Let me ask you this…do you say yes a lot? We get programmed from an early age to say yes. Yes to our parents. Yes to our teachers. Yes to our lovers. Yes to our bosses. Yes to our children. When it comes to yes, the one person who hears it the least often is ourselves. We don’t want to disappoint, to be seen as a problem, to rock the boat. But our YES habit could be affecting us negatively in so many ways.
Think about a recent situation in which you said YES when you really wanted to say NO.
I’ve been practicing saying YES to myself a lot lately, which inevitably leads to saying no to others. I’ve found that people seem okay when you have a good “excuse” for saying no, or at least what they consider a good excuse. But if you tell them you are saying no because you are making yourself a priority, which means not overscheduling your time or committing yourself to projects that don’t fit your current priorities, they have a tough time understanding. At least that has been my experience.
In her book “The Art of Extreme Self Care,” Cheryl Richardson talks about getting comfortable with disappointing people. Sounds a bit strange, doesn’t it? Comfortable…with disappointing people? She discusses how we often avoid saying no because we:
Does this sound familiar? I know it does for me. I’ve experienced all of these at one point or another. But I’ve also realized that when I disappoint myself, the effects are much longer-lasting and the consequences much more far-reaching than if I suck it up and say no to others.
If you want to join me in saying YES to yourself, here’s some tips you can try as recommended in Cheryl Richardson’s book:
For more information, I definitely recommend checking out Cheryl Richardson’s book, “The Art of Extreme Self Care.”
I’d love to hear about how you are saying YES to yourself. Please leave a comment below.
“Whatever you have forgotten, you can remember. Whatever you have buried you can unearth. If you are willing to look deep into your own nature, if you are willing to peel away the layers of not-self you have adopted in making your way through the tribulations of life, you will find that your true self is not as far removed as you think.” -Meredith Jordan
Just when I think I’ve transcended a challenge, another one pops up that is similar or somehow related to the initial challenge. Does this ever happen to you?
There’s an analogy you may be familiar with about peeling back the layers of an onion. Basically, it means that a challenge or problem we’re faced with has many facets and the deeper we go to deal with it, the more we find out…about the challenge, other people involved in it, and ultimately ourselves.
Even when we think the challenge is over, it may come back again days, weeks, or years later disguised as something new, but really, it relates to something old. This happens to me and I’m getting better at recognizing how new challenges are just old ones in disguise.
I believe there’s always more layers. More to learn, more to experience, more to transcend. While it may be easy to get frustrated by this, think about it this way…what would life be like if there weren’t anything more to learn? Once you bask in the simplicity of living such a life, really think about it.
It really boils down to willingness…to be open to the lessons and to be gentle with ourselves in the process. I do believe we learn the most about ourselves during times of challenge. So, go find a challenge today, embrace it, and try these tips:
And as I always say, be gentle with yourself as you go through these tips. You don’t need to add the challenge of being hard on yourself on top of everything else.
I’d love to hear about how you are moving through a challenge in your life. Please leave a comment below.
Photo: Onion Macro © by Dottie Mae
“Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass…It’s about learning to dance in the rain!” ~ Vivian Greene
When faced with life’s challenges, it’s easy to succumb to negativity, apathy, and an attitude of giving up. But it is during these times we have an opportunity to really show life what we’re made of. This short video illustrates this beautifully. Enjoy!
It’s been just over two weeks since my mom passed away. I’ve been inundated with emails and phone calls from friends, family, colleagues, and other people in my “tribe.” They’ve sent a lot of well-wishes, prayers, good thoughts, and tons of questions and suggestions, such as “how can I help” and “call me if you need anything.”
As someone who has an easy time reaching out to others in need but difficulty reaching out when I’m in need, I find it challenging to identify anything anyone could possibly do for me right now. “How can I help” is such a vague, esoteric question, one I just don’t know how to answer, or answer with anything anyone could feasibly do…such as take away these intense, mixed emotions I’m having.
People mean well but they just don’t know what to say. Because there really is nothing to say, other than I’m sorry this happened. Besides, what I’m finding out is that my loss reminds people of their losses and of what they have to lose. We don’t like to be reminded of such things, because it brings up those intense, mixed emotions. I’ve listened to more people talk about their own grief in the last couple weeks than I have in quite a while. Normally, I don’t mind, but it’s really hard to be a shoulder to cry on when mine is already weakened and wet with my own tears.
But I have found some things that have really helped me so far in these early stages of my grieving process. And I’d like to share them in hopes they might help someone else through their grief:
Here’s some other quick tips on how to manage your grief:
Got any other suggestions on how to manage grief? I’d love to hear them. Please leave a comment below.
Photo: Grief Weeping with History (Washington, DC) © by takomabibelot
April is prime time to tackle that dreaded Spring Cleaning. Out with the old, in with the new. Time to dust off that which no longer serves a purpose. The connection between clutter and our mood is astounding. If you don’t believe me, try to have a coherent thought, finish a project, or feel at ease in a room filled with piles of paper, unpaid bills, unanswered requests, stuff not put away, trash, etc. And if that’s not enough, think about all the stuff inside that gets in the way – the negative thoughts, inner critical voice, fear, worry, etc. It’s a wonder we get anything done at all sometimes.
When we are distracted by the inner and outer clutter of our lives, we miss a lot. Sure we may be able to function, but are we truly enjoying life, our work, and the people around us? Or are we just holding it together hoping nothing (and no one) will come along to send us over the edge?
If you’re ready to take out what’s holding you back and move forward to a life of more ease and less stuff, please join me for April’s FREE Teleseminar… Clearing the Clutter: How 15 Minutes Could Save Your Sanity.
In this teleseminar, I’ll cover:
Don’t delay. Sign up today. The live call is coming soon. But don’t worry, if you can’t attend live, you can still sign up and get access to the recording. Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up.
When my sound engineer, John Mahoney of Ravenpheat Studios in Glendale, Arizona, contacted me regarding a project he was working on to shed light on tolerance and accepting people for who they are, I knew I had to be a part of it. Since my son’s diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, I have wanted to write a song somehow outlining a part of our journey. And John’s project gave me the perfect opportunity. My song “Just Like You” is told from the perspective of someone diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, and talks about the experiences of feeling different, being treated differently, and having difficulty reading other people’s emotions. I consulted my son as I was writing the song and he said it’s an accurate portrayal…phew!
We All Shine On is a volunteer CD project combining the talents of musicians, poets, singers, and songwriters from around the United States. Proceeds from the CD will benefit the following charities:
While the project is done, John is still looking for help with sales and distribution to allow the above charities to benefit as much as possible. So if you or someone you know could help with that part, please contact me and I’ll get you in touch with John.
But in the meantime, please enjoy listening (below) to “Just Like You,” my song about autism written as a tribute to my wonderful, talented, intelligent, creative, sometimes misunderstood, blessing of a son…