Veruca Salt Ain’t Got Nothing On Me: 4 Tips to Get Over Your Patience-Challenged Self

In a world where you can order food, clothing, education, and people online (or on your phone) with the touch of a button or a swipe to the right and have them appear within minutes, it’s no wonder we can get a sense of urgency about EVERYTHING.

If patience is a virtue, then we’re doomed.

But when I was growing up, I was taught that the things in life worth having were things that took time and effort. Do you see my dilemma?

Even though like Veruka Salt of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory “I want it and I want it NOW,” I also know it takes time and effort to get it. And that once we set our intention and our goal, our work has really just begun. The universe will continually test us to make sure we really want it.

This certainly could not have been truer during my recent re-branding process.

Luckily, in addition to some really great tools for shifting my thinking and my mood, I also have a great support system of friends, colleagues, and a kick-ass coach who all know about my restless nature and instead of allowing me to wallow in it help me learn from it.

So if you are patience-challenged, like me, when going after your big juicy dreams (in business OR in life), then these tips may be just what you need to GET OVER YOURSELF and muster up the strength to keep moving forward toward greatness:

1. Define your success. Nothing unleashes the green-eyed monster of envy faster than a skewed sense of success. In traditional business, success is often equated with money. But not everyone measures success that way. For me, success if about getting out of my comfort zone, being more visible, speaking my truth, and making an impact.
2. Don’t compare yourself to others. We all can fall prey to the comparison trap. But we have to remember that what we see on the outside is rarely what’s happening on the inside. I cannot tell you how many colleagues of mine have had the same experience as me of taking their business to the next level and having their personal lives fall to pieces concurrently. But on the outside, all others see is the prettiness of the business growth. When you find yourself wishing you had what others had, realize you’re not only wising for the good stuff, but the not so good stuff.
3. Align yourself with what you want (not what you don’t). It’s amazing how much we focus on what we DON’T want. I catch myself doing that and nip it in the bud as quickly as possible. If what we focus on is what we create, then why (oh, why) would we want to focus on anything but what we want?
4. Don’t quit before the miracle. Setbacks are part of the deal. The path from where you are now to where you want to be is NOT a straight, perfect line. It’s a curvy, jagged, winding road with detours, potholes, and inclement weather. The real work isn’t about getting to the end, it’s about managing all the crap that came up in the process of getting there.

If we got what we want immediately all the time, I truly believe we wouldn’t really appreciate it. The lessons and challenges we have along the way teach us so much and allow us the opportunity to really appreciate what we have.

So, move over you Verucas of the world. It’s time to actually put in the time and effort to get what you want. You’ll be soooo glad you did!

Got anything to share about your patience challenges and how you’ve dealt with them? Leave a comment below.

Meanwhile enjoy this blast from the past, Miss Veruca in action…

Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

In the months of my re-branding process (and even in the months leading up to it), I’ve had a creative surge. But most of my ideas aren’t really new. THANK GOODNESS!!

As part of me getting clearer about who I am and what I stand for, I’ve been able to embrace projects that have been abandoned over the years. I’m no stranger to branding. This is my third time to the rodeo in four years. But what’s so different this time around is that I’m deadest on bringing anything I’ve created that involves the theme of GETTING OUT OF YOUR OWN DAMN WAY to light.

No more hiding. No more abandoning my babies. No more excuses.

Nope. It’s ride or die time.

Several years ago when I began imagining my dream business, I thought of all the ways I could help people using all my talents, skills, and passions. The list was LONG, and got longer.

Us creative types can get a bit sidetracked and overwhelmed. Coming up with ideas is never the problem. The problem is in finishing them. And that’s exactly where I got stuck.

Yet I didn’t get stuck in places I expected to get stuck, like in how to get things done. The how is the easy part. How involves processes, technology, resources, and systems. I know a heck of a little about a lot of things and can usually find my way through the “how” stuckness. If not, that’s what virtual assistants and other techies are for.

No I got stuck in the why part. This is the trickier part, the part that brings up the inner critic and the ugly fear monster that whispers very unsweet nothings in your ear like:

• Who do you think you are to bring your work into the world
• Nobody wants to hear what you have to say
• You’re not perfect, so you’re a fraud

DAMN those fearful thoughts!

But part of the re-branding process for me has been learning to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Shocker. This is a phrase I use with my clients all the time. And now the tables turned. In order to bring my vision to light, I had to come to terms with the absolute and undeniable FACT that things were gonna get downright uncomfortable, meaning the inner voices of self-doubt and fear were going to get friggin’ loud.

As I braced myself for the onslaught of negativity, something strange happened. It didn’t really come. At least not as roaring and loud as I had anticipated. What happened is that while roadblocks occurred, my inner love-bug kicked in telling me things like:

• You’re amazing
• You’ve got this
• Keep going
• You’re almost there

And you know what? I listened. I’m in my 9^th month of amazing-ness. Projects are getting finished left and right. New connections are being made. New opportunities are presenting themselves. My speaking calendar has never been so booked. And more and more people are knocking down the door to work with me.

So when I talk about using fear as a catalyst rather than a crutch, I know of what I speak cause I’ve totally lived it. It is possible to tame that fear and use it to propel you forward into some amazing results.

How are you taming YOUR fear? Leave a comment below.

Photo: Performing Female Contortionist — Image by © Bernd Vogel/Corbis

What it Looks Like to Be Free

Here in the USA we just finished celebrating Independence Day. Each year, it’s a reminder of what it means to be free and what sacrifices were made for our freedom.

Each year, I’m also reminded of what freedom means to me and how it looks on a more personal and individual basis.

To me, freedom is about living well and being my best self. It’s about creating (and maintaining) the type of lifestyle I want, which includes everything from relationships, to finances, to health, to play.

What does it really look like to be free? Here are some thoughts:

• Know what you want. If you don’t have a clear picture of what you want, how do you know when you have it…or worse, when you don’t? Freedom isn’t just about some vague notion of being able to have, be, or do anything you want. True freedom comes when your definition of being free is realized. For some people, freedom is about not working, but for others it’s about doing work they are passionate about.
• Entitlement has no place here. Some people confuse freedom with entitlement, or getting stuff you don’t work for. But freedom is about taking a stand for what you believe in and sometimes fighting the good fight to get it. Think about it, when you get handed something you haven’t worked for, does it really hold as much satisfaction as something you busted your ass for?
• Consistency is key. It’s near impossible to maintain anything, whether it’s sanity, weight, routines, relationships, etc. if we don’t keep doing things that work. Sure, we may know what DOESN’T work, but unless we make consistent effort to take the steps (large and small) that contribute to continued success, we’re sure to lose some sense of freedom.
• Sacrifices and compromises are part of the deal. Freedom isn’t something to be taken lightly. It sometimes requires us to make some tough decisions for the greater good. We sometimes must make sacrifices or compromises right now in order to have the future we long for.

Remember, freedom is something we are all striving for in one way or another.

What are your thoughts on what freedom looks like? Share a comment below.

Is Fear a Choice?

What are you afraid of? Most people are afraid of some similar things, such as:

• The unknown
• Change
• Rejection
• Abandonment
• Death
• Loss
• Success
• Failure

Others have more specific fears, such as:

• Spiders
• Heights
• Needles
• Flying
• Water

Regardless of what fears you have, know this…

Fear is a base emotion that ALL humans have.

Fear is genetically hard-wired in us as a way to protect us from harm and keep us alive. It is an early warning system.

Over time and evolution, we are still hard-wired to feel fear of anything that threatens our safety. However, we no longer have the same threats to our physical safety on a regular basis (i.e. being eaten by predators). We do, however, still perceive threats…to our EMOTIONAL safety. But our bodies cannot tell the difference between a physical threat and an emotional threat. Our bodies react to protect us against any threat.

We fear being judged, criticized, rejected, abandoned, ostracized, labeled, etc. If someone looks at us a certain way, we might FEEL a certain way, which may be a threat to us feeling safe, loved, cared for, and ok. If we FEEL threatened, our THOUGHTS kick in to let us know we’re not safe, we must leave or attack or otherwise protect ourselves. Then we behave accordingly. It’s a complex system where our emotions, thoughts, and actions are all inter-connected.

It’s not a matter of getting RID of fear, it’s a matter of processing it and reacting to it differently. When someone says they want to get rid of fear, all I hear is another ploy to deny our emotions. Folks, we are all experts (in one way or another) in denying our emotions. We’ve learned to cover them up, sweep them under the rug, avoid them, medicate them, distract ourselves from them. There are industries built on how NOT to deal with emotions. The ABSOLUTE LAST THING WE NEED is another person or industry telling us to NOT FEEL WHAT WE FEEL.

What we need is help figuring out how to change our relationship with our emotions. They are NOT good or bad. They are just there to give us information. Fear is there to protect us. It serves a purpose.

So when I hear people talking about getting rid of fear or that fear is a choice, I cringe, take a deep breath, and seek to educate.

As “The Fear Whisperer,” my expertise is helping people change their relationship with fear. Fear has a lot to teach us if we will only listen. It can be a catalyst or a crutch.

So is fear a choice? NO. But how you THINK about it and how you REACT to it are.

Are you interested in changing your relationship with fear? I invite you to join me for the 30 Day Get Out of Your Own Damn Way Challenge. You’ll get 30 days of kick-butt support toward taming your fear. Seats are limited. Grabs your today at http://www.krylyn.com/30-day-challenge.

Photo by: Kevin B 3

Top 8 Reasons Why You Should Never Follow Your Dreams

What did you dream of when you were a child? I dreamt of being an astronaut, a veterinarian, and a superstar. Then I got some life experience under my belt and realized floating in space might make me nauseous, I’m squeamish about the insides of all living creatures, and the lack of privacy involved with being the next Madonna was a bit much for this introvert to handle (although that dream still lingers a little).

As I got older, my dreams changed based on what I was good at and what I felt really called to do. In my early 20’s, I remember chatting with a girlfriend and told her I wanted to combine all my passions into my work. At that time, my passions were helping people, graphic design, and songwriting. Guess what? Those are still my passions today and I’ve combined all of them into my business.

The road hasn’t always been easy though. Along my travels I’ve met a lot of people who get in their own way. I recognize them because I see myself in them. I’ve been there. And I’ve also been here, on the other side, continuously creating a life and business that I love. Do I still get in my own way…um, hells yeah! But I’ve learned to recognize it faster and get the heck outta there.

So what is YOUR dream? And why would you NOT want to pursue it? Here are some possible reasons:

 1. Getting what you want is scary.

Ever heard the saying “be careful what you wish for?” Sure people love to talk about all the wonderful things that happened once they reached a goal or dream. But they rarely mention all the crap that accompanies it. When going after something you want, fear is inevitable. It’s one of those dirty little secrets we don’t like to talk about. But we must. Because it’s true. We all experience it. And when you come face to face with your fear, it’s good to know that it’s normal.

 2. There’s effort involved.

If going after what we want were easy, we’d all be doing it, right? The universe will test your resolve. And typically, the dreams we are called to do…the ones deep in our hearts and souls…are not on the easy path. They require hard work and dedication. So if you’re not ready to roll your sleeves up and get your hands dirty, best stay right where you are and keep dreamin’.

 3. It takes time.

There’s a lovely phrase I must remind myself: “it takes 10 years to become an overnight success.” Our society has conditioned us (or tried to anyway) for instant gratification. If we can’t get it now, we don’t want it. But there’s something to be said for the satisfaction of waiting. The anticipation. The knowing you earned it. We appreciate things we have to work for and that aren’t instantly handed to us. Plus, we may think we’re ready for the big dream RIGHT NOW, but we might not be. Everything comes when the timing is right. Patience, my lil’ dreamer…patience.

 4. Your success may ruffle other people’s feathers.

We are often so consumed with our own fear about changing that we forget our changes can have a ripple effect in people around us. If you go after your dreams, it can be a painful reminder to those around you that they haven’t lived out theirs. And that pain can turn against you, literally, in the form of jealously, sabotage, or just plain hatin’. We intuitively know this because we’ve seen evidence of it at one time or another. And if your fear of rocking someone else’s boat is bigger than your fear of staying where you are, guess what?

 5. You might outshine someone you really respect and admire.

Everyone’s got a dream. But not everyone gets to live theirs out. Some people sacrifice so that others can live their dreams. And some of those people may be people you really care about, like your parents. Parents are hard-wired to want better for their children than they had. But some parents have difficulty hiding all their regrets as you rise up. It may be difficult to accept that someone else gave up their dreams so you could live yours, but remember we all have choices. By living your dreams, you just may inspire someone else to live theirs.

 6. It’s lonely at the top.

As you move toward what you really want, you’ll find less and less people on that path. You may at some point look around to find yourself spending less and less time with people you were very close to. But guess what? Keep looking, cause you’ll also find people, like you, who are taking the road less traveled. These are your kindred spirits…the ones who understand what it takes to live out their dreams. You may not have as many close connections but the ones you do have will be with people who get it.

 7. You might be happy.

This one may sound a little strange, but hear me out. If 99 things go right in your day, and only 1 thing goes wrong, which one will you focus on? That ONE thing, right? We are so used to focusing on the negative of how we feel and what’s going on, that feelings of true happiness can be uncomfortable. We seem to be more comfortable with criticism and negativity. What’s wrong with THAT picture?

8. Life will be boring.

This is a paradoxical notion…that once you reach your dream you’ll not have anything else to do in your life and life will be boring. Hmmm…let’s examine that one. When have you ever taken steps to reach a goal and had things NOT change up along the way? While you live out your dreams, you better believe that you will change and grow during that process, and that means your dreams will change and grow too. You might have different ideas of how to fulfill your dreams or new dreams might pop up along the way. Life isn’t boring when you are doing what you love.

If you’re still struggling with the idea of following your dreams, I invite you to listen in on the Get Our of Your Own Damn Way Interview series where I highlight people who have been there, done that, gotten out of their own damn way, and boldly embraced their dream and greatness. It might just give you the inspiration you need to go for it. Join us at www.krylyn.com/GetOutOfYourWayInterviews.

Are You Getting in Your Own Damn Way?

What’s stopping you from being the BRILLIANT, outrageously fabulous, heart-centered, service-minded, talented, creative, spirited, kick-ass person that you already are?

Want to take a guess?

It’s YOU!

You’re hiding. You’re scared. You don’t know what to do. You’re so focused on the HOW, you forgot about the WHAT and the WHY. You’re overwhelmed. And you are definitely…

Getting in your own damn way.

So stop it…Seriously…

STOP IT!

Stop accepting mediocre, good enough, and the status quo.

You KNOW:

• you’re better than that.
• you have so much more to offer.
• you are powerful.
• you are destined for greatness.
• you are getting in your own damn way.

I get it. I’ve been where you are right now. I’ve made the excuses and played the mind games with myself…

• I’m too busy being a single mom to focus on what I want.
• I don’t have the time or energy to take care of myself or my business.
• People don’t understand how hard it is to juggle everything.
• I do such good work that I can half-ass it (and no one will notice).
• Being successful is too hard.
• Being seen…and vulnerable…is scary as @#$%!!!

And you know what?

All of that is true…to a point.

But you can allow it to be true to the point of STOPPING you…Or allow it to be true to the point of PROPELLING you forward.

It’s your choice. Make no mistake…it is a choice.

I know firsthand that focusing on the excuses and mind games is the absolute best way to…

• spin your wheels
• not get what you want, and
• feel all shades of resentment, anger, fear, and frustration.

And I know that YOU know that too.

Making excuses is EASY. It’s automatic, doesn’t require any effort, and plays right into the insecurities we already have. But if you’re anything like me, you’re not looking for the easy way out.

You’re looking to fulfill your soul’s purpose, your life’s work, your passion.

You have a calling to BE WHO YOU ARE in life AND in business. And settling for anything less makes your heart and soul ache.

I want you to stop aching and be who you truly are. So the question is…are you ready?

Ready to…

• step into your greatness?
• come out from behind the curtain?
• embrace your magnificence?
• get out of your own damn way?

If that little voice inside you telling you it’s time can no longer be silenced…

I invite you to join me for the:

Powerful interviews with powerful people who have:

• Overcome challenges
• Tamed their fears
• Stopped playing so small
• Learned to embrace their greatness
• Gotten out of their own damn way!

Get ready to be inspired!

The only thing you need to do RIGHT NOW is sign-up to get all the details to listen in via phone, web, or Skype at www.krylyn.com/GetOutOfYourWayInterviews.