Songwriting Imitates Life: Vulnerability Without Judgment

In a recent workshop I facilitated about Songwriting Therapy™, one of the participants brought up the idea of vulnerability. Ah, yes, vulnerability. That space of opening ourselves, our flaws, experiences, feelings, thoughts, our truth with others. We are not taught about vulnerability. But we learn about it…often the hard way – by experiencing it and all the discomfort that can accompany it. Most people fight it or hide it.

The idea came up as we talked about sharing our creativity with others. As a singer/songwriter, I’ve had my share of battles with vulnerability. It helps me get to an honest place of sharing that connects with others on a deep level. But it can be scary, opening me up to criticism and scrutiny.

When I was younger, I was often deeply affected by what others had to say about my creative expressions. I took it personally when someone didn’t like my voice, my words, my arrangements, or any other aspect of my songs. Oddly (or maybe not) the people who often voiced their criticism were members of my own family – my mom, my sister, and my husband. These were people whose opinions I held dear, so it was a difficult pill to swallow thinking I may not be doing something good because they said it wasn’t good.

As I grew older and experienced many more vulnerable moments (in songwriting and in life), I came to realize that expressing myself and being vulnerable had so much more to do with me valuing my own opinion and self worth than it did with other people’s opinions or judgments. Once I realized that, I noticed a huge shift in my ability to speak up for myself, express myself, and even sing in front of others.

Do you have difficulty being vulnerable? Here’s some tips to get you through:

• Don’t solicit someone’s opinion unless you really want to hear it. Sometimes we get caught up in our ego and needing approval that we just let the words “what do you think” (or something similar) roll off our tongue, then immediately regret it. Unless you’re willing to hear the bad with the good, don’t ask people what they think. Remember, the only opinion that really matters is yours.
• Don’t take other people’s negativity personally. People say and do things we don’t like. It’s inevitable. But when we take it personally, thinking it had to do with something we did or said (or worse, who we are) we can get caught in a downward spiral of negativity ourselves. Think about your reactions to others, which are often colored by what you’re going through in your life, how you feel physically, what happened just before (or what’s going to happen just after). Keep this in mind when dealing with other people’s reactions. How they react may have less to do with you than you realized – and more to do with the kind of day they’re having (or their own general outlook on life).
• Celebrate your vulnerability. Vulnerability comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms. We can easily forget that we have opportunities to share our thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, goals, etc. with others all the time, which opens us up to being vulnerable. Be proud of those small moments you are able to share with others, which can be a stepping stone to sharing even bigger, more meaningful moments.

Remember that being vulnerable is a part of life. The more we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable, the easier it will be. And the more we’ll be able to express ourselves fully, leading to a healthier, happier, more balanced life.

Got more tips for being vulnerable? Please share by leaving a comment below.