Category Archives for Overcoming Fear
3 Tips to Surviving Under Pressure
Have you ever been in the middle of something big? A huge transformation, project, or undertaking? And in the midst of it, so many challenges arise that you think you’re about to explode or end up in the corner in fetal position?
I’ve certainly been there. In fact I’m there RIGHT NOW.
What I’ve noticed is that every challenge gives me an opportunity. A window of smaller transformation within the bigger transformation. Let me explain…
We’ve all got issues. Some of us deal with insecurities based on how we were raised, or situations we’ve experienced, or that inner critical voice that’s never satisfied. And those issues surface in one form or another every time something doesn’t go as expected. We may question ourselves, our confidence, our worth, our ability, our strength, our capacity to manage all the unexpected turmoils that come our way.
For me, the big struggle is with being visible and not wanting to disappoint others. I was taught to be in the shadows and not make waves. And that certainly helped me survive a not so ideal childhood. But for someone called to a greater purpose of helping others find their voice and not let their past define their future, it isn’t an effective strategy. In fact, it’s pretty much the opposite of an effective strategy.
I’ve learned more effective strategies over the years. But sometimes, old patterns resurface, especially in times of great change. Recently, I’ve noticed that as I’m stepping into my greatness in a bigger way, the challenges I face can bring up that survival instinct, which beckons me to shrink, hide, defend myself, make excuses, and listen to others dictate what I should or shouldn’t do. Sound familiar?
So what I find most helpful during these times is to remind myself:
- What my why is.
- How I want to show up in the world.
- What works (and doesn’t work) to calm and center myself during difficult times.
Here’s some tips on how you can put these strategies in place:
- Write down WHY you are doing what you’re doing. It’s easy to get caught up in WHAT we are doing when working toward a goal or moving through a change or transition. But the WHAT are the details and that’s where we can get overwhelmed and stuck. Focusing on and remind ourselves of the WHY can help us keep our “eyes on the prize” and connected to the motivation of why we are doing our what. Post your written WHY where you can see it often. (Mine is next to my computer).
- Think about how you want to BE. If you’re drawing a blank, it might be easier to think of how you DON’T want to be. When I’m going through a challenge, I don’t want to be stressed, irritable, impatient, unorganized, or too much in my head (with thoughts spinning out of control). What I do want to be is calm, grateful, forgiving, open, and centered.
- Identify and SCHEDULE things you can DO to create how you want to be. For example, if I want to be calm, I need to follow it with action. Being calm in the midst of chaos isn’t a default for me. I’ve had to work at it, and I know what makes things better (or worse) when life seems to be crashing down around me. I know that breathing, using my lavender spray, resting, taking breaks, drinking water, getting fresh air, etc. help me tremendously. They may not solve the issue at hand, but they allow me to be more centered and able to handle what’s going on. Write down what works for you and keep it close. If you’re like me, you tend to forget what works when life gets harry. Make it easy on yourself by having a list handy when you know you might need it.
Remember that life has its ups and downs. You have no control over what happens around you. But you do have control over how you handle it. Often the biggest lessons are not in the actual event or situation we’re faced with, but in how we can get through it with our sanity intact.
Photo by: Tom Martin
Embracing the Obstacles: Are You Passing the Test?
Have you ever noticed that the closer you get to something you want, the more obstacles start showing up? Obstacles that distract you, that bring up old ways of thinking or behaving, that leave you wondering if you’re on the right path?
We are all on a journey. We have different destinations and different detours, but we are all going somewhere. Some of us stop for a while and enjoy the scenery, either afraid to move forward, or maybe too tired to take anything else in. Some of us trudge ahead, excited by what’s next and ready to take on any challenges that come our way. But here we all are along for the ride.
There are as many ways of being on that journey as there are journeys.
But the one thing I know for sure is the importance of our WHY. Why are we on this journey? What are we hoping is at the end of it? And how will our lives be different as a result? Answer these questions and they will keep you going, despite the most challenging of obstacles.
When we don’t have a grasp of these vital pieces of information, it’s easy to get side-tracked on the journey. If we don’t know why we want what’s at the end, it’s easy to give up at the first sign of resistance. But if we are firm in our resolve, deeply knowing that what waits for us is truly aligned with who we are and what we stand for and will benefit not only us but others in our path, we can see the obstacles for what they truly are…tests!
We tell the universe what we want, setting our intention. Then the universe conspires to get us there. But there are also a lot of unconscious thoughts and old patterns lurking under the surface, designed to help you truly know who you are and what you want. They present themselves as obstacles, testing your resolve and continuing to challenge how important this journey really is for you.
“Do you REALLY want this” the universe asks. “Let’s see how badly you really want it.” Enter in the obstacles, the tests, the distractions, the “I can’t-s,” the melt downs, and breakdowns. How you deal with these are actually much more telling than any other part of the journey. They speak to your character, your intention, and your why.
Know that the obstacles are indicators that you are getting close. So if you give up now, you’ll miss the miracle. What journey are you struggling with right now? What obstacles are coming up for you and how are you handling them? Learn to embrace all parts of the journey and you’re going to get there!
Photo by William Warby
First Time in Phoenix: Workshop Helps Reduce Fears that Block Progress Toward Personal Goals
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Overcoming common fears that get in the way of greater success and happiness is the focus of the upcoming workshop, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®.” The one-day event Saturday, Feb. 15, is based on the best-selling book of the same title that focuses on helping people be more assertive, attain personal and professional goals and improve self-esteem.
The program is facilitated by Krylyn Peters, a licensed psychotherapist and certified life coach, who is also licensed by Susan Jeffers, LLC to teach “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®.” The workshop begins at 9 a.m. at New Visions Center for Spiritual Living, located at 18010 N. Tatum Blvd., Phoenix, AZ 85032. Pre-registration is required; cost is $149, with an early-bird discount of $99 before Jan. 31. To register, sign up at www.krylyn.com/feelthefear or contact Peters at 602-696-8699.
The workshop includes experiential activities to help participants move from fear and indecision to action. “Moving through fear requires action. I give people tools so they can overcome what is keeping them stuck. Most people have thoughts or worries that can block them from taking steps toward even the most desired goals,” explains Peters.
Participants have stated that the program is “life-changing if you use the tools” and that the event “helped me understand that I can change and that I should not fear it.”
“Many people have limiting beliefs such as ‘I’m not good enough to do this’ or ‘What if I fail?’ that hold them back,” says Peters. “The workshop helps them identify their specific fears and then build an action plan to move them forward.”
What’s So Scary About Fear: An Interview with Krylyn Peters on Moving through Fear
Ready to face the (not so scary) truth about fear? Listen in as I’m interviewed by Therese Skelly of happyinbusiness.com and talk about what fear really is, some myths and truths about fear, and some tips on how to move through whatever fear you may have.
[audio: https://krylyn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Interview-1-on-Fear-wtih-Therese.mp3|titles=Interview About Fear|artists=Krylyn Peters . www.krylyn.com]For even more great, proven tools on moving through fear, join me for a live one-day workshop in Phoenix, AZ on February 15, 2014. Visit http://www.krylyn.com/feelthefear for details.
My Song About Stepping Into Fear
As a singer/songwriter, I am constantly inspired. A few years ago, I wrote several songs which ended up on my CD, Into the Fire, The songs centered around my journey as a new psychotherapist and many themes emerged involving what my clients were facing. The songs included topics such as depression, suicide, borderline personality disorder, dealing with change, the therapeutic relationship, and, of course, fear.
The song I wrote about fear, Into the Fire, ended up being a bit autobiographical about my own musical journey, which has had many ups and downs. In my case, music represents passion (aka fire). I realized how intermingled both joy and fear can be in pursuing passion. It was such an inspirational song for me that I made it the title track to the CD. After listening to the song several times, I realized how much it hit home on a broader scale for dealing with the fear associated with moving forward, making changes, and pursuing passion.
In addition to the songs I wrote for my CD, I also created a Companion Booklet, which includes not only the lyrics, but also the inspiration behind each song, suggestions for using the songs for healing (for yourself or with clients if you are a mental health or healing professional), and questions to ask based on the theme of the song. I included a couple of the questions for you to ponder below as you listen to the song.
Please enjoy Into the Fire, and feel free to leave a comment below about the song or your answers to the questions.
Questions to think about as you listen to the song:
- What messages have others told you (either directly or subtly through their words or actions) about taking risks? Are these the same messages that help you or keep you from moving forward?
- How does fear of taking risks affect your life? Family? Relationships? Work? Finances? Health?
- What are you most afraid of with respect to making progress in your life?
Thanks for listening! Leave a comment below and let me know what you think.
The Top 3 Ways Fear Is Destroying You
I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. She said she doesn’t really have a lot of major fears in her life right now, but that she is avoiding making some decisions based on very real concerns (such as time and money). She had a difficult time relating to the word fear, but as soon as I phrased it another way, our conversation really took off. And it got me to thinking. If my friend, who is one of the most intelligent, creative, wonderful women I know, gets tripped up on fear, I wonder how many other people do too. Could you be mistaking your fear for something else? I know I have.
I think fear can be quite a manipulator, twisting things around for us. And who wants to admit they are afraid when it doesn’t feel like a major issue? Just like with everything, it’s a matter of degree and intensity. Some fears are small and don’t feel very urgent or painful. Others are huge and seem insurmountable. But no matter what fear looks like, it can still eat away at our confidence, security, and peace of mind, as well as undermine all our best efforts to make lasting, positive changes in our lives.
One of the ways fear can really destroy us is when we don’t recognize it as fear. Back to my friend, who wasn’t able to identify any fears…as soon as I switched the word fear to stuckness, it changed our whole conversation. She was able to see some of what she is experiencing as a fear with lower intensity. Sometimes it’s just in how we identify it and talk about it. Maybe you call fear something else: sadness, a funk, being unlucky, etc. When we don’t recognize fear for what it is, we might miss the opportunity to course correct, to make changes that would benefit us and move us out of pain or frustration to power and happiness.
Another way fear can destroy us is when we don’t acknowledge it. Just because we don’t admit something doesn’t mean it’s not true. Ever heard of denial? Yeah…it’s out there. And my guess is you’ve used that old trick at least once in your life (just like everyone else). When we deny the truth, it doesn’t make it any less true. In fact, it typically has the opposite effect. The truth gets bigger, bolder, more daring, and more in-your-face. Ever notice that?
A third way fear can destroy us is when we stay stuck in it. Again, we’ve all been there – allowed fear to keep us from moving forward. Sometimes, stuckness is a blessing, giving us time to think and form a plan of action. But other times, it becomes an excuse and leads to a snowball effect of inaction, negative thinking, and unhappiness. Moving through fear requires action. Not necessarily a big action, but action. One small action can start the momentum you need for other actions, and a snowball effect in a better direction toward positive thinking, excitement, and achievement.
So knowing that fear destroys us when we don’t recognize it as fear, don’t acknowledge it, and stay stuck in it, now what? Here’s some tips on how to counteract the destructive effects of fear:
- Look at any area of your life where you feel “stuck.” Examine it a bit closer to see if there’s really some fear keeping you from making a decision, even if it’s a low intensity type of fear.
- Call fear out! Acknowledge that what you are feeling is fear. Once it’s named, it has less power over you.
- Once you name and acknowledge your fear, it’s time to take one action to move through it. This doesn’t have to be a huge step, but like I said, moving through fear requires action. Identify one thing you can do, and then do it.
- Find some support. It takes commitment and continued practice to move through fear. And sometimes even a “cheerleader,” someone to hold your hand in support, keep you on track, and help guide you through the process. Identify someone you trust to help you. This could be a friend, family member, or even a professional (therapist, coach, etc.).
Whatever you’re afraid of, please know you’re not alone. We’re all afraid of something. And we all fall into the traps of fear’s grip. The issue isn’t about never being afraid, it’s about how we handle it when we are. So go out there, own your fear, and get fear-less!
If you’re looking for more practical, tried, and proven techniques for overcoming fear, as well as a “cheerleader” to help you, please consider joining me for a full-day workshop I’ll be hosting next month “Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway”®. Click here for more information.