From Procrastination to Power: How to Avoid Avoidance and Take Control of Your Life

We’ve all been there…avoiding tasks we don’t want to do, such as cleaning, paying bills, having a difficult conversation, finishing a project, etc. We say we don’t have time, or energy, or money, or patience, or (fill in the blank). Excuses are easy to come by.

Some call it procrastination. Let’s explore that for a moment.

Merriam-Webster (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastination) defines procrastinate as:

pro·cras·ti·nate verb \prə-ˈkras-tə-ˌnāt, prō-\
: to be slow or late about doing something that should be done : to delay doing something until a later time because you do not want to do it, because you are lazy, etc.

1. To be slow or late about doing something that should be done. Sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. There are unexpected delays, glitches, unforeseen circumstances. Can we use that as an excuse that we didn’t get something done on time when really the reason was something else? Sure. But things happen. And if our intentions (and our actions) were all pointed toward getting something done on time, then it’s not procrastination. It’s something else.
2. To delay doing something until a later time because you do not want to do it. Now THIS is the real issue. And we’ll get back to it. Don’t underestimate the power this has over you.
3. To delay doing something until a later time because you are lazy. Okay, let’s define lazy (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lazy).

la·zy adjective \ˈlā-zē\
: not liking to work hard or to be active
: not having much activity : causing people to feel that they do not want to be active
: moving slowly

Laziness defined is both about not liking to work hard and moving slowly. Huh? That’s a little confusing. And this is part of the problem. The term lazy has several connotations to it. People who don’t want to (or can’t because of physical, emotional, or mental limitations) do something are seen as “lazy.” But what if they want to do something and just can’t? Are they lazy? Are they procrastinating? Or do they need some additional guidance and support?

I think it’s always necessary to define our terms and to really look at what’s going on. Our society tosses around loaded words like procrastinate and lazy all the time. But they have different meanings.

And I contend that what most of us label as procrastination is really about the #2 definition – the not wanting to do it. What I mean here is being physically, emotionally, and mentally ABLE to do it, but just not wanting to. So let’s explore that…

How many times have you used an excuse to get out of something you don’t want to do? Instead of saying “I don’t want to,” you toss around the excuses – time, money, and other commitments. Sometimes those “excuses” are true, but more often it’s simply because you don’t want to and don’t want to admit it.

We spend a lot of time avoiding making decisions that might hurt other people’s feelings or make us look bad, don’t we?

But here’s the thing…avoiding making a decision is in itself a decision, by default. If you avoid cleaning, you are choosing not to clean. If you avoid paying bills, you are choosing not to pay bills. The trick lies in accepting the consequences. We think we can avoid taking responsibility for the consequences of our inaction, but really we’re just creating more consequences for ourselves. It takes a lot of energy to avoid doing something (usually more than it takes to just do the thing we’re avoiding).

So why do we avoid?

The simple answer is fear. We might be afraid of the truth, the unknown, or what is involved in dealing with the thing we’re avoiding. We humans don’t like pain, discomfort, or anything associated with it. So we go to great lengths to avoid it. But in avoiding it, we inevitably create what we don’t want – a dirty house that might attract bugs or make it difficult to find what we need, shut off notices or bill collectors chasing us, angry partners or someone willing to end a relationship (romantic or professional) because of our inaction, etc.

Think about ONE situation you are avoiding right now. Then ask yourself:

1. What am I really avoiding here? Does it have anything to do with what I’m avoiding, or something else entirely?
2. If the worst possible thing I can think of happened, would I be okay? Could I survive? Are there people willing to support me? Can I support myself?
3. What am I telling myself about my avoidance? What labels am I using to describe myself and my situation?
4. Am I worried about what other people think of me? If so, is it affecting how I choose to act or think?

Once you take a really good look at the reasons you are avoiding, you can move forward to:

1. Decide what you really want out of the situation.
2. Change your thoughts to reflect what you want, rather than what you don’t want.
3. Be honest with yourself and act accordingly.
4. Take responsibility for your own actions.

We all avoid things. Some big, some small. Taking some extra time and energy to figure out what’s really going on can give you the power to know what you really want and to be powerful in declaring it.

Love or Fear: Which Will You Choose?

Do the messages you most need to hear seem to pop up around you? That happens to me all the time. For many years, I didn’t really pay attention and I’m sure I missed a lot of signs the universe was sending my way. But more and more over the last few years, I pay attention.

As I move through my own journey, I am constantly reminded where I’ve been, where I am, and where I am going. It’s great to have reminders. But it’s even better to have confirmation and validation, and a little nudge when needed.

Fear has been a big theme that’s come up for me over the last couple years. So much so that I became a certified trainer for the “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®” process (through its creator Susan Jeffers Ph.D.). I am a strong believer that many of us teach what we most need to learn.

Although I may be considered an expert in helping people move through fear, I must still face my own. Some challenges I move through faster, while others linger and keep providing lessons.

Recently I stumbled upon a video excerpt of comedian Jim Carrey giving a commencement speech. Watch it below.

In it, there is a profound statement that stood out to me (that I needed to hear…again…as I’m facing a tough decision):

“The decisions we make in this moment are based in either love or fear.”

Think about it. When you are faced with a challenge, do you make decisions based out of love or fear? And what does that look like?

Out of love, you might:

• Show concern for how others are doing, rather than focus solely on how you are affected
• See the perspective of all those involved, regardless of what they have done
• Be compassionate and forgiving
• Act in the interest of the higher good, even if it’s not exactly what you want to do

Out of fear, you might:

• Blame others for how you are feeling
• Only see your side of things and not be able to hear other perspectives
• Be constricted, shutting down, escaping, or avoiding the situation (or people involved)
• Act in your own interest, even if it’s not good for others (or yourself)

In every situation, we have a choice. We can act out of love or act out of fear. It’s not always easy, but it is possible. Next time you are about to make a decision, take a moment to ask yourself how you want to be. Do you want to act out of love or out of fear? Remember, how you act will help shape your future.

Get Up, Get Up Right Now…

I’m curious.. what was the first thing you thought of when you got out of bed today?

Just a few years ago I used to wake up and lay there wondering what the heck I was getting out of bed for, paralyzed by an illusion of confusion, a serious lack of clarity about what I wanted to do with my life and how I would ever get all of this potent creativity out of my body and into the world.

The long and short of it is this: I used to dread. waking. up.

Can you relate? 

Have you ever had a period of your life where you didn’t want to get out of bed? In fact, you may have wanted to stay there all day?

I know what that feels like!

And now, I know what it feels like to wake up and have the very first thought come to my mind be ‘Thank you, Thank you, Thank you’ as I wrap my arms around my body and say to myself, ‘I love you Laura.. I love you sooo much! I am whole complete and perfect, I am healthy wealthy and wise.’

What a turn around from just a few years ago!

The shift began when I started to step out of victim mode and into my power.

After reading Charles Haanel’s The Master Key six months after starting my first business, I was struck by his message to begin noticing what I was focusing on. Was I focusing on what I want or what I don’t want?

Guess what?! As open minded, aware and conscious as I thought I was, I realized that more than 50% of the time I was thinking about what I don’t want, what wasn’t working and feeling the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be as some type of cruel joke that the ‘Universe’ was playing on me.

I decided it was time for a major perspective shift!

Instead of wondering HOW I was going to do it, I began to focus more on the gifts that I dreamed of sharing with the world. 

Instead of focusing on the gap, I started focusing on the next step as it became very clear to me that BABY STEPS BECOME QUANTUM LEAPS!

I want to be very clear with you about something… this journey has not been easy. It has taken a concerted effort on my part to become absolutely diligent about noticing where my focus was, what was I thinking about and then shifting my thoughts in the moment.

I BECAME THE WITNESS to my internal dialogue in new and powerful ways.. 

I made a commitment to myself to listen to my heart, and that subtle voice inside that may not be very loud, but keeps showing up over and over again (in my heart, in my head, on the computer, out on the street, in a magazine or book.. you know the one!)

Here’s the thing.. for most human beings our lives, businesses, legacies are developed over time by choosing one thing, then the next, then the next.

I used to want it to just HAPPEN ALREADY! I mean… Haven’t I DONE ENOUGH WORK YET? Haven’t I SUFFERED and TOILED enough already?! When will it be MY TIME to SHINE?!  And when will I get that much-needed BREAK to leapfrog to the next level?!

I also realized that I was showing up as a victim once I started to ask myself (or be asked by my twin sister, my coach, and other empowered people I surround myself with), ‘Where’s your power when you try to blame someone else for where you haven’t gotten to yet, what you haven’t achieved, what you haven’t done?’

Hmmmm…. great question!

Here’s what I know to be true: If it all happened at once it might not work out so well, because we need to build new muscles in order to hold the gigantic space that Universe, God/Goddess, Creation is calling us to hold.

Everyone has their own journey.. ENJOY the journey and forgive yourself when you start to compare yourself to others and feel crappy about your own evolution/transformation!

We all have our unique set of gifts and challenges..

As all of this was marinating and percolating within me, I decided to put together a small group of ladies to collaborate, write songs and sing together. Through this Divine guidance, I channelled a song I now call Get Up.

The chorus poured out of me: “Get up get up right now, get out of your way. The world is calling you, to leave your greatest legacy!”

This has since become a powerful mantra for me and many others to remind us to get up and get out of our way so we can do our greatest work in the world. Remember, the Universe is in fact conspiring to shower you with blessings. Every challenge is an opportunity your SOUL has created for you to shine most brightly in this moment and always.

I find that mantras are powerful vibration and energy-boosters that I now integrate regularly into my experience. Tapping into your creativity daily makes a huge positive impact on your attitude and keeps you connected with your essence, so you can be maximally effective in all areas of your life. Click here to access more of the mantras and inspiration I share regularly!!

I’m thrilled to be one of the featured guests on Krylyn’s Creativity and Wellness Summit and I’ll be sharing about the power of mantras to uplift, energize and empower your life. Look forward to connecting with you on my interview Tuesday, June 10, 2014, 6:00PM PST / 9:00PM EST. You can access “Get Up” as my bonus gift to you just for signing up for the Summit at http://www.CreativityAndWellnessSummit.com.

Many blessings along your journey and keep getting UP (.. out of bed.. and out of your own way!!)

3 Tips to Surviving Under Pressure

Have you ever been in the middle of something big? A huge transformation, project, or undertaking? And in the midst of it, so many challenges arise that you think you’re about to explode or end up in the corner in fetal position?

I’ve certainly been there. In fact I’m there RIGHT NOW.

What I’ve noticed is that every challenge gives me an opportunity. A window of smaller transformation within the bigger transformation. Let me explain…

We’ve all got issues. Some of us deal with insecurities based on how we were raised, or situations we’ve experienced, or that inner critical voice that’s never satisfied. And those issues surface in one form or another every time something doesn’t go as expected. We may question ourselves, our confidence, our worth, our ability, our strength, our capacity to manage all the unexpected turmoils that come our way.

For me, the big struggle is with being visible and not wanting to disappoint others. I was taught to be in the shadows and not make waves. And that certainly helped me survive a not so ideal childhood. But for someone called to a greater purpose of helping others find their voice and not let their past define their future, it isn’t an effective strategy. In fact, it’s pretty much the opposite of an effective strategy.

I’ve learned more effective strategies over the years. But sometimes, old patterns resurface, especially in times of great change. Recently, I’ve noticed that as I’m stepping into my greatness in a bigger way, the challenges I face can bring up that survival instinct, which beckons me to shrink, hide, defend myself, make excuses, and listen to others dictate what I should or shouldn’t do. Sound familiar?

So what I find most helpful during these times is to remind myself:

• What my why is.
• How I want to show up in the world.
• What works (and doesn’t work) to calm and center myself during difficult times.

Here’s some tips on how you can put these strategies in place:

1. Write down WHY you are doing what you’re doing. It’s easy to get caught up in WHAT we are doing when working toward a goal or moving through a change or transition. But the WHAT are the details and that’s where we can get overwhelmed and stuck. Focusing on and remind ourselves of the WHY can help us keep our “eyes on the prize” and connected to the motivation of why we are doing our what. Post your written WHY where you can see it often. (Mine is next to my computer).
2. Think about how you want to BE. If you’re drawing a blank, it might be easier to think of how you DON’T want to be. When I’m going through a challenge, I don’t want to be stressed, irritable, impatient, unorganized, or too much in my head (with thoughts spinning out of control). What I do want to be is calm, grateful, forgiving, open, and centered.
3. Identify and SCHEDULE things you can DO to create how you want to be. For example, if I want to be calm, I need to follow it with action. Being calm in the midst of chaos isn’t a default for me. I’ve had to work at it, and I know what makes things better (or worse) when life seems to be crashing down around me. I know that breathing, using my lavender spray, resting, taking breaks, drinking water, getting fresh air, etc. help me tremendously. They may not solve the issue at hand, but they allow me to be more centered and able to handle what’s going on. Write down what works for you and keep it close. If you’re like me, you tend to forget what works when life gets harry. Make it easy on yourself by having a list handy when you know you might need it.

Remember that life has its ups and downs. You have no control over what happens around you. But you do have control over how you handle it. Often the biggest lessons are not in the actual event or situation we’re faced with, but in how we can get through it with our sanity intact.

Photo by: Tom Martin

The Down Side of Self Improvement

It’s that time of year. Just when you think it’s safe to re-enter your life, pack up your holiday decorations, and get back to a sense of normalcy, the New Year’s resolution messages creep in.

Lose weight…get healthy…build your business…fix your relationships…build wealth…make 2013 the BEST YEAR EVER…

I must admit I am a recovering self-help junkie. The lure is intoxicating isn’t it? If only this program, this product, this time will make me happy…It’s seductive. It’s inspiring. It’s marketing. And it may also be what’s keeping you stuck just where you are.

Think about the term self improvement. It implies there’s something wrong, something that needs fixing. If we live our lives based on that belief, then we ride the endless cycle of feeling broken and looking for repair. And most of the time looking for answers (aka things) outside ourselves: books, classes, pills, equipment, gadgets, relationships, etc.

I’m a strong believer that our feelings are a product of our choices, thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs. That things outside of us can’t make us feel, but rather our reaction to those things creates our experiences.

But it’s a fine line between wanting to change and feeling horrible about who we are. And this is the season for people to capitalize on that subtle distinction.

I think there are many products and services out there that can be helpful to us in our journey to change. The trick is picking ones that help rather than hurt us in the process. If messages come at you with a “this is what’s wrong with you” tone, I’d say avoid them altogether. Look for messages that expand on something you’re already doing or wanting that support you and focus on the positive.

What would YOU like to change in 2013? Here’s some things to try as you look ahead to the year and life you want to create:

1. Make a list of what you accomplished in 2012. So many times it’s easy to focus on what we DIDN’T do. But be sure to take some time honoring the things you DID do.
2. List all the things you are grateful for. Make this a regular practice.
3. Spend some time alone in silence or listening to music that is calming. Think of what you want to create for the upcoming year in the areas of health and well being, relationships, career, finance, etc. Then write down one realistic, obtainable goal for each category that you can accomplish within a month.

Remember, wanting to make positive changes and improvements in your life is normal and healthy if it comes from a place of strength. Focus on the positive that’s already in your life and what you want to create and you’ll be off to a great start in making this a wonderful year.

Keep Your Goals to Yourself

The time for setting goals is upon us! Derek Sivers, an innovator in the music industry (and someone I do business with), talks about not talking about your goals. Hmmm…contradictory to what we’ve been taught or proven psychological phenomenon. Watch and decide for yourself.