The Three Categories of Healing

In a recent article, “Are You (Really) Where You Want to Be,” I shared how what we focus on expands. I left you with some questions to ponder to get some clarity about what you want (did you answer them?). I also told you I would share the three categories of healing that can help you shift your focus and get more of what you want.

But first, let me talk a little bit more what I’ve learned in my journey. I think it’s important for anyone entrusting their healing to me to know who I am and that I, just like you, have had challenges that have seemed insurmountable at times. I believe I’m here to help others along their journey, by not only being an example but also a teacher and coach. So what I love to share about healing is really what I’ve learned about myself, how to feel more balanced, less stressed, and better able to deal with whatever life throws at me.

But it wasn’t always easy to share.

You see, in my family, we didn’t share our secrets. We didn’t share that both my parents were raging alcoholics, or that my mom attempted suicide multiple times, or that even though our family looked perfect on the outside with our suburban, church-going, double income, nuclear family lifestyle, we were severely broken. There was abuse and neglect in my home…but we didn’t talk about it.

Not until my mom’s last suicide attempt in 1995, which was almost successful.

After that, things were never the same. And it began my journey of taking a long, hard look at who I was, where I came from, and what I was meant to do with my life.

Here’s just some of what I learned growing up the way I did – lessons that have helped me heal and have given me insight into how to help others heal. And these lessons can help you too:

• Living in fear and silence takes a HUGE toll on our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health.
• Loving ourselves is an inside job. No one else dictates your self worth but you.
• Our outer environment is a direct reflection of our inner environment.
• Saying YES to ourselves sometimes means saying NO to others. (And that’s OK!!!)
• Don’t forget to BREATHE!
• What you say shapes how you think, what you feel, what you do, and ultimately who you are.
• Sometimes we’re just not ready to change, and that’s ok (as long as we’re ok with things staying the same).
• Creativity is NECESSARY for overall good health.
• Attitude is everything…and you can change your attitude if you choose to.

As I mentioned in “Are You (Really) Where You Want to Be,” the tools I’ve successfully used for my own healing have also helped my clients…

“…Thank you for sharing your story and journey of self care with us…Your teleseminar helped me to move forward and commit. Very inspiring!”
— Erin K.

“Our first session was a definite breakthrough. I got past the overwhelm and broke things down into manageable steps. Thank you sincerely for that!”
— Karen Willis, Career Coach – Dublin, Ireland

“I wanted to say thank you for such a simple statement that opened my eyes to overcoming my fear that has kept me stuck.”
— Susan K.

“Krylyn was able to pinpoint areas that I wanted to work on and she kept me accountable. Krylyn is honest, compassionate and always professional. Working with Krylyn was an answer to what I was looking for in my sagging confidence.”
— Candice, Crisis Therapist

So what are some of these tools that have helped me and my clients and can help you too? Well, the tools fall into three basic categories, focusing on our:

1. Bodies
2. Thoughts
3. Actions

When we’re stressed out or overwhelmed or stuck or in fear we tend to disconnect from our BODY. We get caught up in our heads, in negative thoughts, in what I call the “thought spiral.” But our body is there to give us information, to protect us, to help us survive. It’s constantly giving us signals. It tells us when we’re hungry, tired, too hot, too cold, in pain, in fear, anxious, etc. But if we’re disconnected, we often miss the signals, so we keep barreling through. We keep doing things that aren’t necessarily good for us. It’s imperative to get re-connected with our body when we’re looking to make any kind of change.

When dealing with our THOUGHTS, we must consciously choose thoughts that will help rather than hurt. Many of us have what are called automatic negative thoughts. Things like “why is this happening TO ME,” or “this always happens,” or “there must be something wrong with me,” or a variety of other thoughts that keep us stuck in not feeling good about ourselves. There are ways to re-program our brains to start thinking more positively. After all, our thoughts help create our reality. Negative thoughts lead to negative feelings, which lead to not-so-helpful actions. Positive thoughts lead to more positive feelings, which lead to more helpful actions. Sounds simple enough!

And then there’s ACTION. Nothing will ever change without action. Period. End of discussion. You cannot get a different result by taking the same action over and over (or no action at all). The good news is that when you take action, no matter how big or small, you are creating movement, momentum, and possibility. Have you ever hear of the ripple (or butterfly) effect? It says that even one small change can have a profound effect on your life and the world around you.

So HOW do you change your connection to your body, your thoughts, and your actions, you may ask? And how do you know when to focus on which category?

In an upcoming article, I’ll share more about when to focus on your body, your thoughts, and your actions. And I’ll give you a tip to use in each of those categories.

Until then, happy healing!

Got a comment to share about the three categories of healing? Leave a comment below…

When’s the last time you said YES?

There’s a word we’re so used to hearing that we can anticipate it before it even arrives. This word can have a deep impact on how we feel about ourselves, what we think about ourselves, and how we live our lives.

Know what it is yet? Let me give you a hint…

Think about the last time you asked for something, whether a raise at work, or a significant other to do something for you, or for a favor. There’s really only two responses to asking someone to do something – yes or no. When you ask for something, what answer are you hoping for? And which answer can make your heart and hopes sink a little?

You guessed it…that dreaded word that can have a HUGE impact is…NO.

We can get so used to hearing it that it prevents us from asking. But let me spin this one around a little.

When’s the last time you said NO to yourself? Do you ever put your dreams on hold, or change plans, or stop yourself from doing something? Every time you put something off, or put someone else before you when you don’t really need to, you’re saying no to yourself. OUCH!

Sure there are times when others do come first. But overall in your life, are you really making yourself a priority? Or does everything and everyone else come first?

This habit of saying yes to everyone else is really one of saying no to yourself. And whether or not you can see it (and my guess is you can but just don’t want to), it’s taking a HUGE toll on you.

Here’s some subtle (and not so subtle ways) saying yes to others (and no to yourself) can be affecting you:

• Zaps your self esteem as you feel less important than everyone else
• Prevents you from doing something you really love to do
• Traps you into thinking you don’t matter
• Creates resentment, anger, and possibly some passive-aggressive behaviors you may not be terribly proud of

Now if the stuff on the list above is what you really want, then keep doing what you’re doing. But I’m guessing if you could really see how saying yes to everything and everyone else but yourself is affecting you, you’d want to stop immediately. Am I right?

Of course, that can be easier said than done. So where do you start?

By making small changes using tools that really work. Tools like setting boundaries, using positive statements, owning your own value and power, and making a habit of cutting out that which doesn’t serve you.

If you want some specific step-by-step, “here’s how you do it” instructions, I invite you to check out the “MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY” Seminar Series Bundle I created, full of 12 seminars that go over things like saying YES to yourself and all the other tools I mentioned, plus so much more. If you’re ready to learn tools that help you go from stressed and overwhelmed to feeling much more balanced and centered, this might be what you’re looking for.

Check it out at: http://www.krylyn.com/MakeYourselfAPriorityBundle

After all, until YOU can start saying YES to yourself, how can anyone else?

Are You (Really) Where You Want To Be?

If you’ve been in my tribe for any length of time, you know that the inspiration for everything I do comes from my own life. Everything from the articles I write, the newsletters I send, the social media posts, the workshops, conferences, and products I create and promote – all come from the lessons I’ve learned both personally and professionally to help others move through transitions, fear, burnout, stress, and overwhelm to lead a more productive, healthier, happier, more deliberate, creative, and passionate life.

As 2014 comes to a close, I’ve already started reflecting on everything that’s happened over the last year, and it’s A LOT. I know I’m not the only one facing tremendous challenges, changes, and transitions (forced and planned), and it got me to thinking of how I can best serve YOU, my tribe, as we move into yet another year.

I’ve put together a series of three blog posts chock-full of some great tips and inspirations to help YOU, since I know this can be a challenging time of year.

Here’s a question for you:

As we come to the close of yet another year, are you where you want to be?

If so, then you can stop reading now. But if not…keep going.

Despite our best intentions and efforts, we get side-tracked. Life happens. Circumstances beyond our control rear their not-so-pretty little heads. And we can find that where we wanted to go is miles away from where we are. It happens to all of us.

At this point, when we KNOW we’re not where we want to be, we have one of two choices:

1. Accept it, OR
2. Whine, kick, scream, and otherwise throw a tantrum (otherwise known as NOT accepting it or resisting it)

Sound familiar? I’m guessing you’ve chosen both routes at one point or another (just like I have). And that you know which one is more likely to help you re-adjust and either get to where you want to be or get you closer to where you want to be.

Yep, acceptance is key.

But if you’re more steeped behind door #2 right now (or can get in touch with that experience), here’s the next question:

Where is all that whining, kicking, screaming, tantruming, and RESISTING WHAT IS getting you?

Chances are it’s getting you more of what you DON’T want. More stuckness, unhappiness, resentment, anger, fear, loneliness, worry, stress…the list goes on.

You see, what we focus on expands. What we resist persists. There’s a bunch of trite ways to say it, but it all boils down to where we put our attention. If our attention is on the ick, then that’s what we see and experience.

And that ick can look and feel like:

• Fatigue
• Poor concentration
• Low energy and motivation
• The blah’s
• Muscle aches and pains
• Thoughts spinning around in your head (which I call the “thought spiral”)
• Shoulding all over yourself (“I should do this…I shouldn’t do that”)
• Worrying about every little thing
• Fear
• Stress and overwhelm
• …And so on

But, the good news is that just as we can choose to focus on the not so desirable stuff, we can also learn to focus more on what we DO want and have THAT expand and be our experience.

Imagine what life would it be like if you could:

• Wake up excited and energized about your day, rather than dreading it
• Practice simple, proven techniques that can skyrocket your confidence and self esteem
• Bust through the barriers that keep you stuck
• Easily let go of stuff that doesn’t serve you

Sounds pretty good, right?

And it is possible!

How do I know? Because I’ve been able to do it AND teach my clients how do it too.

In an upcoming post, I’ll share with you the three categories of healing that can help YOU get back on track to getting what you want more of.

So get to thinking about what it is that you want. Here’s some questions you can think (and/or journal) about to help you gain some clarity:

• If (money / time / _____) weren’t a factor, what would I really like to be doing with my life?
• What are the real barriers keeping me stuck right now? What are the imagined ones?
• What am I gaining by NOT being where I want to be?
• What am I losing by NOT being where I want to be?
• What do I really want?
• What is ONE thing I can give up in order to get what I want?
• Am I really ready to do what it takes to get what I want?

Happy healing!

Got a comment to share about what you want more of? Leave a comment below.

Photo by: DVIDSHUB

Getting What You Want by Focusing on What You Got

What we focus on expands.

Is it a big surprise that when we focus on what we DON’T have and what we DON’T want, we get MORE OF IT?

Ever notice that phenomenon?

I sure have.

It’s like our brains are programmed to point out what’s wrong, rather than what’s right.

But if we want to stop the cycle, we’ve got to make a change. And the easiest place to start is by being grateful for what we already have.

We must learn to embrace what is in order to make room for what will be.

In November, I always love to focus on gratitude. It is the month of Thanksgiving here in the U.S. And it’s my favorite holiday of them all. It allows the act of being grateful and having a positive attitude to be socially acceptable.

I know that may sound a little strange. But have you ever noticed how much negativity there is out there? All you have to do is turn on the news, scroll through a list of what’s trending in social media, or listen to someone within ear shot to get a bunch of fear, complaining, whining, and negativity filling your senses. It’s a wonder anyone can be positive at all.

And all that is contagious. Once you hear one person start throwing around negative comments, another starts up.

The good news is that positivity can also be contagious. You just have to choose what you want to catch.

It’s important to show gratitude for what we have, right now, in this moment. Because if we can’t do that, how will we ever be grateful of what we say we want? There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for. Here’s a quick list to get you started:

• Waking up this morning
• Loved ones
• A roof over my head
• Some money in my pocket
• The ability to be able to read this (especially if one a device I own and/or through a service that is already paid for)
• Clothes on my back

Sure these are obvious. But sometimes we need that as a kick start to take a deeper look at what we can show gratitude for. We’ve all got things in our lives we don’t like or that have provided tremendous difficulties, but it takes a special kind of filter to be able to see the good in everything. With a little tweaking, we can turn seemingly devastating circumstances into lessons learned.

Some challenges I’ve been grateful for that have helped shift my perspective:

• My son being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (which led to us finding a much better school for him and ways to help him be successful)
• My near bankruptcy (which led to me looking for creative ways to support myself and my son and resulted in me getting a very good-paying job that helped me put myself through graduate school)
• My mom’s death (which led to me being able to make peace with her and accept her for who she was)

Life is not going to stop throwing things your way. It’s up to you to be able to catch what’s thrown and spin it in a way that provides meaning. The more you can learn to be grateful for what is there right now, the more space you’re going to open up for more blessings to come your way.

So, what are you grateful for?

Photo by: hurricanemaine

Tying Up Loose Ends: The Road to Integrity

What is left undone in your life RIGHT NOW? It could be anything from laundry, to filing, to cleaning, to home improvement projects, to implementing new marketing strategies in your business, to networking, to paperwork, to responding to emails, to having “the talk” with a significant other, to unrealized health goals, to a whole slew of other things.

If you’re anything like me, the list of things undone is LONG…longer than you’d care to admit.

And that list of things, the one that’s always in the back of your mind no matter how hard you try to ignore it, is getting in the way. Getting in the way of what, you may ask.

The undone stuff affects how you feel, what you think, what you do. It affects your relationships, with yourself and others. It affects your ability (and desire) to do stuff now and in the future. It’s something that hangs over you, whether you realize it or not. It can rob you of your energy, time, money, patience, and sanity!

Don’t believe me? Ask yourself some questions:

• How do you FEEL when you see (or remember) the undone things? Do you get a sense of overwhelm, dread, panic, or apathy? Do you want to run away or just ignore it?
• What do you THINK when you see (or remember) the undone things? Do you get bombarded with thoughts of “should” and “why can’t I just do it?” Or does your mind start attacking your character (“there must be something wrong with me!”).

One of the Four Agreements outlined by Don Miguel Ruiz is:

Be Impeccable with your Word

While the definition he gives talks about what we say, it also refers to what we do (or don’t do). It’s really just about integrity, which is to keep our word and do what we say we’re going to do.

When we leave things undone, it’s like breaking promises – to ourselves and to others. And that never feels good. It’s out of alignment with who we really are and how we intend to be. It’s no wonder our feelings and thoughts are negative around it; however the way out of feeling bad isn’t to make ourselves feel worse. The way out of just about every problem we could ever have is (drumroll)…

ACTION

And not just any action. Because what we’re already doing isn’t working, right? It must be something different than what we’re doing.

Simple, right? Well if it were, we wouldn’t have a problem and all these things left undone.

Here’s some tips to help get you on your way to doing the undone stuff:

1. Take a stand. Spend some time thinking about what it is you stand for. What are your priorities, your goals? What’s important to you? Everything in your life should support what you stand for. If not, time to let it go.
2. Stop saying YES to taking on more stuff (physical, mental, emotional) that isn’t aligned with your priorities.
3. Do one thing at a time. Start tackling the undone stuff in bite-sized chunks. Taking on too much can leave you more frustrated. Make a plan of action, set aside time on your calendar, and just start doing it. Feel more energized in the morning? Then schedule a block of time in the morning to get started. Once you finish the one thing, move on to the next.
4. Celebrate the stuff you do (rather than agonize over the things you don’t). Give yourself a pat on the back, some verbal praise, or a little treat to mark the occasion of finishing something.
5. Rinse and repeat!

Remember the road to stuff undone isn’t a linear, one-time detour. It’s part of the journey. So the path to getting stuff done will be the same way. If you stray, don’t fret. Remind yourself of all the rewards of getting stuff done, take a breather, and get back to it!

Photo by: woodleywonderworks

Feel the Fear Phoenix: Workshop Helps Bust Through Fears

Overcoming common fears that get in the way of greater success and happiness is the focus of the upcoming workshop, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®.” The one-day event Saturday, September 13, 2014, is based on the best-selling book of the same title that focuses on helping people be more assertive, attain personal and professional goals and improve self-esteem.

The program is facilitated by Krylyn Peters, a licensed psychotherapist and certified life coach, who is also licensed by Susan Jeffers, LLC to teach “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®.” The workshop begins at 9 a.m. at New Visions Center for Spiritual Living, located at 18010 N. Tatum Blvd., Phoenix, AZ 85032. Pre-registration is required

The workshop includes experiential activities to help participants move from fear and indecision to action. “Moving through fear requires action. I give people tools so they can overcome what is keeping them stuck. Most people have thoughts or worries that can block them from taking steps toward even the most desired goals,” explains Peters.

Participants have stated that the program is “life-changing if you use the tools” and that the event “helped me understand that I can change and that I should not fear it.”

“Many people have limiting beliefs such as ‘I’m not good enough to do this’ or ‘What if I fail?’ that hold them back,” says Peters. “The workshop helps them identify their specific fears and then build an action plan to move them forward.”

To register, sign up at www.krylyn.com/feelthefear or contact Peters at 602-696-8699.