Who Do You Want to Be?

Who do you want to be? A question asked at this time of year as people young and old (and not-so-old) gear up for a day of transforming themselves for Halloween. Zombies, princesses, vampires, pirates, gypsies, clowns, witches, superheroes, and all sorts of other creatures and characters emerge to celebrate on this day. I’m guessing some people spend more time planning who they want to be for Halloween, costume and demeanor, than they do planning who they truly want to be in their own lives.

Maybe it’s because we’re afraid to take a really hard look at ourselves. Maybe we aren’t happy with the way things currently are. Or maybe we’re going through some tough times and just don’t have the energy to focus on ourselves. There doesn’t ever seem to be a shortage of reasons (or excuses) to not focus on ourselves, does there? But when we avoid asking ourselves the question “who do I want to be” we’re missing a tremendous opportunity to shape ourselves, to make changes, and to live the life we’re meant to live.

When I talk about who we are and who we want to be, I’m talking about on the inside – personality and character traits, how we feel about ourselves, and the way others would describe us. Things like:

• Honest
• Kind
• Gracious
• Compassionate
• Empathic
• Considerate
• Giving
• Friendly
• Helpful
• Zealous
• Courageous
• Passionate
• Tactful
• Sensitive (to name just a few)

While we may have moments of not being our best selves, chances are we have more moments of being the way we want to be than we realize. We tend to focus on our missteps (rather than our successes), and then mistakenly believe those smaller moments as true in describing who we are. Just because you do one thing that is dishonest doesn’t mean you are a dishonest person. Just because you say one thing that is hurtful doesn’t mean you are an unkind person. It just means you did one thing not in line with who you are.

Have you ever really stopped to think about who you truly are inside or how you would describe yourself? Or who you want to become? Whether you have or not, here’s your opportunity to do it or to remind yourself. Here’s some tips on how:

• Take a moment to think about all the wonderful characteristics you posses (or want to posses). Think of examples and experiences when you were able to show who you truly are. You might also think of ways you could show who you want to be.
• Then write them down, including specific examples of how you showed (or would show) who you are. Include as many details as you can (who was or would be involved, what were you or would you be doing, how did you or would you feel about yourself, etc.).
• Keep these stories of proof of who you are or who you want to be close by to remind you in times when you are feeling less than your ideal self.
• The best way to transform into who you want to be is to act accordingly. Take small action steps. Think of what a compassionate person would do or someone who is courageous or gracious (or whatever characteristic you wish you had more of). Then do it.

Sure it’s fun to pretend and dress up, taking on a new persona, and taking a vacation from who you really are. But just imagine if you put the same amount of thought, focus, and attention on yourself throughout the year. Who would YOU be?

Photo: Halloween niños 2011 © by gaudiramone

Dyer on Living with Passion

Dr. Wayne Dyer’s phrase “Don’t die with your music still in you” is one of my favorites. Here is a short video of him discussing how this phrase came about and how to capture the spirit of living with passion and a sense of purpose. Enjoy!

9 Songs About Overcoming Fear

In the spirit of October and Halloween, it’s time to celebrate fear. Yeah, you read that right. Celebrate. Fear. I often talk about what a bad wrap fear gets, but no heavy discussion here. This post is all about kicking back and listening to some great music about fear – overcoming it, bringing it out in the open, and getting past it. Enjoy!

1. Drive by Incubus

2. I Dare You to Move by Switchfoot

3. Fearless from I am Bullyproof Music

4. The Fear by Lily Allen

5. F.E.A.R. by Ian Brown

6. Afraid by Nelly Furtado

7. Fear by Sarah McLachlan

8. I’m Afriad of Americans by David Bowie (featuring Nine Inch Nails)

9. Get It Together by India.Arie

For tips on HOW to overcome your fear, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “What Haunts You: Facing the (Not So) Scary Truth About What Keeps You Stuck.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/dev/free-teleseminars/what-haunts-you, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Focusing on What Works

Do you often struggle in one or more areas of your life? Finances, health, relationships, work, etc.? It seems like the areas in which we find challenges are ones we focus on, which only makes sense if you believe, like many of us seem to, that you must fix what is broken. Society bombards us with messages of improving those areas. We must listen, because the messages keep coming.

But how much time do we spend focusing on the areas that ARE working well? If you’re anything like me, I’m guessing you don’t focus much on those at all. Yet, if we’re breathing (and reading this), we must be doing something right.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

And to take it another step further, what if you could learn to love the part of you that isn’t “perfect” or the challenge you are facing. I’m not talking doe-eyed, weak-in-the-knees kind of love, but an acceptance of what is.

I began this practice after reading the book “Learning to Love Yourself: A Guide to Becoming Centered” by Gay Hendricks a few years ago. In it, he talks about consciously accepting the parts of yourself that you struggle with. Saying outloud the phrase “I love that part of me that…” is a cornerstone to this practice. For example, when I struggle with feeling overwhelmed about a deadline, I might say to myself “I love the part of me that has difficulty staying focused” or “I love the part of me that would rather be writing a song.” Inevitably, I end up with a smile on my face or a sense of relief, because just stopping and saying something that seems so contrary to what I’m thinking or experiencing gives me persmission to be more gentle with myself  and shifts my perspective. And, it’s all a matter of perspective.

So what are you doing that is working for you? Do you take time to recognize those things, or just gloss over them, sometimes unconsciously, on your way to thoughts of what isn’t working well? Take some time to focus on what is working and shift your perspective. Here’s some tips to try:

1. Write a list of things that are working well for you. Things that are working well are not areas that require a lot from you. They are things that happen on auto-pilot and can be as simple as taking five minutes in the morning to stretch, taking a walk around the block, or brushing your teeth before bed. Keep this list with you and add to it as you think of more. Look at it when you are having one of those “nothing is working well” moments.
2. Pick one thing from your “things that are working well” list and DO MORE OF IT.
3. Think of one area in your life that you would like to change. Be specific. For example, one of my areas to work on is doing one thing at a time (which I call “mono-tasking”). That’s pretty easy to measure. I’m either doing one thing at a time or I’m not. Then, say “I love the part of me that…” and fill in the rest with the area you are focusing on. For me, I might say “I love the part of me that has difficulty focusing on one thing at a time.” Say your phrase out loud five times. Notice how you feel after saying it.

Remember, it may seem easier to focus on the problems, but doing so just gives the problems more energy, which I’m guessing is NOT what you want to do. Switching your focus to what is working and accepting when you are challenged by it is a much gentler way of being, which I’m guessing is more of what you DO want.

I’d love to hear what results you get from shifting your focus. Leave a comment below.

Photo: Curious kid © by Mads Boedker

44 Quotes About Fear

I love quotes! A good quote can help shift your perspective at just the right moment and provide inspiration in the face of darkness. Enjoy some of my favorite quotes about a topic near and dear to my heart: Fear.

You might take one (or two or more) of your favorites and post them around so you can see them, read them, and breathe them in when you need a dose of inspiration.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. ~ Marianne Williamson

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows. ~ Japanese Proverb

Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will. ~ James Stephens

Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. ~ Unknown

Where no hope is left, is left no fear. ~ Milton

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. ~ Helen Keller

You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. ~ Eric Hoffer

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. ~ Marcus Aurelius

Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. ~ Bertrand Russell

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. ~ Nelson Mandela

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. ~ Bill Cosby

Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free. ~ Jim Morrison

Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change – this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress. ~ Bruce Barton

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. ~ Mark Twain

Fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear. ~ Baruch Spinoza

Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it. ~ Salvador Dali

If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. ~ Dale Carnegie

For tips on HOW to overcome your fear, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “What Haunts You: Facing the (Not So) Scary Truth About What Keeps You Stuck.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/what-haunts-you, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Do not fear mistakes. You will know failure. Continue to reach out. ~ Benjamin Franklin

Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out. ~ Karl Augustus Menninger

Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all. ~ Norman Vincent Peale

Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends. ~ Shirley MacLaine

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. ~ Mark Twain

If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles. ~ Sun Tzu

We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. ~ Steve Jobs

Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream. ~ Paulo Coelho

We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Have no fear of moving into the unknown. Simply step out fearlessly knowing that I am with you, therefore no harm can befall you; all is very, very well. Do this in complete faith and confidence. ~ Pope John Paul II

When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest. ~ Henry David Thoreau

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. ~ C. S. Lewis

When one has the feeling of dislike for evil, when one feels tranquil, one finds pleasure in listening to good teachings; when one has these feelings and appreciates them, one is free of fear. ~ Buddha

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way. ~ Babe Ruth

For tips on HOW to overcome your fear, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “What Haunts You: Facing the (Not So) Scary Truth About What Keeps You Stuck.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/what-haunts-you, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

It’s the most unhappy people who most fear change. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it. ~ Chanakya

We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict. ~ Jim Morrison

Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest. ~ Henry David Thoreau

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. ~ H. P. Lovecraft

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. ~ Dale Carnegie

Try a thing you haven’t done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not. ~ Virgil Thomson

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but, it is fear. ~ Gandhi

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. ~ Unknown

For tips on HOW to overcome your fear, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “What Haunts You: Facing the (Not So) Scary Truth About What Keeps You Stuck.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/what-haunts-you, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Photo: Fear – Graffiti © by Jimee, Jackie, Tom & Asha

Moving Forward in the Face of Fear

If your best friend were to come to you and say that something is stopping her dead in her tracks, keeping her stuck and unable to move forward, and had her convinced she would never get what she wanted, how would you respond? Would you get irritated at this thing or that she would allow this thing to have such power over her? Help her find ways to obliterate this thing? Build her up by reminding her how strong and awesome she is?

We go to such lengths for our friends, don’t we? But what if that someone who was stuck in the muck was you? Would you attack the issue with the same fervor and passion? Or would you curl up and be powerless to this thing?

We all get stuck. We all have “those days” where we just need a minute to slow down and take a breath. But then sometimes those days turn to weeks or months or years of staying stuck. Sure we can make decisions about what’s for dinner or what TV shows to watch, but the big decisions, the life-changing decisions, we just can’t seem to address. Decisions about our health, our finances, our work, our life’s purpose, our relationships…all seem too big to tackle in the face of this stuckness.

So what is this thing that keeps up stuck? It’s fear. Fear of change. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of…

Fear sure does get a bad wrap. We blame a lot on fear. But fear in itself is nothing more than an emotion or a signal to tell us that something is a bit off. What we choose to do with that signal is up to us. Some of us choose to be fearful and move forward anyway. Some of us choose to be fearful and stay stuck, looking for all the reasons something can’t be done. So it boils down to a choice (as most things do).

What will you choose?

For tips on HOW to overcome your fear, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “What Haunts You: Facing the (Not So) Scary Truth About What Keeps You Stuck.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/dev/free-teleseminars/what-haunts-you, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Photo: eyes wide © by robin.hodson