Ditching the Disease to Please: Goodbye “Good Girl,” Hello HAPPY ☺ Girl
If women are “programmed” to do anything, it’s to please others and be a “good girl.” And by “good” it is assumed you will:
- Be compliant and not complain about what is expected of you, which is more than any one person could possibly do anyway.
- Do for others RATHER than do for yourself.
- Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.
- Forget about your hopes, dreams, passions, and goals.
And if you do any or all of those things listed above, it’s a recipe for disaster. Whenever you put yourself at the bottom of your priority list, it takes a toll on you – your physical, emotional, and mental health. It sends a message, not only to you, but to everyone around you that you’re not important, that you don’t matter.
Dr. Wayne Dyer has said “You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.” What are you teaching people? To treat you like a deserving, lovable, competent, intelligent, independent, worthy woman. OR, to treat you like someone who will always be there to do what other people can’t, won’t, or don’t want to do?
To find out if you tend to be a people pleaser, answer the following true or false questions:
- I say yes to other people’s requests even when I really want to say no.
- I get anxious at the thought of someone not liking me or something I’ve done (or not done).
- I feel resentful when I do things for other people.
- I feel resentful when other people don’t do things for me, especially when I do so much for them.
- I want people to automatically know what I want or need without having to say it.
If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you just might be a people pleaser. The good news is you can unlearn your people-pleasing ways and get back to putting yourself at the top of your priority list. In order to be treated the way you deserve to be treated, you must first start with yourself. People take clues on how to treat you by watching how you treat yourself. So treat yourself well. Here’s some tips on how:
- Define your priorities. Make a list of all your priorites in life, such as your family, friends, job, finances, health, etc. Then pick the top three you’d like to focus on in the next month or so. Write out your list and keep it where you can see it or refer to it. When asked to do something, check in with your priority list. If the request isn’t aligned with your priorities, it will be easier to turn it down.
- Schedule yourself on your calendar. We fill up our schedules with meetings, appointments, errands, etc. If it’s on your calendar, you know it needs to get done. So why not use that to your advantage and block out some time for yourself.
- Learn to say no. The word “no” is one that none of us like to hear. So it might be easier to think of saying no to others in terms of saying YES to yourself. If someone asks you to do something you really don’t want to do, keep your priority of saying yes to yourself in mind and politely decline the request. This is a skill that takes some practice. You might want to start by saying no to small things first and with people you know won’t be easily upset. Once you have small successes under your belt, it will be easier to say no to bigger things and with people who are more vested in getting their way than in you being happy.
For more ideas on how to ditch that annoying disease to please, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Getting Over the Good Girl Syndrome: Learning to Say No.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/getting-over-the-good-girl-syndrome, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.
