Tying Up Loose Ends: The Road to Integrity

What is left undone in your life RIGHT NOW? It could be anything from laundry, to filing, to cleaning, to home improvement projects, to implementing new marketing strategies in your business, to networking, to paperwork, to responding to emails, to having “the talk” with a significant other, to unrealized health goals, to a whole slew of other things.

If you’re anything like me, the list of things undone is LONG…longer than you’d care to admit.

And that list of things, the one that’s always in the back of your mind no matter how hard you try to ignore it, is getting in the way. Getting in the way of what, you may ask.

The undone stuff affects how you feel, what you think, what you do. It affects your relationships, with yourself and others. It affects your ability (and desire) to do stuff now and in the future. It’s something that hangs over you, whether you realize it or not. It can rob you of your energy, time, money, patience, and sanity!

Don’t believe me? Ask yourself some questions:

• How do you FEEL when you see (or remember) the undone things? Do you get a sense of overwhelm, dread, panic, or apathy? Do you want to run away or just ignore it?
• What do you THINK when you see (or remember) the undone things? Do you get bombarded with thoughts of “should” and “why can’t I just do it?” Or does your mind start attacking your character (“there must be something wrong with me!”).

One of the Four Agreements outlined by Don Miguel Ruiz is:

Be Impeccable with your Word

While the definition he gives talks about what we say, it also refers to what we do (or don’t do). It’s really just about integrity, which is to keep our word and do what we say we’re going to do.

When we leave things undone, it’s like breaking promises – to ourselves and to others. And that never feels good. It’s out of alignment with who we really are and how we intend to be. It’s no wonder our feelings and thoughts are negative around it; however the way out of feeling bad isn’t to make ourselves feel worse. The way out of just about every problem we could ever have is (drumroll)…

ACTION

And not just any action. Because what we’re already doing isn’t working, right? It must be something different than what we’re doing.

Simple, right? Well if it were, we wouldn’t have a problem and all these things left undone.

Here’s some tips to help get you on your way to doing the undone stuff:

1. Take a stand. Spend some time thinking about what it is you stand for. What are your priorities, your goals? What’s important to you? Everything in your life should support what you stand for. If not, time to let it go.
2. Stop saying YES to taking on more stuff (physical, mental, emotional) that isn’t aligned with your priorities.
3. Do one thing at a time. Start tackling the undone stuff in bite-sized chunks. Taking on too much can leave you more frustrated. Make a plan of action, set aside time on your calendar, and just start doing it. Feel more energized in the morning? Then schedule a block of time in the morning to get started. Once you finish the one thing, move on to the next.
4. Celebrate the stuff you do (rather than agonize over the things you don’t). Give yourself a pat on the back, some verbal praise, or a little treat to mark the occasion of finishing something.
5. Rinse and repeat!

Remember the road to stuff undone isn’t a linear, one-time detour. It’s part of the journey. So the path to getting stuff done will be the same way. If you stray, don’t fret. Remind yourself of all the rewards of getting stuff done, take a breather, and get back to it!

Photo by: woodleywonderworks

How to Get Out of Fear’s Grip

Some people like to dance around fear, pretending it doesn’t exist. But just because we don’t pay attention to it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Fear can often be a silent manipulator, sucking the life out of us. Before we know it, hours, days, weeks or even longer can go by and it gets harder to get out of its grip.

Let me ask you…

• Are you tired, overwhelmed, or stressed out most of the time and find it challenging to enjoy your life fully?
• Do you long for better – relationships, money, career, health, etc. – but just can’t stay on track to achieve your goals?
• Does it feel like something is missing, like things are so-so or okay in your life, but not great like you had hoped?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, fear might be to blame. But what if you could move through fear, release its grip on you, and get to the other side where fear wasn’t in charge?

Moving through fear requires action. So if you’re ready to face your fears head on, find just ONE thing you can do and go do it. You can start by doing something you know has worked in the past.

Want to learn techniques that have helped over 12 million people worldwide to overcome their fears? Join me Saturday, September 13 for a full-day workshop, “Feel the Fear And Do it Anyway.”® Get details at http://www.krylyn.com/FeelTheFear or by calling 602-696-8699.

Feel the Fear Phoenix: Workshop Helps Bust Through Fears

Overcoming common fears that get in the way of greater success and happiness is the focus of the upcoming workshop, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®.” The one-day event Saturday, September 13, 2014, is based on the best-selling book of the same title that focuses on helping people be more assertive, attain personal and professional goals and improve self-esteem.

The program is facilitated by Krylyn Peters, a licensed psychotherapist and certified life coach, who is also licensed by Susan Jeffers, LLC to teach “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®.” The workshop begins at 9 a.m. at New Visions Center for Spiritual Living, located at 18010 N. Tatum Blvd., Phoenix, AZ 85032. Pre-registration is required

The workshop includes experiential activities to help participants move from fear and indecision to action. “Moving through fear requires action. I give people tools so they can overcome what is keeping them stuck. Most people have thoughts or worries that can block them from taking steps toward even the most desired goals,” explains Peters.

Participants have stated that the program is “life-changing if you use the tools” and that the event “helped me understand that I can change and that I should not fear it.”

“Many people have limiting beliefs such as ‘I’m not good enough to do this’ or ‘What if I fail?’ that hold them back,” says Peters. “The workshop helps them identify their specific fears and then build an action plan to move them forward.”

To register, sign up at www.krylyn.com/feelthefear or contact Peters at 602-696-8699.

Thanks for Participating in the FIRST “Creativity and Wellness Summit!”

Thanks for participating in the first Creativity and Wellness Summit….

Please leave a comment below to let me know what was most helpful about the Summit and how I can be of service on your creative healing journey.

If you didn’t get a chance to listen in, find out how you can get access to all the recordings and transcripts at http://www.CreativityAndWellnessSummit.com.

From Procrastination to Power: How to Avoid Avoidance and Take Control of Your Life

We’ve all been there…avoiding tasks we don’t want to do, such as cleaning, paying bills, having a difficult conversation, finishing a project, etc. We say we don’t have time, or energy, or money, or patience, or (fill in the blank). Excuses are easy to come by.

Some call it procrastination. Let’s explore that for a moment.

Merriam-Webster (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastination) defines procrastinate as:

pro·cras·ti·nate verb \prə-ˈkras-tə-ˌnāt, prō-\
: to be slow or late about doing something that should be done : to delay doing something until a later time because you do not want to do it, because you are lazy, etc.

1. To be slow or late about doing something that should be done. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. There are unexpected delays, glitches, unforeseen circumstances. Can we use that as an excuse that we didn’t get something done on time when really the reason was something else? Sure. But things happen. And if our intentions (and our actions) were all pointed toward getting something done on time, then it’s not procrastination. It’s something else.
2. To delay doing something until a later time because you do not want to do it. Now THIS is the real issue. And we’ll get back to it. Don’t underestimate the power this has over you.
3. To delay doing something until a later time because you are lazy. Okay, let’s define lazy (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lazy).

la·zy adjective \ˈlā-zē\
: not liking to work hard or to be active
: not having much activity : causing people to feel that they do not want to be active
: moving slowly

Laziness defined is both about not liking to work hard and moving slowly. Huh? That’s a little confusing. And this is part of the problem. The term lazy has several connotations to it. People who don’t want to (or can’t because of physical, emotional, or mental limitations) do something are seen as “lazy.” But what if they want to do something and just can’t? Are they lazy? Are they procrastinating? Or do they need some additional guidance and support?

I think it’s always necessary to define our terms and to really look at what’s going on. Our society tosses around loaded words like procrastinate and lazy all the time. But they have different meanings.

And I contend that what most of us label as procrastination is really about the #2 definition – the not wanting to do it. What I mean here is being physically, emotionally, and mentally ABLE to do it, but just not wanting to. So let’s explore that…

How many times have you used an excuse to get out of something you don’t want to do? Instead of saying “I don’t want to,” you toss around the excuses – time, money, and other commitments. Sometimes those “excuses” are true, but more often it’s simply because you don’t want to and don’t want to admit it.

We spend a lot of time avoiding making decisions that might hurt other people’s feelings or make us look bad, don’t we?

But here’s the thing…avoiding making a decision is in itself a decision, by default. If you avoid cleaning, you are choosing not to clean. If you avoid paying bills, you are choosing not to pay bills. The trick lies in accepting the consequences. We think we can avoid taking responsibility for the consequences of our inaction, but really we’re just creating more consequences for ourselves. It takes a lot of energy to avoid doing something (usually more than it takes to just do the thing we’re avoiding).

So why do we avoid?

The simple answer is fear. We might be afraid of the truth, the unknown, or what is involved in dealing with the thing we’re avoiding. We humans don’t like pain, discomfort, or anything associated with it. So we go to great lengths to avoid it. But in avoiding it, we inevitably create what we don’t want – a dirty house that might attract bugs or make it difficult to find what we need, shut off notices or bill collectors chasing us, angry partners or someone willing to end a relationship (romantic or professional) because of our inaction, etc.

Think about ONE situation you are avoiding right now. Then ask yourself:

1. What am I really avoiding here? Does it have anything to do with what I’m avoiding, or something else entirely?
2. If the worst possible thing I can think of happened, would I be okay? Could I survive? Are there people willing to support me? Can I support myself?
3. What am I telling myself about my avoidance? What labels am I using to describe myself and my situation?
4. Am I worried about what other people think of me? If so, is it affecting how I choose to act or think?

Once you take a really good look at the reasons you are avoiding, you can move forward to:

1. Decide what you really want out of the situation.
2. Change your thoughts to reflect what you want, rather than what you don’t want.
3. Be honest with yourself and act accordingly.
4. Take responsibility for your own actions.

We all avoid things. Some big, some small. Taking some extra time and energy to figure out what’s really going on can give you the power to know what you really want and to be powerful in declaring it.

Love or Fear: Which Will You Choose?

Do the messages you most need to hear seem to pop up around you? That happens to me all the time. For many years, I didn’t really pay attention and I’m sure I missed a lot of signs the universe was sending my way. But more and more over the last few years, I pay attention.

As I move through my own journey, I am constantly reminded where I’ve been, where I am, and where I am going. It’s great to have reminders. But it’s even better to have confirmation and validation, and a little nudge when needed.

Fear has been a big theme that’s come up for me over the last couple years. So much so that I became a certified trainer for the “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®” process (through its creator Susan Jeffers Ph.D.). I am a strong believer that many of us teach what we most need to learn.

Although I may be considered an expert in helping people move through fear, I must still face my own. Some challenges I move through faster, while others linger and keep providing lessons.

Recently I stumbled upon a video excerpt of comedian Jim Carrey giving a commencement speech. Watch it below.

In it, there is a profound statement that stood out to me (that I needed to hear…again…as I’m facing a tough decision):

“The decisions we make in this moment are based in either love or fear.”

Think about it. When you are faced with a challenge, do you make decisions based out of love or fear? And what does that look like?

Out of love, you might:

• Show concern for how others are doing, rather than focus solely on how you are affected
• See the perspective of all those involved, regardless of what they have done
• Be compassionate and forgiving
• Act in the interest of the higher good, even if it’s not exactly what you want to do

Out of fear, you might:

• Blame others for how you are feeling
• Only see your side of things and not be able to hear other perspectives
• Be constricted, shutting down, escaping, or avoiding the situation (or people involved)
• Act in your own interest, even if it’s not good for others (or yourself)

In every situation, we have a choice. We can act out of love or act out of fear. It’s not always easy, but it is possible. Next time you are about to make a decision, take a moment to ask yourself how you want to be. Do you want to act out of love or out of fear? Remember, how you act will help shape your future.