Moving Forward in the Face of Fear

If your best friend were to come to you and say that something is stopping her dead in her tracks, keeping her stuck and unable to move forward, and had her convinced she would never get what she wanted, how would you respond? Would you get irritated at this thing or that she would allow this thing to have such power over her? Help her find ways to obliterate this thing? Build her up by reminding her how strong and awesome she is?

We go to such lengths for our friends, don’t we? But what if that someone who was stuck in the muck was you? Would you attack the issue with the same fervor and passion? Or would you curl up and be powerless to this thing?

We all get stuck. We all have “those days” where we just need a minute to slow down and take a breath. But then sometimes those days turn to weeks or months or years of staying stuck. Sure we can make decisions about what’s for dinner or what TV shows to watch, but the big decisions, the life-changing decisions, we just can’t seem to address. Decisions about our health, our finances, our work, our life’s purpose, our relationships…all seem too big to tackle in the face of this stuckness.

So what is this thing that keeps up stuck? It’s fear. Fear of change. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of…

Fear sure does get a bad wrap. We blame a lot on fear. But fear in itself is nothing more than an emotion or a signal to tell us that something is a bit off. What we choose to do with that signal is up to us. Some of us choose to be fearful and move forward anyway. Some of us choose to be fearful and stay stuck, looking for all the reasons something can’t be done. So it boils down to a choice (as most things do).

What will you choose?

For tips on HOW to overcome your fear, please join me for my next monthly FREE Telseminar, “What Haunts You: Facing the (Not So) Scary Truth About What Keeps You Stuck.” Simply go to the REGISTRATION page at https://krylyn.com/dev/free-teleseminars/what-haunts-you, and enter your name and email to get signed up. Even if you can’t attend the live call, you will get access to the recording of the call, but only if you register.

Photo: eyes wide © by robin.hodson

Ready to Face (and Conquer) the Not So Scary Truth About What Keeps You Stuck?

Do you go through life afraid to take risks and go after what you really want? Do you feel stuck in the same-old-same-old details of your life, unsure of where to go from here or convinced that no matter what you do, it won’t turn out the way you want so why even try?

You are not alone! Many of us can get swept up in doing things the way we’ve always done them out of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure. Fear of making mistakes. What we forget is that fear isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It is just a signal. What we choose to do with that signal is where we can get in trouble.

If you’re ready to stop letting fear run your life and start going after what you want (and deserve), please join me for the October FREE Teleseminar… “What Haunts You: Facing the (Not So) Scary Truth About What Keeps You Stuck.”

In this teleseminar, I’ll cover:

• Why Fear Gets a Bad Wrap
• What Really Keeps You Stuck
• How to Unstick Yourself and Get Back to the Business of Living Your Life

Don’t delay. Sign up today. The live call is coming soon. But don’t worry, if you can’t attend live, you can still sign up and get access to the recording. Simply go to the REGISTRATION page and enter your name and email to get signed up.

The Effects of a Silenced Voice

How unresolved emotions and traumatic events affect our voices has been a topic of interest for me for a long time. When we are victims of abuse or neglect or witness to such events, our voices can be affected in many ways. We may learn that:

1. it is unsafe (for ourselves and/or others) to speak up about wrongdoings
2. people don’t talk about bad things that happen in our family
3. it is not acceptable to express feelings such as fear, anger, sadness, etc.

For children especially, the mixed messages that often accompany abusive and neglectful situations (in addition to the abuse and neglect itself) leave a long-lasting imprint. People experiencing childhood trauma can grow up to experience:

• Distrust of others
• Low self esteem
• Poor boundaries in relationships (either too clingy or too distant)
• Feelings of unworthiness or self hatred
• Self abusive behaviors, such as:
  • Poor nutrition, exercise, and hygiene habits
  • Not getting enough rest, relaxation, and sleep
  • Addictions – alcohol, prescription medications, illegal drugs, sex, shopping/spending, workaholism, etc.
  • Depression or anxiety
  • Lower threshold for dealing with stress
  • Physical complaints and illness

The good news is that there is power and healing that can come out of the darkest of situations. Finding a way to express ourselves, our emotions and thoughts, and talk about the unspeakable events of our past can be very therapeutic, not only in healing old wounds but also in repairing current and future relationships. For some, using creative ways of expression is extremely beneficial, such as writing, art, music, and dance for example. These creative means can help us by:

• Allowing the expression of painful feelings in a less threatening way than speaking about them
• Giving voice to something that has been silent for a long time
• Helping us see and express what we have been afraid to
• Providing tangible evidence and validation of our experience

I have found such healing through the process of songwriting. And I enjoy helping others do the same.

Whatever way you choose to find your voice again that has been silenced, know that your journey will be filled with ups and downs. Remember though to take frequent stock of where you have been and where you are now, and celebrate the successes you have had along the way.

Cheers to Finding Your Voice again!

And if you’d like to learn how to use music, sound, and songwriting for healing, please join me for my upcoming Songwriting Therapy 101 class. Learn more here.

Photo: shh © by Inubleachanimefan

Getting Unplugged: The Gift of Taking a Break from Technology

I love technology. I love how it allows me to create things I wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. How it inspires, influences, and changes things for the better. But with every good thing, every good benefit, there comes a price.

That price peeks out every time I cringe when the phone rings, or an alert comes up telling me I have a new email and interrupts my train of thought, or my computer freezes and loses a few hours worth of work. Technology can be a good thing. But it can also be a distraction and a burden.

Recently I had the opportunity to step away from technology. I was on vacation and while I had my laptop with me, I wasn’t able to do much because it is so ancient and has limitations that prevent me from doing much other than word processing. It was a little uncomfortable at first – withdrawals kicking in of not being able to check email – but I quickly was able to adjust. And you know what? I survived. Instead of checking email 50+ times a day, I sat in silence, let my mind slow down, watched what was going on around me, was present with friends and with nature.

Now back into the full swing of my life, I am remembering how good it felt to have some freedom from technology and I’m better able to step away. I came back to find only a handful of emails that were truly important, and nothing that needed any immediate attention.

How has technology affected your life – both good and bad? What would life be like if you stepped away from technology for a month, a week, a day, or even a couple hours? Might be worth a try.

I’d love to hear about your break from technology. Leave a comment below.

Photo: Plug © by Samuel M. Livingston

Top 15 Non-Work Things To Do This Labor Day

If you’re anything like me, you have a to-do list a mile long – filled with a mixture of things you must do, things you need to do, and things you want to do. The things I want to do tend to get pushed further and further down the list to make room for all that really needs to get done. And I must constantly keep the list in check to ensure I don’t always end up on the bottom of my to-do list.

This Labor Day, I challenge you to take some time out and really put yourself at the top of your priority list. Despite what kind of work you do to pay your bills, take this opportunity to step away from anything work-related to celebrate all that you do during normal business hours (and beyond if you tend, like I do, to work a non-traditional work week).

Here’s some ideas to get you started on what you can do to celebrate you this Labor Day:

1. Sleep in
2. Dust off a novel you’ve been meaning to read and READ IT
3. Unplug yourself from your computer and phones
4. Take a day trip to enjoy your local nature (water, forest, desert, dunes, mountains, etc.)
5. Finish a project that you enjoy
6. Spend the day with a good friend who will help take your mind off work
7. Watch a movie
8. Take a walk, hike, or bike ride
9. Meditate
10. Listen to some music to help you relax (or re-energize)
11. Prepare a delicious, nutritious meal
12. Play a board game with friends or family
13. Go swimming
14. Do something crafty (if that’s your thing)
15. Have a picnic in your back yard or at a local park

Can you think of other ways to celebrate you and all the hard work you do? Wonderful. Now go do them and enjoy a day off!

Photo: Picnic © by KFoodaddict

Songwriting Imitates Life: Vulnerability Without Judgment

In a recent workshop I facilitated about Songwriting Therapy™, one of the participants brought up the idea of vulnerability. Ah, yes, vulnerability. That space of opening ourselves, our flaws, experiences, feelings, thoughts, our truth with others. We are not taught about vulnerability. But we learn about it…often the hard way – by experiencing it and all the discomfort that can accompany it. Most people fight it or hide it.

The idea came up as we talked about sharing our creativity with others. As a singer/songwriter, I’ve had my share of battles with vulnerability. It helps me get to an honest place of sharing that connects with others on a deep level. But it can be scary, opening me up to criticism and scrutiny.

When I was younger, I was often deeply affected by what others had to say about my creative expressions. I took it personally when someone didn’t like my voice, my words, my arrangements, or any other aspect of my songs. Oddly (or maybe not) the people who often voiced their criticism were members of my own family – my mom, my sister, and my husband. These were people whose opinions I held dear, so it was a difficult pill to swallow thinking I may not be doing something good because they said it wasn’t good.

As I grew older and experienced many more vulnerable moments (in songwriting and in life), I came to realize that expressing myself and being vulnerable had so much more to do with me valuing my own opinion and self worth than it did with other people’s opinions or judgments. Once I realized that, I noticed a huge shift in my ability to speak up for myself, express myself, and even sing in front of others.

Do you have difficulty being vulnerable? Here’s some tips to get you through:

• Don’t solicit someone’s opinion unless you really want to hear it. Sometimes we get caught up in our ego and needing approval that we just let the words “what do you think” (or something similar) roll off our tongue, then immediately regret it. Unless you’re willing to hear the bad with the good, don’t ask people what they think. Remember, the only opinion that really matters is yours.
• Don’t take other people’s negativity personally. People say and do things we don’t like. It’s inevitable. But when we take it personally, thinking it had to do with something we did or said (or worse, who we are) we can get caught in a downward spiral of negativity ourselves. Think about your reactions to others, which are often colored by what you’re going through in your life, how you feel physically, what happened just before (or what’s going to happen just after). Keep this in mind when dealing with other people’s reactions. How they react may have less to do with you than you realized – and more to do with the kind of day they’re having (or their own general outlook on life).
• Celebrate your vulnerability. Vulnerability comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms. We can easily forget that we have opportunities to share our thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, goals, etc. with others all the time, which opens us up to being vulnerable. Be proud of those small moments you are able to share with others, which can be a stepping stone to sharing even bigger, more meaningful moments.

Remember that being vulnerable is a part of life. The more we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable, the easier it will be. And the more we’ll be able to express ourselves fully, leading to a healthier, happier, more balanced life.

Got more tips for being vulnerable? Please share by leaving a comment below.