Overcoming the Good Girl Syndrome and Redefining What Success Means to You by Anna Lundberg
Guest Post by Anna Lundberg
My mum has often told me about the time that she came to my play school for the end of year ceremony. When my name was called, I sprung joyfully out of my seat and skipped towards the teacher. “Anna! Go back to your seat and walk properly!” was the response from the teacher. I was three years old.
In Form 2, aged five, I was told by my teacher to stand on my chair for the rest of the lesson, after I broke my ruler by mistake.
While going through my old exercise books a while back, there was a very clear message coming through from my teachers’ comments: I must be a “good girl”. I had to be careful, sensible. No mistakes. Neat and tidy. I must live up to everyone’s expectations.
Each of these stories is innocent enough perhaps but they all had lasting effects. The lessons that these teachers taught me don’t necessarily serve me well in a world where risk taking, entrepreneurship, and creativity can take you further than keeping your head down and working conscientiously…
The desire – or need? – to be a ‘good girl’, to please my teachers, to not disappoint, is deeply rooted in my DNA. That’s not to say that I’ve never been naughty (shh!) but I’ve always had that deep fear of being told off. Fundamentally, I still seek approval. I want that gold star, confirmation that I’ve done the right thing, the “Good girl, Anna!”
When you’re constantly looking for outside approval, relying on others to build your self-esteem, you’re never going to feel fully satisfied or at peace. You’ll analyze the comments people make, questioning why they said what they said. If it’s something complimentary then you’ll be hungry for more. If they criticize, or maybe even worse they’re indifferent, you’ll feel like crap.
At some point, you need to have the confidence to say: I’ve done my best, I’ve done a good job.
You don’t always get it right the first time. You make mistakes. This is a good thing! As long as you learn from your mistakes and you keep trying, these mistakes are ultimately what will lead to your success.
Life is messy. It’s not always neat and tidy! You’ll take some steps forwards and a few steps back; you’ll have huge successes and you’ll have some disappointments; you’ll feel inspired and energized and at times you’ll feel disheartened and wonder if you’re on the right track.
Success does not mean pleasing others, and it doesn’t mean getting everything right all the time. Real success comes from setting goals that are meaningful to you. Having the right goals in place is fundamental to achieving them and for that achievement to really contribute to your happiness and life satisfaction.
So forget about being a ‘good girl’ and create your own definition of success. Ultimately, setting meaningful goals is about intentionally creating the life that you want; one step at a time.
ABOUT THIS GUEST: A few years ago, Anna left the apparent security of a full-time job to work independently, pursue her passions, and make sure that she wouldn’t have any regrets when she’s sitting in that rocking chair in the retirement home in years to come. Today, she’s designing a life that allows her to live according to her most important values: freedom, personal growth and development, and authenticity. She’s mentoring start-ups on how to build their brands and market their message to customers, training new managers to become the leaders of the future, and coaching individuals on their personal journeys towards their most fulfilling lives. Coach, trainer, mentor. annaselundberg.com
Listen to Anna’s Get Out of Your Own Damn Way podcast interview HERE.
