#94: Communication for Dummies Part 2: Listen So People Will Speak
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We all have that one friend. You know who I’m talking about. She never seems to truly listen to what you say. You can pour your heart out to her about how you just wrecked your car and will be broke and riding the bus for the next two months and before you’ve finished your tale of woe, she’s already bored, checking her phone, and interrupting you to ask for a ride to the store. She asks you vague, polite questions and immediately transitions into an angry monologue about her boss before you can get a word in edgewise.
Then a week later, she texts you, asking if you want to go out to have dinner and a movie…and B T Dubs, can you pick her up?
We all have that one friend. But what’s worse is this: We are all guilty of sometimes being that friend.
You’ve heard the cliche that communication is a two-way street. It’s a cliche because it’s true. But often it’s easy to get so caught up in what’s going on in your own lane that you wind up paying no attention to oncoming humans. And that’s when communication accidents are most likely to happen.
Last week I helped you identify potential communication breakdowns that can be caused by what you say and how you say it. And I bet if you’re using the techniques I shared to remedy that, you’ve already noticed a marked improvement in the quality of your conversations and relationships.
This week I discuss the other part of the equation: Listening. And I saved the bigger piece for of the pie for last. So sit back, click play, and let me share three major ninja tricks guaranteed to instantly improve your listening skills. You won’t believe your ears.
Warning: Do not try this at home unless you’re ready for instant and amazing results!
#93: Communication for Dummies Part 1: Speak So People Will Listen
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Did you ever play that game where you replace the lyrics to a popular song so that they still sound similar, fit into the tune, even rhyme…but completely change the meaning, tone, and spirit of it all? In other words, have you ever gone Weird Al?
Maybe you fell in love with a song and sang it all of the time only to be embarrassed and disoriented to learn that the lyrics that moved you to your very core were not the ones recorded…or even heard by anyone else but you.
How many times have you been in a heated discussion where the other person was reacting to words that never left your mouth? And trying to explain yourself only made it worse.
The point is that communication is precariously fragile at best. We often hear what we want to hear. What’s even more curious is that we sometimes hear what we expect to hear, despite what’s actually being said. And when you’re the one doing the talking, this can prove to be baffling and frustrating. It can create rifts, build walls, cause unbearable tension and resentment. You may even want to throw in the towel and walk away.
How awesome would it be to instead be able to successfully transmit your thoughts from your brain to your mouth to the ears of the people you talk to, to truly be listened to?
That’s where I come in. In this episode, I will help you identify the key reasons why what you say may not be heard the way you mean it to be. Then I’ll teach you three simple techniques to use anytime you want to ensure that people really listen to what you have to say.
So go ahead, listen to this week’s podcast…and excuse me while I kiss this guy because we built this city on sausage rolls!
#92: No is a Complete Sentence
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What if a complete stranger approached you on the street and asked you for a kidney? Would you say yes or would you say no?
Okay, I realize that this is an absurd situation that would almost definitely never happen. And if it did, you’d probably pull out your pepper spray or scream at the top of your lungs. But indulge me for a moment; there’s a method to my madness.
If it did hypothetically happen, you’d probably say no. So let me ask you this: Why?
If you’ve already mastered the skills I’m teaching in this week’s podcast, you might be crossing your arms, shaking your head a little, and thinking to yourself, “No is a complete sentence.” But if like so many people you have been conditioned to justify yourself when you say no, you may actually be feeling a bit anxious and defensive and even involuntarily forming a response for this imaginary crazy person asking you for body parts.
No is always an option. In fact, it’s often the right option. But if you find it hard to just say no, you’re not alone.
Now, think about a more realistic situation in your life where you’ve said yes when every fiber of your being wanted to say no. Think about what it would have been like if you’d followed your instincts. And think about a time when you said no but felt guilty and felt the need to justify yourself and possibly even allowed that no to morph into a yes.
What if you could retrain yourself to say no when it’s the right and appropriate choice for you? How would that affect your esteem, your focus, even your health?
In this episode I will help you identify why you hate saying no, recognize what always saying yes is costing you, and reveal three surprising truths about saying no that could immediately change your perspective…and your life.
#91: Deconstructing the Good Girl
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Hi, my name is Krylyn and I’m a good girl!
Okay, to be perfectly honest, I’m a recovering good girl. Which is not to say that I’m a bad girl or no longer a good one or that being a good girl is bad or that being a bad girl is good. Deep. Breath. Got it?
Probably not. Because this isn’t an easy topic with black and white lines that you need to stay inside of. In fact, that’s kinda the point. All that matters is whether or not you’re the right kind of girl for YOU.
I believe I probably popped out of the womb a good girl. In fact, I think they had a box labeled “Good Girl” ready and waiting for me. And instead of being handed to my mother to be held raw and new and pink and warm, the nurses gave her the box..with me in there somewhere.
That box became mine. I owned it. I inhabited it. I stayed firmly inside the lines all through my childhood with very little exception. I did so because it was expected. I did so to survive. And I did so to the point where I got lost and redefined.
When people looked at me, they saw only a box. I wore that box so obediently that when someone declared the box needed to change, I shape-shifted right along with it. No questions asked. No bumps in the road. Just me, being that good!
Am I ringing your bells, triggering any aha! moments for you? If so, you need to listen to this episode. Right now! Unless of course you’d rather wait. But don’t. Be a good girl one last time and let me guide you towards becoming the girl you truly are. Let me reintroduce you to the glorious girl inside your box. And let me help you decide for yourself what kind of girl you want to be!
#90: Boundary Setting for Dummies
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If you’ve ever been in a dysfunctional relationship. If you don’t always feel your power. If you find yourself being walked all over, used, abused, or just plain drained by how someone in your life is treating you, you might by in urgent need of Boundary Setting for Dummies!
If you’re ready to get in my face for insinuating that you might be a dummy, congratulations: You got boundaries!
But if you’re nodding your head, tearing up, and/or hoping desperately that I can guide you where others may have failed, read on. This podcast was made just for YOU.
I’m sure you’ve heard this one before: “You teach people how to treat you”. But what exactly does that mean? And who in their right mind would actively, knowingly teach someone to repeatedly knock the stuffing out of them?
So here’s the chase: You can choose to do it consciously from a place of balance and empowerment. Or you can obliviously bounce through situations, out of control, wondering why these things always happen to you. And if the latter is more your style, it’s about freakin’ time we gave you a boundary makeover…STAT!
In episode 90, I walk you through 4 steps to setting boundaries. Chances are you already know them. And you’ve even employed them in various aspects of your life to varying degrees. But like the rest of us, you’re human, with battle scars and blind spots and moments of low self esteem.
And you have an arch enemy archetype. We all do. That certain type of person who’s essentially your emotional kryptonite. It’s very likely that you’ve not sat down calmly – from a place of strength – and consciously journeyed through these powerful game-changing exercises with your nemeses.
So do it now! Listen to this podcast and start teaching everyone in your life exactly how you need to be treated. At the end of the day, this gift to yourself is actually the greatest gift you can give to everyone who truly respects you. As for anyone else….who needs ’em?
#89: Let’s Get Read-eeeeee to NOT Rumble!
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Ever have one of those days when everyone seems 100% committed to pushing your buttons and testing your boundaries? That overnight package got lost in the mail. You’ve wasted over 40 minutes of your lunch break on hold with an apathetic customer service representative trying to resolve a $3 issue. Meanwhile, your barista put herbal tea in your triple espresso. On a different day, you’d probably let these things go. But not today. Today you’re ready to rumble.
Some days you just wake up with your fight face on. You’re ready to go 12 rounds with any fool who crosses your path. No one is safe. No one is spared. No one is getting out unscathed…not even you.
Now I’m not saying that there’s nothing out there worth going to the mat for; of course there are times you’ll have to fight for what’s right. But even then, you have choices. Even then you can decide how to approach the situation. Even then you can choose your battles wisely. And even then you can assess which battles are truly worth your energy…and which situations are better left behind as you consciously walk away.
In this episode, I’ll get down in the ring with you. We’ll get real and explore some of the ways to gracefully manage that fight face. And I’ll share 4 steps that you can take every time you hear that bell in your head, signaling another round. These tips will allow you to take control and make conscious decisions about when, how, and if you want to do battle. And best of all, they will help you transform the battles you do need to pursue into more pleasant negotiations.
Imagine working with the post office to find your lost package and cooperating with customer service to quickly resolve billing discrepancies. Visualize walking away from those conflicts feeling warm and happy and knowing that you’ve helped others feel that way, too. Imagine hugging your barista…okay, maybe that’s pushing it too far. After all, I pity the fool who messes with my latte!
Want an exclusive behind the scenes VIP look at this episode? Get access to the video footage by joining KryU.