Ready to Face (and Conquer) the Not So Scary Truth About What Keeps You Stuck?

Do you go through life afraid to take risks and go after what you really want? Do you feel stuck in the same-old-same-old details of your life, unsure of where to go from here or convinced that no matter what you do, it won’t turn out the way you want so why even try?

You are not alone! Many of us can get swept up in doing things the way we’ve always done them out of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of making mistakes. What we forget is that fear isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It is just a signal. What we choose to do with that signal is where we can get in trouble.

If you’re ready to stop letting fear run your life and start going after what you want (and deserve), please join me for the October FREE Teleseminar… “What Haunts You: Facing the (Not So) Scary Truth About What Keeps You Stuck.”

In this teleseminar, I’ll cover:

• Why Fear Gets a Bad Wrap
• What Really Keeps You Stuck
• How to Unstick Yourself and Get Back to the Business of Living Your Life

Don’t delay. Sign up today. The live call is coming soon. But don’t worry, if you can’t attend live, you can still sign up and get access to the recording. Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up.

Make it a Great Day: The Power of Language in Creating Your Reality

If you’ve called my office in the last 10+ years and gotten my voicemail you will notice I sign off my outgoing messages with the phrase “Make it a Great Day.” This phrase has elicited more comments from people leaving messages than I could have ever imagined. And it underscores the importance that language plays in our perspective, a point I make so often with my clients.

Think about the phrase you probably hear more commonly: “Have a Great Day.” This phrase is a nice reminder. But the way it is worded leads you to the idea that you can either have a great day or not have a great day. And that the having is part of what happens TO you, rather than what you create. We already have enough (or too much IMHO) reminders in our language of our powerlessness or helplessness.

We adopt common phrases like “have a great day” or standard responses to questions such as “how are you?” But do we ever really think of what comes out of our mouths?

Language is a direct link to our thoughts, which reflect our beliefs, which connect to our emotions, which drive our behaviors. And all of these help create our experiences and our perspective.

When people hear the phrase “Make it a Great Day,” they stop and take notice. Why? Because it’s unexpected. In all the comments people have left about this one phrase, the common theme is one of realizing they have the power to choose what kind of day they have. That, my friends, is the power of language. Just changing one word in a common phrase helps to shift perspective – guiding someone from possibly thinking their experience is driven by outside forces to thinking they have some control over their experience. How powerful is that?

So next time you hear the phrase “Have a Great Day,” I challenge you to turn it around (at least in your head) and remember to “Make it a Great Day.” And if you happen to be calling my office, I’d love to hear how you created a great day for yourself.

Photo: smile! © by seanbjack

Embrace Your Mistake

“Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way.” ~ Al Franken

Have you ever messed up? Done something wrong? Made a mistake, big or small, that affected not only you, but those around you?

Sure, we all have. But I want to take a moment to encourage you to look at mistakes a little differently than you may have before.

We all can probably get in touch with that feeling of making a mistake from when we were young children. That feeling of being in trouble when we know we’ve been caught or found out. I don’t know anyone who likes that feeling. Some of us learned to fess up and take the punishment. Others learned to lie about it and try to avoid consequences at all costs. Either way, there’s still a mistake that’s been made, and there will be a cost.

What is a mistake, anyway? According to dictionary.com, a mistake is:

1. an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.
2. a misunderstanding or misconception.

As children, we’re bound to make mistakes based on poor judgment and reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge and wisdom. It’s inevitable. Kids’ brains aren’t matured enough to know and do better. We make errors, we learn, we move on.

But somewhere along the way, as we grow into adults, we somehow get conditioned to believe that mistakes are unacceptable. We expect perfection instantly and get really impatient and judgmental of ourselves (and sometimes others) when that doesn’t happen. I’m not exactly sure what it is that makes us believe that with age comes infinite wisdom. Just because we have life experience in some areas doesn’t mean we know (or will ever know) everything there is to know about everything and never make errors or have misunderstanding ever again. One only need look at the news about foreign affairs in any part of the world (or go to any family gathering) to realize that misunderstandings and misconceptions are all around us.

I’d like us to think of mistakes in terms of opportunities. If mistakes are made by errors in judgment, then there’s an opportunity to learn about the consequences of our judgment. If we make mistakes based on insufficient knowledge, then there’s an opportunity to get educated. If mistakes come about by misunderstandings or misconceptions, then there’s an opportunity to gain some clarity about another point of view (not that you will necessarily agree with it).

The word MISTAKE is ingrained in us as this horrible, unforgiveable thing. But there is not one person alive who hasn’t made a mistake or will never make another mistake again. It is part of the learning process (aka life). If we can look at mistakes the way they are defined, as errors (which are things to be corrected) and misunderstandings (which are things to be understood), doesn’t that seem like a more gentle, helpful perspective?

Today, I invite you to embrace your mistakes, for they are your teachers and provide opportunities for you to learn and grow.

Photo: My mistakes have a certain logic © by theihno

What Thoughts Start Your Day?

What do you think about when you first wake up in the morning? Words and thoughts are so powerful and can help shape our reality. Choose them wisely. And enjoy this little movie of some positive thoughts to get you started.

Songwriting Imitates Life: Vulnerability Without Judgment

In a recent workshop I facilitated about Songwriting Therapy™, one of the participants brought up the idea of vulnerability. Ah, yes, vulnerability. That space of opening ourselves, our flaws, experiences, feelings, thoughts, our truth with others. We are not taught about vulnerability. But we learn about it…often the hard way – by experiencing it and all the discomfort that can accompany it. Most people fight it or hide it.

The idea came up as we talked about sharing our creativity with others. As a singer/songwriter, I’ve had my share of battles with vulnerability. It helps me get to an honest place of sharing that connects with others on a deep level. But it can be scary, opening me up to criticism and scrutiny.

When I was younger, I was often deeply affected by what others had to say about my creative expressions. I took it personally when someone didn’t like my voice, my words, my arrangements, or any other aspect of my songs. Oddly (or maybe not) the people who often voiced their criticism were members of my own family – my mom, my sister, and my husband. These were people whose opinions I held dear, so it was a difficult pill to swallow thinking I may not be doing something good because they said it wasn’t good.

As I grew older and experienced many more vulnerable moments (in songwriting and in life), I came to realize that expressing myself and being vulnerable had so much more to do with me valuing my own opinion and self worth than it did with other people’s opinions or judgments. Once I realized that, I noticed a huge shift in my ability to speak up for myself, express myself, and even sing in front of others.

Do you have difficulty being vulnerable? Here’s some tips to get you through:

• Don’t solicit someone’s opinion unless you really want to hear it. Sometimes we get caught up in our ego and needing approval that we just let the words “what do you think” (or something similar) roll off our tongue, then immediately regret it. Unless you’re willing to hear the bad with the good, don’t ask people what they think. Remember, the only opinion that really matters is yours.
• Don’t take other people’s negativity personally. People say and do things we don’t like. It’s inevitable. But when we take it personally, thinking it had to do with something we did or said (or worse, who we are) we can get caught in a downward spiral of negativity ourselves. Think about your reactions to others, which are often colored by what you’re going through in your life, how you feel physically, what happened just before (or what’s going to happen just after). Keep this in mind when dealing with other people’s reactions. How they react may have less to do with you than you realized – and more to do with the kind of day they’re having (or their own general outlook on life).
• Celebrate your vulnerability. Vulnerability comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms. We can easily forget that we have opportunities to share our thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, goals, etc. with others all the time, which opens us up to being vulnerable. Be proud of those small moments you are able to share with others, which can be a stepping stone to sharing even bigger, more meaningful moments.

Remember that being vulnerable is a part of life. The more we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable, the easier it will be. And the more we’ll be able to express ourselves fully, leading to a healthier, happier, more balanced life.

Got more tips for being vulnerable? Please share by leaving a comment below.

Blast from the Past: How Reconnecting to Old Passions Can Rejuvenate, Re-energize, and Rock Your World

I just got back from Tucson where I had the distinct pleasure of indulging in one of my favorite teenage pastimes – enjoying the sights and sounds of British pop band Duran Duran. Every time I see them or hear them, I’m reminded of my absolute obsession with them back in the 80’s. The hair, the guy-liner, the pouty lips, the provocative lyrics and videos. I was a definite Duranie back in the day.

And reconnecting to those memories helps me remember some good things about growing up. Like the first time I saw them in concert and my mom allowed me to go on my own. Or when my step-father sent me a gift of red, teardrop earrings in the mail, signed by keyboardist Nick Rhodes. Or the hunt for band memorabilia in every record store, drug store, and novelty store. My obsession with Duran Duran as a teen helped me find focus, passion, independence, and possibilities. But in a good way. Now every time I see them and hear them, I’m reminded of those feelings, and it helps me reconnect to my teenage self.

Now before you judge me for my obsession, I want you to think about an obsession you have (or had). What good things came from that obsession? What good memories do you have? Who else was involved? How do you feel when you think about it all?

We can learn so much from our past about who we are, who we were, and who we longed (and long) to be.  Reconnecting to an old passion can help us recalibrate and remember good times, good feelings, good friends, etc. It can help us remember what may have gotten buried over the years by obligations and responsibilities – all the shoulds and have-to’s.

I challenge you to reconnect to one of your old passions and see what happens. As for me, I’ve still got a little ringing in my ears and my voice is a little hoarse, but it seems like a small price to pay to get back in touch with one of the things that got me through some tough years.

Photo: Duran Duran © by Jason Persse