Top 8 Reasons Why You Should Never Follow Your Dreams

What did you dream of when you were a child? I dreamt of being an astronaut, a veterinarian, and a superstar. Then I got some life experience under my belt and realized floating in space might make me nauseous, I’m squeamish about the insides of all living creatures, and the lack of privacy involved with being the next Madonna was a bit much for this introvert to handle (although that dream still lingers a little).

As I got older, my dreams changed based on what I was good at and what I felt really called to do. In my early 20’s, I remember chatting with a girlfriend and told her I wanted to combine all my passions into my work. At that time, my passions were helping people, graphic design, and songwriting. Guess what? Those are still my passions today and I’ve combined all of them into my business.

The road hasn’t always been easy though. Along my travels I’ve met a lot of people who get in their own way. I recognize them because I see myself in them. I’ve been there. And I’ve also been here, on the other side, continuously creating a life and business that I love. Do I still get in my own way…um, hells yeah! But I’ve learned to recognize it faster and get the heck outta there.

So what is YOUR dream? And why would you NOT want to pursue it? Here are some possible reasons:

 1. Getting what you want is scary.

Ever heard the saying “be careful what you wish for?” Sure people love to talk about all the wonderful things that happened once they reached a goal or dream. But they rarely mention all the crap that accompanies it. When going after something you want, fear is inevitable. It’s one of those dirty little secrets we don’t like to talk about. But we must. Because it’s true. We all experience it. And when you come face to face with your fear, it’s good to know that it’s normal.

 2. There’s effort involved.

If going after what we want were easy, we’d all be doing it, right? The universe will test your resolve. And typically, the dreams we are called to do…the ones deep in our hearts and souls…are not on the easy path. They require hard work and dedication. So if you’re not ready to roll your sleeves up and get your hands dirty, best stay right where you are and keep dreamin’.

 3. It takes time.

There’s a lovely phrase I must remind myself: “it takes 10 years to become an overnight success.” Our society has conditioned us (or tried to anyway) for instant gratification. If we can’t get it now, we don’t want it. But there’s something to be said for the satisfaction of waiting. The anticipation. The knowing you earned it. We appreciate things we have to work for and that aren’t instantly handed to us. Plus, we may think we’re ready for the big dream RIGHT NOW, but we might not be. Everything comes when the timing is right. Patience, my lil’ dreamer…patience.

 4. Your success may ruffle other people’s feathers.

We are often so consumed with our own fear about changing that we forget our changes can have a ripple effect in people around us. If you go after your dreams, it can be a painful reminder to those around you that they haven’t lived out theirs. And that pain can turn against you, literally, in the form of jealously, sabotage, or just plain hatin’. We intuitively know this because we’ve seen evidence of it at one time or another. And if your fear of rocking someone else’s boat is bigger than your fear of staying where you are, guess what?

 5. You might outshine someone you really respect and admire.

Everyone’s got a dream. But not everyone gets to live theirs out. Some people sacrifice so that others can live their dreams. And some of those people may be people you really care about, like your parents. Parents are hard-wired to want better for their children than they had. But some parents have difficulty hiding all their regrets as you rise up. It may be difficult to accept that someone else gave up their dreams so you could live yours, but remember we all have choices. By living your dreams, you just may inspire someone else to live theirs.

 6. It’s lonely at the top.

As you move toward what you really want, you’ll find less and less people on that path. You may at some point look around to find yourself spending less and less time with people you were very close to. But guess what? Keep looking, cause you’ll also find people, like you, who are taking the road less traveled. These are your kindred spirits…the ones who understand what it takes to live out their dreams. You may not have as many close connections but the ones you do have will be with people who get it.

 7. You might be happy.

This one may sound a little strange, but hear me out. If 99 things go right in your day, and only 1 thing goes wrong, which one will you focus on? That ONE thing, right? We are so used to focusing on the negative of how we feel and what’s going on, that feelings of true happiness can be uncomfortable. We seem to be more comfortable with criticism and negativity. What’s wrong with THAT picture?

8. Life will be boring.

This is a paradoxical notion…that once you reach your dream you’ll not have anything else to do in your life and life will be boring. Hmmm…let’s examine that one. When have you ever taken steps to reach a goal and had things NOT change up along the way? While you live out your dreams, you better believe that you will change and grow during that process, and that means your dreams will change and grow too. You might have different ideas of how to fulfill your dreams or new dreams might pop up along the way. Life isn’t boring when you are doing what you love.

If you’re still struggling with the idea of following your dreams, I invite you to listen in on the Get Our of Your Own Damn Way Interview series where I highlight people who have been there, done that, gotten out of their own damn way, and boldly embraced their dream and greatness. It might just give you the inspiration you need to go for it. Join us at www.krylyn.com/GetOutOfYourWayInterviews.

Are You Getting in Your Own Damn Way?

What’s stopping you from being the BRILLIANT, outrageously fabulous, heart-centered, service-minded, talented, creative, spirited, kick-ass person that you already are?

Want to take a guess?

It’s YOU!

You’re hiding. You’re scared. You don’t know what to do. You’re so focused on the HOW, you forgot about the WHAT and the WHY. You’re overwhelmed. And you are definitely…

Getting in your own damn way.

So stop it…Seriously…

STOP IT!

Stop accepting mediocre, good enough, and the status quo.

You KNOW:

• you’re better than that.
• you have so much more to offer.
• you are powerful.
• you are destined for greatness.
• you are getting in your own damn way.

I get it. I’ve been where you are right now. I’ve made the excuses and played the mind games with myself…

• I’m too busy being a single mom to focus on what I want.
• I don’t have the time or energy to take care of myself or my business.
• People don’t understand how hard it is to juggle everything.
• I do such good work that I can half-ass it (and no one will notice).
• Being successful is too hard.
• Being seen…and vulnerable…is scary as @#$%!!!

And you know what?

All of that is true…to a point.

But you can allow it to be true to the point of STOPPING you…Or allow it to be true to the point of PROPELLING you forward.

It’s your choice. Make no mistake…it is a choice.

I know firsthand that focusing on the excuses and mind games is the absolute best way to…

• spin your wheels
• not get what you want, and
• feel all shades of resentment, anger, fear, and frustration.

And I know that YOU know that too.

Making excuses is EASY. It’s automatic, doesn’t require any effort, and plays right into the insecurities we already have. But if you’re anything like me, you’re not looking for the easy way out.

You’re looking to fulfill your soul’s purpose, your life’s work, your passion.

You have a calling to BE WHO YOU ARE in life AND in business. And settling for anything less makes your heart and soul ache.

I want you to stop aching and be who you truly are. So the question is…are you ready?

Ready to…

• step into your greatness?
• come out from behind the curtain?
• embrace your magnificence?
• get out of your own damn way?

If that little voice inside you telling you it’s time can no longer be silenced…

I invite you to join me for the:

Powerful interviews with powerful people who have:

• Overcome challenges
• Tamed their fears
• Stopped playing so small
• Learned to embrace their greatness
• Gotten out of their own damn way!

Get ready to be inspired!

The only thing you need to do RIGHT NOW is sign-up to get all the details to listen in via phone, web, or Skype at www.krylyn.com/GetOutOfYourWayInterviews.

Do You Trust Yourself, Part 2: The Beautiful Truth About Trust

In Part 1, Do You Trust Yourself, Part 1: The Ugly Truth About Distrust, I shed light on the toll distrust (of others and yourself) can take on you. I also talked about how we tend to separate ourselves from trust, thinking its something outside of us.

Now I’d like to dive deeper into what trust really is, break it down, to take away its scary power.

So, what is trust? The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as:

A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something

Let’s break that down.

Reliability is about being consistent. It’s about doing what we say we’re going to do. It’s about integrity and being true to our word. It’s about our words matching our actions. We all know people who say one thing and do something different. But is that person you? Do you say you’re going to start a new healthy lifestyle then back out of it? Do you say you’re going to work toward getting a better job or relationship, then not do anything to change your current situation? Are you truly reliable? The reason our words and actions don’t match is typically because:

• We really don’t want what we say or think we want (and sometimes just don’t quite know it or want to admit it)
• We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings
• We don’t want to look bad

SOLUTION: Take a look at the areas in your life where you ARE reliable. What helps you keep your word? Then take a look at the areas in your life where you ARE NOT reliable. If you don’t want what you got, admit it, then make a plan to accept it or change it. If you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, realize that it hurts more and is more confusing when you aren’t reliable, as most people internalize that as something they did (or didn’t) do. If you don’t want to look bad, remember that you have no control over how others view you. You have control over how you view yourself and how you treat others.

Truth is about being honest with ourselves. Are there areas in your life where you tell little white lies to yourself, like “this situation isn’t really THAT bad.” As painful or uncomfortable as it is, the truth can set you free. It allows you to take a look at the current reality for what it is. And that’s the first step toward change. Where we get stuck is by attaching judgment to the truth, saying to ourselves things like “I’m a bad person if I think this or want something different.” When faced with negative thoughts about ourselves, we put up defenses to protect ourselves, such as:

• Putting other people down (silently to ourselves or out loud)
• Denying and burying our uncomfortable feelings
• Pretending everything is okay

SOLUTION: Be honest with yourself about what you want and who you are. It may be uncomfortable at first, but remember it’s a starting point. Practice accepting your truth, being compassionate with yourself, and forgiving yourself for not being perfect.

Ability is about what we can do. It’s the skills, talents, and expertise we have acquired through education, training, and experience. It’s about what we can do physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And boy, can we do some serious damage in this area. Have you ever muttered the phrase, “I can’t.?” I’m not even going to wait for you to think about that one, because I KNOW you have. I have too. We’ve ALL said that (many times I’m sure). “I can’t” is often our default when:

• We don’t know how
• We’re afraid of making a mistake or not being perfect

SOLUTION: Know your abilities. Accept what you can do (and what you truly cannot). If you don’t know how to do something, figure it out. Ask someone. Take a class. Research it. Get help. If you’re afraid, breathe through it. Learn and practice strategies to help you manage your fear. Get the support you need.

Strength is about our capacity to do something. It’s about what we can handle, or rather…what we THINK we can handle. When things keep piling up, obstacles keep presenting themselves, and roadblocks keep appearing, what do you do? Do you keep moving toward your goal or do you give up? Strength is about continuing on in the face of adversity. It’s also about seeking whatever support you need along the way.

SOLUTION: Know that any change you make will be accompanied by tests. Tests to your abilities, tests to your faith, and tests to your perception of who you are. If you DON’T experience tests, you’re not on a path to change. Remember that strength comes from continuing to move forward, which involves feeling what you feel and asking for the help and support you need along the way.

Trust is really a series of actions, and not something outside of us. It’s about how we handle ourselves, our thoughts, our emotions, and our actions. Just as we’ve learned to NOT trust, so can we learn to trust. And trust starts with trusting ourselves. When we can learn to trust ourselves, knowing that we can be reliable and truthful, use our abilities (or acquire new ones), and be strong despite challenges, we can know that we have the power to choose what we will and won’t allow in our lives. It won’t matter as much what other people do, because we will trust ourselves to make the best decisions possible

Move forward…and trust yourself!

Photo by: Adrian Ruiz

Love and Football: What Football Can Teach Us About Loving Ourselves

As many people are getting ready for the Super Bowl tomorrow here in Phoenix, I’m staying far away. You see, I know that being in traffic, around people who are rowdy, and near big crowds are things that send me over the edge. Of course, I’m not a fan of football either, so that might have something to do with it too.

What I am doing is getting ready to kick-off the 14 Day Love Yourself Challenge, which coincidentally starts tomorrow on Super Bowl Sunday.

And that got me to thinking…how are loving yourself and football related?

Football takes:

• Passion
• Commitment
• Acceptance

And so does loving yourself! Hmmm…I think I’m onto something here…

Passion is all about what motivates us. It is the drive behind our actions and what keeps us going when things get rough. In football, passion is seen long before a player reaches the Super Bowl. It’s seen on football fields everywhere with young players who have a dream and the drive to play because it’s what lights them up inside. In loving yourself, it’s important to know what your passion is. What to you wake up for? What drives you to do what you do? We all have a passion for something. Knowing what that is AND routinely doing it are essential.

Commitment is all about making a decision to do something and following through on it. It’s about not letting obstacles derail you from your goal and keeping the faith. In football, commitment is seen on and off the field…in how players train, hone their craft, and use their experience and skills on the field. In loving yourself, commitment is seen in how you treat yourself. What are you committed to? If you’re committed to loving yourself, then you will be taking action to be kind and gentle with your thoughts and body.

Acceptance is about allowing and acknowledging what is happening in this moment. It’s about being open to the present moment while also understanding the past and future have influence but aren’t in charge. In football, acceptance is seen in how players shift what they are doing to fit their opposing team’s strategies. If they whined and threw a temper tantrum because the other team got the ball, not a lot would get done. But they take a time out, re-group, and change their game plan. In loving yourself, acceptance is key. You must accept what your current reality is, which is the first step in the journey to change it (if that’s what you wish to do).

Loving yourself is a game-changer. On the offense, you’ll be in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. On the defense, you’ll be able to tackle (and break free from) the grip of negativity, powerlessness, and blah-dom. And it allows you to face adversity knowing someone will always be in your corner to cheer you on.

For more tips and specific steps you can take to love yourself, I invite you to join me for my FREE 14 Day Love Yourself Challenge. Find out more at http://www.krylyn.com/14DayLoveYourselfChallenge.

Photo by: COD Newsroom

Love is an Inside Job

As we approach February 14, I am compelled (yet again) to be the voice of the single woman who doesn’t need a relationship to define her, complete her, or make her feel loved. I get so passionate at this time of year when messages flood my TV, inbox, and newsfeed that spout lies (blatant and otherwise) like:

• A diamond ring is supposed to solve everything
• Being coupled off is the ONLY way to have a smile on my face
• He doesn’t love me if he doesn’t buy me stuff
• I must be unlovable if I’m not in a relationship

Good grief…get a grip!

If we believed everything we see and hear, we’d surely be hating ourselves, bathing in self-loathing so intense we would be cranky, tired, unproductive. We’d feel fearful, sad, and lonely. And we’d be ready to give up on life and ourselves.

Oh, wait…

A lot of us are already there (even people in relationships)! And it’s no wonder with messages like these.

I’m here to preach the TRUTH, though. The TRUTH is that:

• We are ALL lovable, worthy, and deserving of LOVE
• We are responsible for our own happiness

And the biggest TRUTH of all…

Love is an inside job

Too often, we look outside ourselves to people and things to “make us” happy, “make us” complete, “make us” feel loved. As a trained psychotherapist, I cringe every time I hear someone say “how does it MAKE YOU feel?” Let me set the record straight…

• No one MAKES you feel anything
• No circumstance MAKES you feel complete
• Nothing can MAKE you feel or do or be anything

Now before you start running through all the scenarios of how someone could “make you” do something by force, let me say that most of us aren’t going through life with a gun pointed to our heads. If you are, you’ve got bigger problems that not getting a diamond ring for Valentines’ Day.

I’m talking to those of you who get caught up in the lies and are looking outside yourself for love and validation. You know who you are! And you have got to understand that this is the reason you aren’t satisfied or happy. Because only YOU have control over your own feelings.

How about instead of relying on someone or something to “make you” feel loved, you make a commitment to love yourself?

• If no one is “in love” with you right now (or even if they are), BE IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF!
• If you want flowers (or chocolates or jewelry), TREAT YOURSELF!
• If you want to be showered with compliments and appreciation, SAY NICE THINGS TO YOURSELF!
• If you feel like others don’t accept you, ACCEPT YOURSELF!

In short, LOVE YOURSELF. Sure others love you too. And there are different types of love. But LOVE YOURSELF because…

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
 

– Buddha

If you’re looking for specific steps you can take to love yourself, I invite you to join me for my FREE 7 Day Love Yourself, Love Your Business Challenge. Find out more at http://www.krylyn.com/LoveChallenge.

Photo by: Shimelle Laine

Do You Trust Yourself, Part 1: The Ugly Truth About Distrust

Recently as I was successfully avoiding work by answering emails and browsing Facebook, I came across a theme, which prompted this question to pop into my head:

Do you trust yourself?

It’s a seemingly simple question, but upon further examination has so many layers to it. Let me get you started by asking some more questions.

• Do you get excited about something only to question it later on?
• Do you believe you are not safe in the world?
• Do you spend your time and energy running away from things that are scary and painful?
• Do you question your judgment?
• Do you take a long time to make decisions, weighing every little pro or con – or even AVOID making decisions?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I’d say you might have some issues trusting yourself.

As I study more and work more with people on moving through their fear, I realize that trusting oneself is absolutely key. But really, how many of us even know what that truly means?

We know about trusting others, when trust is broken, ways to earn trust back, but the underlying assumption here is that trust is outside of us. It is bestowed upon others or earned. And that we are somehow separate from it.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I said to someone recently as we were talking about dating that what I have learned over the years about trust in relationships is really how to trust myself.

I took a long break from dating to focus on raising my son and building my career. It was a choice. And it was a choice that was, in part if I’m totally honest, based on my fear of trusting.

I used to think my problem was trusting others. I grew up in such a chaotic, unpredictable environment that I learned I couldn’t trust the people close to me. I couldn’t trust their words to match their actions, or their actions to provide me with the safety and comfort children need to thrive. Frankly, I learned how to distrust, and I suspect most of us have learned that lesson all too well.

But the unfortunate byproduct of not trusting others is that we somehow throw ourselves in that mix. Logically, if people close to us are not trustworthy, then by default, we are untrustworthy as well.

When we don’t trust ourselves, we:

• Have difficulty making decisions
• Question ourselves and our choices
• Look to others to define and validate us
• Experience high levels of fear and anxiety
• Are more likely to distract ourselves or avoid certain people, places, and things in our lives

Sound familiar?

Just as we learned along the way to not trust, there is a way to re-learn how to trust again, which is good news, right?

In Part 2, Do You Trust Yourself, Part 2: The Beautiful Truth About Trust, I’ll explore what trust really is and give some tips on how you can trust yourself.

Photo by: Capture Queen