The Self-Love Healing Playlist: 14 Love Songs Celebrating You

There may seem like a lot of reasons to NOT love yourself that are based on standards of physical beauty, expectations of how you “should act,” and unrealistic ideas of being “perfect.”

We all know how to NOT love ourselves. We’ve been taught how to do that from an early age. But rarely have we been taught how to truly love and accept ourselves.

That’s why I created the…14 Day Love Yourself Challenge.

It’s 14 days of daily lessons that include inspiration and practical, creative action steps. Because music is such an important part of my life, and a great compliment to healing, I created this Self-Love Healing Playlist of 14 songs, one to go with each lesson. Listen to all the songs below.

And if you’re interested in signing up for the 14 Day Love Yourself Challenge to get the lessons that go with each of these songs, go to www.krylyn.com/14DayLoveYourselfChallenge. it’s FREE to join.

1. Feeling Good by Michael Bublé

2. What is Love Anyway by Howard Jones

3. Seasons of Love from Rent

4. Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson

5. Christina Aguilera – Soar (with lyrics)

6. Think Good Thoughts by Colbie Caillat

7. Video by India.Arie

8. Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston

9. Thank You by Dido

10. F**kin’ Perfect by P!nk

11. Walking Away by Unspoken

12. With a Little Help From my Friends by the Beatles

13. Girls Just Want To Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper

14. Don’t You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds

Do You Trust Yourself, Part 2: The Beautiful Truth About Trust

In Part 1, Do You Trust Yourself, Part 1: The Ugly Truth About Distrust, I shed light on the toll distrust (of others and yourself) can take on you. I also talked about how we tend to separate ourselves from trust, thinking its something outside of us.

Now I’d like to dive deeper into what trust really is, break it down, to take away its scary power.

So, what is trust? The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as:

A firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something

Let’s break that down.

Reliability is about being consistent. It’s about doing what we say we’re going to do. It’s about integrity and being true to our word. It’s about our words matching our actions. We all know people who say one thing and do something different. But is that person you? Do you say you’re going to start a new healthy lifestyle then back out of it? Do you say you’re going to work toward getting a better job or relationship, then not do anything to change your current situation? Are you truly reliable? The reason our words and actions don’t match is typically because:

• We really don’t want what we say or think we want (and sometimes just don’t quite know it or want to admit it)
• We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings
• We don’t want to look bad

SOLUTION: Take a look at the areas in your life where you ARE reliable. What helps you keep your word? Then take a look at the areas in your life where you ARE NOT reliable. If you don’t want what you got, admit it, then make a plan to accept it or change it. If you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, realize that it hurts more and is more confusing when you aren’t reliable, as most people internalize that as something they did (or didn’t) do. If you don’t want to look bad, remember that you have no control over how others view you. You have control over how you view yourself and how you treat others.

Truth is about being honest with ourselves. Are there areas in your life where you tell little white lies to yourself, like “this situation isn’t really THAT bad.” As painful or uncomfortable as it is, the truth can set you free. It allows you to take a look at the current reality for what it is. And that’s the first step toward change. Where we get stuck is by attaching judgment to the truth, saying to ourselves things like “I’m a bad person if I think this or want something different.” When faced with negative thoughts about ourselves, we put up defenses to protect ourselves, such as:

• Putting other people down (silently to ourselves or out loud)
• Denying and burying our uncomfortable feelings
• Pretending everything is okay

SOLUTION: Be honest with yourself about what you want and who you are. It may be uncomfortable at first, but remember it’s a starting point. Practice accepting your truth, being compassionate with yourself, and forgiving yourself for not being perfect.

Ability is about what we can do. It’s the skills, talents, and expertise we have acquired through education, training, and experience. It’s about what we can do physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And boy, can we do some serious damage in this area. Have you ever muttered the phrase, “I can’t.?” I’m not even going to wait for you to think about that one, because I KNOW you have. I have too. We’ve ALL said that (many times I’m sure). “I can’t” is often our default when:

• We don’t know how
• We’re afraid of making a mistake or not being perfect

SOLUTION: Know your abilities. Accept what you can do (and what you truly cannot). If you don’t know how to do something, figure it out. Ask someone. Take a class. Research it. Get help. If you’re afraid, breathe through it. Learn and practice strategies to help you manage your fear. Get the support you need.

Strength is about our capacity to do something. It’s about what we can handle, or rather…what we THINK we can handle. When things keep piling up, obstacles keep presenting themselves, and roadblocks keep appearing, what do you do? Do you keep moving toward your goal or do you give up? Strength is about continuing on in the face of adversity. It’s also about seeking whatever support you need along the way.

SOLUTION: Know that any change you make will be accompanied by tests. Tests to your abilities, tests to your faith, and tests to your perception of who you are. If you DON’T experience tests, you’re not on a path to change. Remember that strength comes from continuing to move forward, which involves feeling what you feel and asking for the help and support you need along the way.

Trust is really a series of actions, and not something outside of us. It’s about how we handle ourselves, our thoughts, our emotions, and our actions. Just as we’ve learned to NOT trust, so can we learn to trust. And trust starts with trusting ourselves. When we can learn to trust ourselves, knowing that we can be reliable and truthful, use our abilities (or acquire new ones), and be strong despite challenges, we can know that we have the power to choose what we will and won’t allow in our lives. It won’t matter as much what other people do, because we will trust ourselves to make the best decisions possible

Move forward…and trust yourself!

Photo by: Adrian Ruiz

Love and Football: What Football Can Teach Us About Loving Ourselves

As many people are getting ready for the Super Bowl tomorrow here in Phoenix, I’m staying far away. You see, I know that being in traffic, around people who are rowdy, and near big crowds are things that send me over the edge. Of course, I’m not a fan of football either, so that might have something to do with it too.

What I am doing is getting ready to kick-off the 14 Day Love Yourself Challenge, which coincidentally starts tomorrow on Super Bowl Sunday.

And that got me to thinking…how are loving yourself and football related?

Football takes:

• Passion
• Commitment
• Acceptance

And so does loving yourself! Hmmm…I think I’m onto something here…

Passion is all about what motivates us. It is the drive behind our actions and what keeps us going when things get rough. In football, passion is seen long before a player reaches the Super Bowl. It’s seen on football fields everywhere with young players who have a dream and the drive to play because it’s what lights them up inside. In loving yourself, it’s important to know what your passion is. What to you wake up for? What drives you to do what you do? We all have a passion for something. Knowing what that is AND routinely doing it are essential.

Commitment is all about making a decision to do something and following through on it. It’s about not letting obstacles derail you from your goal and keeping the faith. In football, commitment is seen on and off the field…in how players train, hone their craft, and use their experience and skills on the field. In loving yourself, commitment is seen in how you treat yourself. What are you committed to? If you’re committed to loving yourself, then you will be taking action to be kind and gentle with your thoughts and body.

Acceptance is about allowing and acknowledging what is happening in this moment. It’s about being open to the present moment while also understanding the past and future have influence but aren’t in charge. In football, acceptance is seen in how players shift what they are doing to fit their opposing team’s strategies. If they whined and threw a temper tantrum because the other team got the ball, not a lot would get done. But they take a time out, re-group, and change their game plan. In loving yourself, acceptance is key. You must accept what your current reality is, which is the first step in the journey to change it (if that’s what you wish to do).

Loving yourself is a game-changer. On the offense, you’ll be in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. On the defense, you’ll be able to tackle (and break free from) the grip of negativity, powerlessness, and blah-dom. And it allows you to face adversity knowing someone will always be in your corner to cheer you on.

For more tips and specific steps you can take to love yourself, I invite you to join me for my FREE 14 Day Love Yourself Challenge. Find out more at http://www.krylyn.com/14DayLoveYourselfChallenge.

Photo by: COD Newsroom

Love is an Inside Job

As we approach February 14, I am compelled (yet again) to be the voice of the single woman who doesn’t need a relationship to define her, complete her, or make her feel loved. I get so passionate at this time of year when messages flood my TV, inbox, and newsfeed that spout lies (blatant and otherwise) like:

• A diamond ring is supposed to solve everything
• Being coupled off is the ONLY way to have a smile on my face
• He doesn’t love me if he doesn’t buy me stuff
• I must be unlovable if I’m not in a relationship

Good grief…get a grip!

If we believed everything we see and hear, we’d surely be hating ourselves, bathing in self-loathing so intense we would be cranky, tired, unproductive. We’d feel fearful, sad, and lonely. And we’d be ready to give up on life and ourselves.

Oh, wait…

A lot of us are already there (even people in relationships)! And it’s no wonder with messages like these.

I’m here to preach the TRUTH, though. The TRUTH is that:

• We are ALL lovable, worthy, and deserving of LOVE
• We are responsible for our own happiness

And the biggest TRUTH of all…

Love is an inside job

Too often, we look outside ourselves to people and things to “make us” happy, “make us” complete, “make us” feel loved. As a trained psychotherapist, I cringe every time I hear someone say “how does it MAKE YOU feel?” Let me set the record straight…

• No one MAKES you feel anything
• No circumstance MAKES you feel complete
• Nothing can MAKE you feel or do or be anything

Now before you start running through all the scenarios of how someone could “make you” do something by force, let me say that most of us aren’t going through life with a gun pointed to our heads. If you are, you’ve got bigger problems that not getting a diamond ring for Valentines’ Day.

I’m talking to those of you who get caught up in the lies and are looking outside yourself for love and validation. You know who you are! And you have got to understand that this is the reason you aren’t satisfied or happy. Because only YOU have control over your own feelings.

How about instead of relying on someone or something to “make you” feel loved, you make a commitment to love yourself?

• If no one is “in love” with you right now (or even if they are), BE IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF!
• If you want flowers (or chocolates or jewelry), TREAT YOURSELF!
• If you want to be showered with compliments and appreciation, SAY NICE THINGS TO YOURSELF!
• If you feel like others don’t accept you, ACCEPT YOURSELF!

In short, LOVE YOURSELF. Sure others love you too. And there are different types of love. But LOVE YOURSELF because…

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
 

– Buddha

If you’re looking for specific steps you can take to love yourself, I invite you to join me for my FREE 7 Day Love Yourself, Love Your Business Challenge. Find out more at http://www.krylyn.com/LoveChallenge.

Photo by: Shimelle Laine

Q&A: How Can I Be More Creative?

In today’s Q&A video blog, I’ll be answering a question I get asked a lot about creativity:

How can I be more creative?

Before I can even begin to answer that, I need to know what you mean by that. Watch and listen as I describe the different types of creativity and give some quick tips for you to start expanding your creativity.

Want to know more about how you can bust through fear, break through the barriers keeping you stuck, get more creative, and GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY?

Ask your question and you just might see it in an upcoming video blog. Simply send your question to krylyn@krylyn.com.

Do You Trust Yourself, Part 1: The Ugly Truth About Distrust

Recently as I was successfully avoiding work by answering emails and browsing Facebook, I came across a theme, which prompted this question to pop into my head:

Do you trust yourself?

It’s a seemingly simple question, but upon further examination has so many layers to it. Let me get you started by asking some more questions.

• Do you get excited about something only to question it later on?
• Do you believe you are not safe in the world?
• Do you spend your time and energy running away from things that are scary and painful?
• Do you question your judgment?
• Do you take a long time to make decisions, weighing every little pro or con – or even AVOID making decisions?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I’d say you might have some issues trusting yourself.

As I study more and work more with people on moving through their fear, I realize that trusting oneself is absolutely key. But really, how many of us even know what that truly means?

We know about trusting others, when trust is broken, ways to earn trust back, but the underlying assumption here is that trust is outside of us. It is bestowed upon others or earned. And that we are somehow separate from it.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I said to someone recently as we were talking about dating that what I have learned over the years about trust in relationships is really how to trust myself.

I took a long break from dating to focus on raising my son and building my career. It was a choice. And it was a choice that was, in part if I’m totally honest, based on my fear of trusting.

I used to think my problem was trusting others. I grew up in such a chaotic, unpredictable environment that I learned I couldn’t trust the people close to me. I couldn’t trust their words to match their actions, or their actions to provide me with the safety and comfort children need to thrive. Frankly, I learned how to distrust, and I suspect most of us have learned that lesson all too well.

But the unfortunate byproduct of not trusting others is that we somehow throw ourselves in that mix. Logically, if people close to us are not trustworthy, then by default, we are untrustworthy as well.

When we don’t trust ourselves, we:

• Have difficulty making decisions
• Question ourselves and our choices
• Look to others to define and validate us
• Experience high levels of fear and anxiety
• Are more likely to distract ourselves or avoid certain people, places, and things in our lives

Sound familiar?

Just as we learned along the way to not trust, there is a way to re-learn how to trust again, which is good news, right?

In Part 2, Do You Trust Yourself, Part 2: The Beautiful Truth About Trust, I’ll explore what trust really is and give some tips on how you can trust yourself.

Photo by: Capture Queen