Courage Does Not Always Roar

“Courage doesn’t always roar.
Sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the
end of the day saying,
‘I will try again tomorrow.'”
-Mary Anne Radmacher

We all have challenges. Sometimes we have strength and conviction to work through them. Other times, we feel defeated. The trick is to keep moving forward, despite fear, pain, sadness, or any other thing getting in the way. Enjoy this short movie, full of words of encouragement to get you through the seemingly defeated times. Enjoy!

Connecting to What Really Matters

What really matters? If you’re Billy Crystal in “City Slickers” it’s that ONE THING. Some say LOVE or FAMILY, others say PURPOSE. It seems what really matters is in many ways the same for most people, and in many ways different.

I believe WHAT matters is generally the same for most of us. It can be hard to articulate, but I think we all crave some sort of connection – with other people, with nature, with a higher power. Connection with someone or something outside ourselves lets us know we’re not alone. That we matter. That our life has meaning. In another movie, “Shall We Dance,“ Susan Sarandon talks about the importance of having a witness to our lives – someone who can testify that who we are has made some sort of impact in the world. And of course in the movie “Avatar “, the famous quote “I see you” speaks to our need for our souls, our essence, to be seen and our voices to be heard.

So if connection is what matters, then our task is to find HOW to focus on it and bring more of it into our lives. And that is where the differences come in. I think we get in trouble when our sense of connection is lost or threatened. We act in certain irrational ways, punishing ourselves and/or others. We fight for attention, clamoring against the thought of feeling invisible, like we don’t matter. We get competitive. We think small. We hold on tightly to expectations that are unrealistic. We cling to the past, longing for simpler, less confusing times. We live in the future, hoping for things to change. We are fearful. We forget what really matters. And we become disconnected, which might look like:

• Withdrawing from friends
• Escaping into mind-numbing activities (like TV, internet, texting, addictions)
• Distracting ourselves with too much work (or too much play)
• Avoiding making decisions
• Becoming overly controlling in a particular area of life (clutter/hoarding, eating, exercising, etc.)
• Not paying attention to our bodies signals (hunger, thirst, fatigue, pain, etc.)

Think about these questions for a moment:

• When do you feel connected?
• What are you doing?
• What are you thinking?
• What are you feeling?
• Who are you with when you feel connected?
• Where are you?
• What is your environment like (sights, sounds, smells)?

And try these tips on how to get more connected:

• After answering the above questions, make a list of what and who makes you feel connected. Remember to touch on the areas of people, places, and things.
• Think of ways to add connecting activities to your daily life. Make a list of these activities, everything from things you can do with little effort to things that might take some building up to. Brainstorm and get creative.
• Add one connecting activity to your day, every day. Mark it in your calendar if you need to. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time.

Lately, for me connection looks like:

• Spending time with friends – on the phone, online, and in person
• Traveling to new (and old) places
• Breathing in fresh air
• Petting my 10-year old cat for longer periods of time
• Getting out of my comfort zone and meeting new people
• Writing songs
• Talking to my son on the phone regularly now that he is away at college
• Asking people for help

I’d love to hear what helps you feel connected. Please leave a comment below.

Give Me a BRAKE: What Illness Has to Teach Us About Self Care

Sniffle, sniffle, cough, cough, scratchy scratchy sore throat, cough, cough, cough, cough, cough. Ahh, yes, the rhythms and sounds of a viral winter. Forced down time. Rest. Plenty of fluids. And utter boredom. For someone used to going full speed, working long hours, and rarely taking time off, being sick is inconvenient at least – or so I used to think.

As with everything, once I changed my mind about what it means to be sick, something truly amazing happened. I started to see the gift of illness. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not thrilled with sore throats, congestion, and coughing so hard I see stars. But this resting thing, taking a break from technology, stopping when I’m tired, giving my body and mind a break is something I could get used to.

Our bodies are wonderful storytellers if we just listen. They tell us what they need. Our job is to listen. And sometimes illness is a way for our body to tell us to slow down, take a time-out, and re-group.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll find that illness comes after a stint of burning the candle at both ends, trying to fit 40 hours of work into a 20 hour window of time. It rarely comes when I’ve been taking stellar care of myself. So, for me, illness is just a little reminder that self care is important…always. And especially when I feel like I don’t have time for it.

So I’ll go on enjoying some down time and taking better care of myself, while remembering that once I’m ready to get back into the full swing of things, it’s time to pay closer attention to my body’s signals.

10 Rules for Being Human

Ever wish there was an instruction manual for life laying out the rules of the “game”? Enjoy this short movie and the 10 rules outlined for what it is to be human…from a more spiritual perspective. Which rules do you already live by? Got any other rules to add? Please feel free to comment below.

My favorite among the rules listed in this movie…
There are no mistakes, only lessons

The Matter of Perspective

Remember the telephone game from childhood? In a circle, one person whispers to another person a phrase, and that person then whispers it to the next, and so on until everyone has passed the phrase around. Rarely (if ever) does the original message get through to the last person. There’s typically a variation of the original. This has to do with perspective. How we hear something, which is affected by our filters.

When I work with clients, I often talk about perspective. What we see, hear, think, and feel is filtered through a combination of our past experiences and our beliefs, which color how we see, hear, think, and feel.

Perspective is a powerful thing. When we are able to look at something from another perspective, it allows us to move outside ourselves and our filters and get a different point of view. What may look very clear from one perspective suddenly is not clear or is so different it hardly resembles what we originally thought.

Seeing things from a different perspective allows us to:

• Gain empathy for someone whose life circumstances are different from ours
• Understand others’ opinions as valid, even if different from our own
• See the reasons why someone might do something we wouldn’t do

The old saying “walk a mile in my shoes” speaks to this idea of perspective. If we can get outside ourselves long enough to learn where someone else is coming from, it can go a long way in bridging misunderstandings.

As a pictorial representation of perspective, here are three photos of the same landscape taken in different seasons, courtesy of my dad. What do you notice about this scene in each photo. What is the same? What is different? How would you describe each photo?

I challenge you to take one situation in your life and look at it from someone else’s perspective. Learn what it’s like to look at something and think about it differently. Then take what you learn and choose how to act and how to be. You might be surprised at what happens.

The Down Side of Self Improvement

It’s that time of year. Just when you think it’s safe to re-enter your life, pack up your holiday decorations, and get back to a sense of normalcy, the New Year’s resolution messages creep in.

Lose weight…get healthy…build your business…fix your relationships…build wealth…make 2013 the BEST YEAR EVER…

I must admit I am a recovering self-help junkie. The lure is intoxicating isn’t it? If only this program, this product, this time will make me happy…It’s seductive. It’s inspiring. It’s marketing. And it may also be what’s keeping you stuck just where you are.

Think about the term self improvement. It implies there’s something wrong, something that needs fixing. If we live our lives based on that belief, then we ride the endless cycle of feeling broken and looking for repair. And most of the time looking for answers (aka things) outside ourselves: books, classes, pills, equipment, gadgets, relationships, etc.

I’m a strong believer that our feelings are a product of our choices, thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs. That things outside of us can’t make us feel, but rather our reaction to those things creates our experiences.

But it’s a fine line between wanting to change and feeling horrible about who we are. And this is the season for people to capitalize on that subtle distinction.

I think there are many products and services out there that can be helpful to us in our journey to change. The trick is picking ones that help rather than hurt us in the process. If messages come at you with a “this is what’s wrong with you” tone, I’d say avoid them altogether. Look for messages that expand on something you’re already doing or wanting that support you and focus on the positive.

What would YOU like to change in 2013? Here’s some things to try as you look ahead to the year and life you want to create:

1. Make a list of what you accomplished in 2012. So many times it’s easy to focus on what we DIDN’T do. But be sure to take some time honoring the things you DID do.
2. List all the things you are grateful for. Make this a regular practice.
3. Spend some time alone in silence or listening to music that is calming. Think of what you want to create for the upcoming year in the areas of health and well being, relationships, career, finance, etc. Then write down one realistic, obtainable goal for each category that you can accomplish within a month.

Remember, wanting to make positive changes and improvements in your life is normal and healthy if it comes from a place of strength. Focus on the positive that’s already in your life and what you want to create and you’ll be off to a great start in making this a wonderful year.