Q&A: How Do I Stop the Spinning Thoughts

In today’s Q&A video blog, I’ll be answering a question that I get asked quite a bit in my live workshops…

How do I stop the spinning thoughts?

You know, the thoughts that keep spinning around in your head. The what if’s. The worries. The spirals of one thought leading down to some dark and dreary places. Watch and listen as I share some tips on how you can get out of those spinning thoughts.

Want to know more about how to tame your fear, embrace your greatness, and get out of your own way?

Ask your question and you just might see it in an upcoming video blog. Simply send your question to krylyn@krylyn.com.

Want to Make Decisions More Easily? Hit Delete.

When I write, I edit as I go. Copying, pasting, moving things around, and deleting words and phrases in favor of other ones that are more descript. The delete button is often associated with erasing and correcting mistakes. But I like to think of it as my companion in helping me express myself and get my ideas, thoughts, advice, and vision out into the world. This is a subtle, yet important distinction.

Too often, we are bombarded with messages in our lives that something is wrong, we’ve made a mistake, or that we must change something in order to be (fill in the blank: happier, more fulfilled, sexier, more attractive, healthier, and the list goes on). It can be overwhelming with all these seemingly negative messages.

But there are times when just shifting our perspective, the subtle distinction, can make all the difference.

What if hitting the delete button was about:

• Changing our minds, or
• Deepening our expression, or
• Owning our value, or
• Saying no to something that doesn’t really work, or
• Being brave and vulnerable, or
• All of the above?

What if hitting the delete button applied to more than just writing? To things like:

• Walking away from a bad situation
• Getting out of an unfulfilling relationship
• Apologizing for something we said or did
• Changing our career
• Improving our health
• Following our passion

You see, when we look at any situation knowing that we can DELETE what we don’t like…or change it…it takes a lot of the pressure off. What pressure, you may ask? The pressure to be perfect, to make the “right” decision.

I know firsthand that the pressure to “get it right” (and even to get it right the first time out the gate) can be paralyzing. It can make it difficult to move forward, to take that first step. It can bring up thoughts of “why even bother” or “I need to get all these others things done before I can do this.”

In other words, living life as if there is no delete button SUCKS!

What if every time you think “I can’t do it” you could just DELETE and shift to “I can do it despite my fear?”

And whenever you think “It’s got to be perfect” you could just DELETE and shift to “I am going to do this one step and if I need to, I can change it?”

And when you get caught up in “what if I make the wrong decision” you could just DELETE and say “there are no wrong decisions only subtle distinctions to be made in how I look at this?”

How different would life be if you could DELETE the thoughts that do not serve you and shift your perspective?

I wonder…

So next time you get caught up in things needing to be a certain way, remember:

• DELETE that thought
• Shift the way you look at the situation
• You can make any changes, or course corrections you need to at any point in the process
• No matter what happens, you will be okay

How will you use your delete button? Leave a comment below to share!

Is Fear a Choice?

What are you afraid of? Most people are afraid of some similar things, such as:

• The unknown
• Change
• Rejection
• Abandonment
• Death
• Loss
• Success
• Failure

Others have more specific fears, such as:

• Spiders
• Heights
• Needles
• Flying
• Water

Regardless of what fears you have, know this…

Fear is a base emotion that ALL humans have.

Fear is genetically hard-wired in us as a way to protect us from harm and keep us alive. It is an early warning system.

Over time and evolution, we are still hard-wired to feel fear of anything that threatens our safety. However, we no longer have the same threats to our physical safety on a regular basis (i.e. being eaten by predators). We do, however, still perceive threats…to our EMOTIONAL safety. But our bodies cannot tell the difference between a physical threat and an emotional threat. Our bodies react to protect us against any threat.

We fear being judged, criticized, rejected, abandoned, ostracized, labeled, etc. If someone looks at us a certain way, we might FEEL a certain way, which may be a threat to us feeling safe, loved, cared for, and ok. If we FEEL threatened, our THOUGHTS kick in to let us know we’re not safe, we must leave or attack or otherwise protect ourselves. Then we behave accordingly. It’s a complex system where our emotions, thoughts, and actions are all inter-connected.

It’s not a matter of getting RID of fear, it’s a matter of processing it and reacting to it differently. When someone says they want to get rid of fear, all I hear is another ploy to deny our emotions. Folks, we are all experts (in one way or another) in denying our emotions. We’ve learned to cover them up, sweep them under the rug, avoid them, medicate them, distract ourselves from them. There are industries built on how NOT to deal with emotions. The ABSOLUTE LAST THING WE NEED is another person or industry telling us to NOT FEEL WHAT WE FEEL.

What we need is help figuring out how to change our relationship with our emotions. They are NOT good or bad. They are just there to give us information. Fear is there to protect us. It serves a purpose.

So when I hear people talking about getting rid of fear or that fear is a choice, I cringe, take a deep breath, and seek to educate.

As “The Fear Whisperer,” my expertise is helping people change their relationship with fear. Fear has a lot to teach us if we will only listen. It can be a catalyst or a crutch.

So is fear a choice? NO. But how you THINK about it and how you REACT to it are.

Are you interested in changing your relationship with fear? I invite you to join me for the 30 Day Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Challenge. You’ll get 30 days of kick-butt support toward taming your fear. Seats are limited. Grabs your today at http://www.krylyn.com/30-day-challenge.

Photo by: Kevin B 3

How Creativity Saved My Life

As a songwriter, I can tell you firsthand about my experience with being creative. When I was growing up, I used creativity as both an escape and a way to express the hidden, scary feelings and thoughts I had. You see, I was raised by parents who abused alcohol to manage their undiagnosed mental illness.

Talk about an unpredictable household!

I never knew what mood my mother would be in, who would be home and when, if it would be a loud day or a silent day. I was often left to fend for myself, expected to feed myself and get myself to and from school on my own by the age of 8.

There were times I woke in the night to screaming, slamming doors, and the sound of my mother hitting my older sister. Other times I woke in the night to find no one home. I was often scared, lonely, and confused.

Songwriting was my escape, my refuge. I often call it my “drug of choice,” as it was my positive addiction growing up and a way for me to channel my angst. I not only got to get away from the chaos of my family, but also got to tap into thoughts and feelings I wasn’t able to articulate without the use of music

As I got older, I started to really appreciate the process of creativity. Sure the outcome of having a finished song was very nice, but the process was more healing for me in many ways.  It allowed me to express myself, be in the moment, take risks, be okay with mistakes, accept myself, discover myself, and just be. There weren’t many other ways or places I could just be myself like that. So I came to cherish my time in creative pursuits and would come away with a renewed sense of energy, passion, and self. It was like coming home. Maybe you can relate to this.

Professionally, I was drawn to the helping professions. I got my bachelor of arts in psychology and my master’s in counseling. I became a licensed psychotherapist and certified life coach and have worked for over 13 years helping people to deal with the effects of trauma, neglect, and abuse, learn to manage depression and anxiety symptoms, practice more effective communication and coping skills, and learn creative ways to deal with fear, burnout, and stress.

I get to use creativity all the time in my work from both a process (helping people shift their perspective, expand their thinking, embrace their feelings) and outcome (sing, write a song, accomplish a goal) perspective. I watch my clients practice their new skills to improve their relationships, reduce conflict, ask for what they want, get rid of nightmares, eliminate panic attacks, increase their confidence and sense of worth, bust through their fear, and live happier, more balanced lives.

Have you ever had that a-ha moment when things just click and make sense? An idea pops into your head that helps you look at a situation in a new light, giving you the answer or solution you’ve been looking for? THAT is the process and power of creativity.

After seeing not only how creativity helped me, but has helped so many others, I wanted to bring it to the world on a bigger scale. That’s why I created the…

Creativity and Wellness Summit

This is a powerful annual online conference designed to make you think outside the box and give you practical, fun, and easy-to-use tips to help you get unstuck from the muck that holds you back – personally and professionally.

I’ve gathered together some top experts who also know how powerful creativity can be to our emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health.

You’ll hear their stories of how creativity has benefited them and the people they work with. And listen in as they share their best strategies for improving your life and business. We discuss their unique perspectives on creativity and get an inside view of the specific, tested techniques they use to help people create amazing, powerful, positive shifts in their lives. Best of all, you’ll receive usable, actionable information that you can apply to your life and business today.

This Summit is about breaking out of old patterns that don’t serve you…and having some fun along the way!  What I really love the amount of amazing, rich, content these experts give that you can use right now in your life and work. We all know how tremendously healing the power of creativity can be. This Summit is truly a labor of love and service – a gift from us to you.

If you’d like to get FREE access to experts with powerful and creative healing tools, you won’t want to miss this. Get more details and register at www.CreativityAndWellnessSummit.com.

One of the Top Ways to Get Unstuck

Do you feel overwhelmed, STUCK, burned out, caught up in F-E-A-R?

How many times do you hear people talking about being stuck? Stuck in:

• Financial situations
• Jobs
• Relationships
• Thoughts
• Fear

Stuckness seems to be an epidemic.

Being stuck keeps us in the same place. Keeps us from moving to the next level. From living the life of our dreams. No matter how much we may say we want it to change, we get comfortable with the discomfort of our lives.

Not only do our circumstances seem grim when we’re stuck, but it also takes a huge toll on our emotional and physical health. Our bodies may feel tired, run down, tense, and achy, while our emotions may run from fear, to irritability, to worry. And this might lead to destructive behaviors, like over-eating or over-working, and negative thoughts like “I don’t deserve to be happy.”

And you know what? It really sucks! AND…we’ve ALL been there!

The thing is we think that being stuck is the problem. It’s not. Getting unstuck is where the problem lies.

There is a way OUT of stuckness and INTO the peace of mind, joy, and happiness you’ve been longing for.

Imagine your life and being able to:

• Dissolve the stuckness that has a hold on you
• Break through barriers and unlock the door to possibilities and prosperity
• Move from negative patterns to positive ones that will propel you forward
• Find solutions to everyday problems easily and effortlessly

So what’s the key to getting unstuck? Simply…it’s looking at things in a different way. And the absolute best way to do that is through the use of creativity.

Now I know what you may be thinking…”I’m not a creative person.”

But let me challenge that for a minute. Creativity is nothing more than being able to make something that is new and useful. I like to think of creativity as a way to solve everyday problems. And we all do that, don’t we?

I think what trips most people up is the idea that creativity is only about artistry. Writers, musicians, painters, poets, dancers…are all creative. Their creativity is seen in the outcome – the novel, the song, the painting, the poem, the dance. But creativity is also about the process – being in the moment with inspiration and allowing whatever comes to happen.  And this is why I can confidently say that you are a creative person even if you have never believed that.  Let me show you what I mean.

See if any of these seem familiar:

• On your way to work you see a detour sign that prevents you from taking your usual route to the office
• Your child comes home and says they have a project due tomorrow that they haven’t even started yet
• A bill comes in the mail that needs to be paid a week before your next paycheck is deposited
• A marketing idea you poured lots of time, energy, and money into in your business doesn’t yield the results you expected

If you’ve experienced any of these situations (or others that involve being faced with the unexpected), you’ve had plenty of opportunity to be creative. We all have experienced the process of being creative, which involves identifying a need (or a problem) and fulfilling that need (or solving the problem).

So how are you creative in solving everyday problems?

If you’re looking for creative tips for getting unstuck, I invite you to join me as I interview experts who share their most powerful and creative healing tools in the Creativity and Wellness Summit. Get more details and register at www.CreativityAndWellnessSummit.com.

The Dirty Little Secret Healers Are Afraid to Tell You

What could someone whose job, no calling, is to help you out of your stuck places and be the best version of you possibly be afraid to tell you?

It’s a dirty little secret among healing experts. Some embrace it. Some shy away from it. And some downright avoid talking about it.

The truth is (gulp)…We are human too.

I know this isn’t a shocker. But there are people out there who pretend like they got it all together all of the time when we all know that is a big fat LIE.

You either know someone or are someone who pretends life is a bowl of cherries and that you are above it all (at least part of the time).

The truth is most experts have SUFFERED. We’ve been to hell and back…a few times. And while we’ve come out stronger and wiser, we STILL have stuff to deal with just like everyone else.

Aside from the education and training we get, our best teachers are our mistakes, our failures, and all the CRAP we’ve had to overcome. We are experts because we know (inside and out) where our clients have been. Of course we all have different circumstances and different stories, but the way out is similar. We know the way out, even if we get stuck sometimes

There’s a phenomenon among experts too that many people don’t realize. Because we have compassion and empathy for others, we have a strong sense of integrity. That means we sometimes feel like frauds when we don’t have our stuff together…24/7. How can we help someone get out of their way when a part of our life is falling apart? It seems strange and out of sync.

But who has their life completely together in every area all of the time? Even doctors get ill, athletes gain weight, financial gurus file bankruptcy, and marriage therapists get divorced. So why would healing professionals be expected to be perfect all the time?

As someone who has been a healer for a long time, I must admit I still get blind-sided by the realization that life won’t be (nor should it be) perfect all the time. Stuff happens. And the best I can do, just like everyone else, is deal with it.

What helps me most during times when I am hard on myself for not having it all together?

• Turning to my support system. I have a great support system of people (personal and professional) who tell it like it is. They’re not shy about pointing out when I’m getting in my own way and reminding me how to move it along (and be kind and gentle with myself).
• Remembering the waves. Life has its ups and downs, like waves. If I can remember it’s all part of the natural flow, I’m able to more easily ride the wave and not get caught under water.
• Embracing resistance. Whenever I notice resistance about something, which may come in the form of procrastination or avoidance, I ask what the deeper meaning is behind it. Sometimes I just need to give myself a break. And sometimes I need to let go of something completely.

One thing is for sure – I’ve been an expert in getting in my own damn way. And I’m sure I’ll continue to do that from time to time. It’s part of the journey. I’m grateful for all the lessons along the way that continue to remind me that it matters less that I get stuck and more that I get unstuck. I’m fortunate to have learned and practiced some of the best tools for getting unstuck and I love helping others along their journey as well. We’re all human, and we’re all in this together!

Looking for more inspiration about getting out of your own damn way? Join me for the Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Jam Sessions, where I highlight people who have been there, done that, gotten out of their own damn way, and boldly embraced their dream and greatness. Get prepared to be inspired. Join us at www.krylyn.com/GetOutOfYourWayInterviews.

Photo by: Sarah