Fear: Friend or Foe?

As “The Fear Whisperer,” I hear A LOT about the down side of fear. Things like:

• It’s scary.
• It keeps me from doing what I really want to do.
• It holds me back.
• It sucks.
• It’s ruining my life.

Waa, waa, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Fear really gets a bad wrap.

And I’m here to change all that. So before you get your panties in a bunch and leave comments attacking me and my stance on fear, take a deep, cleansing breath, calm the F down, and listen.

For all the bad things you have to say about fear, there are some good things too.

Think of fear as your ultimate protector. It wants the best for you. It wants you safe. While it may not feel that way sometimes, it’s true.

You learned all about fear when you were very young. Chances are, the life you have now looks MUCH different than the one you grew up in. Especially if the one from years ago was full of uncertainty and dysfunction.

You see, when you’re in an environment that is unpredictable or allows harm to come to you (physical and/or emotional), you don’t feel safe. And fear runs rampant. But as a youngster, you cannot process fear the same way you can as an adult. As a child, fear is a big scary monster under the bed (or even in the next room).

And what do we do when there are monsters? We attack them, or run from them, or get so scared we cannot move.

Then we grow up and when other monsters appear and we feel threatened, we react in similar ways.

• Attacking may look like verbal or physical aggression
• Running may look like avoidance or procrastination
• Immobility may look like shutting down emotionally

But you must remember, fear is still just there trying to protect you.

One strategy I find helpful is to take a pause and THANK your fear (yes, you read that right).

Thank your fear for protecting you. It’s only doing its job.

Then let fear know that you no longer need protecting. You can handle this on your own. You can put your big girl/boy pants on and face that fear head on, and not let it keep you stuck.

Invite fear to walk away or gently escort it out of the building. Basically, give fear permission to leave. Think of it as your bodyguard. You can tell it to leave anytime you want.

Then, roll up your sleeves, take some more deep breaths, and move through the fear to the other side.

It may take some practice, but I promise, once you learn to look at fear as your FRIEND rather than your FOE, you will forever change your relationship with fear.

Looking for more strategies to help you through YOUR fear? I’d love to chat about how I might help coach you to the other side. Check out how you can work with me HERE.