What Thoughts Start Your Day?

What do you think about when you first wake up in the morning? Words and thoughts are so powerful and can help shape our reality. Choose them wisely. And enjoy this little movie of some positive thoughts to get you started.

Songwriting Imitates Life: Vulnerability Without Judgment

In a recent workshop I facilitated about Songwriting Therapy™, one of the participants brought up the idea of vulnerability. Ah, yes, vulnerability. That space of opening ourselves, our flaws, experiences, feelings, thoughts, our truth with others. We are not taught about vulnerability. But we learn about it…often the hard way – by experiencing it and all the discomfort that can accompany it. Most people fight it or hide it.

The idea came up as we talked about sharing our creativity with others. As a singer/songwriter, I’ve had my share of battles with vulnerability. It helps me get to an honest place of sharing that connects with others on a deep level. But it can be scary, opening me up to criticism and scrutiny.

When I was younger, I was often deeply affected by what others had to say about my creative expressions. I took it personally when someone didn’t like my voice, my words, my arrangements, or any other aspect of my songs. Oddly (or maybe not) the people who often voiced their criticism were members of my own family – my mom, my sister, and my husband. These were people whose opinions I held dear, so it was a difficult pill to swallow thinking I may not be doing something good because they said it wasn’t good.

As I grew older and experienced many more vulnerable moments (in songwriting and in life), I came to realize that expressing myself and being vulnerable had so much more to do with me valuing my own opinion and self worth than it did with other people’s opinions or judgments. Once I realized that, I noticed a huge shift in my ability to speak up for myself, express myself, and even sing in front of others.

Do you have difficulty being vulnerable? Here’s some tips to get you through:

• Don’t solicit someone’s opinion unless you really want to hear it. Sometimes we get caught up in our ego and needing approval that we just let the words “what do you think” (or something similar) roll off our tongue, then immediately regret it. Unless you’re willing to hear the bad with the good, don’t ask people what they think. Remember, the only opinion that really matters is yours.
• Don’t take other people’s negativity personally. People say and do things we don’t like. It’s inevitable. But when we take it personally, thinking it had to do with something we did or said (or worse, who we are) we can get caught in a downward spiral of negativity ourselves. Think about your reactions to others, which are often colored by what you’re going through in your life, how you feel physically, what happened just before (or what’s going to happen just after). Keep this in mind when dealing with other people’s reactions. How they react may have less to do with you than you realized – and more to do with the kind of day they’re having (or their own general outlook on life).
• Celebrate your vulnerability. Vulnerability comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms. We can easily forget that we have opportunities to share our thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, goals, etc. with others all the time, which opens us up to being vulnerable. Be proud of those small moments you are able to share with others, which can be a stepping stone to sharing even bigger, more meaningful moments.

Remember that being vulnerable is a part of life. The more we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable, the easier it will be. And the more we’ll be able to express ourselves fully, leading to a healthier, happier, more balanced life.

Got more tips for being vulnerable? Please share by leaving a comment below.

The Ultimate Group Sing

If you’ve been paying attention to my blog, you know that I am a die-hard Bobby McFerrin fan. I’ve been a fan since I first heard his amazing, unique vocal styles in the 1980’s and was fortunate enough to train with him in 2011 to learn his CircleSong process of community improvisational singing. He is a master at improvisation and leading others through a creative journey of sound. I ran across this gem of a video of him leading a stadium of singers in improvisational singing. WOW. Amazing. Enjoy!

Blast from the Past: How Reconnecting to Old Passions Can Rejuvenate, Re-energize, and Rock Your World

I just got back from Tucson where I had the distinct pleasure of indulging in one of my favorite teenage pastimes – enjoying the sights and sounds of British pop band Duran Duran. Every time I see them or hear them, I’m reminded of my absolute obsession with them back in the 80’s. The hair, the guy-liner, the pouty lips, the provocative lyrics and videos. I was a definite Duranie back in the day.

And reconnecting to those memories helps me remember some good things about growing up. Like the first time I saw them in concert and my mom allowed me to go on my own. Or when my step-father sent me a gift of red, teardrop earrings in the mail, signed by keyboardist Nick Rhodes. Or the hunt for band memorabilia in every record store, drug store, and novelty store. My obsession with Duran Duran as a teen helped me find focus, passion, independence, and possibilities. But in a good way. Now every time I see them and hear them, I’m reminded of those feelings, and it helps me reconnect to my teenage self.

Now before you judge me for my obsession, I want you to think about an obsession you have (or had). What good things came from that obsession? What good memories do you have? Who else was involved? How do you feel when you think about it all?

We can learn so much from our past about who we are, who we were, and who we longed (and long) to be.  Reconnecting to an old passion can help us recalibrate and remember good times, good feelings, good friends, etc. It can help us remember what may have gotten buried over the years by obligations and responsibilities – all the shoulds and have-to’s.

I challenge you to reconnect to one of your old passions and see what happens. As for me, I’ve still got a little ringing in my ears and my voice is a little hoarse, but it seems like a small price to pay to get back in touch with one of the things that got me through some tough years.

Photo: Duran Duran © by Jason Persse

Book Review: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao by Wayne Dyer

For over two decades, I’ve followed the work of Dr. Wayne Dyer, author and speaker. His work focuses on self-improvement, specifically on how to shift your perspective and thoughts to feel more centered, balanced, and happy. For sure, his work has helped shape not only who I am personally but my calling to do this same type of work with clients.

In his book, Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, Dyer explores the ancient teachings of Lao-tzu, who dictated 81 verses of text that provide guidance on living a balanced and moral life. Dr. Dyer spent a year living with each of the 81 verses, exploring them in his own life and writing about them.

The book holds 81 chapters, each devoted to one of the teachings.  Dyer provides an interpretation or Lao-tzu’s teachings as well as practical advice on how to practice each of the teachings. He encourages readers to sit with no more than one chapter a day to fully take in the words and suggestions for putting that lesson into practice.

Each chapter touts a wonderful life lesson, a nugget of wisdom passed down through the ages. Examples of the lessons in this book include living:

• Creatively
• With Inner Conviction
• With Constancy
• Without Attachment
• From Greatness
• Calmly
• In Obscurity
• Beyond Appearances
• Beyond Judgment
• By Letting Go
• By Being Here Now
• By Bending
• Without Resentments

The advice Dyer provides includes tips like:

• Being silent and listening to your thoughts
• Trusting yourself
• Being aware of what is going on around you
• Practicing forgiveness
• Learning from the wisdom of children

If ever there was a “how-to” manual for how to live, this is it.  I highly recommend this book as part of any good self-help collection.

Tips on Changing Your Thoughts and Your Life

I’ve been following Dr. Wayne Dyer since the early 1990’s. He has a way of getting to the heart and truth of things and helping me shift my perspective as I navigate this journey called life. Here’s a video of one of the most powerful talks I’ve heard him give, talking about not only his book Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, but in what he did as he was writing this book. He leads by example, which I find admirable. Enjoy!