From Procrastination to Power: How to Avoid Avoidance and Take Control of Your Life

We’ve all been there…avoiding tasks we don’t want to do, such as cleaning, paying bills, having a difficult conversation, finishing a project, etc. We say we don’t have time, or energy, or money, or patience, or (fill in the blank). Excuses are easy to come by.

Some call it procrastination. Let’s explore that for a moment.

Merriam-Webster (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastination) defines procrastinate as:

pro·cras·ti·nate verb \prə-ˈkras-tə-ˌnāt, prō-\
: to be slow or late about doing something that should be done : to delay doing something until a later time because you do not want to do it, because you are lazy, etc.

1. To be slow or late about doing something that should be done. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. There are unexpected delays, glitches, unforeseen circumstances. Can we use that as an excuse that we didn’t get something done on time when really the reason was something else? Sure. But things happen. And if our intentions (and our actions) were all pointed toward getting something done on time, then it’s not procrastination. It’s something else.
2. To delay doing something until a later time because you do not want to do it. Now THIS is the real issue. And we’ll get back to it. Don’t underestimate the power this has over you.
3. To delay doing something until a later time because you are lazy. Okay, let’s define lazy (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lazy).

la·zy adjective \ˈlā-zē\
: not liking to work hard or to be active
: not having much activity : causing people to feel that they do not want to be active
: moving slowly

Laziness defined is both about not liking to work hard and moving slowly. Huh? That’s a little confusing. And this is part of the problem. The term lazy has several connotations to it. People who don’t want to (or can’t because of physical, emotional, or mental limitations) do something are seen as “lazy.” But what if they want to do something and just can’t? Are they lazy? Are they procrastinating? Or do they need some additional guidance and support?

I think it’s always necessary to define our terms and to really look at what’s going on. Our society tosses around loaded words like procrastinate and lazy all the time. But they have different meanings.

And I contend that what most of us label as procrastination is really about the #2 definition – the not wanting to do it. What I mean here is being physically, emotionally, and mentally ABLE to do it, but just not wanting to. So let’s explore that…

How many times have you used an excuse to get out of something you don’t want to do? Instead of saying “I don’t want to,” you toss around the excuses – time, money, and other commitments. Sometimes those “excuses” are true, but more often it’s simply because you don’t want to and don’t want to admit it.

We spend a lot of time avoiding making decisions that might hurt other people’s feelings or make us look bad, don’t we?

But here’s the thing…avoiding making a decision is in itself a decision, by default. If you avoid cleaning, you are choosing not to clean. If you avoid paying bills, you are choosing not to pay bills. The trick lies in accepting the consequences. We think we can avoid taking responsibility for the consequences of our inaction, but really we’re just creating more consequences for ourselves. It takes a lot of energy to avoid doing something (usually more than it takes to just do the thing we’re avoiding).

So why do we avoid?

The simple answer is fear. We might be afraid of the truth, the unknown, or what is involved in dealing with the thing we’re avoiding. We humans don’t like pain, discomfort, or anything associated with it. So we go to great lengths to avoid it. But in avoiding it, we inevitably create what we don’t want – a dirty house that might attract bugs or make it difficult to find what we need, shut off notices or bill collectors chasing us, angry partners or someone willing to end a relationship (romantic or professional) because of our inaction, etc.

Think about ONE situation you are avoiding right now. Then ask yourself:

1. What am I really avoiding here? Does it have anything to do with what I’m avoiding, or something else entirely?
2. If the worst possible thing I can think of happened, would I be okay? Could I survive? Are there people willing to support me? Can I support myself?
3. What am I telling myself about my avoidance? What labels am I using to describe myself and my situation?
4. Am I worried about what other people think of me? If so, is it affecting how I choose to act or think?

Once you take a really good look at the reasons you are avoiding, you can move forward to:

1. Decide what you really want out of the situation.
2. Change your thoughts to reflect what you want, rather than what you don’t want.
3. Be honest with yourself and act accordingly.
4. Take responsibility for your own actions.

We all avoid things. Some big, some small. Taking some extra time and energy to figure out what’s really going on can give you the power to know what you really want and to be powerful in declaring it.