiding behind excuses. It’s easy to make plans for someday. But quite another to make them for a specific day.

Someday has allure. It tells the world you have aspirations. But it fails to put an actual expectation around them. Making plans is easy. Following through until you reach them…well, that’s where the real work lies.

It seems appropriate that I’m thinking about this as we are in full swing of the New Year, and more than a few people I know are caught in the resolution craze. Someday is now for many people. And it starts with a plan, followed by consistent action, and commitment even when things get rough.

My someday list includes:

• Moving to another state
• Creating more freedom in my schedule
• Adding new skills to my toolbox to help my clients
• Singing more often…personally and professionally
• Spending more time with good friends
• Finding romance

As I look through my someday list, I see that I really have been working toward all of these items for some time. But the loss of my excuses has helped propel me to the next level, and begun the process of manifesting what I want. Within the next couple months, I will have made significant progress toward and/or complete at least four of these items. And it all started with my intention to create it and my faith that it was possible.

What’s on your someday list? Does it involve relationships, career, finances, health, hobbies, a vacation, romance, business, etc.? Here’s some tips to help you go from someday to now.

• Make a list of your someday items. Brainstorm as many things as possible. You might find some of them to be small and seemingly easy and quick to achieve. Others may take a while or seem next to impossible. Just write it all down.
• After you make your list, put it away for a day or two. Let all your ideas percolate. Let the excitement grow about actually doing something to achieve one or more items on your list.
• Go back to your list. Read through it and make note of which items hold the most excitement (or fear). Those are the items you want to pay close attention to. Anything worthwhile is something you are going to have some strong emotion around.
• Pick one item that is emotionally-charged and flesh out the idea. Think and write about what achieving that goal would look like, feel like…how it would change your life. Have fun with it. Keep that emotion going.
• Now make a plan for how to achieve it. Don’t get too caught up in the mechanics of how to make it happen. Just start brainstorming the steps involved.
• Take action. The only way to get to your someday is through action. Action when you don’t feel like it. Action when things are tough. Just don’t stop taking action.

You’ll find that when you have emotion around something, set an intention, and begin to take steps toward it, things start to happen. Forward movement. Coincidences. Momentum. So go out there and get to your someday.