When’s the last time you said YES?

There’s a word we’re so used to hearing that we can anticipate it before it even arrives. This word can have a deep impact on how we feel about ourselves, what we think about ourselves, and how we live our lives.

Know what it is yet? Let me give you a hint…

Think about the last time you asked for something, whether a raise at work, or a significant other to do something for you, or for a favor. There’s really only two responses to asking someone to do something – yes or no. When you ask for something, what answer are you hoping for? And which answer can make your heart and hopes sink a little?

You guessed it…that dreaded word that can have a HUGE impact is…NO.

We can get so used to hearing it that it prevents us from asking. But let me spin this one around a little.

When’s the last time you said NO to yourself? Do you ever put your dreams on hold, or change plans, or stop yourself from doing something? Every time you put something off, or put someone else before you when you don’t really need to, you’re saying no to yourself. OUCH!

Sure there are times when others do come first. But overall in your life, are you really making yourself a priority? Or does everything and everyone else come first?

This habit of saying yes to everyone else is really one of saying no to yourself. And whether or not you can see it (and my guess is you can but just don’t want to), it’s taking a HUGE toll on you.

Here’s some subtle (and not so subtle ways) saying yes to others (and no to yourself) can be affecting you:

• Zaps your self esteem as you feel less important than everyone else
• Prevents you from doing something you really love to do
• Traps you into thinking you don’t matter
• Creates resentment, anger, and possibly some passive-aggressive behaviors you may not be terribly proud of

Now if the stuff on the list above is what you really want, then keep doing what you’re doing. But I’m guessing if you could really see how saying yes to everything and everyone else but yourself is affecting you, you’d want to stop immediately. Am I right?

Of course, that can be easier said than done. So where do you start?

By making small changes using tools that really work. Tools like setting boundaries, using positive statements, owning your own value and power, and making a habit of cutting out that which doesn’t serve you.

If you want some specific step-by-step, “here’s how you do it” instructions, I invite you to check out the “MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY” Seminar Series Bundle I created, full of 12 seminars that go over things like saying YES to yourself and all the other tools I mentioned, plus so much more. If you’re ready to learn tools that help you go from stressed and overwhelmed to feeling much more balanced and centered, this might be what you’re looking for.

Check it out at: http://www.krylyn.com/MakeYourselfAPriorityBundle

After all, until YOU can start saying YES to yourself, how can anyone else?

Are You (Really) Where You Want To Be?

If you’ve been in my tribe for any length of time, you know that the inspiration for everything I do comes from my own life. Everything from the articles I write, the newsletters I send, the social media posts, the workshops, conferences, and products I create and promote – all come from the lessons I’ve learned both personally and professionally to help others move through transitions, fear, burnout, stress, and overwhelm to lead a more productive, healthier, happier, more deliberate, creative, and passionate life.

As 2014 comes to a close, I’ve already started reflecting on everything that’s happened over the last year, and it’s A LOT. I know I’m not the only one facing tremendous challenges, changes, and transitions (forced and planned), and it got me to thinking of how I can best serve YOU, my tribe, as we move into yet another year.

I’ve put together a series of three blog posts chock-full of some great tips and inspirations to help YOU, since I know this can be a challenging time of year.

Here’s a question for you:

As we come to the close of yet another year, are you where you want to be?

If so, then you can stop reading now. But if not…keep going.

Despite our best intentions and efforts, we get side-tracked. Life happens. Circumstances beyond our control rear their not-so-pretty little heads. And we can find that where we wanted to go is miles away from where we are. It happens to all of us.

At this point, when we KNOW we’re not where we want to be, we have one of two choices:

1. Accept it, OR
2. Whine, kick, scream, and otherwise throw a tantrum (otherwise known as NOT accepting it or resisting it)

Sound familiar? I’m guessing you’ve chosen both routes at one point or another (just like I have). And that you know which one is more likely to help you re-adjust and either get to where you want to be or get you closer to where you want to be.

Yep, acceptance is key.

But if you’re more steeped behind door #2 right now (or can get in touch with that experience), here’s the next question:

Where is all that whining, kicking, screaming, tantruming, and RESISTING WHAT IS getting you?

Chances are it’s getting you more of what you DON’T want. More stuckness, unhappiness, resentment, anger, fear, loneliness, worry, stress…the list goes on.

You see, what we focus on expands. What we resist persists. There’s a bunch of trite ways to say it, but it all boils down to where we put our attention. If our attention is on the ick, then that’s what we see and experience.

And that ick can look and feel like:

• Fatigue
• Poor concentration
• Low energy and motivation
• The blah’s
• Muscle aches and pains
• Thoughts spinning around in your head (which I call the “thought spiral”)
• Shoulding all over yourself (“I should do this…I shouldn’t do that”)
• Worrying about every little thing
• Fear
• Stress and overwhelm
• …And so on

But, the good news is that just as we can choose to focus on the not so desirable stuff, we can also learn to focus more on what we DO want and have THAT expand and be our experience.

Imagine what life would it be like if you could:

• Wake up excited and energized about your day, rather than dreading it
• Practice simple, proven techniques that can skyrocket your confidence and self esteem
• Bust through the barriers that keep you stuck
• Easily let go of stuff that doesn’t serve you

Sounds pretty good, right?

And it is possible!

How do I know? Because I’ve been able to do it AND teach my clients how do it too.

In an upcoming post, I’ll share with you the three categories of healing that can help YOU get back on track to getting what you want more of.

So get to thinking about what it is that you want. Here’s some questions you can think (and/or journal) about to help you gain some clarity:

• If (money / time / _____) weren’t a factor, what would I really like to be doing with my life?
• What are the real barriers keeping me stuck right now? What are the imagined ones?
• What am I gaining by NOT being where I want to be?
• What am I losing by NOT being where I want to be?
• What do I really want?
• What is ONE thing I can give up in order to get what I want?
• Am I really ready to do what it takes to get what I want?

Happy healing!

Got a comment to share about what you want more of? Leave a comment below.

Photo by: DVIDSHUB

Happy Thanksgiving!

As we celebrate Thanksgiving here in the U.S., I just wanted to take a moment to say how grateful I am to have you as part of my tribe. May you enjoy all the blessings you have right at this moment, and let any thoughts that things aren’t perfect just the way they are take a vacation (at least for today).

Happy Thanksgiving!

Krylyn

Photo by: Benn Wolfe

Getting What You Want by Focusing on What You Got

What we focus on expands.

Is it a big surprise that when we focus on what we DON’T have and what we DON’T want, we get MORE OF IT?

Ever notice that phenomenon?

I sure have.

It’s like our brains are programmed to point out what’s wrong, rather than what’s right.

But if we want to stop the cycle, we’ve got to make a change. And the easiest place to start is by being grateful for what we already have.

We must learn to embrace what is in order to make room for what will be.

In November, I always love to focus on gratitude. It is the month of Thanksgiving here in the U.S. And it’s my favorite holiday of them all. It allows the act of being grateful and having a positive attitude to be socially acceptable.

I know that may sound a little strange. But have you ever noticed how much negativity there is out there? All you have to do is turn on the news, scroll through a list of what’s trending in social media, or listen to someone within ear shot to get a bunch of fear, complaining, whining, and negativity filling your senses. It’s a wonder anyone can be positive at all.

And all that is contagious. Once you hear one person start throwing around negative comments, another starts up.

The good news is that positivity can also be contagious. You just have to choose what you want to catch.

It’s important to show gratitude for what we have, right now, in this moment. Because if we can’t do that, how will we ever be grateful of what we say we want? There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. Here’s a quick list to get you started:

• Waking up this morning
• Loved ones
• A roof over my head
• Some money in my pocket
• The ability to be able to read this (especially if one a device I own and/or through a service that is already paid for)
• Clothes on my back

Sure these are obvious. But sometimes we need that as a kick start to take a deeper look at what we can show gratitude for. We’ve all got things in our lives we don’t like or that have provided tremendous difficulties, but it takes a special kind of filter to be able to see the good in everything. With a little tweaking, we can turn seemingly devastating circumstances into lessons learned.

Some challenges I’ve been grateful for that have helped shift my perspective:

• My son being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (which led to us finding a much better school for him and ways to help him be successful)
• My near bankruptcy (which led to me looking for creative ways to support myself and my son and resulted in me getting a very good-paying job that helped me put myself through graduate school)
• My mom’s death (which led to me being able to make peace with her and accept her for who she was)

Life is not going to stop throwing things your way. It’s up to you to be able to catch what’s thrown and spin it in a way that provides meaning. The more you can learn to be grateful for what is there right now, the more space you’re going to open up for more blessings to come your way.

So, what are you grateful for?

Photo by: hurricanemaine

Get Clear: Letting Go of Physical Stuff Can Improve Everything!

It never ceases to amaze me the powerful effect stuff has on us. Lately I’ve been going through a major de-cluttering as I get my home ready to sell. I’ve lived here for 12 years (having only wanted to be here 3), and am finding out part of why I’ve avoided leaving.

As I go through papers, piles, boxes, and closets, I’m finding stuff that no longer works, stuff that is no longer useful , stuff I’ve wondered what to do with, and stuff I’ve avoided dealing with. I’m realizing the emotional toll not letting go of stuff has had on me. And in that letting go have released a ton of emotions.

It is inevitable that our outer environment affects our inner environment. I’ve said this for years and experienced it firsthand more times than I can count. In other words, the physical stuff around us affects how we think, feel, and act. It affects our relationships, our ability to make decisions, our progress (or lack thereof).

When we hold onto physical stuff it also sends a message to the universe that we don’t have room for other stuff. It can be an energy-blocker, affecting our ability to draw in new good things into our lives.

So I ask you to take a look around your environment and just notice. Notice the stuff around you. Does it all serve a purpose? Does it keep you stuck? Does it bring up good feelings or not so good ones? Does it occupy your thoughts and your actions? The first step is always awareness.

If you don’t feel a strong negative impact of your stuff, then bravo! You’re in a good place. But if you are feeling less than stellar about the stuff around you, take some time to tackle it. Here’s some tips:

• Explore what kind of environment you want. It’s easy to say “I don’t want this” but in order to make positive, long-lasting change, you must get in touch with what you do want. How do you want to feel in your environment? What do you want to accomplish there?
• Make a plan of action. It doesn’t have to be all at once, but start taking small steps to clearing out your space. And remember, it didn’t take overnight to get it this way, which means it won’t be an overnight fix to get it where you want it.
• Do one thing at a time. Set aside a certain time block each day, starting with a small 5 to 15 minutes, and just do one thing at a time.

Once you start seeing results, it’s inevitable the good feelings will kick in and you’ll want more of that. Keep going…and remember to be gentle with yourself in the process.

Tying Up Loose Ends: The Road to Integrity

What is left undone in your life RIGHT NOW? It could be anything from laundry, to filing, to cleaning, to home improvement projects, to implementing new marketing strategies in your business, to networking, to paperwork, to responding to emails, to having “the talk” with a significant other, to unrealized health goals, to a whole slew of other things.

If you’re anything like me, the list of things undone is LONG…longer than you’d care to admit.

And that list of things, the one that’s always in the back of your mind no matter how hard you try to ignore it, is getting in the way. Getting in the way of what, you may ask.

The undone stuff affects how you feel, what you think, what you do. It affects your relationships, with yourself and others. It affects your ability (and desire) to do stuff now and in the future. It’s something that hangs over you, whether you realize it or not. It can rob you of your energy, time, money, patience, and sanity!

Don’t believe me? Ask yourself some questions:

• How do you FEEL when you see (or remember) the undone things? Do you get a sense of overwhelm, dread, panic, or apathy? Do you want to run away or just ignore it?
• What do you THINK when you see (or remember) the undone things? Do you get bombarded with thoughts of “should” and “why can’t I just do it?” Or does your mind start attacking your character (“there must be something wrong with me!”).

One of the Four Agreements outlined by Don Miguel Ruiz is:

Be Impeccable with your Word

While the definition he gives talks about what we say, it also refers to what we do (or don’t do). It’s really just about integrity, which is to keep our word and do what we say we’re going to do.

When we leave things undone, it’s like breaking promises – to ourselves and to others. And that never feels good. It’s out of alignment with who we really are and how we intend to be. It’s no wonder our feelings and thoughts are negative around it; however the way out of feeling bad isn’t to make ourselves feel worse. The way out of just about every problem we could ever have is (drumroll)…

ACTION

And not just any action. Because what we’re already doing isn’t working, right? It must be something different than what we’re doing.

Simple, right? Well if it were, we wouldn’t have a problem and all these things left undone.

Here’s some tips to help get you on your way to doing the undone stuff:

1. Take a stand. Spend some time thinking about what it is you stand for. What are your priorities, your goals? What’s important to you? Everything in your life should support what you stand for. If not, time to let it go.
2. Stop saying YES to taking on more stuff (physical, mental, emotional) that isn’t aligned with your priorities.
3. Do one thing at a time. Start tackling the undone stuff in bite-sized chunks. Taking on too much can leave you more frustrated. Make a plan of action, set aside time on your calendar, and just start doing it. Feel more energized in the morning? Then schedule a block of time in the morning to get started. Once you finish the one thing, move on to the next.
4. Celebrate the stuff you do (rather than agonize over the things you don’t). Give yourself a pat on the back, some verbal praise, or a little treat to mark the occasion of finishing something.
5. Rinse and repeat!

Remember the road to stuff undone isn’t a linear, one-time detour. It’s part of the journey. So the path to getting stuff done will be the same way. If you stray, don’t fret. Remind yourself of all the rewards of getting stuff done, take a breather, and get back to it!

Photo by: woodleywonderworks