How to Celebrate Mother’s Day When You Don’t Have a Mother

Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate and honor mothers. Thank them for what they have done – the support they have given and the unconditional love they have offered. But what do you do if you don’t have a mother?

We all have different circumstances. Some of us don’t identify as having a mother for any number of reasons:

• We were adopted or raised by someone other than our biological mother.
• Our mother is mentally ill, addicted to alcohol or drugs, or cognitively impaired in some way.
• Our mother is deceased.
• Our mother was less the idealized version of the mother portrayed in advertisements designed to commercialize the holiday and sell stuff and more like someone you must keep at arm’s length to have any sense of sanity and inner peace.

Whatever the reason, if you don’t identify as having a mother figure in your life, Mother’s Day can be a challenge. It can bring up the pain of not having the mother you wanted and deserved, or bring up memories of a mother who is no longer here.

Just like with any holiday, you have a choice of how you will celebrate. While popular culture would have you believing Mother’s Day is about buying flowers and other gifts for someone you should be indebted to, the real idea behind the holiday is about appreciation for someone who has provided unconditional love and/or support. Despite popular belief, mothers don’t have a monopoly on that job.

Think about the people in your life (past or present) who have:

• Provided words of wisdom and encouragement
• Lended an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on
• Accepted you for who you are without judgment
• Been your biggest fan and cheerleader
• Held you up when you were too weak to stand on your own

This Mother’s Day, think of the people who have really been there for you. That list may or may not include your actual mother. Whether it does or not, take the time to thank and honor these people in your own special way. You don’t have to have a mother to be grateful for unconditional love and support.

Photo: Bouquet Bokeh © by John-Morgan

Managing Your Stress During the Holidays and Beyond: Tip #31 – Saying Goodbye to Yesterday

Welcome to the last day of 2011. December 31 is often a bittersweet time of not only welcoming the new year but also saying goodbye to the previous one. We can be full of mixed emotions, from anticipation to regret. Sometimes we can be so focused on what comes next that we forget to take time to reflect. In order to make room for all the possibilities of the new year, it can be beneficial to take some time to reflect on what this past year brought us, in terms of challenges, opportunities, and successes. And to say goodbye to this chapter in our lives. Today, take a moment to be grateful for your 2011, regardless of what happened, because it has set the foundation for your 2012 and is the basis for all the possibilities yet to come.

Managing Your Stress During the Holidays and Beyond: Tip #30 – Get in Touch with Your Inner Child

Remember playing as a child so hard that you literally fell asleep when your head hit the pillow? Remember the games you would play – board games, video games, interactive games, games that you and your friends or family made up? Take some time to play this holiday season. It doesn’t matter what. What matters is that you smile, laugh, and get back in touch with your inner child no matter how old (or young) you are. It’s so easy to let fun go when stress takes over, but that’s when we need it the most.

Photo: Run Forestine ! © by YLegrand

Managing Your Stress During the Holidays and Beyond: Tip #29 – Be Consistent

During this time many of us have time off from work and the regular routines we practice most days of the year. While getting a break from the mundane day-to-day of our lives can be a blessing, it can also upset some sort of balance we’ve already put in place. By all means, enjoy some less structured time, but be mindful of how straying too far from things like regular sleep times, meal times, and household routines can affect getting back to those routines when the time comes. Be as consistent as possible while also giving yourself a well-deserved break.

Photo: Charming Your Chores: Scrub That Floor! © by queercatkitten

Managing Your Stress During the Holidays and Beyond: Tip #28 – Practice Forgiveness

Some people believe that forgiveness is about what someone else did, but really, it’s about us. When we hang on to the wrongs of others, it affects us far greater than the other person. We can harbor painful feelings, negative thoughts, and spend a lot of energy thinking about something that’s in the past. The holidays are prime time to practice forgiveness, as we are often reminded of our past and the ways we think things should have been. As the ultimate gift to yourself, find something or someone you can forgive and then let it go.

Managing Your Stress During the Holidays and Beyond: Tip #27 – Think Before You Speak

When others say and do things that “push your buttons” you may find yourself going on auto-pilot and just blurting out what you really think. But when emotions are running high, what comes out of our mouths is rarely what we really mean to say. Do yourself a favor and take some time to think before you speak. If needed, leave the situation, go into another room, hang up the phone, or summon every bit of self control you have to keep yourself from saying something you may regret later.

Photo: (Too much) Thinking © by the Italian voice