The Matter of Perspective

Remember the telephone game from childhood? In a circle, one person whispers to another person a phrase, and that person then whispers it to the next, and so on until everyone has passed the phrase around. Rarely (if ever) does the original message get through to the last person. There’s typically a variation of the original. This has to do with perspective. How we hear something, which is affected by our filters.

When I work with clients, I often talk about perspective. What we see, hear, think, and feel is filtered through a combination of our past experiences and our beliefs, which color how we see, hear, think, and feel.

Perspective is a powerful thing. When we are able to look at something from another perspective, it allows us to move outside ourselves and our filters and get a different point of view. What may look very clear from one perspective suddenly is not clear or is so different it hardly resembles what we originally thought.

Seeing things from a different perspective allows us to:

• Gain empathy for someone whose life circumstances are different from ours
• Understand others’ opinions as valid, even if different from our own
• See the reasons why someone might do something we wouldn’t do

The old saying “walk a mile in my shoes” speaks to this idea of perspective. If we can get outside ourselves long enough to learn where someone else is coming from, it can go a long way in bridging misunderstandings.

As a pictorial representation of perspective, here are three photos of the same landscape taken in different seasons, courtesy of my dad. What do you notice about this scene in each photo. What is the same? What is different? How would you describe each photo?

I challenge you to take one situation in your life and look at it from someone else’s perspective. Learn what it’s like to look at something and think about it differently. Then take what you learn and choose how to act and how to be. You might be surprised at what happens.

Got CircleSongs

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know about CircleSongs, the improvisational a capella community singing experience created by Grammy Award-Winning artist Bobby McFerrin. Before I went to train with McFerrin in New York in 2011, I came across his album titled “Circle Songs.” These are beautifully crafted improvisational songs by professional singers captured in the recording studio. Some of the singers were also on hand as faculty during the week-long training I attended.

For months, I listened to these songs, waiting and hoping to have an opportunity to train with McFerrin. And when the announcement came, I was one of the first to register.

Listen to these inspirational songs by CircleSong originator and his hand-picked team of singers.

For further information about how you can join a CircleSong group and to listen to samples of CircleSongs I led while studying in New York, please visit http://www.krylyn.com/circlesongs. To register for an upcoming CircleSong group go to http://circlesongs.eventbrite.com.

CircleSong #1

CircleSong #2

CircleSong #3

CircleSong #5

CircleSong #6 – my favorite, btw

CircleSong #8

The Down Side of Self Improvement

It’s that time of year. Just when you think it’s safe to re-enter your life, pack up your holiday decorations, and get back to a sense of normalcy, the New Year’s resolution messages creep in.

Lose weight…get healthy…build your business…fix your relationships…build wealth…make 2013 the BEST YEAR EVER…

I must admit I am a recovering self-help junkie. The lure is intoxicating isn’t it? If only this program, this product, this time will make me happy…It’s seductive. It’s inspiring. It’s marketing. And it may also be what’s keeping you stuck just where you are.

Think about the term self improvement. It implies there’s something wrong, something that needs fixing. If we live our lives based on that belief, then we ride the endless cycle of feeling broken and looking for repair. And most of the time looking for answers (aka things) outside ourselves: books, classes, pills, equipment, gadgets, relationships, etc.

I’m a strong believer that our feelings are a product of our choices, thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs. That things outside of us can’t make us feel, but rather our reaction to those things creates our experiences.

But it’s a fine line between wanting to change and feeling horrible about who we are. And this is the season for people to capitalize on that subtle distinction.

I think there are many products and services out there that can be helpful to us in our journey to change. The trick is picking ones that help rather than hurt us in the process. If messages come at you with a “this is what’s wrong with you” tone, I’d say avoid them altogether. Look for messages that expand on something you’re already doing or wanting that support you and focus on the positive.

What would YOU like to change in 2013? Here’s some things to try as you look ahead to the year and life you want to create:

1. Make a list of what you accomplished in 2012. So many times it’s easy to focus on what we DIDN’T do. But be sure to take some time honoring the things you DID do.
2. List all the things you are grateful for. Make this a regular practice.
3. Spend some time alone in silence or listening to music that is calming. Think of what you want to create for the upcoming year in the areas of health and well being, relationships, career, finance, etc. Then write down one realistic, obtainable goal for each category that you can accomplish within a month.

Remember, wanting to make positive changes and improvements in your life is normal and healthy if it comes from a place of strength. Focus on the positive that’s already in your life and what you want to create and you’ll be off to a great start in making this a wonderful year.

How to Prepare for a CircleSong Group

When I trained with Bobby McFerrin on his CircleSong process, there was a wonderful story he told about preparing for his performances. He talked about how people spend time getting ready for a performance, picking out clothes and basically transforming into a performer. He said a long time ago, he decided that he didn’t need to transform. As an improvisational artist, someone who doesn’t prepare a performance but rather goes on stage and just lets the moment bring him into the experience and the music, he just needs to show up. Every experience from the day leading up to the performance helps shape the performance. So he said he doesn’t change his clothes. He said “the music is in my clothes.”

What a wonderful concept. How often do we think we need to change (our clothes or ourselves) in order to fit the moment? We craft what to say, what to do, how we will present ourselves. But if we just let our natural self come forward, that is all that is truly required.

In improvisational singing, it’s all about the process of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and open to whatever presents itself. Therefore, preparing for it doesn’t require anything but showing up.

When I lead CircleSongs, I tell people to:

• Expect the unexpected
• Leave their inner critic outside
• Bring an open mind
• Drink plenty of water

The process will take care of itself and lead us to the sounds that create a wonderful, fun, moving, and transformative musical experience.

For further information about how you can join a CircleSong group and to listen to samples of CircleSongs I led while studying in New York, please visit http://www.krylyn.com/circlesongs. To register for an upcoming CircleSong group go to http://circlesongs.eventbrite.com.

Keep Your Goals to Yourself

The time for setting goals is upon us! Derek Sivers, an innovator in the music industry (and someone I do business with), talks about not talking about your goals. Hmmm…contradictory to what we’ve been taught or proven psychological phenomenon. Watch and decide for yourself.

Top 12 Ways to Keep Stress at Bay This Holiday Season

We are smack dab in the middle of the holidays. For some, it’s a time of joy, sharing, giving, and connection. For others, it’s a difficult time with painful or sad memories. No matter what your experience, there’s bound to be something that gets under your skin. ‘Tis the season for stress to surface, tempers to flare, feelings to get hurt, and overwhelm to abound.

To help you ease any unwanted tension associated with this time of year, I’ve compiled a list of 10 of my favorite ways you can take good care of yourself during the holiday season (and beyond). Enjoy!

1. Be Consistent: During this time many of us have time off from work and the regular routines we practice most days of the year. While getting a break from the mundane day-to-day of our lives can be a blessing, it can also upset some sort of balance we’ve already put in place. By all means, enjoy some less structured time, but be mindful of how straying too far from things like regular sleep times, meal times, and household routines can affect getting back to those routines when the time comes. Be as consistent as possible while also giving yourself a well-deserved break.
2. Think Before You Speak: When others say and do things that “push your buttons” you may find yourself going on auto-pilot and just blurting out what you really think. But when emotions are running high, what comes out of our mouths is rarely what we really mean to say. Do yourself a favor and take some time to think before you speak. If needed, leave the situation, go into another room, hang up the phone, or summon every bit of self control you have to keep yourself from saying something you may regret later.
3. Ask for Help: There’s no shame in asking for help when you really need it. Since there always seems to be more to do than time to do it in at this time of year, you’ll probably have ample opportunity to ask for some help in getting things done. Plus, most people like to help and feel needed, but aren’t sure what to do unless you ask them.
4. Learn to Say No: Saying “no” is an art form. We are so programmed to not hurt others’ feelings that we sometimes end up hurting ourselves the most in the end. By saying yes to everything and everyone else during this busy time, you could be setting yourself up for feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Instead of looking at it as saying “no” to others, think of it as saying “yes” to yourself. Yes to taking care of yourself. Yes to only doing things you really want to do. Yes to a holiday season that is more manageable. What’s not to like about yes?
5. Rest and Be Merry: What good are you going to be to anyone (including yourself) if you run yourself ragged? One thing we sometimes do when there is more to do is forego sleep to get it all done. But when you sacrifice rest, it can have some significant and undesirable consequences. You can become irritable, lose your focus easily, have difficulty completing tasks, be more vulnerable to illness, and the list goes on. Do yourself a favor and make it a point of getting your optimal amount of sleep each night (from 7 to 9 hours). If something has to go because you just have too much on your to-do list, find something else to sacrifice.
6. Unplug the Technology: Despite popular belief, the world will NOT end if you turn off your phone(s), computer, television, and other electronic devices to enjoy some real human interaction. Even if all you do is spend some quiet, uninterrupted time with yourself and your thoughts, it will be well worth it.
7. Work It Out: Many studies have proven that exercise makes a person feel better through the release of endorphins, and it works out the stressful tension in the muscles and recharges your energy levels. To combat the effects of stress this holiday season, try relaxing exercises such as stretching, yoga, or tai chi. Just a few extra minutes of exercise a day can benefit your overall health.
8. Take Stock in Your “Stuff”: Now is the perfect time of year to stop, take a moment, and take stock of all that you have. Sure, some of that might be material possessions (like a house, car, and other “stuff”), but also think of the non-tangible “stuff” you have, like relationships, your health, your attitude, your sense of humor, etc. It’s easy to focus on the negative or what we don’t have. But it’s so much more productive (and stress relieving) to think of all that we have to be grateful for. Make a list of your gratitudes…often. And review it whenever you start to feel overwhelmed by the stresses of the season.
9. Just Breathe: Did you know that when we get stressed, we tend to hold our breath? Have you ever noticed that? Make a point to tune into your breath regularly during this time of year…when you’re waiting in lines buying those holiday gifts, when you’re searching for parking spots at the mall, or when you’re stuck in traffic.
10. Tickle Your Funny Bone: One of the best kept secrets in stress relief is the power of laughter. Laughter helps us by providing a physical release of tension, distracting us from the seriousness we can get focused on when we’re feeling stressed, and connecting us with others. Have you ever felt relieved, lighter, less stressed after a good laugh? That’s because your body automatically tenses and releases several muscles, from your abdominals, shoulders, etc. This tension and release allows our bodies to let go of physical tension, which can lead to a release of emotional tension as well. Laughter can be contagious and create an instant bond between strangers, acquaintances, or friends. Studies show that the more connected we feel with others, the better able we are at dealing with stressful situations.
11. Pencil in Some “Me” Time: Give yourself some evenings off to relax, enjoy some down time, and take in the blessings of the season. It’s okay to take a break. And it might just be the best “present” you could receive this holiday season.
12. Practice Forgiveness: Some people believe that forgiveness is about what someone else did, but really, it’s about us. When we hang on to the wrongs of others, it affects us far greater than the other person. We can harbor painful feelings, negative thoughts, and spend a lot of energy thinking about something that’s in the past. The holidays are prime time to practice forgiveness, as we are often reminded of our past and the ways we think things should have been. As the ultimate gift to yourself, find something or someone you can forgive and then let it go.

Do you have any other favorite holiday stress busters? Feel free to leave a comment below.

Photo: Lonesome Hartwood Acres Holiday Tree © by iriskh