Farewell, my Furry, Fluffy Feline…
I have just weathered my third significant loss of 2012…the death of my beloved feline, Hoover, who (along with his twin brother Boomer) has been a part of my family for just over 10 years. While I didn’t intend for this blog to turn into things all about grief, it is about self care, my own journey included. And my journey this year has been winding, painful, glorious, sad, and blessed all at the same time.
After a very short week and a half of diagnostics, medications that didn’t work, and rapid decline, I made the painful decision to help my fluffy boy end his suffering. I found a vet who performs in-home euthanasia. With soft, soothing music in the background and candles lit, Hoover drifted into a peaceful, eternal sleep in my arms. This picture was taken just hours before he passed – him laying in one of his favorite spots on the couch, near the front door, enjoying a cool breeze and the sound of birds chirping.
I am so grateful for the outpouring of support from my friends and family. Here is a poem I wrote in response to one of the most common things people say to you after a loss (“let me know what I can do”). I know I’ve said it to others before, but this year, this challenging year of three losses, I have heard this so much and been on the other side of it. As usual, life looks different on the other side.
world turned upside down
©2012 krylyn
there is nothing i can think of
as my world is turned upside down
thoughts are fuzzy
head in a daze
walking around aimlessly
searching, waiting, hoping
then remembering
my world is turned upside down
i forget basics
like breathing, eating, and drinking
then something reminds me
and i come back from wherever i was
thinking of memories
or painful decisions
or how i am going to go on with this
intense sadness
my world is turned upside down
so you ask me to let you know
if there’s anything i need
and there is nothing i can think of
because my thoughts are fuzzy
and i cannot even remember to breathe
all i can do is grieve
my world is turned upside down
