Going the Extra Mile (Taking Life from Good to Extraordinary)

Have you ever fallen into the trap of doing just enough to get by? Afraid (or too tired) to push yourself just one smidge further to go from good to great? Sure it’s easy to fall into this trap. But just imagine. Imagine what life would be like if you went one step beyond what you thought you could do. One more ounce of sweat, tears, or perseverance.  “To get what we’ve never had, we must do what we’ve never done.” Enjoy this little movie about going that extra step.

Finding the Growth in Struggle

“It is okay to be at a place of struggle. Struggle is just another word for growth. Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of real and important progress. The only one who doesn’t struggle is the one who doesn’t grow. So if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign — and celebrate your struggle.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

There is beauty in struggle.

Now, before you tune me out, start building evidence to the contrary, or yell at your computer screen, take a breath and read on. Please.

I don’t know anyone who has not encountered struggle, hardship, adversity, or whatever you want to call it when things don’t work out as you planned or hoped. I do, however, know plenty of people who let that struggle define them, their identity, their actions, and how they carry themselves in the world. I also know people who have overcome their struggle in such a way that they use it as a springboard to a higher level and to help others get through their own struggles.

I have been in both these groups at various times in my life. And I’m guessing you have too.

The first group can be a place of being stuck, defined by circumstances, negative, drained, having difficulty making decisions, etc. It is a place we ask the question WHY and expect answers that make sense. Why did this happen, why me, why can’t I get over this. The more we focus on why, the more it eludes us and the more the answers don’t make sense. We question ourselves, others, our faith. It can be a scary place.

In my experience as a member of the second group, the group that overcomes, we can go through all the same things as the first group, but then something happens. A shift. An experience. A glimmer. Something that propels us forward out of stuckness. I think that something is as simple as a decision. A decision to be defined on our own terms, not the circumstances we don’t have control over. A decision to look at the situation with a different perspective, such as what we can learn from the experience and teach others from it. A decision to grow.

Keep in mind that staying stuck is also a decision. And sometimes, a good decision at the time. Sometimes we need a break from overwhelming experiences and feelings to be able to feel the ground beneath us again. It’s okay. For a while. It’s when we repeatedly use the struggle as an excuse to stay stuck (or not move forward) that it can really take a toll on us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

So, which group are you in today? How about yesterday? And what group will you be in tomorrow or in five minutes? Here’s some things to help you shift from struggle to growth:

1. Ask someone else what they think of your situation. Sometimes we are too close to our struggle to see the beauty in it. Ask someone you trust what they think the lessons are in it.
2. Journal about it. When my thoughts are jumbled and scattered, journaling helps me just get it all out. Just start writing, paying no attention to spelling, grammar, or sparing anyone’s feelings. Don’t censor yourself.
3. Make a list of all the lessons you’ve learned from a past struggle. See if any of those apply to your current struggle.
4. Do something different than what you are doing in your stuckness. If you’re sitting, stand up. If you’re thinking too much, do something to take your mind off your thoughts. Do something physical – take a walk, do yoga, ride a bike, etc.
5. Do something you love to do. A hobby, an activity, something that brings you joy. For me, this is usually something to do with music – writing a song, improvisational singing in the car as I’m running errands or driving to an appointment, or listening to some music that transports me to a different state of consciousness.

The more you look for the good to come out of something, the more you will see it. Just like any other skill, it just takes some practice. So what beauty will you find today?

Photo: Tree Trunk © by Accretion Disc

Finding Joy in Life’s Challenges

Life has its challenges. It’s how we handle those challenges that defines us. Check out this short movie with inspirational quotes on finding the joy in your challenges. Enjoy!

Loving What Is Even in the Face of Crisis

Crisis can bring people together into a sole purpose. It can blur the lines of unforgiveness and shift your perspective so dramatically that your “never” turns into “maybe” and your “always” becomes “not anymore.” It can be gut-wrenching, surreal, and unfair as hell. And it can be a wake-up call or a thing to endure and leave behind. At the least, it can challenge you in ways you never imagined.

I tend to get emotional with personal crisis, taking time out to feel my feelings, no matter how painful they may be. However, I have learned over the years (and yes, it does take practice) to bounce quickly and often from a position of pity and “poor me” to one of action and “where do I go from here?” Each moment offers this opportunity, even if we don’t recognize it.

While you may not be going through a personal crisis, you may find yourself at a crossroads, a choice point, a place of needing to decide between two paths. I suggest you first get quiet and sit with yourself, not in that “should I do this or that” place, but in a place of loving what is, which may be confusion, pain, or indecision. Not knowing is at least knowing that you don’t know, which is an important first step in many journeys.

Here’s some other ideas you might try:

1. When you feel a strong emotion (sadness or fear, for example), surrender to the emotion by breathing it completely in. Feel your body’s reaction to the emotion. Allow it to come. And know that it will pass.
2. When you start to feel fear creeping in, stop and say to yourself, “I love the part of me that is afraid to…(I doubt you will have difficulty filling in the blanks)” It’s easy to feel fear but accepting it can be another story. Try it and see what happens.
3. Look for the lesson (or lessons) you can learn from your situation. While whatever has happened may not seem fair or bearable, look at it from different angle to see what good can come of it.

We all go through times of tragedy in our lives. The more we can learn to accept that it will come, the more we will be able to move through it when it does.

Photo: Yin Yang – Symbol © by DonkeyHotey

Inspirational Quotes from Inspirational Women

I love quotes. Especially quotes from strong women. Enjoy this little movie sprinkled with inspirational quotes from inspirational women.

Ditching the Disease to Please: Goodbye “Good Girl,” Hello HAPPY ☺ Girl

If women are “programmed” to do anything, it’s to please others and be a “good girl.” And by “good” it is assumed you will:

• Be compliant and not complain about what is expected of you, which is more than any one person could possibly do anyway.
• Do for others RATHER than do for yourself.
• Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.
• Forget about your hopes, dreams, passions, and goals.

And if you do any or all of those things listed above, it’s a recipe for disaster. Whenever you put yourself at the bottom of your priority list, it takes a toll on you – your physical, emotional, and mental health. It sends a message, not only to you, but to everyone around you that you’re not important, that you don’t matter.

Dr. Wayne Dyer has said “You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.” What are you teaching people? To treat you like a deserving, lovable, competent, intelligent, independent, worthy woman. OR, to treat you like someone who will always be there to do what other people can’t, won’t, or don’t want to do?

To find out if you tend to be a people pleaser, answer the following true or false questions:

1. I say yes to other people’s requests even when I really want to say no.
2. I get anxious at the thought of someone not liking me or something I’ve done (or not done).
3. I feel resentful when I do things for other people.
4. I feel resentful when other people don’t do things for me, especially when I do so much for them.
5. I want people to automatically know what I want or need without having to say it.

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you just might be a people pleaser. The good news is you can unlearn your people-pleasing ways and get back to putting yourself at the top of your priority list. In order to be treated the way you deserve to be treated, you must first start with yourself. People take clues on how to treat you by watching how you treat yourself. So treat yourself well. Here’s some tips on how:

• Define your priorities. Make a list of all your priorites in life, such as your family, friends, job, finances, health, etc. Then pick the top three you’d like to focus on in the next month or so. Write out your list and keep it where you can see it or refer to it. When asked to do something, check in with your priority list. If the request isn’t aligned with your priorities, it will be easier to turn it down.
• Schedule yourself on your calendar. We fill up our schedules with meetings, appointments, errands, etc. If it’s on your calendar, you know it needs to get done. So why not use that to your advantage and block out some time for yourself.
• Learn to say no. The word “no” is one that none of us like to hear. So it might be easier to think of saying no to others in terms of saying YES to yourself. If someone asks you to do something you really don’t want to do, keep your priority of saying yes to yourself in mind and politely decline the request. This is a skill that takes some practice. You might want to start by saying no to small things first and with people you know won’t be easily upset. Once you have small successes under your belt, it will be easier to say no to bigger things and with people who are more vested in getting their way than in you being happy.
  

For more ideas on how to ditch that annoying disease to please, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Getting Over the Good Girl Syndrome: Learning to Say No.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/getting-over-the-good-girl-syndrome, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.