The Effects of a Silenced Voice

How unresolved emotions and traumatic events affect our voices has been a topic of interest for me for a long time. When we are victims of abuse or neglect or witness to such events, our voices can be affected in many ways. We may learn that:

1. it is unsafe (for ourselves and/or others) to speak up about wrongdoings
2. people don’t talk about bad things that happen in our family
3. it is not acceptable to express feelings such as fear, anger, sadness, etc.

For children especially, the mixed messages that often accompany abusive and neglectful situations (in addition to the abuse and neglect itself) leave a long-lasting imprint. People experiencing childhood trauma can grow up to experience:

• Distrust of others
• Low self esteem
• Poor boundaries in relationships (either too clingy or too distant)
• Feelings of unworthiness or self hatred
• Self abusive behaviors, such as:
  • Poor nutrition, exercise, and hygiene habits
  • Not getting enough rest, relaxation, and sleep
  • Addictions – alcohol, prescription medications, illegal drugs, sex, shopping/spending, workaholism, etc.
  • Depression or anxiety
  • Lower threshold for dealing with stress
  • Physical complaints and illness

The good news is that there is power and healing that can come out of the darkest of situations. Finding a way to express ourselves, our emotions and thoughts, and talk about the unspeakable events of our past can be very therapeutic, not only in healing old wounds but also in repairing current and future relationships. For some, using creative ways of expression is extremely beneficial, such as writing, art, music, and dance for example. These creative means can help us by:

• Allowing the expression of painful feelings in a less threatening way than speaking about them
• Giving voice to something that has been silent for a long time
• Helping us see and express what we have been afraid to
• Providing tangible evidence and validation of our experience

I have found such healing through the process of songwriting. And I enjoy helping others do the same.

Whatever way you choose to find your voice again that has been silenced, know that your journey will be filled with ups and downs. Remember though to take frequent stock of where you have been and where you are now, and celebrate the successes you have had along the way.

Cheers to Finding Your Voice again!

And if you’d like to learn how to use music, sound, and songwriting for healing, please join me for my upcoming Songwriting Therapy 101 class. Learn more here.

Photo: shh © by Inubleachanimefan

Building Creative Confidence

Designer David Kelley talks about creativity as something we all possess. In this TED talk, he shares some of his ideas about the importance of building creative confidence which somehow gets lost along the way. Enjoy!

Getting Unplugged: The Gift of Taking a Break from Technology

I love technology. I love how it allows me to create things I wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. How it inspires, influences, and changes things for the better. But with every good thing, every good benefit, there comes a price.

That price peeks out every time I cringe when the phone rings, or an alert comes up telling me I have a new email and interrupts my train of thought, or my computer freezes and loses a few hours worth of work. Technology can be a good thing. But it can also be a distraction and a burden.

Recently I had the opportunity to step away from technology. I was on vacation and while I had my laptop with me, I wasn’t able to do much because it is so ancient and has limitations that prevent me from doing much other than word processing. It was a little uncomfortable at first – withdrawals kicking in of not being able to check email – but I quickly was able to adjust. And you know what? I survived. Instead of checking email 50+ times a day, I sat in silence, let my mind slow down, watched what was going on around me, was present with friends and with nature.

Now back into the full swing of my life, I am remembering how good it felt to have some freedom from technology and I’m better able to step away. I came back to find only a handful of emails that were truly important, and nothing that needed any immediate attention.

How has technology affected your life – both good and bad? What would life be like if you stepped away from technology for a month, a week, a day, or even a couple hours? Might be worth a try.

I’d love to hear about your break from technology. Leave a comment below.

Photo: Plug © by Samuel M. Livingston

3 Ways to Increase Your Creativity

You are creative, really! It’s true. No matter how hard you try to fight it or deny it, you do have at least one creative bone in your body. How do I know? Because I happen to believe everyone is creative.

Before you dig deep into your reasons why you aren’t creative, hear me out.

Creativity is simply about making something new and useful. It’s also about solving everyday problems. Do you have problems? Have you ever solved a problem? Then I contend you are creative. Because it takes creativity to solve problems.

What happens is that our creativity gets buried under all those reasons why we aren’t creative. Reasons like:

• Negative (Stinkin’) Thinking. Our thoughts can really play a number on us. Thoughts like what you SHOULD or SHOULDN’T do, or that there’s only ONE WAY to do things, or that you’re not good enough. The truth is our thoughts can betray us and get us to believe we aren’t creative.
• Negative Feelings. The biggest emotion that can get in the way of our creativity is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of making a mistake. Fear affects our ability to take risks and try new things.
• Lack of Support or Encouragement. Some of us have come across people who don’t really support us, or may even discourage us from following what we want to do in life. If we listen to them, we might believe we’re not creative, or not worthy of following our dreams or passions (which is where creativity lives).

So what can we do to get back in touch with our creativity? Here’s some suggestions:

1. Make just ONE small change in what you do. It could be as small as setting your alarm for 15 minutes earlier in the day to allow yourself some extra me-time.
2. Ask yourself “What if” and start to really listen to the answer. What if you did that one thing you’ve been afraid to do? What if you looked for a new job? What if you made that change, or took that class, or told that person something you’ve longed to say? Live in the possibility, not in the fear.
3. Simply try something new. Check off something from your list that you WANT to do but have kept putting off.

The more you exercise your creative muscles by doing things like the suggestions above, the more creative you’ll feel (and be).

For more ideas on how to get your creative juices flowing, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “Thinking Outside the Box: Using Creativity to Be a Better You.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/free-teleseminars/thinking-outside-the-box, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.
Photo: Light Bulb © by olga.belobaba

Your Elusive Creative Genius

 “Maybe [artistry] doesn’t have to be quite so full of anguish if you never happened to believe, in the first place, that the most extraordinary aspects of your being came from you. But maybe if you just believed that they were on loan to you from some unimaginable source for some exquisite portion of your life to be passed along when you’re finished … it starts to change everything.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Author Elizabeth Gilbert (“Eat, Pray, Love”) shares about the creative process in this TED talk. Gilbert discusses her own creative process and the stigma many creatives get for being mentally unstable. She challenges that notion and offers up some ideas on how to be creative without being attached to the process (or the outcome). Watch – and Enjoy!

Building Upon Old Foundations: How Perspective Changes Over Time

As I travel around the Midwest and places I’ve lived before, I’m reminded of a lot. Old memories. Old friendships. Old hurts. Old passions. Everywhere I turn it seems there’s something that reminds me of something. But as I visit old familiar places, I’m reminded how much perspective plays a part in my memories. Perspective indeed is a powerful thing.

When I lived in Michigan about 15+ years ago, it was colored by a failing marriage, the pain of being separated from close friends and family, the transition of being a new mom, and re-careering. I moved here to support my then-husband in his pursuit of a master’s degree. To say I was unhappy at that time is an understatement. But I made the best of it. I found a job where I could learn a skill I really wanted to learn and made friends who helped me stay connected to myself (and who I can easily re-connect to after all these years).

But now, as I visit, a woman more sure of herself, confident, older, wiser, more at-ease in her own skin, this place seems different. It seems softer, calmer, more accepting. I can appreciate things I didn’t before, like the fresh air, the small town feel, the beautiful architecture, etc.

Did this small town change since I was here? Or are the changes I see more about the changes within I’ve made over the years? I suspect everything changed, but that the changes I’ve made and the different perspective I have now are more the cause of my new-found ease with this place. Either way, it’s nice to enjoy my time here in old, familiar territory, with memories pleasant and unpleasant, in the presence of friends who knew me then and still appreciate me today.

We are always building a foundation upon which our perspective can lead us in different directions. What a gift to be able to see different sides of the same foundation.

Photo: creek @ crawford park © by daBinsi