#106: The Bearable Discomfort of Change
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Want to know an embarrassing little secret? Sometimes I wait a bit too long to change my sheets. This isn’t a calculated process. I don’t plan ahead. There are not ‘pro vs. con’ lists made, color charts, meetings by committee, etc. In fact, it’s virtually unconscious. The payoff for changing vs. not changing my sheets is minuscule in the grand scheme of things…that is until not changing them becomes downright unbearable.
So where is the tipping point? What is the trigger that moves us to either change or agonize over not changing?
Simple. The key to all perspective change is discomfort.
But before you switch to autopilot, tune me out, or close this email, read this one extremely important sentence: Discomfort is equally responsible for your decisions to change as it is for your choices to do absolutely nothing.
Do I have your attention? Good. Let’s go back to my bed.
One night I may get home really late after a completely draining day only to remember I’d planned to change the sheets. Now I know how dreamy and relaxing freshly laundered linens would feel enveloping me as I pass out, but I also do not want to go through the time and trouble to make that happen. In fact, I’m worried the process might even wake me up when all I want to do is plop directly into a deep slumber. I also know that the sheets on my bed are not pristine and aren’t going to feel as cozy or comfortable as the clean ones would.
So how do I decide?
There’s always discomfort – and comfort – in every choice, in every change. And you face these crossroads dozens of times every day.
Now for the exciting part: No matter how big or small the changes you’re facing may be, you can learn to apply my 3 Essential Keys to getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and take control of when, what, where, and how you choose to change!
#105: Death, Taxes…and Change!
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Sometimes there’s great satisfaction in knowing exactly what’s going to happen at every turn. Having a stocked refrigerator, the bills all covered, an orderly schedule. We often cling to the familiar. And If you’re like most people, you strive to set up a routine that will achieve just that. Humans like consistency, security, predictability. And we can create it. But it’s always temporary. Some would even say it’s all an illusion.
I’m not here to get all woo-woo on you. But after all, this is the next installment of my series on change. And those same annoying creatures who’ll tell you that an orderly existence is an illusion will also be the first to quip that the only constant in this world is…change.
So indulge me, if you will: Think back to a time when you felt truly alive, excited, energized, jazzed, on edge, vital, and probably even at least a little afraid. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that when you’ve felt this way, you were either facing or going through – wait-for-it – change!
There are very few certainties in life. No lesser than Benjamin Franklin is credited with saying that the only two are death and taxes. But I’m here to modify that list. Because the most certain uncertainty there is in this life is – you guessed it – change.
Last week I busted through the 3 myths about change that hold you back from fully realizing your life’s purpose. You should now be poised to tackle what I’m going to share today, the 5 Truths about change. These bombastic revelations will allow you to unleash your inner superhero, if you dare.
And here’s a bonus truth, just for you: Change is gonna get you. Period. It may not always be pretty….at first. But it’ll be worth it, I promise. You CAN handle the truth….change is inevitable so face it head on and make it work for you!
#104: Myth-Busting Change-Gamers
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You just broke in your new couch, your Netflix queue is full, and you’re about to reach level 5,000 on CandyCrush. Sure, things could be better but they could also be a whole lot worse. You, my friend, are in the comfort zone. Days go by with little to no real conflict. Weeks. Months. Even years. Why rock the boat? You’re fine. Fine!
Until you’re not…
There’s an old saying that people will stay the same until not changing becomes more painful than choosing to change would be. And while it can be true, it’s not always the case. Some people <gulp!> consciously choose to change…by choice and design. In fact, ALL people do so at times. I’ve done it. You’ve done it. And there’s great reward, monumental empowerment, and a whole lot of confidence building mojo in taking the proactive route.
Think about a time when you firmly and definitively decided to change. What happened? How did the world respond? What paths became clear? How did it impact your life?
This week I’m launching a series of thermonuclear podcasts all about change. But let me warn you, if you’re too timid, if you’re not ready to commit yourself to taking control of change, do NOT listen.
Here’s my caveat: Notice I said take control of change; I didn’t simply say change. Because here’s the hard truth. Change. Will. Happen. With or without your cooperation and consent.
So what stands between you and conscious, willing, proactively designed change? Simple: Three powerfully nasty myths. Call them change-gamers. You don’t play them, they play you. Over and over again. They keep you on that couch, sidelined from the phenomenal YOU you know you’re meant to be. Overshadowing your dreams with doubts, stunting your greatness with comfort.
It’s time to explode those change-gamers into game-changers. Let’s bust those myths together as we take charge of your change right now!
Mentioned in this episode:
#103: Be the Wind Beneath Your Own Wings!
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You’ve been having a rough time. Breakup, loss of job, health scare, financial troubles. Maybe all of the above.
You can’t face this alone but you hate asking for help. You fear how people will react. Will they judge? Gossip? Turn their backs? Say the ‘N’ word? Or worse yet, all of the above?
But you’re exhausted. Emotional. Scattered. Overwhelmed. Probably all of the above!
Wouldn’t it be amazing if you had someone who knew exactly how to be there for you in this crisis? Someone who always said the right thing, brought the perfect comfort food, and never left your side? Someone who could help you trouble-shoot and find the best solutions one step at a time?
I’m here to tell you that you already do. And she’s been there all along. Guess what, buttercup, you are the one who can best do all of the above. Because you are the wind beneath your own wings!
Now I’m not here to discount the support of others. You need to ask for and allow that into your life. But I want you to think about how you rush to help your friends in times of need. What do you do for them? What are your signature moves, your unique strategies? What sets you apart from everyone else?
And now for the really tough question: Does anyone do exactly those things for you, just the way you long for them to?
Buddha said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” But a sad truth is that most of us reserve that adulation for others, shortchanging ourselves especially when we need it the most.
Giving yourself what you need in times of stress and crisis is not a weakness or a luxury, it’s a bare necessity, an essential gift that a truly strong woman gives to herself. Let me give you 3 supercharged tips to do just that. And allow me to give you the tools you need to take extraordinary care of the most amazing woman you know – YOU.
#102: Be Your Own Bestie
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Think back to a time when one of your best friends was going through a really rough time. Maybe it was a breakup or she lost a job. Maybe a death or other profound loss. Heck it could have been an extraordinarily bad hair day.
Whatever it was, she came to you for support. And you probably rolled your eyes, sighed dramatically, puffed up, and said, “What the hell is wrong with you? I told you this was going to happen. Why do you keep getting yourself into these situations? You brought it on yourself just like you always do and you deserve what you get. Now quit your whining, pull yourself together, get over it, and stop being such a hot mess!”
No? So let me ask you this: When’s the last time you said any of that nonsense to yourself?
If you’re like most people, You’d do anything for your best friend. You’re her biggest fan and her strongest ally. You’re always there for her no matter what. Right? So why aren’t you treating yourself the same way? Let’s face it, you are the only person who can logistically always be there for you. You’re right there by your own side no matter what happens. So you can do this the hard way, or you can learn to be the very best friend you could ever have.
Girlfriend, it’s about time! So this week I’ma teach you how to be your own bestie. First I’ll go over the fine points of what it means to really be a best friend. And then I’ll share 3 simple tips that you can put into action today to start generating immediate and lifelong self-bestie mojo.
Listen now and allow me to introduce you to the very best friend you will ever have: yourself!
#101: The Big Girl’s Guide to Having a Successful Temper Tantrum
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Have you ever totally lost it? You’re having a bad day, a bad week…a bad everything… You reach a boiling point. Something triggers you and you finally just flip out. Maybe you kick and scream. Yell at the top of your lungs. Punch things. Throw stuff. You’re hot and flushed. Your ears are ringing. You see red. And while this behavior may be frowned upon in polite society, as long as nobody gets hurt, you may find that once it’s over, you secretly feel relieved. Maybe even a sense of liberated invigoration.
What just happened? Well, my friend, the clinical explanation is this: you had a TANTRUM.
tan·trum
ˈtantrəm/
Noun.
Described in various dictionaries as uncontrollable, an outburst, angry behavior, disobedience, violence, rage, frustration, etc…
Does that sound dreadful? Who throws tantrums? Kids. Celebrities. Politicians. But what about you? Do you throw tantrums or do you feel guilty when you even let your anger show? Does losing your cool make you feel bad? Well I have only one thing to say to that: You’re not doing it right!
Welcome to The Big Girl’s Guide to Throwing a Successful Temper Tantrum. Buckle up, Buttercup, it’s going to be a grumpy ride!
That’s right. I am here to not only advocate for the well timed, properly executed tantrum, I’ma teach you just how to throw a world class, show-stopping, mind-blowing, stress-relieving fit.
I will walk you through the 10 crucial steps needed to successfully nail a world-class melt-down. 10 sounds like an awful lot, but don’t be intimidated. Because as an added bonus, this week I won’t just tell you what to do one step at a time, I’m actually going to show you.
So don’t hesitate; tune in now and learn how to loose it like a pro. I’m giving you permission to completely go bananas! What are you waiting for?