Celebrating the Heart of a Mother

Here is an inspirational video about what it is to be a mother. For all you mothers out there…ENJOY!

How to Celebrate Mother’s Day When You Don’t Have a Mother

Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate and honor mothers. Thank them for what they have done – the support they have given and the unconditional love they have offered. But what do you do if you don’t have a mother?

We all have different circumstances. Some of us don’t identify as having a mother for any number of reasons:

• We were adopted or raised by someone other than our biological mother.
• Our mother is mentally ill, addicted to alcohol or drugs, or cognitively impaired in some way.
• Our mother is deceased.
• Our mother was less the idealized version of the mother portrayed in advertisements designed to commercialize the holiday and sell stuff and more like someone you must keep at arm’s length to have any sense of sanity and inner peace.

Whatever the reason, if you don’t identify as having a mother figure in your life, Mother’s Day can be a challenge. It can bring up the pain of not having the mother you wanted and deserved, or bring up memories of a mother who is no longer here.

Just like with any holiday, you have a choice of how you will celebrate. While popular culture would have you believing Mother’s Day is about buying flowers and other gifts for someone you should be indebted to, the real idea behind the holiday is about appreciation for someone who has provided unconditional love and/or support. Despite popular belief, mothers don’t have a monopoly on that job.

Think about the people in your life (past or present) who have:

• Provided words of wisdom and encouragement
• Lended an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on
• Accepted you for who you are without judgment
• Been your biggest fan and cheerleader
• Held you up when you were too weak to stand on your own

This Mother’s Day, think of the people who have really been there for you. That list may or may not include your actual mother. Whether it does or not, take the time to thank and honor these people in your own special way. You don’t have to have a mother to be grateful for unconditional love and support.

Photo: Bouquet Bokeh © by John-Morgan

Support Vs. Sabotage: How to Tell if Your Support System is Truly Supportive

“Avoid him who talks sweetly before you but tries to ruin you behind your back, for he is like a pitcher of poison with milk on top.” ~ Chanakya

If you’ve ever had a struggle and overcome it, you know that growth doesn’t just happen without some growing pains. We might be able to practice some great self care rituals, get some good routines going, but then get side-tracked because of how our journey is affecting others.

In other words, when you start to make some positive changes, people around you may not be as excited as you and start to do things that pull you back into old patterns and habits. Sound familiar? When making any kind of change in your life, it’s helpful to have support from those around you. But when what you get is sabotage and not support, it can really do a number on your progress, not to mention your self esteem.

But how can you tell the difference between someone who is truly supportive and someone who claims to be supportive but is really doing everything they can to keep you right where you’re at? Here’s some clues:

It may be a difficult pill to swallow to realize the people you’ve counted on in your life aren’t truly supportive of your growth, but it’s important to identify and either eliminate or reduce your contact with saboteurs if you are serious about moving forward and making positive changes.

For more ideas on how to get the support you need and deserve, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Getting Over the Good Girl Syndrome: Learning to Say No.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/getting-over-the-good-girl-syndrome, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Photo: Promise? © by discoodoni

The Importance of Getting Pushed Beyond Your Comfort Zone

“Why does the thrill of soaring have to begin with the fear of falling?” A beautiful story about encouragement and support. And a very important lesson to remind us all of the importance of facing our fears head on. Enjoy!

Ditching the Disease to Please: Goodbye “Good Girl,” Hello HAPPY ☺ Girl

If women are “programmed” to do anything, it’s to please others and be a “good girl.” And by “good” it is assumed you will:

• Be compliant and not complain about what is expected of you, which is more than any one person could possibly do anyway.
• Do for others RATHER than do for yourself.
• Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.
• Forget about your hopes, dreams, passions, and goals.

And if you do any or all of those things listed above, it’s a recipe for disaster. Whenever you put yourself at the bottom of your priority list, it takes a toll on you – your physical, emotional, and mental health. It sends a message, not only to you, but to everyone around you that you’re not important, that you don’t matter.

Dr. Wayne Dyer has said “You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.” What are you teaching people? To treat you like a deserving, lovable, competent, intelligent, independent, worthy woman. OR, to treat you like someone who will always be there to do what other people can’t, won’t, or don’t want to do?

To find out if you tend to be a people pleaser, answer the following true or false questions:

1. I say yes to other people’s requests even when I really want to say no.
2. I get anxious at the thought of someone not liking me or something I’ve done (or not done).
3. I feel resentful when I do things for other people.
4. I feel resentful when other people don’t do things for me, especially when I do so much for them.
5. I want people to automatically know what I want or need without having to say it.

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you just might be a people pleaser. The good news is you can unlearn your people-pleasing ways and get back to putting yourself at the top of your priority list. In order to be treated the way you deserve to be treated, you must first start with yourself. People take clues on how to treat you by watching how you treat yourself. So treat yourself well. Here’s some tips on how:

• Define your priorities. Make a list of all your priorites in life, such as your family, friends, job, finances, health, etc. Then pick the top three you’d like to focus on in the next month or so. Write out your list and keep it where you can see it or refer to it. When asked to do something, check in with your priority list. If the request isn’t aligned with your priorities, it will be easier to turn it down.
• Schedule yourself on your calendar. We fill up our schedules with meetings, appointments, errands, etc. If it’s on your calendar, you know it needs to get done. So why not use that to your advantage and block out some time for yourself.
• Learn to say no. The word “no” is one that none of us like to hear. So it might be easier to think of saying no to others in terms of saying YES to yourself. If someone asks you to do something you really don’t want to do, keep your priority of saying yes to yourself in mind and politely decline the request. This is a skill that takes some practice. You might want to start by saying no to small things first and with people you know won’t be easily upset. Once you have small successes under your belt, it will be easier to say no to bigger things and with people who are more vested in getting their way than in you being happy.
  

For more ideas on how to ditch that annoying disease to please, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Getting Over the Good Girl Syndrome: Learning to Say No.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/getting-over-the-good-girl-syndrome, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

How Music Helps Teach Expectations

Here is a wonderful teaching moment Bobby McFerrin used to illustrate how we are wired into certain expectations…using only his body and sound. Just another example of how music can be used to teach non-musical things. Enjoy!