The most profound changes often come from the smallest of shifts in our perspective. This is a belief I find myself coming back to again and again, especially when evidence mounts to support it.
Recently, I spent two weeks volunteering with at-risk youth at Theater Camp through Free Arts of Arizona. The camp helps abused and neglected youth living in groups homes, shelters, and treatment facilities tell their stories through the creative arts (acting, spoken word poetry, dance/movement, visual arts, and music).
Having just gone through a major re-brand in my business, I was ready for a break. Things didn’t go as planned and instead of spending more time troubleshooting technical issues and living in the space of uncertainty, I was so grateful to get away. I knew the time focusing on other things would help shift my perspective, and I was right.
I also believe that there are lessons everywhere. Lessons to help us remember. Lessons to help us regain our perspective on what truly matters. Here are just some of the lessons I learned (and re-learned) by stepping away from my daily routine and being of service to some amazing young folks:
I’m sure there are other lessons in the Theater Camp experience, and perhaps I’ll write more about them when they surface. For now, I’m honored to have been a witness to these young folks on their journey to healing. Their bravery has impacted me and everyone else who worked with them and who came to their performances. And they have helped remind us all some very important life lessons.
Got a comment? Share it below.
In today’s Q&A video blog, I’ll be answering a question that I get asked quite a bit in my live workshops…
How do I stop the spinning thoughts?
You know, the thoughts that keep spinning around in your head. The what if’s. The worries. The spirals of one thought leading down to some dark and dreary places. Watch and listen as I share some tips on how you can get out of those spinning thoughts.
Want to know more about how to tame your fear, embrace your greatness, and get out of your own way?
Ask your question and you just might see it in an upcoming video blog. Simply send your question to krylyn@krylyn.com.
When I write, I edit as I go. Copying, pasting, moving things around, and deleting words and phrases in favor of other ones that are more descript. The delete button is often associated with erasing and correcting mistakes. But I like to think of it as my companion in helping me express myself and get my ideas, thoughts, advice, and vision out into the world. This is a subtle, yet important distinction.
Too often, we are bombarded with messages in our lives that something is wrong, we’ve made a mistake, or that we must change something in order to be (fill in the blank: happier, more fulfilled, sexier, more attractive, healthier, and the list goes on). It can be overwhelming with all these seemingly negative messages.
But there are times when just shifting our perspective, the subtle distinction, can make all the difference.
What if hitting the delete button was about:
What if hitting the delete button applied to more than just writing? To things like:
You see, when we look at any situation knowing that we can DELETE what we don’t like…or change it…it takes a lot of the pressure off. What pressure, you may ask? The pressure to be perfect, to make the “right” decision.
I know firsthand that the pressure to “get it right” (and even to get it right the first time out the gate) can be paralyzing. It can make it difficult to move forward, to take that first step. It can bring up thoughts of “why even bother” or “I need to get all these others things done before I can do this.”
In other words, living life as if there is no delete button SUCKS!
What if every time you think “I can’t do it” you could just DELETE and shift to “I can do it despite my fear?”
And whenever you think “It’s got to be perfect” you could just DELETE and shift to “I am going to do this one step and if I need to, I can change it?”
And when you get caught up in “what if I make the wrong decision” you could just DELETE and say “there are no wrong decisions only subtle distinctions to be made in how I look at this?”
How different would life be if you could DELETE the thoughts that do not serve you and shift your perspective?
I wonder…
So next time you get caught up in things needing to be a certain way, remember:
How will you use your delete button? Leave a comment below to share!
What are you afraid of? Most people are afraid of some similar things, such as:
Others have more specific fears, such as:
Regardless of what fears you have, know this…
Fear is a base emotion that ALL humans have.
Fear is genetically hard-wired in us as a way to protect us from harm and keep us alive. It is an early warning system.
Over time and evolution, we are still hard-wired to feel fear of anything that threatens our safety. However, we no longer have the same threats to our physical safety on a regular basis (i.e. being eaten by predators). We do, however, still perceive threats…to our EMOTIONAL safety. But our bodies cannot tell the difference between a physical threat and an emotional threat. Our bodies react to protect us against any threat.
We fear being judged, criticized, rejected, abandoned, ostracized, labeled, etc. If someone looks at us a certain way, we might FEEL a certain way, which may be a threat to us feeling safe, loved, cared for, and ok. If we FEEL threatened, our THOUGHTS kick in to let us know we’re not safe, we must leave or attack or otherwise protect ourselves. Then we behave accordingly. It’s a complex system where our emotions, thoughts, and actions are all inter-connected.
It’s not a matter of getting RID of fear, it’s a matter of processing it and reacting to it differently. When someone says they want to get rid of fear, all I hear is another ploy to deny our emotions. Folks, we are all experts (in one way or another) in denying our emotions. We’ve learned to cover them up, sweep them under the rug, avoid them, medicate them, distract ourselves from them. There are industries built on how NOT to deal with emotions. The ABSOLUTE LAST THING WE NEED is another person or industry telling us to NOT FEEL WHAT WE FEEL.
What we need is help figuring out how to change our relationship with our emotions. They are NOT good or bad. They are just there to give us information. Fear is there to protect us. It serves a purpose.
So when I hear people talking about getting rid of fear or that fear is a choice, I cringe, take a deep breath, and seek to educate.
As “The Fear Whisperer,” my expertise is helping people change their relationship with fear. Fear has a lot to teach us if we will only listen. It can be a catalyst or a crutch.
So is fear a choice? NO. But how you THINK about it and how you REACT to it are.
Are you interested in changing your relationship with fear? I invite you to join me for the 30 Day Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Challenge. You’ll get 30 days of kick-butt support toward taming your fear. Seats are limited. Grabs your today at http://www.krylyn.com/30-day-challenge.
Photo by: Kevin B 3
Committing to doing what’s best for us is not always easy, especially when the hearts of others may get bruised, and their expectations may go unmet.
If you were to tense up every muscle in your body––your feet, your calves, your face, your teeth––that’s sort of the way it feels during the time leading up to doing what’s best for you, at least until you’ve had some practice. You feel like a big tight fist.
But once the words of truth find their way through parted lips, the tension loosens, the grip is undone, and you feel almost euphoric. It’s liberating in a way, even though it can feel awkward, and sometimes painful as you transition through the process. For those of us who are caretakers (most of us), it’s especially difficult to speak up for what’s truly in our best interest. It can be challenging to strike graceful balance between establishing healthy boundaries, and honoring those we share our lives with.
Most of my life, I’ve was a devout, hardcore emotional caretaker––a quality that lives in they grey. The caretaker believes self-sacrifice, generosity, and a willingness to put other’s needs first originates from a place of pure intent.
Certainly there is a great deal of truth to this. Caretakers genuinely do want to help. They want to support. They want to give, and want to see others happy, well, and succeed in life.
On the flip side of this pure intention is often a bit of subconscious self-service. These tender loving caretakers often have unmet needs that get temporarily fulfilled by doing good for someone else, such as the need to feel loved, appreciated, or of value.
I lived the caretaker’s way for most of my life. By being there, doing for, and giving to others, a deep sense of intimacy was established. I felt connected, needed, wanted, and valued. This all felt really good until one day, it didn’t feel so good anymore––at least not at times when my doing for others diminished my emotional and physical wellbeing.
Without going into the whole story of how I came to this place, I’ll say that it was a pinnacle moment in my journey. I learned that by loving me, and by establishing boundaries that honor me, I am even more capable of truly loving and caring for others––authentically, whole-heartedly, and without condition.
Join Krylyn and me on Tuesday, April 21st at 1pm PST as we’ll be discussing those tools that support you in Applying Your Oxygen Mask first gracefully, and how you can begin implementing these tools right away. Sign up for FREE at www.CreativityAndWellnessSummit.com.
About the Guest Author: Tina Leigh is a Mindful Living and Integrative Health Coach, Author, and Therapeutic Chef. She supports individuals, entrepreneurs, and consumer brands such as ABC Carpet & Home, Yoga Body Naturals, Navitas Naturals, Vega, Meriwether Group, Dragon Herbs, and many others. In addition, she is deeply experienced in the publishing world, having successfully written, edited, and published four books including Balanced Raw, Superfood Juices & Smoothies, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Low-fat Vegan Cooking, and Heed Your Call. She is a certified yoga practitioner and devout meditator, and brings calm, balance, and positive energy to all interactions. For more information, visit www.HauteHealthNow.com.
As a songwriter, I can tell you firsthand about my experience with being creative. When I was growing up, I used creativity as both an escape and a way to express the hidden, scary feelings and thoughts I had. You see, I was raised by parents who abused alcohol to manage their undiagnosed mental illness.
Talk about an unpredictable household!
I never knew what mood my mother would be in, who would be home and when, if it would be a loud day or a silent day. I was often left to fend for myself, expected to feed myself and get myself to and from school on my own by the age of 8.
There were times I woke in the night to screaming, slamming doors, and the sound of my mother hitting my older sister. Other times I woke in the night to find no one home. I was often scared, lonely, and confused.
Songwriting was my escape, my refuge. I often call it my “drug of choice,” as it was my positive addiction growing up and a way for me to channel my angst. I not only got to get away from the chaos of my family, but also got to tap into thoughts and feelings I wasn’t able to articulate without the use of music
As I got older, I started to really appreciate the process of creativity. Sure the outcome of having a finished song was very nice, but the process was more healing for me in many ways. It allowed me to express myself, be in the moment, take risks, be okay with mistakes, accept myself, discover myself, and just be. There weren’t many other ways or places I could just be myself like that. So I came to cherish my time in creative pursuits and would come away with a renewed sense of energy, passion, and self. It was like coming home. Maybe you can relate to this.
Professionally, I was drawn to the helping professions. I got my bachelor of arts in psychology and my master’s in counseling. I became a licensed psychotherapist and certified life coach and have worked for over 13 years helping people to deal with the effects of trauma, neglect, and abuse, learn to manage depression and anxiety symptoms, practice more effective communication and coping skills, and learn creative ways to deal with fear, burnout, and stress.
I get to use creativity all the time in my work from both a process (helping people shift their perspective, expand their thinking, embrace their feelings) and outcome (sing, write a song, accomplish a goal) perspective. I watch my clients practice their new skills to improve their relationships, reduce conflict, ask for what they want, get rid of nightmares, eliminate panic attacks, increase their confidence and sense of worth, bust through their fear, and live happier, more balanced lives.
Have you ever had that a-ha moment when things just click and make sense? An idea pops into your head that helps you look at a situation in a new light, giving you the answer or solution you’ve been looking for? THAT is the process and power of creativity.
After seeing not only how creativity helped me, but has helped so many others, I wanted to bring it to the world on a bigger scale. That’s why I created the…
This is a powerful annual online conference designed to make you think outside the box and give you practical, fun, and easy-to-use tips to help you get unstuck from the muck that holds you back – personally and professionally.
I’ve gathered together some top experts who also know how powerful creativity can be to our emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health.
You’ll hear their stories of how creativity has benefited them and the people they work with. And listen in as they share their best strategies for improving your life and business. We discuss their unique perspectives on creativity and get an inside view of the specific, tested techniques they use to help people create amazing, powerful, positive shifts in their lives. Best of all, you’ll receive usable, actionable information that you can apply to your life and business today.
This Summit is about breaking out of old patterns that don’t serve you…and having some fun along the way! What I really love the amount of amazing, rich, content these experts give that you can use right now in your life and work. We all know how tremendously healing the power of creativity can be. This Summit is truly a labor of love and service – a gift from us to you.
If you’d like to get FREE access to experts with powerful and creative healing tools, you won’t want to miss this. Get more details and register at www.CreativityAndWellnessSummit.com.